May 2018 KEYMER PARISH MAGAZINE - 35p - Clayton with Keymer
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CLAYTON with
KEYMER PARISH
MAGAZINE
St John the Baptist Clayton
St Cosmas & St Damian Keymer
St Francis, Hassocks
May 2018 35p
DIARY FOR
May 2018
Morning Prayer is said daily at 09.15 at Keymer
Father Alex has a day off on Tuesdays and Fr Tom on Fridays
Wed Mothers Union Corporate Communion BCP 10.30 AB
2nd
Sun 6th Sixth Sunday of Easter
Holy Communion BCP at Clayton 08.00 AB
Sung Eucharist at Keymer 09.45 JS
Eucharist at St Francis 09.45 SM
Family Eucharist at Clayton 09.45 AB
Thur Ascension Day,
10th +Sung Eucharist at Keymer 19.00 AB
Sat 12th Walsingham Mass 09.30 AB
“feast or famine” Christian aid week Lunch at
the URC
Sun Seventh Sunday of Easter
13th Holy Communion BCP at Keymer 08.00 AB
Sung Eucharist at Keymer 09.45 AB
Family Service at St Francis 10.15 RH
breakfast from 09.45
Eucharist at Clayton 11.15 TC
th
Sat 19 Barn dance and fish and chip supper at 19.00
Keymer Hall
Sun Pentecost Sunday
20th Holy Communion at St Francis 08.00 AB
+Sung Eucharist at Keymer with Baptism 09.45 TC
Family Eucharist at St Francis 09.45 AB
Eucharist at Clayton 11.15 TC
Pentecost Praise at the URC 18.00
Tues Eucharist at Villa Adastra 10.30 TC
22nd
Fri 25th Wedding: Paul Dixon and Julia Carr at 12.30 TC
Keymer
2
Sat 26th Monthly Requiem Mass 09.30 TC
Messy Church at the URC 10.00
Sun Trinity Sunday
27th Holy Communion BCP at Keymer 08.00 TC
Family Eucharist at Keymer with Baptism 09.45 TC
Eucharist at St Francis 09.45 SD
Holy Communion BCP at Clayton 11.15 TC
Music by Merbeck, words by Cramner
Book of Common Prayer, Repository of
Anglican Doctrine or a dusty attic?
Evensong at Clayton 18.30 TC
JS Jeremy Sykes SD Stephen Dando
+ services at which incense might be used
Siuhban Anderson our Parish Development Officer works
Monday and Wednesday mornings. She can be contacted on 01273
846853 usually from 10.00 - 12.30. (answer-phone at other times) or
by email claytonkeymer@gmail.com She will be working on new de-
velopments for the parish and handling enquiries and admin in relation
to the work of the clergy and assisting with other non-urgent adminis-
trative matters.”
Please inform Juliet Strange of any items to be included in
this monthly diary, 843908 –
Email: julietstrange@googlemail.com
The deadline for articles for the Parish Magazine is the 15th of the
month.
3From the Rector
May really begins to feel like spring and that
summer is on the way. We have a wedding
this month which is the second of the year as we had one on the
feast of the Epiphany in January! Eastertide is a glorious time to
spend celebrating our faith after the huge build up and climax of
Holy week and Easter. We now begin to live the resurrection life
that Jesus speaks of. For me as a priest and after my first Easter
here as Rector it is a time of personal and professional reflection.
What went well? What did not? What was well attended? What
was not? Are we succeeding in our mission or are we not?
There is a lot to look forward to and work on. The new pattern of
worship, the youth club and drop in club, the various groups that
we facilitate, Babies, Bumps and Toddlers, Junior Church, the
choirs, all sorts of things that engage us and our community in
bringing us closer to God.
My focus now is to begin the confirmation and admittance to Ho-
ly Communion course. I am waiting for ‘confirmation’ of the
date. (Good pun there!) but it looks like Wednesday the 11th of
July at 7.30pm is a possibility for the service. So we are going to
hold our classes on Wednesday evenings beginning on Wednes-
day the 6th of June. The dates are as follows:
Wednesday 6th of June. 7.00- 8.30pm at the Rectory:
Welcome meal and first introduction session
Wednesday 13th of June 7.00 -8.30pm Second session
Wednesday 20th of June 7.00-8.30pm Third Session
Wednesday 27th of June 7.00-8.30pm Fourth Session
th
Wednesday 4 of July 7.00-8.30 Final session and rehearsal
preparation for the service
4All classes will be at the Rectory and we will also pop into St
Cosmas and St Damian for some of the time. If you would
like to be confirmed or have a child of seven upwards who
would like to be admitted to Holy Communion please regis-
ter with me as soon as possible.
