Rev 35.9 - Spotlight Youth Theatre Group 2019

© Spotlight Youth Theatre Group 2019
Script available online at

                                                            Rev 35.9

         Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 1
SCENE ONE - At The Old Oak Tree

                   Sparkles, Tiffany, Alice, Dana


               ♬ CUE - FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: Oh, hello everyone. (pause) Oh, come on. You
can do better than that. I said hellooooooooo! (pause)
Ahh there we go, much better.

Oh, where are my manners? Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Sparkles, and I'm a fairy in these parts. Now, being
a fairy it just so happens that I have a very magical
story to tell. Would you like to hear it? (pause)

Wonderful. (opens book) Now let me see. Ahh yes, here we
are. Oh you’ll like this.    Once upon a time there was a
little girl named Alice, and Alice....

{Enter TIFFANY bounding on with attitude}

TIFFANY: Boooooring!!!!

SPARKLES: Now now, Tiffany. These lovely people were
about to listen to my wonderful story about....

TIFFANY: (Interrupting) Yeah yeah... Alice.... Again!
(makes a W sign) Whatever!! I'm sure they would rather
hear my story, sis. It's a lot like yours, only wayyyy
more interesting.

SPARKLES: Oh really? How so?

TIFFANY: Well for one, because I'm in it! I'm almost up
to 98 followers on Fairybook, you know. Hashtag popular.

SPARKLES: That may be the case, dear sister, but we're
here to tell.....

TIFFANY: (Pushes in front of Sparkles, interrupting) So
anyway, last Friday night in Clacton me and the girls
went out... AFTER DARK... and we found this truly magical
place. A place with a mystical liquid that made your
memories of the whole night simply disappear. (pause) I
think they called it Tom Peppers.

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                           Page 2
SPARKLES: Tiffany!!! (looks shocked, waves magic wand)

                    ♬ CUE - MAGIC WAND

TIFFANY: (freezes on the spot)

SPARKLES: I'm so, so sorry. I think it's best I do this
one alone, don't you agree? Anyway, so where was I?
(opens book) Ahh yes... Alice.

Alice was a little girl with a BIG imagination. She would
spend hours every day dreaming up wonderful and crazy
adventures, often featuring some really strange and
colourful characters.

Alice simply loved telling her stories to her father,
almost as much as her father loved to listen to them.

But sadly, around the time that Alice was approaching her
twelfth birthday her father got sick … and he passed
away. (pause) No, it was much sadder than that! (pause)
And with his passing, Alice's imagination died too.

Alice's older sister Dana tried her very best to comfort
her, but despite time slowly healing her broken heart,
Alice's imagination never returned.

Would Alice ever get her imagination back, or had it died

SPARKLES: (leaves stage, with Tiffany remaining on the
spot. Comes back) Oops, silly me. I'd forget my wings if
they weren't attached!

                    ♬ CUE - MAGIC WAND

(Waves wand, both leave, Tiffany mumbling angrily).

                    Ξ CURTAIN OPEN

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 3
ALICE: Oh Dana (sighs), why do I still have no
imagination? When Daddy was alive it was always there
(tries to think), but now nothing.

DANA: Oh Alice, don't be so hard on yourself. Just give
it time, I'm sure it will return. You can't force these

ALICE: But I'm just so fed up with the same old thing,
day after day. How I long to be able to drift off
somewhere for a magical adventure, even if it is only in
my head. I yearn to visit far away places... somewhere
that only we know.


DANA: Oh Alice, what are we going to do with you?

ALICE: But Dana, don't you ever wonder what's out there?
There has to be something more than just living in plain
old Kirby Cross. Don't you want to know what's inside
those magical gates of Frinton?

DANA: Stop Alice, that place is forbidden. Daddy used to
say as much. What lies beyond those gates is a mystery
and must remain a mystery. No-one truly knows what
strange and curious characters live... “inside the

ALICE: Maybe so, but I can't even imagine them. What is
wrong with me? Why can’t I imagine them? (tries to

DANA: Look Alice, just relax. You are probably trying too
hard and it's making you upset. Come sit down with me by
this tree. I'll read to you, and maybe that will help.

ALICE: I'm not sure it will, Dana, but you can try (both
sit down and look into a book, then fall asleep).

                  ♬ CUE - SLEEP MUSIC

                     Ξ CURTAIN CLOSE

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 4
SCENE TWO - Alice and Dana Meet The White Rabbit and
                      the Lazy Gardener

          Rabbit, Alice, Dana, Gardener, Sparkles, Tiffany


                  ♬ CUE - FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: Do you promise to stick to the script?

TIFFANY: (Shrugs, strops)

SPARKLES: Don't push me, Tiffany. I'll tell Mum.
(addresses audience) Oh hello again. (pause). I said
helloooooo. (pause). Oh, you'll catch on.

Anyway, I'm really sorry about my sister. There will be
no more nonsense from her, I promise. (whispers to
audience) Our mum said that if she misbehaves, she'll be
doing the washing up for a week. Isn't that right

TIFFANY: Yes (sad pause turning to stroppy answer) … But
I can't.


TIFFANY: I can't!

SPARKLES: What do you mean you can't?

TIFFANY: We've run out of …. FAIRY... liquid

                      ♬ CUE – BADUM TISCH

TIFFANY:(pretends to laugh).        Thank you, and I’ll be here
all week!

SPARKLES: (taps foot, looks annoyed)

TIFFANY: Oh lighten up. (opens book, fake clear throat,
looks coy). So....

Alice and Dana sat under the old oak tree and as Dana
began to read to Alice, they both grew very tired. And
before they knew it, an hour had passed, and both of them

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                           Page 5
had fallen into a deep, relaxing sleep. Errm, didn't we
see this already?

SPARKLES: (glares angrily, shushes) A sleep that would
change both their lives forever, without them even

TIFFANY: And a sleep that would take both of them on a
magical adventure.

                    Ξ CURTAIN OPEN

ALICE: Oh Dana, where are we? I don't recognise this
place at all.

DANA: I'm not too sure Alice, but I know one thing. We
are definitely not at the old oak tree anymore.

ALICE: Oh Dana, look over there. Look at that person.
They may know where we are.

DANA: I don't know Alice. They certainly seem to be in a
bit of a hurry.

(Rabbit looks at watch, scurries around)

DANA: Thats not a person its a......

ALICE: RABBIT. It's a rabbit. And a white rabbit in
trousers and a waistcoat no less. How very curious. We
must go say hello.

DANA: I'm not sure that's a very good idea, Alice. We
don't even know where we are.

ALICE: Oh come on Dana. Don't be such a coward. We can
ask. (calls to rabbit) Excuse me, ermmm, Sir. Hellooooo
(waves in the air).

              ♬ CUE – RABBIT – LATE LATE LATE

RABBIT: (rushing around looking at watch) I'm late, I'm
late for a very important date. No time to say hello,
goodbye, I'm late, I'm, late I'm late. (runs off)

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 6
ALICE: Oh bother. Where could a rabbit in a waistcoat be
going in such a hurry?

DANA: (shrugs) I don’t know Alice, but there’s someone we
might ask. (points to sleeping gardener, walks up and
lifts up his hat which is over his face). Excuse me.

