HOST FAMILY handbook - Cultural Care Au Pair
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HOST FAMILY
handbook
CULTURALCARE.COM
1-800-333-60562017 International Care, Ltd.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
WELCOME TO CULTURAL CARE AU PAIR 4
YOUR CULTURAL CARE SUPPORT TEAM AND MATERIALS 6
Your Cultural Care support team 7
Your Cultural Care support materials 9
PROGRAM REGULATIONS 12
Childcare schedule 13
Weekly stipend payment 14
Au pair vacations 14
Family vacations 15
Education requirement 16
Host family events 16
Au pair monthly meetings 16
HOST FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES 18
Treat your au pair as a family member 20
Provide support for your au pair 20
Invest in cultural exchange 20
Commit to good communication practices 20
AU PAIR RESPONSIBILITIES 22
Education requirement 23
Au pair monthly meetings 23
Additional au pair responsibilities 23
COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR AU PAIR 24
Cultural differences 25
Weekly meetings 25
Communication best practices 25
The first few days 28
Setting realistic expectations 29
Taking care of logistical details 31
When issues arise 33
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE REGULATIONS 35
| 3WELCOME TO
CULTURAL CARE
AU PAIR
Thank you for choosing Cultural Care Au Pair, and congratulations
on selecting your family’s au pair! Welcoming an au pair into your
home is an exciting time for everyone. Soon, they will essentially
become another extended family member. As is always the case when
incorporating someone new to the family, there will be an initial
adjustment period. Further, your relationship will need nurturing and
attention throughout the year. We’ve created this handbook to help
guide you every step of the way as you navigate the year together.
We wish your family and your au pair a great year!
4 |ENJOYING A SUCCESSFUL YEAR WITH YOUR AU PAIR STARTS
WITH THESE VERY IMPORTANT STEPS:
> Relying on your Cultural Care support team and materials for help
> Adhering to the program rules and U.S. Department of State regulations
> Recognizing your responsibilities as a host family
> Knowing what you can expect from your au pair
> Maintaining good communication throughout your year
This handbook outlines each of these steps and shares helpful advice along the
way, so you can enjoy the best year possible with your au pair.
| 5YOUR CULTURAL
CARE SUPPORT TEAM
AND MATERIALS
As a Cultural Care host family, you have a support
team readily available to help at any time during
your year. Cultural Care Au Pair also provides many
support materials that will help you maintain good
communication during the year and be a resource for
program information and best practices.
6 |YOUR CULTURAL CARE SUPPORT TEAM
Your support team during the year includes your Local Childcare Consultant (LCC),
Account Manager, and Program Director. Each has a different role in helping you
navigate the year with your au pair.
Your Local Childcare Consultant (LCC)
Your LCC is your local program expert and go-to resource for information and advice.
They will act as a liaison between you, your au pair, and the rest of your Cultural Care
team, in addition to providing support on a regular basis. You can expect your LCC to:
• Interview your family in your home before your au pair arrives
• Call to check in within 48 hours of your au pair’s arrival
• Conduct an initial orientation with your au pair and family within two weeks of your
au pair’s arrival
• Hold monthly meetings for your au pair
• Reach out to you on a monthly basis to check how things are going
• Provide advice on local educational opportunities
• Host au pair/family events twice per year—your attendance at one event is required
• Give support and advice as needed
• Help find a resolution should a conflict arise
Welcome call and orientation
One of the most sensitive times during your year is right after your au pair arrives. For
this reason, your LCC will call to welcome your au pair shortly after she arrives, and
will arrange an orientation meeting with your family and au pair within your first two
weeks together. At the orientation meeting, your LCC will have an opportunity to meet
your au pair and make sure the first few days have gone well. Practical information will
be also discussed, including initial adjustment issues, if there are any.
Monthly communication
Your LCC will continue to contact you once a month while you are hosting your
au pair. These are informal check-ins to provide advice, program updates, and an
opportunity to ask any questions you may have. These contacts are a Department of
State regulation, as well as a proven way for Cultural Care to help support you and your
au pair, and we ask that you be responsive to your LCC’s outreach.
Cultural Care tip: CONNECT WITH YOUR LCC
It’s important to take the time to talk with your LCC every month. Not only is it a Department of
State regulation, the better your LCC gets to know you, the more they can help your family have a
successful year.
YOUR CULTURAL CARE SUPPORT TEAM AND MATERIALS | 7Host family advice
“Take a close look at all the information Cultural Care
provides you and try to connect with other families who have
gone through the process for some best practices. Be patient. The
beginning can be challenging, so the more patient you can be the
better. Treat your au pair as you’d want someone to treat your
daughter or son if they were to living in another country. Be kind
and considerate to them. Treat them as you would family—that
means worrying about their safety, setting boundaries and being
consistent and firm with them. Let them know you appreciate
them, as they are young and often need positive reinforcement.”
Trish, Cultural Care host mom in Massachusetts
8 |Your Account Manager
Your Account Manager is ready to answer all program-related questions during your
year, big or small. Contact your Account Manager for information related to:
• Finances
• Your Host Family Account
• U.S. State Department regulations
• Travel with your au pair
• Au pair insurance
• General help and support
You can reach an Account Manager at 1-800-333-6056, Monday through Friday from
8:00am to 7:30pm EST, and Saturday from 9:00am to 3:00pm EST.
Your Program Director
Your Program Director acts as an additional layer of support during the year. If your
LCC or your Account Manager is unable to answer your questions or if you and your
au pair are experiencing difficulties, your Program Director may step in to assist.
YOUR CULTURAL CARE SUPPORT MATERIALS
In addition to your support team, Cultural Care Au Pair provides a number of online
and printed resources for you to use during the year. These tools are designed
to help answer your questions and foster good communication with your au pair
during the year.
Host Family Account
You will find a wealth of great program information in your online Host Family
Account. Click the pink “HELP” button to access a searchable directory of useful
information and tips as well as important forms and documents.
Cultural Care tip: YOUR HOST FAMILY ACCOUNT
Your Host Family Account is your go-to reference for information regarding au pair taxes,
au pair insurance, au pair travel, and much more.
To login, visit: culturalcare.com/login.