With prayers and blessings
Fr Alex
FROM THE REGISTERS
Baptisms
Easter Sunday at St John the Baptist
Aiden Barham, Theo Ellis, Arthur Ellis,
Funerals
April 9th at Clayton, Florence Knight aged 103
April 14th at Clayton, Sheila Eaton aged 93
April 27th at Clayton, Pamela Gasson aged 84
5Christian Aid week 13th—19th May
SATURDAY MAY 12th 12.30 FOR 12.45,
HASSOCKS UNITED REFORMED CHURCH HALL.
Churches Together in Hassocks invite you to a
FEAST OR FAMINE LUNCH
in solidarity with all those across the world whose lives
are spent in hunger.
For £5, payable in advance, you will receive EITHER
a 3-course meal with wine OR a bowl of rice and a
glass of water. Those receiving rice will be in the
majority. Lots will be drawn on the day.
Proceeds will be shared between Cafod and
Christian Aid.
Claire Coghlin (01273 843143) and David Williams
(01273 843203) Do support this ecumenical event!
6Saturday May 19th –
Joint Barn Dance and Fish and Chip Supper with
St Edwards Church at
Keymer Church Hall
Cost: £15.00 per ticket
(includes Fish Supper and Ceilidh)
Music starts at 7.00pm with dancing concluding at
10.30'ish
Please bring your own drinks and glasses and a
bag to take home any rubbish.
It is the FA Cup Final, it is also the day when there is a
Royal Wedding in the afternoon but more importantly - in
the evening we are having a Fish Supper & Ceilidh Social
in St Cosmas and Damian Parish Hall to raise funds for
The Kangaroo Group, in memory of Ella Thatcher. Ella
died on 5 February 2018 aged 10 years and The Kangaroo
Group gave Ella so much enjoyment that we would like to
support their fund-raising to help other children in the
future.
The tickets will be on sale after Easter but numbers will be
limited due to the size of the hall & dancing space and
sadly some people may be disappointed.
Remember, if you snooze you lose -
so book early!
Catherine Cassidy 01273 844041
rccass1dy@aol.com
7Forthcoming Dates
Saturday June 23rd – Italian Evening at Clayton with
entertainment. Full details next month but keep the
evening free!
Saturday August 4th –
‘Sea Side Special’ afternoon at St Francis
Saturday 29th September – Harvest Supper at Keymer
with entertainment from ‘No Strings Attached.’
Saturday November 17th –
Christmas Fair Adastra Hall
Saturday January 19th 2019 – Murder Mystery Evening
All our church halls are available to hire for private functions
or regular events. Details of whom to contact are in the back
of this magazine. St Francis has particularly asked to
advertise their vacancies at the moment.
St Francis Church Hall in Priory Road Hassocks is available
for hire. It is suitable for Children’s Birthday Parties as well
as Small Meetings, Fitness Groups etc. There are 50 stack-
ing chairs and 4 trestle tables available. The current hire
charge is £8.50p per hour ( this will be increasing to £10.00
per hour from 1st September 2018) and includes use of the
kitchen facilities. There are off road parking spaces. Please
contact the Booking Secretary, Mike Neighbour on 01273
845472 or email mike@neighbour.plus.com for further in-
formation and available dates.
8Editor: Here is a story based on the Archbishop’s new book…
UK is at moral and political ‘tipping point’
Brexit could just be the catalyst that tips Britain into succumbing to
‘British introspection, xenophobia, and self-pity, if a self-regarding
attitude leads to economic failure and international impotence, as
well being morally wrong in and of itself.’
So warns the Archbishop of Canterbury in his new book, Reimag-
ining Britain: Foundations for hope*. He warns that already ‘the
cracks in society have begun to show, expressed in crime, in the
growth of intolerance, and above all in an inward-turning.’
Justin Welby wrote the book to contribute to the debate on the fu-
ture of the country, particularly after Brexit has happened. He
stresses that his vision for the future is based on Christian values of
cohesion, courage and sustainability. ‘If we pretend we do not have
a Christian tradition and heritage, we start in a vacuum.’ He urges
Churches and Christians to ‘be confident in what we believe’.
‘The UK grew from Christian roots; my hope is that in the future it
rediscovers the power of the narrative that has shaped it for so long
and set its values so deeply.’
The Archbishop also said that he did not see how sharia could ‘fit
within our legal system’, as it ‘comes from a very different back-
ground of jurisprudence to the one from which British law has de-
veloped over the past 500 years.’
* Reimagining Britain: Foundations for hope, by Justin Welby,
Bloomsbury, £9.99
9Parish Bible Study Group: Prayer Corner
The seventh commandment is
Next meeting will be on “Neither shall you commit
May 22nd at adultery” Could be said
52 Stonepound Road at 7:30. opposite from adultery is de-
We will be looking at Apostles votion. How can we practice
Prayer (Acts 4:23-31). Devotion today and each day
All welcome in our community and to God
Carol Tester 01273 844972 God of love, help me to be
devoted today and each day
To you and to those who I am
called to love. Amen
Whilst at a Palm Sunday Communion service recently the
Lord brought back a memory
Some years ago I was in hospital and one of the nurses came
round with a bowl of water and said ‘May I wash your feet?’