GARDENER: Arrgh! Who goes there? Get away from my
flowers. (pause) Waiiit a minute, you’re not the
caterpillar. (pause) Who are you and what are you doing
in my garden?

ALICE: Oh, so sorry, we’re lost.     Could you possibly tell
us where we are?

GARDENER: Well .. okay. I suppose I could do that.
You’re.. (motions all around) in a garden.

DANA: (sarcastic) Yes, we can see that.

GARDENER: You! I don’t like your tone. In fact, I
dislike it so much you can’t be in my club.

DANA: Club? What club?

GARDENER: That’s not important. What IS important is
that the new queen gets her garden by the gates just the
way she wants it and in time for a party. Now stop
distracting me from my work.

DANA:    You weren’t working, you were sleeping.

GARDENER:    Was not.   (pause) I was on my lunch break.

ALICE:   The queen’s garden?    There’s a queen here?

GARDENER: Oh yeah. Me and the queen go way back.        We’re
like that. (crosses fingers)

ALICE: Really?

GARDENER: Well I say way back.     It’s really more like
since I started working here.

DANA: Have you worked here long?

GARDENER: (pauses to think) Oh.. umm .. I started…
Tuesday I think it was. But I do know her. (nods) She’s
a strange woman, ‘bout so high (motions to height). Oh,
and she expects me to work 48 hours a day until my
beautiful white garden is completely filled with RED

ALICE: Oh, why does she want that?

              Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                          Page 7
GARDENER: Oh, it’s a long story. (looks at watch) I
suppose I have time for the short version though, if
you’re interested that is.

DANA:    Sure, Alice likes stories.

GARDENER: Okay, well.      They call her .. the red queen.

ALICE: And? …

GARDENER: What?      You said you wanted to hear the short

ALICE:   Huh?

DANA: That wasn’t a short version, you just said .. well,
a name.

GARDENER: Yes, you’re quite right.       I did.   Oh you’re a
smart one. You can join my club.

DANA: But you just said …       Never mind.

GARDENER: So anyway, long story short… story… long… the
RED queen, or the queen of tarts as she’s also known,
took the kingdom from the WHITE queen, who is also her

DANA: Took the kingdom?

GARDENER: Yup. From the white queen, who is also her
sister. Are you not listening?

DANA: (looks confused)

ALICE: Oh, I get it. And because she’s the RED queen,
she wants all the flowers red?

GARDENER: Oh. Right. That makes sense. I hadn’t
thought of that. You can join my club too.

DANA: You’re a very confusing little man.

GARDENER: Well, thank you. That means a lot. (pause) And
you’re out of my club. (pause) Anyway, you’re stopping
me working and I must get on. Between you and me, the
queen has a nasty temper and I’m supposed to report back
to her tomorrow with my progress. Lots of seeds to

ALICE: Oh yes, sorry. We’ll leave you to it.           Tomorrow
certainly doesn’t leave you a lot of time.

                Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                            Page 8
GARDENER: No, it doesn’t. (pause) Wait… So what you’re
saying is what I should do is use a series of clever lies
to make the new queen THINK I’ve done the work. Then I
can have a break and do it later.

ALICE:   No, that’s not what I was saying at all.

DANA: Umm, and… I’m probably going to regret saying
this, but … seeds take time to grow. Can’t you just
plant some red flowers?

GARDENER: Yesss. So what you’re saying is that if I was
to paint all of the flowers red, no-one would ever know
the difference?

DANA: What?!      No, that’s the complete opposite of what I
was saying.

GARDENER: Yes, I like it. Good idea. I’m starting to
like you. (pause) You’re back in my club. (pause) It
just so happens I have some red paint left over from when
the queen wanted the gates painted red.

ALICE: But.. the gates aren’t … red.

GARDENER: Which is why I have some left over.         Oh do try
to keep up.

DANA: Pardon me for asking, but why not just be honest
and tell her that you need more time?

GARDENER:    What?     With words?   To her face?

ALICE:   (shrugs) What’s the worst that could happen?

GARDENER: She could hear me!

DANA: Oh. Well look, we’re getting nowhere fast here.
Do you by ANY chance know where the white rabbit might be

GARDENER: Nope.      Didn’t see a rabbit.   Which way did he

DANA and ALICE:      (point to where Rabbit exited)

GARDENER: Oh. Well the palace is that way. S’pose he
could be going there. (goes to pick up some paint)

ALICE:   Thank you.     Come on Dana, let’s go find him.

DANA: Alice, I don’t think that’s wise. Maybe we should
just stay here and see if we can find a way out of those
gates. (motions to gates)

             Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                           Page 9
ALICE: (wanders off)

DANA: Alice! Wait! Oh bother. (follows off stage)

GARDENER: Oh, and if you see the queen, make sure you
tell her you haven’t seen me. (goes off to paint)

              ♬ CUE – PAINTING THE ROSES RED

                       Ξ CURTAIN CLOSE

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 10
Scene THREE - Mad Hatter's Tea Party

  Mad Hatter, March Hare, Door Mouse, Alice, Dana, Sparkles, Tiffany

{Enter Sparkles and Tiffany}

                  ♬ CUE - FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: (skips on, takes deep breath, motioning as if
to say helloooo)


SPARKLES: (hands on hips, annoyed).

TIFFANY: (motions as if to say sorry)

SPARKLES: (composes herself and opens book) So, after
falling asleep under the old oak tree, Alice and Dana
find themselves in an unfamiliar land, behind the magical
ancient gates of … Frinton...

TIFFANY: (under her breath) Built in 2009

SPARKLES: (looking annoyed) And after meeting a strange
and lazy gardener and following a curious rabbit, they
soon found themselves going further and further into the
unknown. (looks at Tiffany) What, nothing?

TIFFANY: (looks at book innocently) What? Oh yeah, sorry.
(pause) But where could they be? Where was that rabbit
going to? Would they ever find out, or was this just the
beginning of a wonderfully crazy adventure - one Alice so
desperately longed for.

                     Ξ OPEN CURTAIN


(Hatter, Hare and Door Mouse are having a tea party,
Alice and Dana walk in)

              Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                            Page 11
ALICE: Oh my. Why, hello. So sorry to interrupt, but we
were following a white rabbit. Have you seen him?

MAD HATTER: (walks over to Alice looking at her closely)

DANA: (Steps in between them being protective) How do you
know her name?

MAD HATTER: We have met before, haven't we Alice?

ALICE: We have?

MAD HATTER: Yes, when you were much, much, much smaller.
It's Alice. I'd know HIM anywhere.

MARCH HARE: Have you been eating some of the queen’s
“experimental” tarts again? (laughs) Those tarts are
pretty weird, even if I do say so myself..... (laughs

ALICE: I'm sorry. I don't know what you mean.

DOOR MOUSE: (shouts) She's the wrong Alice


DANA: Look we have no idea where we are or who you are.
Can you at least tell us how we get out of here, wherever
here is?

MAD HATTER: (laughs crazy) Alice, it's you I know it is
(peering at her). Except... (pause) You used to be much
more muchier. (pause) You've... lost your muchness.