YOUR CULTURAL CARE SUPPORT TEAM AND MATERIALS | 9Daily Communication Journal
The Daily Communication Journal is a tool for you to use with your au pair in order
to keep track of the daily/weekly/monthly schedule, log an au pair’s on and off-duty
time and write down important appointments and to track and confirm weekly stipend
payments. We also suggest using the journal to give detailed instructions for activities
to do with the children and the child-related household help you expect.
Household Handbook
Our customizable Household Handbook is available for download from your Host
Family Account and will help you outline the household rules you expect your au
pair to follow while living with your family. This handbook encourages you to clarify
household rules regarding:
• Childcare and household responsibilities
• Visitors and guests
• Curfews
• Car use
• Television
• Phone
• Internet and computer use
• Use of appliances
? For sample Household Handbooks completed by experienced host families and tips
on determining your own household rules, visit “HELP” in your Host Family Account.
We recommend customizing your handbook before your au pair arrives and printing
and reviewing it with her soon after she joins your family.
Cultural Care tip: CURFEW
Even though you probably discussed this in your interview, curfew is an important issue to bring
up as soon as your au pair arrives. Most families give their au pairs a curfew based on when and if
she will be on-duty the next day. An earlier curfew on weeknights is reasonable and ensures your
au pair has time to get enough rest so she can fulfill her duties. On weekends, au pairs generally
expect to be out later. Some families have a car curfew meaning that the car must be back by a
certain time, but the au pair may stay out later.
10 | YOUR CULTURAL CARE SUPPORT TEAM AND MATERIALSHost family advice
“Having a handbook for house rules is a great tool to use. It
lets the au pair read and re-read the children’s schedule and
what’s expected of them. I never would have thought to even talk
to my au pair about things like how to run the dishwasher and
our policy on car use and overnight guests. But the Household
Handbook helped us put together a thorough list of
all of the things our au pair needed to know.
Kari, Cultural Care host mom in Oregon
| 11USDOS
PROGRAM
REGULATIONS
All host families and au pairs are expected to
follow program regulations as dictated by the U.S.
Department of State and Cultural Care Au Pair. These
rules are in place to protect the interests of both au pairs
and host families, and to ensure we can continue to offer
this unique opportunity for families and young people
from around the world for many years to come.
12 |PROGRAM REGULATIONS
All designated au pair organizations follow specific regulations issued by the U.S.
Department of State (a copy of these regulations is included at the end of this handbook).
The U.S. Department of State and Cultural Care Au Pair require host families to:
• Limit the number of hours au pairs provide childcare to 45 per week and no more
than 10 hours per day
• Provide stipend payment to au pairs each week
• Provide two weeks of paid vacation each year
• Contribute up to $5001 towards their au pair’s education requirement
• Attend an orientation meeting and at least one family day conference during the year
• Ensure their au pairs have 1.5 consecutive days off each week and at least one full
weekend off each month
CHILDCARE SCHEDULE
According to the U.S. Department of State regulations, your au pair is allowed to provide no
more than 45 hours of childcare per week, with a maximum of 10 hours in any one day.
• This 45-hour limit includes the direct care of your children and all childcare-related
tasks (i.e. laundry and room tidying). The children’s sleeping time is counted as on-
duty time if your au pair is alone with the children.
• Your au pair must have at least 1.5 consecutive days off each week. This means that
your au pair should be off-duty from mid-day through the full next day, or vice versa.
• A half-day should not exceed 5 hours on-duty for your au pair.
• Au pairs are also entitled to one full weekend (Friday night to Monday morning) off
per month.
Your LCC will confirm each month that these regulations are being followed with both
you and your au pair. As far as holidays go, it is your responsibility to initiate a discussion
to mutually determine which holidays your au pair will be on and off-duty as there are no
designated holidays.
1
The contribution towards an au pair’s education requirement is determined by the U.S. Department of State, and families
agree to comply with any increase that is issued.
Cultural Care tip: ON-DUTY VS. OFF-DUTY
Because your au pair lives with you, it may be difficult for her to feel officially “off-duty”. It is
important for your au pair to know that you are sensitive to this dynamic and recognize when her
official duties are over. Keep in mind that any time you would expect your au pair to take over
responsibility for the children, whether or not you’re present, is considered part of her 45-hour limit.
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE REGULATIONS | 13WEEKLY STIPEND PAYMENT
The weekly stipend you give your au pair is a living stipend of $195.75, which is
calculated with a formula using the federal minimum wage and a housing credit.
Any change in the federal minimum wage will result in an increase in the stipend. All
resulting changes must be adhered to by all program participants, regardless if such a
change occurs during an existing program year.
You must pay your au pair her stipend on a regular weekly schedule. Au pairs may not
be payed bi-weekly or monthly. We also ask you to document this transaction using your
Cultural Care Daily Communication Journal or some other receipt system. You cannot
withhold your au pair’s stipend for any reason, including a car accident, outstanding
telephone bill, lost time due to illness or other damages, nor can the stipend be pro-rated
for any reason. Your LCC will confirm with both you and your au pair each month that
her weekly stipend is being paid.
AU PAIR VACATIONS
According to U.S. Department of State regulations, your au pair is entitled to two weeks (14
days) of paid vacation during the year. While granting single vacation days might suit your
family, we suggest that au pairs take vacation one week at a time so they can travel within
the U.S. and take a meaningful break from their duties. (The two weeks of vacation do not
have to be taken consecutively.) If at any time you welcome a new au pair during the year,
you will be responsible for accommodating the remaining vacation time, including paying
the weekly stipend that your new au pair is due for that time.
Although it is up to you and your au pair to plan vacation time, Cultural Care Au Pair
suggests au pairs take the first week of vacation within the first 6 months and then
take the second week during the remaining 6 months. Vacations should always be
mutually convenient, and it is never too early to begin discussing potential vacation
dates for your au pair.
Cultural Care tip: HOLIDAYS
With regards to international holidays and religious observances, there are no designated holidays
for your au pair. That being said, it is best to let her know about holidays on which you expect
your au pair to be providing childcare in advance. Will you need her to care for the kids while
you prepare Thanksgiving dinner for your extended family? Will she be expected to be on-duty
for Memorial Day, even though it’s a widely recognized American holiday? Make your holiday
childcare coverage needs clear so that you both know what to expect.