Please let me wash your feet.
She was small and oriental a with a lovely smile and she went
to each patient washing and massaging their feet.
Pain etched faces relaxed into smiles of appreciation yes, the
pain was still there but, somehow this gentle ministry made it
more bearable.
Thank you Lord for all who are making life more bearable for
others and bless each one.
Rita Arnold
10Church bells will still ring out
Planning policy is finally coming to the aid of church bells. No long-
er will people who move into areas with ‘noisy’ church bells be able
to complain and have them shut down.
As the Secretary of State for Housing, Sajid Javid, recently said,
‘Churches have been part of British life in towns and villages for
centuries. Their bells should not be silenced by new housing going
up, which is why planning policy will be strengthened to ensure it
will be up to developers building new properties nearby to identify
and tackle noise problems.’
And so it is that under the new guidance, it will be up to developers
to soundproof the homes they build near churches with bells, music
venues, and community and sports clubs.
The Church of England has welcomed the decision, pointing out that
bell-ringing has been part of Christian worship for more than 1000
years.
11A Grandmother’s thoughts on Christ’s Ascension…..“Thou hast as-
cended on high...” Ps.68: v18
My dearest Grandchild,
Easter is now past and, like the final, resounding chord in an inspired
symphony, Christ’s Ascension lifts all our human discord up into tri-
umphant, harmonious resolution.
Caught up to Heaven in bodily form, Christ, evolutionary pioneer of
our race, carries within him spiritually perfected human nature. The
New, second Adam, clothed in the mantle of Christ, is restored, en-
riched and reunited with God, for “God became Man, that Man might
become God”. (Athanasius). Christ has become our flawless template,
accessible to all who would seek the promised immortality of the soul.
We are born into a life weighed down by gravity’s downward drag
towards the earth. Yet Christ has proved that a life receptive and ani-
mated by the Holy Spirit of Love is diverted upwards in a rising arc,
destined for Ascension. Christ shakes us awake in order to show us,
before it is too late, that our latent spirituality is ripe for transfor-
mation.
The material and the spiritual worlds are like 2 overlapping circles
whose conjoined, intersecting arms form a mutual embrace, creating
thereby a shared window of potential, where Spirit merges with Matter
and becomes mortal Life, in Space and Time. It is in this pivotal Here
and Now that we are offered life’s precious moments of opportunity,
where our choices determine our eventual fate. As St. Paul says: “Now
is the acceptable hour”. By trust in Christ we may shed the weight of
earth’s gravitational pull and exchange it for the upward ascending
trajectory of His Heavenly Way.
Throughout the Bible there runs this strong sense of urgency for hu-
manity to stir from its comfortable, earthbound, accustomed sloth and
awake from its slumber, to move upwards, from darkness towards the
light. Our darkness produces a persistently defensive mind-set which
is a breeding ground for negative attitudes, constantly creating excuses
to remain within the safe confines of our limited horizons. Secure
within our comfort zone, many become practised at totally rejecting
pain and suffering for anyone --- especially the innocent?” “How can
12the very idea of an all-powerful, loving God, with the most basic of ob-
jections: “How could such a God possibly allow the existence of we be
expected to fly in the face of reason and believe in miracles?” It seems
easier to turn to science for our answers.
Originally the servant of true religion, science has now become the
modern deity, allowing the pride of human intellect to hold full sway
over our hearts. It provides us with a conveniently impersonal, amoral
idol to explain away every confusion, leaving us free to continue on our
downward trajectory…..ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Yet God will, as ever, remain all-powerful. Even as we turn away, we cannot
avoid travelling full circle to face Him again and “ALL things work together
to please God”…even our mistakes. For in spite (or because) of its relentless
logic, science is subtly leading us, under its banner, to believe in more and yet
more apparently impossible facts which have hitherto traditionally belonged
within the realm of miracles. Entranced by the apparent authority of science,
we now believe in ever more astounding realities, as the quantum world of sub
-atomic physics displays ever expanding and ever diminishing minutiae of
extraordinary revelation, whilst simultaneously multiplying the ultimate mys-
teries of existence.
We are indeed back where we started: immersed in the inexplicable mystery
of God. Yet with this difference: Science is now in accord with religion, as it
freely admits the miraculous, seemingly illogical, nature of reality. Can any-
one now honestly refute the truth-laden significance of Christian “miracles”
when even science offers uncertain theories about the unknown nature of a full
95% of the universe? Dare we wonder, in a preposterous leap of faith, whether
this all-pervading, inexplicable 95% (so far cautiously labelled “dark energy”
and “dark matter”) is, in fact, the all-essential vehicle for “Love”, in Creation?
Dare we surmise that the missing ingredient for scientific investigation is in
fact the all-pervasive power of “Goodness”? Might this “stone”, hitherto re-
jected as un-scientificly irrelevant, yet become the chief “Keystone” of proof
for science’s Holy Grail: the “Theory of Everything”?.