ALICE: (looking at herself) I have?

MARCH HARE: Have some more tea Alice. And you too funny
lady with the crazy hair (laughs crazy and gives them a
tea cup). And try some of my new upside down back to
front cake. It's very yummy (laughs crazy and gives them
a plate).

ALICE: Thank you, but the cup is empty (looking in the
cup confused).

DANA: And in case you haven't noticed, the plate is empty
too (holds it upside down confused).

DOOR MOUSE: (shouts) She's the wrong Alice.

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 12
MAD HATTER: No, she isn't. She has just forgotten that's
all. Alice, the last time you were here we sang a song
about you. Do you remember?

ALICE: (shakes head and shrugs)

MARCH HARE: Ooh goodie, I feel a song coming on.

MAD HATTER: Yes. Yes. If our super duper, spectacular,
extraordinary (deep inhale), wonderfully orchestral,
awesome, amazing vocal talent doesn't jog your memory,
nothing will! Take it away, my fluffy friend.

MARCH HARE: Don’t mind if I do!

               ♬ CUE – LARGER THAN LIFE
  [BACKGROUND 3c – MAD HATTER TEA PARTY ] (at end of song)

MAD HATTER: Now Alice (laughs crazy). Surely you must
remember that?

ALICE: Sorry, I don't.

MARCH HARE: Good though, wasn’t it? Hey, I have a good
idea, lets change the subject (laughs crazy).

MAD HATTER: Change the subject? I'm telling you, that's
THE Alice.

MARCH HARE: Alice, Shmalice. Whoever HE is, perhaps some
introductions might help (laughs).

MAD HATTER: Introductions! Of course. Why didn’t I think
of that?   How rude of me.... (laughs crazy) I (tips hat)
am the Mad Hatter (bows, then nudges the March Hare).

MARCH HARE: And I'm.. (long pause) Who am I again? (under
breath) Oh, this is embarrassing… Oh, right. Yes, I
(pauses) am the March Hare (shakes her hand crazily).

ALICE: Well it's very nice to meet you both. And who
might you be? (looks at Door Mouse)

DOOR MOUSE: You're the wrong Alice.

ALICE: Well, that may be, but I'd still like to know your

DOOR MOUSE: I'm the Door Mouse, OTHER Alice.

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 13
ALICE: I'm very pleased to meet you all. I truly am. I'm

MAD HATTER: Of course you are. Now, who are you? (points
at Dana's nose)

ALICE: That is my sister Dana (Dana waves nervously).

MAD HATTER: (turns back fast to Alice) Alice. What has
happened to you? (looks at her pulling her arms etc).
Something is missing.

DANA: Alice has lost her....


DANA: She's lost her....


DANA: Alice.. has lost....

over mouth to stop gasp)

DANA: Her imagination!

MARCH HARE: Imagination? That's the silliest thing I have
ever heard. You can't lose your imagination. It's not a
set of car keys you know!

MAD HATTER: (turns to Hare fast) What's a car?

MARCH HARE: (shrugs) I don't know.


ALICE: No, it's true. I've lost my imagination. I just
can't (holds head in hands)....

MAD HATTER: Imaginate?

MARCH HARE: No imagi-ficating? That's... that's.... the
saddest thing I've ever heard (blows his nose on his

MAD HATTER: Stop it, you'll start me off!

MARCH HARE: Can't help it. She can't imaginate! (blows
his nose on his sleeve)

MAD HATTER: Whaaaaaaaaa (crying)

MARCH HARE: (offers Hatter his sleeve)

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 14
MAD HATTER: (blows nose on Hare's sleeve). Oh, it's just
so sad.

DANA: (nudges alice and whispers) Alice, we need to go. I
don't like it here. It's making me feel uneasy (looks at
the rest).

MARCH HARE: (serious and intimidating) What was that?
Leave? Do you honestly think you can just leave? Do you
seriously think I would let you leave?

ALICE: Oh, I don't know. I am sure you're lovely.. errm
people... but we really, really have to go.

MARCH HARE: Oh you should have said. Okay now. Bye bye
then. (sits down for more tea.) More tea anyone?

ALICE: (pauses then creeps off slowly with Dana)

MAD HATTER: (shouts after her) You'll be back. I know
it's you Alice. I will see you soon. Deep down you know
who I am. Who am I? (shakes head, laughs crazy, turns to
Hare) Tea please, twelve sugars.

MARCH HARE: Twelve? Are you watching your weight, Hatter?
(pokes at Hatter belly, pulls a face and laughs crazy)

MAD HATTER: (looks sad) I'm worried about her, you know.
We must follow her. She has to believe.... or she will be
lost forever.

DOOR MOUSE: (shouts) But she's the wrong Alice.


                     Ξ CURTAIN CLOSE

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 15
Scene FOUR - Meeting The Cheshire Cat

        Cheshire Cat, Alice, Dana, Rabbit, Sparkles, Tiffany

{Enter Sparkles and Tiffany}

                ♬ CUE FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: Oh hello again! I said hellooooooo! Are you
enjoying the story?

TIFFANY: F. Y. I. (pause) I've got some great stories if
you're not. Hashtag Clacton after dark? That lady knows
what I mean (point to random lady)

SPARKLES: (pulls out washing up glove)

TIFFANY: Oh, right. (smiles) On with the story, my
wonderful sister. (turns away, fingers down throat)

SPARKLES: Why thank you, Tiffany.

So.. after following the strange rabbit for a while, and
participating in what can only be described as the
weirdest tea party outside of a Frinton Residents
Association meeting, they continued searching for the
curious, white rabbit.

TIFFANY: But finding the rabbit was proving harder than
they had hoped. They still didn't know where they were,
and the further inside the gates they travelled, the
further they were away from home and the crazier things
were about to get.

SPARKLES: But weirder still, amongst all the crazy
happenings, Alice had started to develop a feeling that
she'd been here before. A warm, familiar feeling for the
people they had met, and the bizarre place they were
traveling through.

TIFFANY: Could it really be that Alice had been here

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                           Page 16
                   Ξ CURTAIN OPENS

(Cheshire Cat is already on stage, Rabbit runs across

                 ♬ CUE – RABBIT – LATE LATE LATE

RABBIT: I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. No
time to say hello, goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
(runs off stage)

{Enter Alice and Dana}

ALICE: Ohhh my.

DANA: Alice? What now?

ALICE: A cat. A very strange coloured cat. It's purple
and pink.

DANA: Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be? Is anything
normal here?

ALICE: (goes to stroke the cat) Come on! Let's go say

CHESHIRE CAT: Hey don't touch me! I don't like being

ALICE: Oh I'm terribly sorry...

DANA: (sarcastically) And it talks. Of course it does.

ALICE: Excuse me. We are looking for a white rabbit. He
was in a hurry. Could you tell me which way he went

CHESHIRE CAT: Why of course. He went that way (points and

DANA: (not really listening) Sorry? Who did?

CHESHIRE CAT: The white rabbit.

ALICE: He did?

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                          Page 17
CHESHIRE CAT: He did what?

DANA: Went that way


ALICE: The white rabbit.

CHESHIRE CAT: Yes he did… How did you know?