14 | U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE REGULATIONSFAMILY VACATIONS
Some families love to take their au pairs on vacations with them; others want private
time to themselves. Whether or not you invite your au pair to accompany you while
you travel is your choice. However, if you require your au pair to accompany you on
a family vacation and she will be considered on-duty, you are expected to provide her
with her own room and pay for all expenses, in addition to the weekly stipend. If she
is on-duty, this time cannot count towards your au pair’s vacation time.
If you invite your au pair to join your family on vacation as part of her vacation time
(meaning she will not be responsible for providing childcare), your au pair can be asked
to pay her own expenses. We encourage you to make this very clear from the beginning
and give your au pair an idea of how much money she will need for the trip. If your
au pair declines your invitation please try not to feel offended. Most au pairs have a
limited budget and prefer to spend their two weeks of vacation with friends.
? You will find a copy of the U.S. Department of State regulations on page 35 of
this handbook.
Cultural Care tip: AU PAIR TRAVEL
When au pairs travel outside of the U.S. during their au pair year, there are strict guidelines they
must follow in order to ensure they can re-enter the country. Make sure you visit “HELP” in your
Host Family Account or call 1-800-333-6056 for more information.
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE REGULATIONS | 15EDUCATION REQUIREMENT
The U.S. Department of State requires all au pairs to fulfill an education requirement of
6 semester hours (or their equivalent of academic credit) in a formal classroom setting at
an accredited, post-secondary institution while they are in the U.S. As a host family, you
are responsible for paying up to $500 for enrollment and related educational expenses.
Should you transition to a different au pair during the year and your first au pair has
already used $500 for courses, you are still responsible for paying the balance needed—
up to $500—in educational expenses for your new au pair. You are also responsible for
providing transportation to and from classes or covering transportation costs if your au
pair drives herself or takes public transportation.
HOST FAMILY EVENTS
Your LCC will organize at least two host family events during your program year, and
the U.S. Department of State guidelines require host families to attend at least one
of them. These are usually casual, fun occasions that give families a chance to meet
other host parents and au pairs and spend some time with their LCC.
AU PAIR MONTHLY MEETINGS
Au pairs are required to attend monthly meetings in their community, hosted by
their LCC so that they can connect and form friendships with other au pairs as well
as speak with their LCCs face-to-face. It is your responsibility to ensure your au pair
attends these meetings by driving her, allowing her to drive herself or paying for her
to travel by public transportation.
Cultural Care tip: AU PAIR CLASSES
We suggest you help your au pair look into classes at nearby schools soon after she arrives,
because it can take time to find a class that is offered at an accredited institution and meets at a
convenient time. Au pairs who want to extend their year must show proof that they have completed
their education requirement by the end of their 11th month in the U.S., so waiting too long can
mean losing the opportunity to extend their stay.
16 | U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE REGULATIONSHost family advice
“Communicate your needs to your au pair! If the expectations
are clear, then the chance of disappointment or a bad match
is significantly less. Remember that your au pair is someone’s
child—treat them with the same love, compassion and respect
you would want someone to give your own child embarking on
such a huge adventure outside their own home country.”
Carrie, Cultural Care host mom in Maryland
| 17HOST FAMILY
RESPONSIBILITIES
In addition to following the regulations dictated by
the U.S. Department of State, host families also have
a responsibility to embrace the “spirit” of the au pair
program. We expect our host families to honor the
true meaning of the program by welcoming their au
pair as a family member, supporting her during the
year, investing in cultural exchange and committing
to good communication practices.
18 |Host family advice
“You are welcoming a young person into your home—the more
you give, the more you’ll get! The more transparent and open you
are with your expectations and needs and the more you care about
theirs, the better the relationship will be. They need support and
a warm welcome. If you take the time to make their early months
with you warm, full of fun, and show an eagerness to teach them
about your culture and language, they’ll start to find friends
and need less support from you. The appreciation for your
early efforts will appear in wonderful ways.”
Ellen, Cultural Care host mom in Massachusetts
| 19TREAT YOUR AU PAIR AS A FAMILY MEMBER
When you decide to host an au pair, you are not hiring an employee, but rather
deciding to invite a new member into your family. As such, “give and take” will
naturally be a part of the program. Asking how your au pair’s day was, being thoughtful
on holidays and her birthday, and including her in your family meals and excursions
will go a long way toward making her feel welcome. Think about how you would want
someone to treat your child if they were living with a host family abroad, and treat your
au pair accordingly. Your au pair may not always join you for every activity—and that’s
okay. Knowing you care enough to offer her the opportunities is what’s most important.
PROVIDE SUPPORT FOR YOUR AU PAIR
There will be days when your au pair feels homesick or needs reassurance while
adjusting to immersion in a new language and culture, especially in the beginning.
While your Local Childcare Consultant (LCC) and Cultural Care staff can step in to
help, you are the first line of support for your au pair. Taking the time to listen to her
and offer encouragement is part of being a great host family. It’s also important to be
adaptable, and allow your au pair to make mistakes and grow.
INVEST IN CULTURAL EXCHANGE
Caring for your children is your au pair’s priority, but it is also important for her to
enjoy the benefits of an exchange experience. Experiencing life in the U.S. is one of
the biggest reasons au pairs apply to the program, and they look to you for ways to
learn about American culture. For this reason, you should be prepared to:
• Help her adjust to a new language and culture
• Encourage her to seek new experiences
• Include her in your own American traditions and holidays
• Invite her to share her customs and traditions with your family
COMMIT TO GOOD COMMUNICATION PRACTICES
One of the most important things to remember during your year is that communication
is key. The more you communicate with your au pair, the more successful your year will
be. Ways we expect our host families to communicate include:
• Communicate the weekly schedule in detail and as far in advance as possible
• Hold weekly “touch base” meetings with your au pair
• Let your au pair know when you are happy or unhappy with something
• Recognize that your au pair may be nervous to express her own concerns, especially
in the beginning—if you sense something is wrong, encourage her to speak up
• Talk with your LCC about problems that can’t be resolved
20 | HOST FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIESHost family advice
“We include Sophie in our holidays and we celebrate them
together. We all went trick-or-treating as a family for Halloween
in a group costume and had an absolute blast. Introducing Sophie
to Thanksgiving was fun, and we’re looking forward to
celebrating Christmas as well. Sophie is already in the spirit
and helped us decorate with the kids!”