Ascension will then combine science’s eureka moment with the true Grand
Finale of Love!
Your loving Grandmother J.R.H.
..
136th May Rogation Sunday (Sunday before Ascension)
Rogation means an asking of God - for blessing on the seed and land for
the year ahead. It is appropriate in any emergency, war, plague, drought
or foul weather.
The practice began with the Romans, who invoked the help of the gods
Terminus and Ambarvalia. In those days a crowd moved in procession
around the cornfields, singing and dancing, sacrificing animals, and
driving away Winter with sticks. They wanted to rid the cornfields of
evil.
About 465 the Western world was suffering from earthquake, storm and
epidemic. So Mamertius, Bishop of Vienne, aware of the popular pagan
custom, ordered that prayers should be said in the ruined or neglected
fields on the days leading up to Ascension. With his decision, ‘beating
the bounds’ became a Christian ceremonial.
Rogation-tide arrived in England early in the eighth century, and be-
came a fixed and perennial asking for help of the Christian God. On Ro-
gation-tide, a little party would set out to trace the boundaries of the
parish. At the head marched the bishop or the priest, with a minor offi-
cial bearing a Cross, and after them the people of the parish, with
schoolboys and their master trailing along. Most of them held slender
wands of willow.
At certain points along the route - at well-known landmarks like a
bridge or stile or ancient tree, the Cross halted, the party gathered about
the priest, and a litany or rogation is said, imploring God to send sea-
sonable wealth, keep the corn and roots and boughs in good health, and
bring them to an ample harvest. At one point beer and cheese would be
waiting.
In the days when maps were neither common nor accurate, there was
much to be said for ‘beating the bounds’ - still very common as late as
the reign of Queen Victoria. Certainly parish boundaries rarely came
into dispute, for everyone knew them. (Do you know yours today?)
14Beating the Bounds
We have ideas of a parish activity sometime in the future, on the
lines of the old "Beating the Bounds" ceremony and for our parish
we think it should be possible. Whether it will be a walk, run or
what is open for discussion.
As a start, Helen Graham and I are planning to try out a route for
this as a run on Bank Holiday Monday 7th May starting from
Keymer Church at 8 am. and hoping to be back somewhere about
10am. It will be a slow chatty run to see if it will work and what
the conditions underfoot are likely to be. We guess mud in some
places! We think the distance is about 8 miles.
Anyone is welcome to join us but it won't be a fast "race".
We expect it will go up Ockley Lane to Oldlands Mill, follow the
footpath north to return to Ockley Lane and then go via the Water
Tower over the railway bridge to London Road, round the green
circle to the southerly path which heads all the way down to
Belmont and Belmont Lane, crossing Hurst Road still going south
to New Way Lane, back to Clayton, up to the downs, along the
top to Keymer Post then down the tank track and Lodge Lane
back to where we started. Its not exactly on the boundary but as
near as we can get using existing paths and rights of way.
Interestingly there are two boundary markers that we currently
know about, Keymer Post and a stone on the south side of Hurst
Road, opposite Belmont Lane.
It would be helpful to know if anyone else will be joining us so do
please let us know if you plan to come.
07801 635067.
David Clark
15Editor: Nigel Beeton writes: ‘This year sees a couple of important
anniversaries: it was the 100th anniversary of the Representation
of the People Act in February, and it will be the 90th anniversary
of the Representation of the People (Equal Franchise) Act 1928 in
July. Meanwhile, on 3rd May the Local Government Elections will
take place, thus offering us an opportunity to take up the right won
for us all by the suffragettes and campaigners of the late 19th and
early 20th centuries. Turnout is often low for Local Government
elections. That, it seems to me, is a pity.’
Thursday, the Third Day of May
When we opt not to vote
We ought to take note
That it’s not been forever like this;
Not that long ago
It would have been so
That we’d have to give voting a miss!
Unless we were rich
With cloth of gold stitch
A Lord or a Peer of the Land
A country Esquire
Referred to as ‘Sire’
But always, and only, a man!
Yet, over long years
Of blood, sweat and tears
The inflexible rule of the male
Was challenged and fought
And liberty bought
‘Gainst strong opposition, and jail.
So no-one forgets
The brave suffragettes
Who fought till the system gave way,
Go early and bright
Make use of your right
And vote on the third day of May!
By Nigel Beeton
16No Escape Clauses
I’ve noticed a sudden increase in the number of banns of marriage
being read in our church. I suspect that a few couples reckon it would
be a nice idea to get married in the same month as Prince Harry and
his bride Meghan – at least you’ll be regularly reminded of the date!
But I hope, and believe, that some couples are not just looking for a
bit of reflected glamour on the occasion, but instead are wanting to
share in its solemnity. After all, they will make (if they marry in
church) exactly the same awesome vows as the royal couple. ‘I Harry
take you, Meghan, to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day
forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in
health, to love and to cherish till parted by death.’