ALICE: You just..... (shakes her head). Oh, never mind?

DANA: What's going on? Look... exactly who or what is
down that way? Things don't seem to be normal around

CHESHIRE CAT: Oh, that way? You don't want to go there.
That way you'll find… (pause) Frintonians. Worse still,
they're the ones that reside “inside” the gates. They're
the worst kind. (smiles)

ALICE: Frintonians? What's that?

CHESHIRE CAT: What's what?

ALICE: Frintonians


DANA: You said that way, I think? (points the same way)

CHESHIRE CAT:   Awesome. Goodbye (begins walking off).

ALICE: No, wait. You were telling ME about Frintonians.

CHESHIRE CAT: I was? Well, I'm not helping you.    Not

ALICE: Again? We've only just met. What do you mean?

CHESHIRE CAT: I mean whatever it is that you want me to
mean, Alice (smiles)

ALICE: You know my name too?

CHESHIRE CAT: Why of course, Alice (smiles). You helped
me the last time you were here. I had.... oh what did you
call it? Ambrosia.

ALICE: Ambrosia?

CHESHIRE CAT: Elvis-mania?

ALICE: Huh? (shrugs)

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 18
CHESHIRE: Gymnasium?

ALICE: Sorry, I don't follow.

CHESHIRE CAT: I couldn't sleep.

DANA: Oh, you mean insomnia!

CHESHIRE CAT: In-nom-ne-num! Yes. That's what I said.

ALICE: Oh, right. And you say I helped you?

CHESHIRE CAT: (yawning) Yes, and now thanks to you I
sleep much better. In fact, I’m feeling fairly tired
now. You know, last night I fell asleep on a chandelier.

DANA: A chandelier?      Seriously?

CHESHIRE CAT:    Yes.    Apparently I’m a light sleeper.

DANA: Oh come on.       This is ridiculous.

ALICE: I’m sorry, I don't recall any of this at all. I
don't even know who you are.

CHESHIRE CAT: Hmmm. So the whispers are true. You really
have forgotten. I, my dear Alice, am the Cheshire Cat

ALICE: Happy to meet you, I'm sure. We are looking for a
white rabbit. Can you help?

CHESHIRE CAT: (Yawns) Well, I would help, but I am
feeling rather hungry now.

DANA: Hungry?    I thought you said you were tired.

CHESHIRE CAT: Correct on both counts. I’m afraid I now
have a rare condition that makes me eat lots when I can’t

ALICE: Really?

CHESHIRE CAT: Yes. I think they call it insom-nom-nom-
nom-nom-nia. Could be wrong though.

DANA: Look, this is getting too weird.        Whoever you are,
just show us the way out of here.

CHESHIRE CAT: Are you sure you don’t remember, Alice?

ALICE: I'm afraid not, although some of this does feel
slightly familiar.

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                            Page 19
DANA: Come on Alice. Let’s get out of here. What did you
say was that way again?

CHESHIRE CAT: Oh, just the Frintonians. They're c-razy.

DANA: (sighs) Now there's a surprise.

CHESHIRE CAT: Actually, you may not have noticed, but
everyone here is mad. A few sandwiches short of a
picnic, as they say.

ALICE: Sandwiches? (shrugs)

CHESHIRE CAT: The lights are on, but nobody's home? No? A
few french fries short of a Happy Meal? Boy, you're hard
work. (Cheshire cat walks off)

ALICE: Oh Dana. What are we going to do, I do want to
remember all these curious people, but I just can't.

DANA: Don't worry Alice, if it's there it will come back
to you. Perhaps we should just keep going. Someone must
know a way back home.

ALICE: Agreed. Let's just focus on finding the rabbit. He
seemed to be heading somewhere at least. No more
distractions! I just really hope he has the answers we

                     Ξ CURTAIN CLOSE

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 20
SCENE FIVE - The Magic Garden

  Caterpillar, Flower Bud, Flower Tulip, Flower Bluebell, Flower Daisy,
                Alice, Dana, White Rabbit, Sparkles, Tiffany

{Enter Sparkles and Tiffany}

                   ♬ CUE FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: Helloooooooo...

TIFFANY: She said, helloooooooo! (sarcastically)

SPARKLES: (angrily) Hey, that was my line, Tiffany.

TIFFANY: (turns away wiping her eye) Eww. Say it, don't
spray it.

SPARKLES: (Clears throat, clearly agitated. Takes a deep
breath) And so, after meeting the Mad Hatter, his crazy
friends, and the Cheshire Cat, Alice and her sister Dana
continued along the pathway in search of the white rabbit
and their way home.

TIFFANY: But something was still niggling in Alice's
mind. The colourful characters she had met along the way,
all seemed somewhat familiar.

SPARKLES: All Alice could do was to keep going with her
sister by her side, in the hope that at some point things
might make a little more sense to her.

TIFFANY: But would Alice and Dana ever find the end of
the pathway and their way home?

                    Ξ CURTAIN OPENS

              Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                             Page 21

(Rabbit runs on stage)

RABBIT: Oh my ears and whiskers, I'm late. (runs off)


(Enter Alice and Dana, walking along and discovering the

ALICE: Oh Dana, just look at these beautiful flowers.
Have you ever seen such a beautiful garden?

DANA: Well they certainly are pretty Alice, but... don't
you think they are a little on the... large side?

ALICE: That's what makes them beautiful, Dana. I bet they
smell just as good as they look. Come on, let's see.
(Alice and Dana go to flowers and sniff).

DANA: (smells Tulip) Alice! This one smells like candy.
(smells Bluebell) And this one smells of … ice cream.
It's just lovely. (smells Bud, repulsed) Eww, this one,
not so much.

BUD: Speak for yourself, you oversized garden gnome.

DANA: (steps back shocked). What?

BUD: You heard me!! Cut it out! This is a no sniff zone.
It's just plain rude!

ALICE: Oh, you talk too? I'm sure she didn't mean
anything by it.

BLUEBELL: Sure she did! How would you like being sniffed?
(leans towards Alice trying to sniff) Well? Well?

ALICE: I guess it is kind of rude.

DANA: I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.

TULIP: Well you did. Next time, sniff at someone your own

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 22
BUD: (looking at Alice) Hey, wait a minute. Don't I know

TULIP: Sure you do, Bud. That's Alice.

BLUEBELL: Alice? Little Alice? Wow! You really have
grown. You were only a little seedling the last time we
saw you.

DAISY: Have you been watered?

ALICE: Watered? No. Certainly not.

DAISY: Oh Alice, you've grown so tall and pretty. (looks
at Dana) Not sure about that one though!

BUD: You're right, Daisy. That one could definitely do
with some pruning. Just take a look at those roots!!!
(motions to hair)

BLUEBELL: It's running wild! Nothing a little weed killer
wouldn't fix, though. Am I right? (they all laugh)

TULIP: Good one, Bluebell.

DANA: You're plants. What would YOU know about looking

BUD: Quiet, weed girl! Shush!     I think I can hear Absolem

DAISY: Quick, pretend to be asleep or he will start
munching on our leaves again. (flowers stay still, head

{Enter Absolem the Caterpillar}

ABSOLEM: (looks at Alice) Ohhhhh. Whooooo are youuuuu?