Tabby, Cultural Care host mom in Maryland
| 21AU PAIR
RESPONSIBILITIES
Au pairs also have responsibilities to fulfill during
their program year. Some of these responsibilities
are dictated by the U.S. Department of State,
and some are implied by the “spirit” of the program.
Au pairs are informed of these responsibilities
during the screening process in their home
countries and also at the Au Pair Training School,
but it’s also helpful for you to familiarize yourself
with this information, so you know what you
can expect from your au pair.
22 |EDUCATION REQUIREMENT
To remain in “good standing”, the U.S. Department of State requires all au pairs to fulfill
an education requirement of six semester hours (or their equivalent of academic credit)
in a formal classroom setting at an accredited, post-secondary institution while they are
in the U.S.
AU PAIR MONTHLY MEETINGS
Your LCC is responsible for organizing monthly meetings for the au pairs in your area in
an effort to introduce them to American culture, familiarize them with their community,
and help them to make friends. Monthly meetings are mandatory for au pairs and
those who miss more than two meetings are no longer considered in good standing.
Attendance is documented by your LCC, and attendance reports are sent to the Cultural
Care office.
ADDITIONAL AU PAIR RESPONSIBILITIES
In addition to following all of the U.S. State Department regulations, Cultural Care Au
Pair expects our au pairs to adhere to the “spirit” of the program by:
• Being goodwill ambassadors of their countries
• Being flexible, adaptable, reliable and positive
• Trying their best at all times
• Accepting and showing respect for their host families and their cultures
• Participating in host family and community activities
• Being open and honest with their host families about problems
• Talking with their Local Childcare Consultants (LCCs) about any problems that cannot
be resolved with their host families
Cultural Care tip: PREPARE EARLY TO EXTEND
Au pairs must have completed their education requirement by their 11th month and attended au
pair monthly meetings to be able to extend their year. If you anticipate that your au pair will want to
extend for an additional 6, 9 or 12 months, it’s a good idea to encourage her to take her classes and
au pair meetings seriously.
AU PAIR RESPONSIBILITIES | 23COMMUNICATING
WITH YOUR AU PAIR
The most important thing you can do as a
host family to ensure a great year with your
au pair is to communicate. Because your au pair
comes from a different country and English may
not be her native language, communication is even
more important. Recognizing cultural differences,
setting up regular times to talk, and using effective
communication skills are all essential to a great
experience for you and your au pair.
24 |CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
As a host family, it’s important to remember that cultural differences are natural and
should be respected. Something that may seem silly or strange to you might be customary
in your au pair’s home country. Before casting judgment, it’s critical to try to understand
why your au pair may behave in ways that are different from what you might expect.
Once your au pair arrives, we suggest having an open discussion and asking
questions about each other’s countries and cultures. Use this as an opportunity to
get to know each other. Seeing the humor and delighting in our differences makes us
seem all the more similar.
? To learn more about culture shock and how to help your au pair overcome it,
visit “HELP” in your Host Family Account.
WEEKLY MEETINGS
We recommend you set aside a specific time each week to discuss your au pair’s schedule
and responsibilities and any issues that come up during the week. Informal meetings
seem to work best to discuss all issues that come up during that week—parents’ work
schedules, children’s activities, conflicts, successes, etc. In addition to your weekly
meetings, have as many spontaneous discussions as needed to keep things running
smoothly. If you want your au pair to change the way she is performing a particular task,
or if you would like to add a new responsibility, be sure to let her know directly. Do not
ignore problems—if they are not addressed, they will only get worse. Give your au pair
the opportunity to do better because she wants to succeed as much as you do.
COMMUNICATION BEST PRACTICES
When speaking to your au pair about her duties or when giving feedback, we suggest
following some ground rules of good communication. Two of the most effective tools
you can use to facilitate good communication with your au pair are assertive directing
and effective listening.
Assertive directing
Assertive directing means being open and straightforward about your expectations,
family routines, childcare practices, au pair responsibilities, work schedule,
household rules, etc. To practice assertive directing, sit down to discuss
responsibilities, household rules, work schedule and other relevant items after giving
your au pair a few days to settle in.
• Be direct about your expectations.
• Openly discuss your childcare philosophy, types of activities you want your au pair
COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR AU PAIR | 25to do with your children, household rules that apply to the children, issues around
food/snacks, desired discipline techniques, etc.
• Use the Household Handbook to outline her childcare and household
responsibilities in full since it is helpful for au pairs to refer to written directions.
• Explain things carefully and thoroughly—not all at once, but probably more than once.
Effective listening
Effective listening means listening to your au pair with the intent to understand her
feelings and needs from her perspective, not your own. Most often we listen not with
the intent to understand, but rather with the intent to respond. We are either busy
preparing to speak or we are already talking over the other person. If you want to
interact effectively with anyone—your au pair, spouse, child, co-worker, supervisor,
neighbor, friend—you must first understand him or her. The two main components
of effective listening are empathic listening and using reflective feeling statements.
Empathic listening
This level of communication occurs when we are willing to walk in our au pair’s shoes
and see the world from her perspective, rather than react with our own emotions,
judgments, stories, suggestions, etc. This is crucial when we are dealing with cultural
and language differences, and it accomplishes three primary things:
• Reduces emotion to a more manageable level
• Allows parties to get to and through the problem solving process
• Builds a relationship based on trust, credibility, and integrity
When you have a discussion with your au pair, it’s also important to pay attention to
the feeling tone of what is being said. Sometimes your au pair might have difficulty
vocalizing her true feelings, but if you listen to the tone of voice and take note of
facial expressions and body language, you may pick up on those emotions. Another
helpful tip for establishing good communication is to review your au pair’s DISC
personality profile accessible through your Host Family Account. This profile
will also help you see a situation from her perspective and give insight as to what
communication style she will respond to best.