Wow! I remember one young man at a wedding preparation saying,
when I read out those words, ‘No escape clauses, then?
No, there aren’t. On a wedding day we celebrate the joining together
of two people for life. Their commitment is not based on rules, laws
or tradition, but on love: ‘to love and to cherish’. Sadly, on occasions
that commitment may prove unattainable, in the complexity of human
relationships. But the great majority of marriages which begin with
those vows are indeed life-long and life-giving.
Harry and Meghan will be surrounded by a nationwide burst of good-
will as they set out on their journey together. It will be a good time
to hold every married couple, young or old, in our prayers.
17A couple
of
puzzles
for you to
try while you sit in
the sun and enjoy
the Spring
weather
(well we can hope
can’t we!)
Crossword answers on
page 30
Across
1 Overpowered (Deuteronomy 11:4) (11)
9 ‘The — are mantled with corn’ (Psalm 65:13) (7)
10 ‘Each man—a sword to his side’(Exodus32:27)(5)
11 On the death of Jesus the curtain in the temple was torn from— to bottom
(Matthew 27:51) (3)
13 Stagger(Isaiah 28:7)(4)
16 ‘Anyone,then,who knows the good he ought——and doesn’t do it,
sins’ (James 4:17) (2,2)
17 Stir up or provoke(Acts13:50)(6)
18 Burden(Luke11:46)(4)
20 ‘As far as the east is from the—,so far has he removed our transgressions
from us’ (Psalm 103:12) (4)
21 Sign(Luke23:38)(6)
22 ‘After that,Jesus poured water into a basin and began to—his disciples’
feet’ (John 13:5) (4)
23 The nature of the seven ears of corn which swallowed up the good ears in
Pharaoh’s dream (Genesis 41:23) (4)
25 Has(anag.)(3)
28 ‘This is the account of Shem,Ham and Japheth,—sons’ (Genesis 10:1) (5)
29 ‘I will...make them drunk,so that they...sleep for—and—
awake’ (Jeremiah 51:39) (4,3)
30 Paul said of him,‘he often refreshes me and is not ashamed of my
chains’ (2 Timothy 1:16) (11)
18Down
2 Worth (Matthew 13:46) (5)
3 ‘A bruised — he will not break’ (Matthew 12:20) (4)
4 ‘Suddenly a great company of the heavenly — appeared with the an-
gel’ (Luke 2:13) (4)
5 Slip (anag.) (4)
6 ‘Take an awl and push it through his — — into the door, and he will be-
come your servant for life’ (Deuteronomy 15:17) (3,4)
7 Bountiful (2 Corinthians 8:2) (11)
8 ‘Therefore, as we have — , let us do good to all people’ (Galatians 6:10)
(11)
12 Acquire(2Timothy2:10)(6)
14 Container cover(Numbers19:15)(3)
15 ‘He...became obedient to death,even death on——!’ (Philippians 2:8) (1,5)
19 Refrain(1Peter2:11)(7)
20 ‘She began to—his feet with her tears’(Luke7:38)(3)
24 One who worships Brahma,Vishnu or Shiva(5)
25 ‘Give to everyone who—you’(Luke6:30)(4)
26 ‘I lift up my eyes to the hills;where does my—come from?’ (Psalm 121:1)
(4)
27 One of those whom the Lord said would be taken from Jerusalem and Ju-
dah as judgment on them (Isaiah 3:2) (4)
19VILLA ADASTRA
CARE HOME
Villa Adastra is run by The Salvation Army, and
provides care in a Christian environment for the
elderly and elderly with dementia.
The home was upgraded in 1997, and comprises of 40
single rooms, each with en-suite facilities. All care
needs are delivered by trained care staff, 24 hours a
day. There are communal rooms where residents can
meet together, and delightful grounds to be enjoyed.
Villa Adastra, 79 Keymer Road,
Hassocks, BN6 8QH
Tel: 01273 842184
GRAHAM FOSTER
ANTIQUES R.A.Brooks & Son
HOUSES AND FLATS
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Anything old and interesting purchased PRE-PAID FUNERAL PLANS
Furniture, Toys, Postcards, Fountain Pens,
Ornaments, Clocks, china Jewellery, Gold,
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Haywards Heath
Polite efficient service and free quotations
given without obligation or pressure to Tel. 01444 454391
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Telephone E.mail:
01273 833099 01273 845199 info@brooksfunerals.co.uk
( workshop) (Evenings)
07850 576434 (Mobile) Ravenoak, Allington Road
The Old Telephone Exchange Newick
41 Cuckfield Road, Hurstpierpoint Tel 01825 722895
20Mark Evans
Churchyard & Carpenter & Joiner
Cemetery Lewes
City & Guilds
Headstones & Memorials
For all your
Direct from local carpentry needs & general
craftsmen building work.