DANA: (looks at Alice) A talking caterpillar!

ABSOLEM: A caterpillar, you say? You're no talking
caterpillar, silly weeeeed. I... I..... am a caterpillar.

DANA: No, I meant.... (motions pointing at Absolem) Oh,
never mind. I'm Dana, and this is my sister, Alice.

ABSOLEM: Alice, you say? Hmmm.... Alice..... Are you...
THE Alice?

ALICE: I don't know (looks upset) I can't remember.

DANA: Caterpillar! How do you know Alice?

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 23
ABSOLEM: Because silly weeeed, THE Alice saved our entire
kingdom. Why are you in myyyyy garden, THE Alice?

ALICE: I didn't mean to intrude. We were looking for a
white rabbit. Did you see where it went?

ABSOLEM: A rabbit you say? Yessss. I know the one.

DANA: Finally! Can you tell us where to go?

ABSOLEM: Yes, I could do that, but I'll want something in

ALICE: But I don't have anything I could give you.

ABSOLEM: Well, if you are THE Alice, then you will be
able to entertain us. I know….. tell me a joke.

ALICE: What do you mean? I don't know any jokes.

BUD: Sure you do, Alice. You saved our kingdom by telling
the Queen a joke. Or two.

BLUEBELL: Yeah. The Queen was in one of her “moods”.

DAISY: Over some jam tarts.

TULIP: Alice, you were the only one that managed to cheer
her up!

ALICE: I was?

ABSOLEM: Yessss. Now tell us one of your jokes, and I'll
tell you where you’ll find the rabbit. And make it a joke
I will like. THEN I can get on with... my lunch (looks
at flowers who all stop moving).

ALICE: (flustered) A joke?    Oh my.

BUD: Come on Alice.   We like your jokes.

ALICE: (talking to herself) Ohhh... Umm.... Let me
think…. Ummmmm.. (looks like she has remembered
something) Okay! Why couldn't the gardener give his wife
a kiss?

BLUEBELL: I don't know, Alice. Why couldn't the gardener
give his wife a kiss?

ALICE: (unsure of the pun). Because... he didn't have...

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 24
(Everyone pauses for a few seconds, then all fall around
laughing, apart from Bud who doesn't get the joke... Then
they all slowly stop laughing after about five seconds)

ABSOLEM: (continues laughing slowly) Ha!.. Ha!.. Ha!...
You are indeed... THE Alice.

DANA: Yes, yes. She is! Caterpillar! The white rabbit?

ABSOLEM: Oh yesssss. He wennnnnnnnnttttt...

DANA: Oh come on, spit it out! Why do you have to take so
long with everything?

ABSOLEM: Wellllllll...

BUD: For some reason, this little place (motions all
around) is known as the weary garden. Things here don't
really move as fast as everywhere else.

TULIP: Things here are just a little more... (tries to
think of a word) … Well... lazy, I suppose. Allow us to
explain (motions to other flowers and Absolem who all

            [BACKGROUND 5b – THE LAZY SONG]
              ♬ CUE – SONG – THE LAZY SONG

DANA: Oh, I see... I think.... (pause, turns to Absolem)
And, the white rabbit?

ABSOLEM: Oh yes....... he went.....

ABSOLEM and ALL FLOWERS: (point same way): That way!!!

DANA: (to flowers) You knew where he went all along?

BUD: Sorry, weedy. We don't get many visitors in these
parts. You being here made things a little less....

ALICE: Oh, I see. Well, thank you so much. It's been a
real pleasure. At least... I think it has. Come on Dana,
there's no time to waste. Let's go.

ABSOLEM: Waiiittt. Befooooooorrre you goooooooo... If
you go thaaaat waaay, you’ll be heading towaaaards..

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 25
BLUEBELL: The palace.    You don’t want to go there.

ALICE: I don’t?

ABSOLEM: Oh nooooo. You seeeeee, the Queeeeen would like
to do a little pruning of her ownnnnn.

TULIP: (motions like scissors around Bluebell’s neck)

DANA: Look, we just need to find our way home.

ALICE: Yes, home.    The rabbit.   But thank you for your

(Alice and Dana exit)

ABSOLEM: Holllllld onnnnn... Oh moth balls!

BUD: Too slow! She's gone again.

TULIP: I do hope she can come back some day.

DAISY: Me too, Tulip.

BUD: (points to Tulip, remembering joke) Tulip! (motions
to lips, gets it) Two lips!

(All flowers and Absolem fall about laughing)

                      Ξ CURTAIN CLOSES

{Enter Sparkles and Tiffany}

                  ♬ CUE FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: Oh, hello again. It's only me. (pause) I mean,
US (looks annoyed). What a great story. (looks at
audience) Don't you think?

TIFFANY: (arms folded) I've heard better.

SPARKLES: Are you sure about that, Tiffany? Really?
(pulls out bottle of Fairy liquid)

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 26
TIFFANY: (freezes, zips mouth, throws away key)

SPARKLES: (opens book, puts bottle down) So... as we come
to the end of the first act, Alice and Dana continue
their travels inside the gates of Frinton, a little
closer to finding the mysterious white rabbit, and
perhaps even a way back home.

TIFFANY: Will Alice finally get the answers she's been
searching for? And more importantly, will her imagination
ever return?

SPARKLES: Somewhere in her heart Alice knew that no
matter where she went, and whoever she met along the
way.... with her sister Dana by her side, everything
would turn out fine in the end.

TIFFANY: Awwww, sis! (acts as though she is going to hug
Sparkles, picks up Fairy liquid bottle) Yoinkkk!! See you
in act two, people! (runs off)

SPARKLES: (looks around as if to see if anyone is
looking, acts as though whispering to audience) While
I've got you alone, would you like to hear a little song?
(pause) I do love to sing, but for some reason they don't
let me, even though the fairy queen thinks I have a
wonderful voice.

She says... (thinks) hmm, what is it again? Oh yes,
that's it. She says... I have a voice that ONLY a mother
would love. So it must be pretty good. Anyway... before
my sister gets back, here's a little song about how life
was without Alice... inside the gates of Frinton.

             ♬ CUE – CHAINED TO THE RHYTHM
             Ξ CURTAIN OPEN (at start of song)


            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 27
SCENE SIX - Meeting Tweedle Dumb And Tweedle Dumber.

 Tweedle Dumb, Tweedle Dumber, Alice, Dana, Sparkles, Tiffany, White

{ Enter Sparkles and Tiffany}

                 ♬ CUE - FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: Oh hello everyone! I said hellooooooooo! It's
lovely to see you all again! Don't you agree, Tiffany?

TIFFANY: (not paying attention) Huh? To be honest, I'm
more surprised that they're all still here! (stands
still, bored, folding arms)

SPARKLES: I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen. Welcome... to
the second part of our story. (pauses) Tiffany? (gestures
to Tiffany to continue)

TIFFANY: Okayyyyy, okayy... ughh. (opens book, pauses,
reads as if fed up of the story) So Alice and Dana
continued their search for the white rabbit, venturing
deeper and deeper inside the gates of Frinton.