Using reflective feeling statements
It is a good idea to use statements to reflect back to your au pair what you think
she is feeling before you offer any assistance. By accurately reflecting your au pair’s
feelings, you assist in diffusing emotions so she can open up to new possibilities. Only
after you both understand the issue at hand is it appropriate to offer your assistance.
For tips on resolving conflict, including our conflict resolution model, visit “HELP” in
? your Host Family Account.
26 | COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR AU PAIRCultural Care tip: COMMUNICATION EXAMPLES
Assertive directing
“I expect you to take the babies for a walk every day unless it’s raining, snowing or below 32 °F
outside. It’s important to me that they get fresh air as much as possible.”
Empathic listening
“I understand that you feel overwhelmed right now. I would feel the same way if I was in your
shoes. How can I help you feel better?”
“You’ve said that nothing’s wrong, but I’m sensing by the way you’re talking to me that you feel
frustrated by something. Can I help?”
Reflective feeling statements
“It sounds like you feel sad that the children aren’t bonding with you just yet. Is that true?”
“What I’m hearing you say is that you feel isolated and would like the chance to make more
friends. Am I right?”
COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR AU PAIR | 27THE FIRST FEW DAYS
Welcoming a new au pair is an exciting time, but it may leave you feeling nervous as
well, especially if you are a first-time host parent. The first few days and weeks after
your au pair arrives is a critical period. It’s important to invest time to orient your
au pair, set expectations and take care of some logistical details. If you do this, take
things slowly and don’t expect perfection. You will lay the groundwork for a great
relationship right from the beginning.
Orienting your au pair
The first few days with your new au pair are an opportunity to introduce her to your family,
your home and your community, to train her on her responsibilities and to help her feel
comfortable and welcome in her new surroundings. In fact, to ensure the best possible
adjustment for your au pair, the U.S. Department of State requires that either a parent or
another responsible adult be at home with her for the first three days after her arrival.
Every host family has their own philosophy about how to schedule the first few days
after their au pair arrives. However, there are a few suggestions that seem to be
universal among our veteran host families, including:
1. Don’t plan anything too ambitious.
Keep in mind your au pair will likely be nervous, overwhelmed and still jet lagged.
Help your au pair adjust to your home and routine by easing her in slowly.
2. Be welcoming, but don’t treat your au pair like a guest.
Remember, you are welcoming your au pair as a part of your family, and she can be
asked to pitch in and help from the start. In fact, she may welcome being given small
tasks right away so she feels useful. Make sure to point out when and where she can
help herself. This concept is foreign to many other cultures so be prepared to repeat
the invitation a few times.
3. Help her establish a routine right away.
Give your au pair a sense of purpose by establishing a routine as soon as possible.
4. Don’t be afraid to be very specific.
All au pairs will need to be trained on your specific needs and you shouldn’t assume
yours will know how you want things done. It’s helpful to write down important
instructions and details so she can refer to them later.
5. Start with clear rules.
It’s a good practice to enforce stricter policies in the beginning (with regards to curfew,
car use, etc.) and loosen up rules as you build trust and progress through the year.
Host parents will find it’s much harder to do the opposite.
6. Don’t expect things to be perfect.
No one is perfect—including your au pair! Try to stay focused on what is most
important to you and let the small stuff go at first. This is an adjustment period, so
don’t worry if things don’t seem perfect right away.
28 | COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR AU PAIRSETTING REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
When your au pair first arrives it’s important to be mindful of your own expectations. Are
they fair and realistic? Consider the following points to make sure you are paving the way
for a successful experience as you go forward with your au pair year.
1. You might expect that your au pair will have no problems communicating
and expressing herself.
Even au pairs with excellent English skills may have difficulty expressing their thoughts
and feelings at first. They are sometimes unfamiliar with colloquialisms, rapid speech
and dialects. They will be nervous to do or say the wrong thing. Speak slowly, be patient,
listen carefully and take the time to clarify words or phrases your au pair might not
understand. The way Americans talk about themselves or about a problem differs greatly
from the way in which people from other cultures approach the subject.
2. You might expect that your au pair will automatically treat your children the
way you want her to.
If you are unhappy with the way she handles a situation, talk to her about it in an open,
non-judgmental way. In a calm and non-accusatory manner, explain what you observed
and then ask your au pair about her reaction. Then listen carefully. Perhaps if you
understand the reasoning behind your au pair’s action, you will gain a new and valuable
perspective. If you’d like situations handled in a different way, let her know specifically
and explain the reasons—your au pair should be open to learning from you.
3. You might expect that your children will instantly like and respect your au pair.
While children generally accept adults readily and are usually pleased with the
attention, give them time to accept and trust your au pair. Your au pair is a new adult
in your home and will need your support to establish credibility as an authority figure.
4. You might expect that your au pair will know how to do simple household
tasks with little or no explanation.
Tasks such as turning on the shower or using the washing machine might be very
different from what your au pair is accustomed to at home. Explain procedures
clearly and write down important points.
5. You might be a little anxious about having a young adult living in your home
and you might not know what to expect.
While your au pair might spend over half of her day caring for your children, time
off will most likely be spent developing friendships and learning about American
culture. Do not be surprised if your au pair leaves the house at 8pm on a weekend
night to meet friends and doesn’t come home until 2am. This is natural for young
adults, including Americans, between the ages of 18 and 26. Remember, your au
pair is an adult. If you have concerns about her activities or habits, discuss those
concerns in a caring manner. Your responsibility is not to parent your au pair,
so as long as your au pair’s personal life is not interfering with her ability to care
for your children, you may want to let it be. If you feel your au pair’s behavior is
interfering with your children’s well-being or your family in any way, discuss the
situation with her and involve your LCC.
COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR AU PAIR | 29Host family advice
“Invest in your au pair early. Take the time to include her in
everything, all the time. Show her around, take her on a tour,
bring her to all family events. The more comfortable she feels
with your family and your home, the more confident she will
feel to go off exploring on her own!”