Workshop: 01444 245737 Tel;
Mobile: 07973 601907 01273 483426
Mob:
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Email
Downsview Monumental Co. markevanscarpentry@gmail.com
Burgess Hill
‘No job too small’
21On church towers, rock cakes, scaffolding
and the merits of confirming bats
My dear Nephew Darren
We are finally about to start repairing our medieval church tower.
Would that we still paid medieval prices for having it done; there
would be a degree of satisfaction in giving the builders a hogshead of
ale and 10 sheep once the work was completed. I would even be
prepared to throw in an Indulgence, sparing them 100 days in
purgatory (the architect probably claiming 15% of them for himself).
After several endless jumble sales, coffee mornings – where we were
obliged to eat Mrs Jarvis’s rock cakes (many of us would have been
happier to make a substantial donation to the fund provided we didn’t
have to eat them) – sponsored events (Mr Peat has yet to return, five
years late, from his sponsored cycle ride across the Sahara – but
fortunately, we had his sponsor money collected before he departed)
and a substantial loan from the bank that makes the National Debt
seem trivial (and has the same probability of being repaid), we are
now able to begin. The only sponsored event I regretted not having
was paying to have Lady Trotter remain silent for a month. Even
sponsoring her to keep quiet for half an hour would have been
pleasant.
We received a substantial donation from a local manufacturer. It was
suggested that as a sign of appreciation we advertise their products
from the top of the tower – until it was gently pointed out that they
produce nuclear warheads. I would have had no objection; knowing
that council members possessed tactical nuclear weapons would make
discussion at meetings rather brisker.
22Scaffolding has now been erected around the tower, with the first
20 feet covered in sheet metal in order to stop the Young Farmers,
after refreshing themselves at their Tuesday meetings in the pub,
from trying to see who could be the first to reach the top. Personal-
ly, I suspect it is to stop the more athletic members of the Ladies’
Guild from attempting the same feat. 80-year-olds these days can
have fearsome energy and determination.
Fulfilling current safety regulations, there is now a security cordon
around the tower of approximately 10 square miles. “Lest at any
time thou dash thy foot against a stone”? These days, a dashed foot
would involve court proceedings and damages of several million
pounds.
Inside the church, the organ has had to be covered in polythene
sheeting in order to protect it. Parish relations were somewhat
strained last week when our deputy organist, Mrs Ffrench, while
playing for Evensong, overheard me refer to the large bag on the
organ and got quite the wrong impression.
The greatest inconvenience will be caused to our population of
bats, but if it dissuades them from flying into church so much the
better. The only other possibility is to get them all confirmed; we
will then never see them inside church again.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
23We are always looking
for additional Grave Care
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If you know of anyone regularly or for a special memory
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ed please contact Contact Mary on
01444 236848 email
Annette Capps mitchell@platform11.org.uk
01273 845439 www.gravecaregardening.co.uk
24The PCC of the Parish of Clayton with Keymer is committed to encour-
aging an environment where all people and especially those who
are vulnerable for any reason (children and adults alike) are able
to worship and pursue their faith journey with encouragement
and in safety. The safeguarding policies are displayed in each of
the churches and church halls. For help, advice or guidance on
any safeguarding matter please contact either the rector or one
of the safeguarding officers. Details are to be found at the back
of the parish magazine or the poster displayed adjacent to the
policy in your church or church hall. The link to the Diocese of
Chichester Safeguarding Policies, on which our policies are
based, can be found at:
http://safeguarding.chichester.anglican.org/policy/
Our Parish Website
www.claytonwithkeymer.org.uk
Our website contains details of all known events organised
by the churches throughout the coming year, and is a good
place to check for clashes if you are wanting to arrange an
event. The website is only as good as the information loaded
onto it, so if you are responsible for an event, please give the
details to claytonkeymer@gmail.com or 01273 846853
(Mon and Wed mornings). We can add pictures and update
the information as the event approaches, publicise it through
Facebook (Parish of Clayton with Keymer) - which is good
as a reminder nearer the time - and include a report and pho-
tos afterwards to show people what goes on in our parish.
We are in the process of rebuilding our web site so ‘watch
this space.’
25Canterbury monks
My boyfriend was working as an attendant in Canterbury Cathe-
dral when one afternoon he was approached by two American
tourists. "Are you a monk?" one of the women asked eagerly.
"No," he replied, "I wear this robe as part of my job, but I’m not a
member of any religious order."
"Then where are the monks?" asked the woman, looking around.
My boyfriend explained: ‘Oh, there haven’t been any monks here
since 1415.’
Hearing this, the woman looked at her watch and announced to
her friend, ‘Betty, we missed the monks.’
Telly trouble
A woman summoned a TV repairman to fix her set. After spread-
ing his tools out, the serviceman inquired: ‘What seems to be the
trouble?’
Replied the woman: ‘Well, for starters, the programmes are
appalling.’