SPARKLES: But best of all, with each colourful encounter,
it appeared as though Alice's memory... and her
imagination... was slowly starting to return. Not
completely, but little by little.

TIFFANY: However, as strange as things had seemed so far,
things were about to get stranger still as they continued
their curious and magical journey. (looks at book). Who
writes this stuff?

SPARKLES: Tiffanyyyyyyy.... (Shushes Tiffany, motions her
to get off stage)

                      Ξ CURTAIN OPEN

             Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                            Page 28

WHITE RABBIT: (looks at watch...) Oh my goodness! What a
to do! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. (Alice and Dana
enter as the Rabbit exits. Tweedles already on stage
pointing right)

ALICE: Mister Rabbit. Oh, Mister Rabbit. Oh dear, I'm
sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding?

DANA: Alice! Where could he possibly be hiding? All I see
here are those two weird looking statues. Let's just get
out of here.

ALICE: Statues? Oh come on, Dana. Let's look. It won't
take but a second.. (Alice goes to look at them, pauses).
Fascinating! What peculiar little figures, and they're
pointing that way! Do you think that's a clue?

DANA: A clue to what? I don't see anything over this way.
(walks the way they are pointing with Alice)


TWEEDLES: (both point other way)

ALICE: (Looking back at the statues) Oh, of course not.
That's because they were pointing this way! (Alice and
Dana walk past Tweedles and look other way).

DANA: (looking confused) Oh... Well, I don't see anything
here either, Alice. Come on, let's go.


TWEEDLES: (both point to the audience)

ALICE: (looks at Tweedles again) No. Wait! They were
pointing that way. I could have sworn.... (looks left and

DANA: Oh, come on! That way? (Goes to look at audience,
looks around.). Errm (freezes), Alice?.... (Alice joins

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 29
her looking at the audience) I know we've seen some
pretty weird things today, but... look!


ALICE: Oh my. Okay. Don't say anything, and whatever you
do, no sudden moves. You might startle them.

DANA: I... can't help it. (pointing around) It's...
it's... full of....

TWEEDLES: (join them looking at the audience, either side
of Dana and Alice. Pause for a few seconds.)

TWEEDLE DUMB: Full of what?

ALICE and DANA: Arrrghhhhhh! (scared)

TWEEDLES: Arrrghhhhhh! (scared)

ALICE: (pointing at Tweedle Dumb) You're .....

TWEEDLE DUMB: Quite right!

ALICE: (pointing at Tweedle Dumber) You're.....

TWEEDLE DUMBER: That's meee! And many thanks for

TWEEDLE DUMB: Well, I'm glad we've got that sorted. Now
what can we do for you?

DANA: Errm. Who are you? What do you want? And.... what
are.. those? (pointing to audience)

TWEEDLE DUMB: Oh them? (looks closely) Well, from what I
can see, we have... well, there's some Frintonians....
and over there I see some Clactonians... oh, and those
ones you'll want to avoid. They're the smelly ones. The
Walton on the Naze... errm..


TWEEDLE DUMB: Yes! Onions!

DANA: Riiiiiiight. And... you are?

TWEEDLE DUMB: Oh, me? Well, I'm Tweedle Dumb of course.

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 30
TWEEDLE DUMBER: And I'm Tweedle Dumber. Don't you
remember us?

ALICE: Well... no.

TWEEDLE DUMB: How strange. Perhaps we can help you!

TWEEDLE DUMBER: Good idea! Tweedle manners!

TWEEDLES: (both nod)


ALICE: Sorry. I just don't remember. Have I been here

TWEEDLE DUMB: Why yes. You're Alice. The Queen has been
looking for you. Since you left, things have really
“HEADED” downhill... Especially in this “NECK” of the
woods .

ALICE: Looking for me? Why?

TWEEDLE DUMB: Well, the new gates are supposed to be
opening this weekend and the Queen is throwing a huge
party to celebrate. But I hear she's having more than a
few problems in the royal kitchen.

TWEEDLE DUMBER: She's like a bear with a sore “HEAD”!
Even more grumpy than usual!

DANA: But how can Alice help?

TWEEDLE DUMB: Beats me. All I know is the Queen thinks
that everything went wrong in the kingdom around the same
time that Alice left. And that includes her tarts! The
queen is famous for her tarts.

TWEEDLE DUMBER: Yes, and no tarts means no party, and the
gates will be closed forever.

DANA: So? How does the gates being closed affect us?

TWEEDLE DUMB: How should I know? I'm just giving you the
“HEADS up.”

DANA: (suspiciously) Why do you keep mentioning heads?

TWEEDLE DUMBER: Oh, no reason.

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 31
TWEEDLE DUMB: (nudges Tweedle Dumber) You should have
quit while you were “a-HEAD”!

ALICE: Pardon me, but I still don't see how I can help.

TWEEDLE DUMBER: Well, Alice... As you know, you can't
bake great tarts without the right ingredients.

TWEEDLE DUMB: And the Queen is missing an ingredient
(looks at Alice) or two (looks at Dana).

TWEEDLE DUMBER: You know what they sayyyy...

TWEEDLE DUMB: A great tart each day, keeps your worries

TWEEDLE DUMBER: The secret ingredients are in here
(points to Alice's brain).

ALICE: Oh! Then, I just need to remember!

TWEEDLE DUMB: Quite right! Oh, and before you “HEAD
off”..... make sure you tell the Queen we sent you.

TWEEDLE DUMBER: Oh yes, do tell. She'll be ever so happy!

TWEEDLE DUMB: Might even reward us!

TWEEDLE DUMBER: She might even make us Wonderland

TWEEDLE DUMB: Wonderland? (thinks back to the past) I'd
almost forgotten that name.

ALICE: What's Wonderland?

TWEEDLE DUMBER: Oh, it's this.... it's.... here... at
least... it was.

TWEEDLE DUMB: It's not much of a Wonderland now. We don't
hear it called that any more.

DANA: Well, it’s certainly no Frinton, that's for sure.

TWEEDLE DUMBER: I miss Wonderland. So fun. So happy. So
many jokes and wonderful songs.

TWEEDLE DUMB: Songs, yes..   (motions to Tweedle Dumber)
Tweedle sing?

TWEEDLE DUMBER: (nods) Tweedle song!

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 32
              ♬ CUE - SONG – WONDERLAND
  [BACKGROUND 6c – TWEEDLES SCENE END] (At end of song)

ALICE: Thank you Tweedles, but we really must be going.
It really has been a pleasure. If we see the Queen, I'll
really try to help. I promise.

TWEEDLES: Bye Alice. (both waving sadly) {Alice and Dana
exit together}

TWEEDLE DUMB: We should have told her you know.

TWEEDLE DUMBER: I know. But if we did, she would never
have gone, and I fear that Wonderland might be lost

                     Ξ CURTAIN CLOSE

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 33
SCENE SEVEN - Meeting the Queen of Tarts

  Queen of Tarts, King of Tarts, Nave of Tarts, Princess of Tarts, White
             Queen, Alice, Dana, Sparkles, Tiffany, Nursey

{ Enter Sparkles and Tiffany }

                   ♬ CUE - FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: (Looks at audience ) Oh, he.....