Katharine, Cultural Care host mom in Massachusetts
30 |TAKING CARE OF LOGISTICAL DETAILS
When your au pair arrives, it is a good idea to help her obtain a Social Security number
(SSN), a state-issued driver’s license and a bank account as quickly as possible. You
need to add her to your car insurance policy if she will drive your car during the year,
and you may also need to cover her for worker’s compensation insurance (required in
certain states). You should also be ready with recommendations for nearby classes.
We recommend that you look into the steps necessary to complete these tasks before
your au pair arrives in the U.S. Your LCC should be able to advise you on local laws and
requirements, so don’t hesitate to ask if you need help during this process.
1. Social Security number
Most au pairs apply for a non-working SSN while in the U.S. A Social Security
number will help your au pair in applying for a state driver’s license, opening a bank
account and for tax purposes. Visit “HELP” in your Host Family Account for more
details on how to help your au pair get a SSN.
2. State-issued driver’s license
We recommend that your au pair obtain a state license if she will be driving on
or off-duty. Most au pairs will arrive with an international driving permit, but
some states require au pairs to obtain a state license, too. A state driver’s license is
required for all au pair drivers who remain in the U.S. after one year (in all states) so
if there is a possibility you will extend your year with her, this step is necessary.
3. A bank account
We also advise host families to help their au pairs set up a bank account, allowing
them to manage money more effectively and allowing families to set up a regular
payment schedule. Automatically depositing the stipend each week will also provide
a record of payments, if needed.
4. Car insurance and worker’s compensation coverage
If you require your au pair to drive as part of her childcare duties or will allow her
to drive your vehicle while off-duty, she must be insured on your policy as someone
who lives in your household full-time. Because insurance companies have different
requirements, we advise families to look into this as soon as they select their final au
pair. In some states, it’s necessary to secure worker’s compensation insurance for au
pairs. We recommend researching this issue before your au pair arrives to determine
the rules in your area.
5. Educational options in your community
Au pairs are required to complete 6 semester hours (or their equivalent in academic
credit) at an accredited, post-secondary institution during their year in the U.S. Before
she arrrives, it’s helpful to start thinking about what schools your au pair might consider
before she arrives. Your LCC will also have suggestions as to how your au pair can fulfill
this requirement.
COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR AU PAIR | 31Host family advice
“Our advice would be to focus on open communication.
You should remember that your au pair is more than just a
babysitter, but a young person with dreams and a deep
appreciation for the United States. And you are more than just
a host family, you are an ambassador too!”
Stacey, Cultural Care host mom in Maine
32 |WHEN ISSUES ARISE
No matter how well-matched a host family and au pair may be, there will always be
moments of conflict. As with any close relationship, this is normal. Most of the time, host
families and au pairs are able to resolve their own issues through communication and
problem-solving, and they often find that their relationship grows stronger as a result.
However, there are situations that may require involvement from your LCC and/or your
Program Director.
Solving problems on your own
Most of the time, you can resolve issues with your au pair on your own, through
good communication and re-setting of expectations. Miscommunication and
misunderstandings between family members happen all the time, and they are resolved
all the time. When you invest the same effort to work out your differences with your au
pair as you would any other family member, your relationship will be stronger for it.
Involving your LCC and/or Program Director
If you and your au pair encounter an issue you cannot resolve on your own, your first call
should always be to your LCC. Your LCC is a resource for both you and your au pair, and
LCCs have been trained to provide information and support when misunderstandings or
conflicts occur. Your Program Director is also committed to working with you and your
LCC to determine a solution that is sensitive to both the needs and well-being of your
family and au pair.
Transition
Most of the time, issues can be resolved. However, in the event that your issues are
irreconcilable, your family and au pair may decide to end the relationship and initiate
a transition. Before you begin a transition, it is Cultural Care’s policy that your LCC
will come to your home to help talk through issues in the event of a host family-au pair
conflict. To help resolve them your LCC will:
• Initiate a mediation during which they will serve as an objective mediator
• Help outline guidelines for a follow-up, two-week trial period
• Offer advice as you decide to work towards resolution or initiate a transition
Should you decide to end the relationship with your current au pair, your LCC will
schedule an in-person exit interview during which she will explain host family and au
pair obligations. All parties involved are required to be in attendance at the exit interview.
If you are continuing with the program, Cultural Care Au Pair will help you find a better
match for your family. We will also work to find a new placement for your au pair, if
appropriate.
?
For more details on Cultural Care’s mediation and transition policies, visit “HELP”
in your Host Family Account.
COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR AU PAIR | 33Host family advice
“Set your expectations and rules from the start. Listen carefully
to your LCC’s recommendations, and involve them early if any
problems arise. We have found most “problems” are just misun-
derstandings, and are easily remedied. The time you
spend initially helping your au pair to acclimate is invaluable.
Slow down at first, and give your au pair time to adjust to you,
your kids, and your home life. In our family, we have all been
enriched by our experiences with the au pairs.”
Kathy, host mom in Pennsylvania
34 |U.S.
maintain a record of all personal monthly contacts (or
more frequently as required) with each au pair and host
family for which he or she is responsible and issues or
DEPARTMENT
problems discussed;
(7) Require that all local organizational representatives
contact au pair participants and host families twice
OF STATE
monthly for the first two months following a placement
other than the initial placement for which the au pair
entered the United States.
REGULATIONS
(8) Require that local organizational representatives not
devoting their full time and attention to their program
obligations are responsible for no more than fifteen au
pairs and host families; and
(a) Introduction. (9) Require that each local organizational representative
This section governs Department of State-designated is provided adequate support services by a regional
exchange visitor programs under which foreign nationals are organizational representative.
afforded the opportunity to live with an American host family
and participate directly in the home life of the host family. (d) Au pair selection.