Got it all already
‘I cannot understand you,’ said the young man to his unmarried
aunt. ‘You seem so happy and contented. I’ve always thought that
unmarried women are lonely and miserable and just longing for
the presence of a man about the place.’
‘Well,’ his aunt responded, smiling, ‘I’ve got a fireplace that
smokes, a parrot that swears, a cat that stays out half the night
with no explanation, and a dog that leaves muddy footprints all
over the house and lies on the couch in front of the telly for
hours. What more do I want?’
26Say yes
We accompanied our son and his fiancée when they met with the
priest to sign some pre-wedding ceremony papers. While filling out
the form, our son read aloud a few questions. When he got to the last
one, which read ‘Are you entering this marriage at your own will?’ he
looked over at his fiancée. ‘Put down “yes,”’ she said.
Bank Holiday break
It’s always nice to see people with plenty of get-up-and-go, especially
if some of them are visiting you.
Some miscellaneous one-liners …
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
The Church: under the same management for over 2000 years.
Soul food served here.
Don't give up on yourself. Even Moses was once a basket case.
Satan subtracts and divides. God adds and multiplies.
What he lacked in depth as a preacher he made up for in length. Mark
Twain
Was Noah's wife called Joan of Ark?
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those
who got there first.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.
If you lend someone £20, and never see that person again, it was prob-
ably worth it.
Birds of a feather flock together and mess on your car.
27ORGANIZATIONS and Groups in the Parish
JUNIOR CHURCH & DISCOVERERS – KEYMER –3 to 11+ years
Church Hall each Sunday except 3rd, 9.45 am
Leader : Mrs Carolyn Paynter, 82 Grand Avenue 01273 844186
Leader : Mrs Danielle Sensier, 49 Lodge Lane 01273 845964
JUNIOR CHURCH – ST FRANCIS – 3 to 14 + years
Church Hall each Sunday except 2nd, 9.45 am
Contact : Mrs Jacquie Drake 01273 842122
1st KEYMER GUIDES
Church Hall each Wed 7.30 pm
Guider : Mrs Margaret Maillardet, 103 Dale Avenue 01273 842342
CHURCH FLOWER ARRANGERS
Contacts : Keymer: Mrs Mary Birch 01444 235417
St Francis: Mrs Jill Hewer 01273 844208
Clayton: Mrs Jill Rogers 01273 846049
KEYMER CHURCH CHOIR
If you are interested in joining the choir please contact
Pauline Stone. No auditions, all welcome. 01273 843612
BELLRINGERS
Practice night Wednesday 7.30—8.45 pm
Details Diana Webley-Ward, 63 Woodsland Rd. 01273 842360
The Keymer Cell of Our-Lady-of-Walsingham
On the second Saturday of the month the cell meets for
Mass at 9.30 am followed by breakfast. Pilgrimages to England’s
Nazareth, the Shrine at Walsingham are arranged.
Secretary:- Mrs Val Bulley 01273 842355
BIBLE READING GROUP
St Francis Vestry on the 1st and 3rd Wednesdays
of the month at 2.00 pm
28ADDITIONAL CURATES SOCIETY
Parish Rep : Mrs Jeanne Reid, 2 The Minnels
01273 846037
BIBLE READING FELLOWSHIP
Group Sec : Mr Robert Pinnock, Tower House, High Street,
Hurstpierpoint 01273 831730
BIBLE SOCIETY –Hassocks & District Action Group
Miss Carol Tester, 52 Stonepound Road 01273 844972
TEAR FUND/TEAR CRAFT
Parish Rep : Miss Carol Tester, 52 Stonepound Road
01273 844972
CMS PARISH SECRETARY
Mrs Jill Hewer 01273 844208
CHRISTIAN AID
Appeals Sec : Mrs Kate Sims, 103 Grand Avenue
01273 844802
Newcomers contact Scheme co-ordinator.