TIFFANY: Woah, woah, woah! Come on, Sparkles. Are you
really going to do the whole “hellloooooo”... acting all
surprised thing again? (motions to audience) They haven't

SPARKLES: Errm. But it's... (looks sad) It's what I do...

TIFFANY: Look, the sooner you cut out that nonsense, the
quicker they can all go home.

SPARKLES: Oh.... I thought.... they liked it.

TIFFANY: Like it? Hah!

SPARKLES: (To audience) You do like it, don't you? (wait
for answer)

TIFFANY: Oh, whateverrrrrr!

SPARKLES: (puffs out chest) Anyway, on with the story.
So... after meeting the Tweedles, Alice was still no
closer to finding the white rabbit. And she now knew that
the Queen needed her help too. What would she do? Find
her way home, or help a kingdom in desperate need?

TIFFANY: Little did she know that her fate... and her
future, were already set. Trouble was brewing in the
royal kitchen, and Alice was about to find herself in the
middle of it. Oooh, trouble. I like it.

SPARKLES: Yes Tiffany, I thought you might.

               Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                              Page 34
                     Ξ CURTAIN OPEN

(Queen on stage on her throne with Nursey the maid)

                      ♬ CUE - FANFARE

NURSEY: The Nave of Tarts, your highness.

NAVE OF TARTS: (walking on) Mother.. dearest... I think
I've finally cracked it. These ones are so good, they're
almost good enough to eat! (hands Queen a tart)

NURSEY: Oooh, how lovely.

QUEEN OF TARTS: (eats) Hmmmm.... mmmmmmm... (shakes head)
Oh, this just wont do! No no no no nooooooooo... they're
far too sweet. My beautiful teeth will rot! Is that what
you want? A gummy Queen? Take them away at once! Next!!
….. I said, NEXT!

NURSEY: More tea, your highness? (holds up teapot)

QUEEN OF TARTS: (Motions tea away with her hand)

                      ♬ CUE - FANFARE

NURSEY: Ooh, another visitor. May I present, your
daughter, the Princess of Tarts, your highness!

PRINCESS OF TARTS: (enters, quickly, gloats to Nave) Told
you! (bows to Queen) Your royal mummyness.... as you know
my brother clearly doesn't have the cooking skills I

QUEEN OF TARTS: Get on with it!

PRINCESS OF TARTS: Yes, yes. Try these, and let your
taste buds rejoice in delight! (hands Queen a tart)

QUEEN OF TARTS: (eats) Hmmmmmm.... what's this? What...
is... this?!? Am I supposed to be eating glue? Did you

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 35
even bother cooking them? They're as moist and sticky
as... well... an extremely moist and sticky thing!

NAVE OF TARTS: (to Princess) You were saying? Cooking

PRINCESS OF TARTS: I don't understand. I followed
mother's instructions. (gets out note and looks at it)
Yes, it's right here. “The finest ingredients in all of

NAVE OF TARTS: Wonderland?    Oh.... I thought she said

NURSEY: Ohh yes, I do love a good bargain!

QUEEN OF TARTS: Are you two still here? Do I have to find
out what your heads taste like in a tart filling? Go
away... and don't come back until you've got it right!

NAVE & PRINCESS OF TARTS: (together, bowing as they
leave) Yes your highness. Sorry your highness. Whatever
you say, your highness.

QUEEN OF TARTS: Who's next?

                      ♬ CUE - FANFARE

NURSEY: Your lovely husband, The King of Tarts, your

QUEEN OF TARTS: Oh great.     Could things get any worse?

KING OF TARTS: (enters) Oh wifeyyyy!!! Your wonderful
husband.. (look at audience) that's me in case you
wondered... has a special treat for you.... and it's not
even your birthday! Nudge nudge, wink wink!

QUEEN OF TARTS: I know who you are, fool. Get on with it!

KING OF TARTS: (hands Queen a tart): For your pleasure,
my sweetness.

NURSEY: Awww, what a dear! (swoons, motions call me)

QUEEN OF TARTS: (eats) Pah... pah... (spitting it out)
What are you trying to do to me? These are dryer than a
desert. It's like eating a mouthful of the Frinton

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 36
KING OF TARTS: How rude. Can you not say anything nice or
positive, woman?

NURSEY: Uh oh! Here we go. (puts fingers in ears)

QUEEN OF TARTS: What?!! Nice??? Positive?? How dare you?
I'm more nice and more positive every single day.

KING OF TARTS and NURSEY: (together) You are??

QUEEN OF TARTS: Yes! And today I'm completely positive
that you... (looks at King) are a moron. Get out of my

KING OF TARTS: Oh! As you wish, my love. There was
certainly no need to insult me.

QUEEN OF TARTS: Insult you? Insult you? I'm not insulting
you, I'm describing you! Now be gone, you smelly old wind
bag! Next... I said next! Next, next.... NEXTTTT!

NURSEY: There's no-one else your highness.

QUEEN OF TARTS: No-one else?

NURSEY: No, your majesty. There WERE many bakers in the
kingdom, but you.... (motions chopping off head)

QUEEN OF TARTS: Oh, how unfortunate. Then YOU'LL need to
entertain me, until my children return with the next

NURSEY: Oh. Errm.... How about we get the party
performers in early for a little practice?

QUEEN OF TARTS: Have they all still got their heads?

NURSEY: As far as I know, your majesty.

QUEEN OF TARTS: I’m not sure. If we do that, my pathetic
children will want to be involved, and they should be in
the kitchen perfecting my tarts.

NURSEY: Yes your majesty, but perhaps.. perhaps they
might like a little break.   You know.. to motivate them?
Besides, I can smell something super tasty. I think your
tarts are almost done.

QUEEN OF TARTS: Oh, whatever.     I suppose they will have
to do. Just get on with it.

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 37

NURSEY: Your children again, with the Royal Candyman
Dancers, your majesty.

QUEEN OF TARTS: Come on. I haven't got all day. Chop

               [BACKGROUND 7b – CANDYMAN]
                 ♬ CUE – DANCE – CANDYMAN
              [BACKGROUND 7c – THE PALACE]

QUEEN OF TARTS: Acceptable. You can leave now, and you
can take your heads with you... This time.

NAVE OF TARTS: So what do you think, mother?       (Nursey in
background motions no.. no.. don’t ask)

QUEEN OF TARTS: Hmm, what do I think? Oh, I know… I
think .. you two won’t be needing hats for our party,
because you’ll be running around with no heads. Now
where are my tarts?

(Dancers leave scared)

NAVE OF TARTS: Oh, they’re almost done, mother. You can’t
rush these things. We certainly wouldn’t want you to
choke on them, now would we?

(Princess and Nave exit, motioning to audience, choking

QUEEN OF TARTS: Was that a dig at me, Nursey? If I
didn’t know better I might have thought he was mocking

NURSEY: Oh no, your majesty. I think he quite likes
having a head. Plus, he adores you, ya know.

QUEEN OF TARTS:   Well, yesss.     Of course he does.   Why
wouldn’t he?