All au pair participants provide child care services to the In addition to satisfying the requirements of §62.10(a),
host family and attend a U.S. post-secondary educational sponsors shall ensure that all participants in a designated au
institution. Au pair participants provide up to forty-five hours pair exchange program:
of child care services per week and pursue not less than six (1) Are between the ages of 18 and 26;
semester hours of academic credit or its equivalent during (2) Are a secondary school graduate, or equivalent;
their year of program participation. Au pairs participating in (3) Are proficient in spoken English;
the EduCare program provide up to thirty hours of child care (4) Are capable of fully participating in the program as
services per week and pursue not less than twelve semester evidenced by the satisfactory completion of a physical;
hours of academic credit or its equivalent during their year of (5) Have been personally interviewed, in English, by an
program participation. organizational representative who shall prepare a report of the
interview which shall be provided to the host family; and
(b) Program designation. (6) Have successfully passed a background investigation
The Department of State may, in its sole discretion, that includes verification of school, three, non-family
designate bona fide programs satisfying the objectives set related personal and employment references, a criminal
forth in paragraph (a) of this section. Such designation shall background check or its recognized equivalent and
be for a period of two years and may be revoked by the a personality profile. Such personality profile will be
Department of State for good cause. based upon a psychometric test designed to measure
differences in characteristics among applicants against
(c) Program eligibility. those characteristics considered most important to
Sponsors designated by the Department of State to conduct successfully participate in the au pair program.
an au pair exchange program shall;
(1) Limit the participation of foreign nationals in such (e) Au pair placement.
programs to not more than one year; Sponsors shall secure, prior to the au pair’s departure
(2) Limit the number of hours an EduCare au pair from the home country, a host family placement for each
participant is obligated to provide child care services to participant. Sponsors shall not:
not more than 10 hours per day or more than 30 hours (1) Place an au pair with a family unless the family has
per week and limit the number of hours all other au pair specifically agreed that a parent or other responsible adult
participants are obligated to provide child care services will remain in the home for the first three days following the
to not more than 10 hours per day or more than 45 hours au pair’s arrival;
per week; (2) Place an au pair with a family having a child aged less
(3) Require that EduCare au pair participants register than three months unless a parent or other responsible
and attend classes offered by an accredited U.S. post- adult is present in the home;
secondary institution for not less than twelve semester (3) Place an au pair with a host family having children
hours of academic credit or its equivalent and that all other under the age of two, unless the au pair has at least 200
au pair participants register and attend classes offered by hours of documented infant child care experience. An
an accredited U.S. post-secondary institution for not less au pair participating in the EduCare program shall not
than six semester hours of academic credit or its equivalent; be placed with a family having pre-school children in the
(4) Require that all officers, employees, agents, and home unless alternative full-time arrangements for the
volunteers acting on their behalf are adequately trained supervision of such pre-school children are in place;
and supervised; (4) Place an au pair with a host family having a special
(5) Require that the au pair participant is placed with a host needs child, as so identified by the host family, unless
family within one hour’s driving time of the home of the the au pair has specifically identified his or her prior
local organizational representative authorized to act on the experience, skills, or training in the care of special
sponsor’s behalf in both routine and emergency matters needs children and the host family has reviewed and
arising from the au pair’s participation in their exchange acknowledged in writing the au pair’s prior experience,
program; skills, or training so identified;
(6) Require that each local organizational representative (5) Place an au pair with a host family unless a written
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE REGULATIONS | 35agreement between the au pair and the host family program and the parameters of their and the au pair’s
detailing the au pair’s obligation to provide child care has duties, participation, and obligations; and
been signed by both the au pair and the host family prior (7) Provide the host family with the prospective au pair
to the au pair’s departure from his or her home country. participant’s complete application, including all references.
Such agreement shall clearly state whether the au pair is
an EduCare program participant or not. Such agreement (i) Host family orientation.
shall limit the obligation to provide child care services to In addition to the requirements set forth at §62.10 sponsors
not more than 10 hours per day or more than 45 hours shall:
per week unless the au pair is an EduCare participant. (1) Inform all host families of the philosophy, rules, and
Such agreement shall limit the obligation of an EduCare regulations governing the sponsor’s exchange program
participant to provide child care service to not more than and provide all families with a copy of the Department of
10 hours per day or more than 30 hours per week. State’s written statement and brochure regarding the au pair
(6) Place the au pair with a family who cannot provide the program;
au pair with a suitable private bedroom; and (2) Provide all selected host families with a complete copy of
(7) Place an au pair with a host family unless the host Department of State-promulgated Exchange Visitor Program
family has interviewed the au pair by telephone prior to the regulations, including the supplemental information thereto;
au pair’s departure from his or her home country. (3) Advise all selected host families of their obligation to attend
at least one family day conference to be sponsored by the
(f) Au pair orientation. au pair organization during the course of the placement year.
In addition to the orientation requirements set forth at §62.10, all Host family attendance at such a gathering is a condition of
sponsors shall provide au pairs, prior to their departure from the program participation and failure to attend will be grounds
home country, with the following information: for possible termination of their continued or future program
(1) A copy of all operating procedures, rules, and participation; and
regulations, including a grievance process, which govern (4) Require that the organization’s local counselor responsible
the au pair’s participation in the exchange program; for the au pair placement contacts the host family and au pair
(2) A detailed profile of the family and community in which within forth-eight hours of the au pair’s arrival and meets, in
the au pair will be placed; person, with the host family and au pair within two weeks of
(3) A detailed profile of the educational institutions in the the au pair’s arrival at the host family home.
community where the au pair will be placed, including the
financial cost of attendance at these institutions; (j) Wages and hours.
(4) A detailed summary of travel arrangements; and Sponsors shall require that au pair participants:
(5) A copy of the Department of State’s written statement (1) Are compensated at a weekly rate based upon
and brochure regarding the au pair program. 45 hours of child care services per week and paid in
conformance with the requirements of the Fair Labor
(g) Au pair training. Standards Act as interpreted and implemented by the
Sponsors shall provide the au pair participant with child United States Department of Labor. EduCare participants
development and child safety instruction, as follows: shall be compensated at a weekly rate that is 75% of the
(1) Prior to placement with the host family, the au pair weekly rate paid to non-EduCare participants;
participant shall receive not less than eight hours of child (2) Do not provide more than 10 hours of child care per
safety instruction no less than 4 of which shall be infant- day, or more than 45 hours of child care in any one week.
related; and EduCare participants may not provide more than 10 hours
(2) Prior to placement with the American host family, the of child care per day or more than 30 hours of child care in
au pair participant shall receive not less than twenty-four any one week;
hours of child development instruction of which no less (3) Receive a minimum of one and one half days off per
than 4 shall be devoted to specific training for children week in addition to one complete weekend off each
under the age of two. month; and
(4) Receive two weeks of paid vacation.