If you know of a newcomer in Hassocks please contact
Mrs Jacquie Drake and she will alert the nearest member of
the contact team. 01273 842122
‘Bumps, Babies and Toddlers’
1.30 pm every Thursday in St Francis Church Hall, Priory
Road Hassocks. Toys and activities for children. Refresh-
ments and time to chat. Contact : Mrs Jacquie Drake
01273 842122
PRAYER FOR ISRAEL
The meetings for Prayer for Israel are continuing and you are wel-
come to contact Rita Arnold for details 01273 843018
29CHURCH OF ST JOHN-THE-BAPTIST, CLAYTON
Churchwarden
Vacancy
Deputy Churchwardens
Mr. James Coppen 1 Brangwyn’s Acre Ditchling 01273 841982
Mrs Sue Thomson, Holt Valley Farm, Clayton 01273 845158
Church Secretary
Mrs Sue Thomson, Holt Valley Farm, Clayton 01273 845158
Organist
Mr John Walker, 2 Adastra Avenue 01273 842266
Asst Treasurer
Mr Robert Pinnock, Tower House, High Street, Hurstpierpoint
01273 831730
Church Hall Lets
Mrs Debbie Pateman debbiepateman@btinternet.com
01273 843985
CHURCH OF ST COSMAS & ST DAMIAN, KEYMER
Churchwardens
Mrs Kate Sims 103 Grand Avenue 01273 844802
Mrs Janet Sharman 12 Church Mead 01273 845194
Deputy Churchwarden
Mrs Katherine Sheldon 13 Dale Ave. 01273 843357
Church Secretary
Vacancy
Director of Music
Miss Pauline Stone 38 Lodge Lane 01273 843612
Assistant Organists:
Mr Marcus Martin 119 College Lane, Hurst 01273 832512
Mr Isaac Powell Wivelsfield Vicarage 07597 327525
Asst Treasurer
Mrs Janice LeGrys 17 Park Ave 01273 846609
Church Hall Lets
Mrs Janet Sharman, 12 Church Mead 01273 845194
ACROSS: 1, Overwhelmed. 9, Valleys. 10, Strap. 11, Top. 13, Reel. 16, To do. 17,
Incite. 18, Load. 20, West. 21, Notice. 22, Wash. 23, Thin. 25, Ash. 28, Noah’s. 29,
Ever not. 30, Onesiphorus.
DOWN: 2, Value. 3, Reed. 4, Host. 5, Lisp. 6, Ear lobe. 7, Overflowing. 8, Opportunity.
12, Obtain. 14, Lid. 15, A cross. 19, Abstain. 20, Wet. 24, Hindu. 25, Asks. 26, Help.
30CHURCH OF ST FRANCIS OF ASSISI, PRIORY ROAD, HASSOCKS
Churchwarden
Mr. Christopher Moss 21 Clayton Ave. 01273 842201
Vacancy
Deputy Churchwarden
Mike Neighbour 4 shepherds Walk 01273 845472
Music Group
Mrs Lyn Bond 34 shepherds Walk 01273 842387
Church Secretary
Mrs Patricia Heath 54 Shepherds Walk 01273 843237
Asst Treasurer
Miss Carol Tester, 52 Stonepound Road 01273 844972
Church Hall Lets
Mr. Mike Neighbour 4 shepherds Walk 01273 845472
mike@neighbour.plus.com
THE PARISH MAGAZINE –
Published on the last Sunday of each month
Editor
Mrs Juliet Strange, 32 Lodge Lane 01273 843908
julietstrange@googlemail.com
Deputy Editor
Mr Simon Strange, 32 Lodge Lane 01273 843908
Advertising Manager
Mrs Annette Capps 6 Keymer Rd. 01273 845439
Production Team
Mr James Coppen, Mr Philip de SteCroix & Mr Dennis South
Circulation Manager
Mrs Jean Taplin, 4 The Crescent Keymer 01273 845276
CHURCH SAFEGUARDING OFFICERS:
Clayton: Mrs Sandra Boyd, 35 Damian Way, 01273 844904
St Francis: Mrs Mary Chambers 18 Woodsland Rd. 01273 845493
Keymer: Mrs Moira Montieth 20 Church Mead o1273 841298
The views expressed by individuals in any letter or article included in this Magazine are not
necessarily those of the Clergy, or of the Editor, or of the PCC.
Items for the Magazine should have the name, address and, if available, the phone number
of the sender attached. None of these latter need necessarily be printed.
All letters relating to problems of an ecclesiastical or pastoral nature should be addressed
to the Parish Priest or to the Bishop of Horsham (not the Editor) and sent to them direct,
Articles deemed to have a political slant will not be published.
Items from Parish Pump are copyright to that organization c/o The Parish Pump Ltd., PO
Box 236, Macclesfield, SK10 4GJ.
While believing that advertisers provide goods and services of a good quality and fair price,
publication of an advertisement in this Magazine does not necessarily imply any particular
commendation or assurance.
31THE STAFF OF THE PARISH
Rector
The Revd. Alexander Baxter
The Rectory, Keymer 01273 875894
Email; alexbaxter66@yahoo.co.uk
Assistant Priest
The Revd. Thomas Cameron
11 The Spinney 01273 846274
Reader
Mr. Robin Holford 48 Church Mead 01273 842651
Youth Worker
Mr Gary Pickett gpickett170@gmail.com 07745 299289
Hon Sec. to PCC
Mrs Janet Sharman 12 Church Mead 01273 845194
Hon Treas to PCC
Anne Knowles 45 Bonny Wood Road 01273 846925
annie_mcknowles@btinternet.com
Electoral Roll Officer
Mrs Jennifer Pinnock,
Tower House High St. Hurst 01273 831730
Stewardship Scheme Recorder:
Mr. Robert Pinnock 01273 831730
Tower House High St. Hurst
Parish website: www.claytonwithkeymer.org.uk
Facebook page 'The Parish of Clayton with Keymer’
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