                      ♬ CUE - FANFARE

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 38
NURSEY: Oh, they’re back already! I mean... Your
children, the Nave and Princess of Tarts... again, your

PRINCESS OF TARTS: (enters with Nave) Mother!

QUEEN OF TARTS: You two again!! Oh my useless children,
this had better be good!

PRINCESS OF TARTS: Oh, but it is. Batch number two is..
“the one.” I can feel it! Best.. tarts.. ever!

QUEEN OF TARTS: (eats) Hmmmm. Wait a moment... hold on...
I'm feeling....

NURSEY: Happy?



QUEEN OF TARTS: No!!!! Rage!!! I'm feeling rage! This is
the most sour jam tart I have EVER tasted. EVER! You hear
me? Off with their heads!

NURSEY: You can't do that to your own children, your
majesty... It's just not right!

QUEEN OF TARTS: Are you sure I can't?

NAVE OF TARTS: Well, it's not in the script.

QUEEN OF TARTS: Oh bother! Well, someone is going to lose
their head today, and it's not going to be me! Those
tarts just won't do. Too sweet... too sour... too dry...
too moist! Can no-one get it right?

PRINCESS and NAVE: (sneak off)

NURSEY: Couldn't you just buy some?

QUEEN OF TARTS: Certainly not! If the kingdom is to be
happy again, it must be because of our own efforts. You
can't just buy happiness. (sinister) We need HER.

NURSEY: Oh, not Alice again, your highness? Dare I say
it? …. I.... think you're making a big mistake, my Queen.

QUEEN OF TARTS: A mistake? Me? Nursey, as you know, I
have two very simple rules. Rule number one... The
Queen... and that's me in case you wondered.... is always

NURSEY: Yes your majesty. And rule number two?

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 39
QUEEN OF TARTS: In the unlikely event that I AM wrong...
and you still have a head... please refer to rule number
one. Got that?

NURSEY: Oh, loud and clear your majesty. (holds neck,
scared) But why Alice?

QUEEN OF TARTS: Because Alice has all the goodness we
need. I'm not even sure we'll need that much of her.

                     Ξ CURTAIN CLOSE

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 40
SCENE EIGHT - Meeting the White Queen

 White Queen, Mad Hatter, March Hare, Door Mouse, Sparkles, Tiffany

{ Enter Sparkles and Tiffany }

                 ♬ CUE - FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: Ooohh. Poor Alice. That can't be good, surely?

TIFFANY: I don't see a problem, personally.

SPARKLES: Of course you don't. Tiffany. (sighs)
Anyway.... While the Queen of Tarts had her own dark and
sinister plans for Alice, the Queen's sister - the former
ruler of Wonderland - was creating a very different path
for the young adventurer.

TIFFANY: I'd much prefer the sinister way with the head

SPARKLES: (facepalms, motions to Tiffany to get off stage
with her head) Come on!

TIFFANY: (as she leaves, to Sparkles) Hashtag just

SPARKLES: (mumbling) Enough with the hashtags, Tiffany.

                     Ξ CURTAIN OPEN

(White Queen on throne on stage)

MAD HATTER: (enters) Your royal highness... (cringes) Oh
no! I mean... your old highness... (cringes)... Oh no,
that's worse... I mean, your ex white queen-ness... oh

WHITE QUEEN: It's okay, Hatter. Relax. I'm just like you
now. It's only my sister you need to bow to.

MARCH HARE: If you want to keep your head, that is!

             Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                           Page 41
DOOR MOUSE: (mimics Queen) Orrrrfff with your head!!

WHITE QUEEN: You can call me Mirana. Anyway, Hatter....
How are our plans working out?

MAD HATTER: Fan-tab-ulous! I think. Alice is following
the rabbit, just as you predicted.


MAD HATTER: The rabbit is on his way to the Queen of


MAD HATTER: We've been following Alice just to make sure
HE stays out of trouble.


MAD HATTER: And.. that's it.

WHITE QUEEN: Annnnnnd?

MAD HATTER: That's the whole story.

WHITE QUEEN: Annnnnnnnnnnnnd?

MAD HATTER: Errm. Story over. The End.

WHITE QUEEN: Annnnnnnnnnnnnd?

MARCH HARE: She's stuck in a loop!

DOOR MOUSE: She's the wrong White Queen!

WHITE QUEEN: Gotcha! You guyyys! Have you lost your sense
of humour, Hatter?

MAD HATTER: I... don't know. Things just aren't as..
funny any more. I can't really explain why.

WHITE QUEEN: We talked about this before, Hatter. Don't
you remember?

MAD HATTER: Vaguely... Something about Alice... Her
imagination... A curse of some kind?

MARCH HARE: And everyone working together

DOOR MOUSE: But she's the wrong Alice!

WHITE QUEEN: She's all we have.

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                         Page 42
MAD HATTER: Alice? Our only hope?

WHITE QUEEN: I believe so. You see, when my sister took
over ruling the kingdom, it awoke a curse of darkness,
and the Kingdom inside the gates has slowly fallen under
its shadow.

MARCH HARE: But can't YOU fix it for us?

WHITE QUEEN: The curse can't be broken by an outsider,
and I'm not like the rest of you. I don't actually live
inside the gates. As you know, those living INSIDE the
gates are VERY different to those from outside.

DOOR MOUSE: She's the wrong type of Frintonian.

MAD HATTER: But then... how can Alice help? She doesn't
live inside the gates either.

WHITE QUEEN: Oh, but she does. In her imagination.

MAD HATTER: Then we must help her find her imagination.
Before it's too late.

                     Ξ CURTAIN CLOSE

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                        Page 43
SCENE NINE – Alice's Daydream and Recap

           White Rabbit, Alice, Dana, Sparkles, Tiffany

{ Enter Sparkles and Tiffany }

                 ♬ CUE - FAIRY ENTRANCE MUSIC

SPARKLES: Helloo.....

TIFFANY: (interrupts, looks at book) Hold on a minute,
sis. This makes no sense. This is all a bit too far
fetched! Even for Frinton.

SPARKLES: It makes perfect sense to me. Would you like me
to explain it?

TIFFANY: Not really. I get it, but it might be an idea to
explain it to some of them down there though. They seem a
bit... slow. (looks at audience, speaks slowly). No

SPARKLES: Well it's really quite simple. You see, when
the Queen of Tarts took over ruling the kingdom, it awoke
a terrible curse and the Kingdom slowly fell into
darkness. Everything that was once good, started to turn
bad. Laughter soon turned to tears, happiness soon turned
to anger. Do you follow?

TIFFANY: Of course.

SPARKLES: Okay. Now, no-one really knows where the curse
came from, but it is believed that the ruler of
Wonderland MUST be pure of heart, with no exception. The
Queen of Tarts certainly isn't pure of heart, and her
intentions are mostly selfish. That is the problem. And
worse still, only those that are pure of heart can undo

TIFFANY: Which is where goody two shoes Alice comes in.


TIFFANY: Except the Queen of Tarts wants her head. To go
in a tart filling. Because she's run out of frosting?

SPARKLES: Umm, something like that. Oh, and don't forget
the White Queen. She used to rule the kingdom, but is now

            Alice Through The Frinton Gates 2019
                          Page 44
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