(h) Host family selection.
Sponsors shall adequately screen all potential host families (k) Educational component.
and at a minimum shall: Sponsors must:
(1) Require that the host parents are U.S. citizens or legal (1) Require that during their initial period of program
permanent residents; participation, all EduCare au pair participants complete
(2) Require that host parents are fluent in spoken English; not less than 12 semester hours (or their equivalent) of
(3) Require that all adult family members resident in academic credit in formal educational settings at accredited
the home have been personally interviewed by an U.S. post-secondary institutions and that all other au pair
organizational representative; participants complete not less than six semester hours (or
(4) Require that host parents and other adults living their equivalent) of academic credit in formal educational
full-time in the household have successfully passed a settings at accredited U.S. post-secondary institutions. As
background investigation including employment and a condition of program participation, host family participants
personal character references; must agree to facilitate the enrollment and attendance of au
(5) Require that the host family have adequate financial pairs in accredited U.S. post secondary institutions and to
resources to undertake all hosting obligations; pay the cost of such academic course work in an amount not
(6) Provide a written detailed summary of the exchange to exceed $1,000 for EduCare au pair participants and in an
36 | U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE REGULATIONSamount not to exceed $500 for all other au pair participants. and regional organizational representatives; and
(2) Require that during any extension of program (6) A complete set of all promotional materials, brochures,
participation, all participants ( i.e. , Au Pair or EduCare) or pamphlets distributed to either host family or au pair
satisfy an additional educational requirement, as follows: participants.
(i) For a nine or 12-month extension, all au pair participants
and host families shall have the same obligation for (n) Sanctions.
coursework and payment therefore as is required during the In addition to the sanctions provisions set forth at §62.50,
initial period of program participation. the Department of State may undertake immediate program
(ii) For a six-month extension, EduCare au pair participants revocation procedures upon documented evidence that a
must complete not less than six semester hours (or sponsor has failed to:
their equivalent) of academic credit in formal educational (1) Comply with the au pair placement requirements set
settings at accredited U.S. post-secondary institutions. As forth in paragraph (e) of this section;
a condition of participation, host family participants must (2) Satisfy the selection requirements for each individual au
agree to facilitate the enrollment and attendance of au pairs pair as set forth in paragraph (d) of this section; and
at accredited U.S. post secondary institutions and to pay (3) Enforce and monitor host family’s compliance with the
the cost of such academic coursework in an amount not to stipend and hours requirements set forth in paragraph (j) of
exceed $500. All other au pair participants must complete this section.
not less than three semester hours (or their equivalent) of
academic credit in formal educational settings at accredited (o) Extension of Program.
U.S. post-secondary institutions. As a condition of program The Department, in its sole discretion, may approve
participation, host family participants must agree to facilitate extensions for au pair participants beyond the initial
the enrollment and attendance of au pairs at accredited 12-month program. Applications to the Department for
U.S. post secondary institutions and to pay the cost of such extensions of six, nine, or 12 months, must be received
academic coursework in an amount not to exceed $250. by the Department not less than 30 calendar days prior
to the expiration of the exchange visitor’s initial authorized
(l) Monitoring. stay in either the Au Pair or EduCare program ( i.e. ,
Sponsors shall fully monitor all au pair exchanges, and at a 30-calendar days prior to the program end date listed on
minimum shall: the exchange visitor’s Form DS–2019). The request for
(1) Require monthly personal contact by the local an extension beyond the maximum duration of the initial
counselor with each au pair and host family for which 12-month program must be submitted electronically in
the counselor is responsible. Counselors shall maintain a the Department of Homeland Security’s Student and
record of this contact; Exchange Visitor Information System (SEVIS). Supporting
(2) Require quarterly contact by the regional counselor documentation must be submitted to the Department on the
with each au pair and host family for which the counselor sponsor’s organizational letterhead and contain the following
is responsible. Counselors shall maintain a record of this information:
contact; (1) Au pair’s name, SEVIS identification number, date of
(3) Require that all local and regional counselors are birth, the length of the extension period being requested;
appraised of their obligation to report unusual or serious (2) Verification that the au pair completed the educational
situations or incidents involving either the au pair or host requirements of the initial program; and
family; and (3) Payment of the required non-refundable fee (see 22
(4) Promptly report to the Department of State any incidents CFR 62.90) via Pay.gov.
involving or alleging a crime of moral turpitude or violence.
(p) Repeat Participation.
(m) Reporting requirements. A foreign national who enters the United States as an au
Along with the annual report required by regulations set forth pair Exchange Visitor Program participant and who has
at §62.17, sponsors shall file with the Department of State successfully completed his or her program is eligible to
the following information: participate again as an au pair participant, provided that
(1) A summation of the results of an annual survey of all he or she has resided outside the United States for at least
host family and au pair participants regarding satisfaction two years following completion of his or her initial au pair
with the program, its strengths and weaknesses; program.
(2) A summation of all complaints regarding host family
or au pair participation in the program, specifying the [60 FR 8552, Feb. 15, 1995, as amended at 62 FR 34633,
nature of the complaint, its resolution, and whether any June 27, 1997; 64 FR 53930, Oct. 5, 1999. Redesignated
unresolved complaints are outstanding; at 64 FR 54539, Oct. 7, 1999; 66 FR 43087, Aug. 17, 2001;
(3) A summation of all situations which resulted in the 71 FR 33238, June 8, 2006; 73 FR 34862, June 19, 2008]
placement of au pair participant with more than one host
family; United States Department of State
(4) A report by a certified public accountant, conducted Office of Exchange Coordination and Designation
pursuant to a format designated by the Department of State, ECA/EC/PS - SA-44, Room 734
attesting to the sponsor’s compliance with the procedures 301 4th Street, S.W.
and reporting requirements set forth in this subpart; Washington, D.C. 20547
(5) A report detailing the name of the au pair, his or her jvisas@state.gov
host family placement, location, and the names of the local
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE REGULATIONS | 37You can also read
