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News from Tony Mountain
P.O. Box 38 Greenland, Arkansas 72737 • Find Us on Facebook
Rake America Great Again!
The barrel that Trump scrapes is like Waffle House coffee: bottomless, dark and full of bitterness.
Melania Trump gave the nation a the hideous shadow of that creep in
Holidays, 2018-2019 bizarre allée of undecorated, the White House, I was cheered by
blood-red Christmas trees in a an outdoor Christmas light display
Dear Friends, White House corridor, inspiring a in Minneapolis that spelled out
blizzard of memes, while the "TRUMP IS A TRAITOR,"
National Christmas tree sat dark, seen on the home of former mayoral
The holidays have come and gone
blacked out by a government shut- candidate Tom Hoch. I quietly (not
once again, which, considering the down. While commenting briefly on
chaos of 2017, seems like a Christ- really) hoped for a special Christ-
NORAD’s Santa Hotline, Ebenezer mas present from Robert Mueller.
mas miracle in itself. This Thanks- Trump asked a young boy, “Are you
giving Americans were faced with still a believer in Santa? ’Cause at
XPj
an E. coli-tainted romaine lettuce seven it's marginal, right?” The tree
scare and amused by the fact that at Rockefeller Center was the first to
pie was healthier to eat than salad. be donated by a same-sex couple.
Stores offered pre-Black Friday Political correctness perhaps got out
sales a week early, and on actual of hand as people claimed that the I never thought that I’d become a
Black Friday big box stores sped up song “Baby, It's Cold Outside” is person who yells at the television or
commerce by providing mobile “sexist” and “rapey”, and some ob- writes in all-caps. But I also didn’t
cashiers in the aisles to check jected to The Nutcracker for its think that I would wind up living in
people out by phone. There was a “racist” numbers. A survey found a country that puts children in con-
fight in a Birmingham, AL, mall on that over 27% of people in the US centration camps and conspires to
Thanksgiving during which two and the UK would accept a woman brutally murder journalists. “Trump
people were shot and one killed. On or gender-neutral Santa Claus. A Regret Syndrome,” “Trump Anxiety
a lighter note, a man named Zee- plague of package thieves (“porch Disorder" and “Trump Derange-
shan Ali ate a whole roast turkey pirates”) pillaged front porches, but ment Syndrome,” are real phenom-
while riding on the New York City the public rejoiced when a former ena, vouched for by psychologists.
subway—dressed in a turkey suit. NASA engineer shared a video of his Whichever one I’ve been suffering
When asked, Donald Trump said he custom-built, fart-scented, glitter- from, it has not contributed posi-
was thankful for HIMSELF on this bomb-filled decoy revenge package tively to life in my “Golden Years.”
holiday and “...for having made a going off on a hapless miscreant. An My friend Susan suggested that I
tremendous difference in this embarrassing moment occurred represent Trump’s second year in
country.” (It’s been tremendous, when a mother in Scotland sent her office by throwing up on a piece of
all right!) five-year-old son to his school nativ- paper and photographing it. (I love
ity play in a shepherd costume, that idea, but I hate to barf.)
The Christmas season started off along with its accompanying Looking back, 2018 reminds me of
with the release of a new “Grinch” blow-up sheep sex doll. One of that famous Hieronymus Bosch
movie, voiced by Benedict Cumber- the strangest TV Christmas specials painting: pain, suffering, and sur-
batch. Twinkling Christmas beard ever was TLC’s Dr. Pimple Popper: realism everywhere. I don’t really
lights offered by a company called The 12 Pops of Christmas, featuring relish recounting it, but, then, as
Firebox (“Unusual Gifts for People Dr. Sandra Lee and an array of George Santayana said, “Those
with Imagination”) were a novelty Christmas-themed skin conditions. who cannot remember the past
accessory for the hirsute. This year, Though we couldn’t entirely escape are condemned to repeat it.”
released by journalist Michael Shanghai didn’t do much for actual
Wolff. Trump defended his mental denuclearization, however. Follow-
state by tweeting, “I think that I ing the Shanghai Summit, Trump
would qualify as not smart, but visited Helsinki, where he disgraced
genius.… and a very stable genius himself and our country by toadying
at that!” Sometime around Presi- shamelessly to Vladimir Putin. An-
dents’ Day he boasted, “You know, a other cringe-worthy moment
poll just came out that I am the occurred on November 11 th when
most popular person in the history Trump canceled his planned visit to
of the Republican Party. Beating the 100th Anniversary commem-
Lincoln. I beat our Honest Abe.” oration of the Armistice at the
(Typical of Dishonest Donny, this Belleau Wood battlefield near Paris
poll did not exist.) Scientist-in-Chief because of the weather. Many
When I joked that I’d like to see our Trump called Hurricane Florence speculated that he didn’t want the
country’s flag flown at half staff “one of the wettest we’ve ever light rain to mess up his famous
until Trump & Co. have left the seen, from the standpoint of hairdo. Neither did he participate in
building, David added that it should water.” In rejecting a bipartisan the Veterans Day ceremony in Ar-
be flown upside-down, as well. As of Congressional deal on immigration, lington, VA, where the tradition of
the end of 2018, Trump has made Trump asked the question, “Why laying a wreath at the Tomb of the
more than 7,600 false statements are we having all these people from Unknown Soldier was carried out by
during his presidency. In the seven shithole countries coming here?” a representative of the French
weeks leading up to the midterms, (Our ambassador to Panama Embassy. At the G-20 Summit in
his rate increased to 30 per day. The resigned in protest.) In November Argentina, Trump wandered off the
Washington Post added a “Bottom- Trump commented that his mother stage halfway through a photo-op
less Pinocchio” rating to its Trump had always “gestated” their Thanks- with the Argentinian President for
falsehood scale to accommodate giving turkeys: “It’s gotta gestate. no apparent reason. When asked
The Donald’s spewing of repeated The word ‘gestate.’ Like when you why the US was the only G-20
lies. MSNBC called the Trump are cooking a chicken. Time, time… nation to not support a com-
administration an “all-you-can-eat turkey for Thanksgiving.” And as mitment to fight climate change he
buffet of crime.” Was there a day the Mueller investigation continued said, “You look at our air and our
that he didn’t embarrass or bring to zero in on him, Trump tweeted, water and it’s right now at a record
shame upon this country? No “Democrats can’t find a Smocking clean.” During his visit to England,
wonder that members of the UN Gun tying the Trump campaign to boorish Trump broke protocol by
General Assembly laughed in his Russia after James Comey’s testi- not bowing to the Queen, walking in
face as he boasted about the great mony. No Smocking Gun….No front of her, and keeping her wait-
job he was doing in Washington, Collusion.” ing onstage for 15 minutes. While
DC. Was there a moment when we the Kavanaugh hearings were
weren’t afraid for the future of our A few examples of Trump’s bizarre taking place, Trump mocked Chris-
country and our planet? Now it’s a and/or disgraceful (dare I say tine Blasey Ford’s Senate testimony
new year, and the United States has “traitorous?”) behavior are worth and asserted that this is “a
no Secretary of Defense, no Attor- noting. As the year turned, an dangerous time for young men.”
ney General, no one is sure who is overtly hostile Trump boasted that Trump was in characteristic form
running the Justice Department, his nuclear button was bigger than when he visited Paradise (he called
the Acting Chief of Staff is respon- Kim Jong Un's. (And we know what it “Pleasure”), the small mountain
sible (we hope) for two positions, THAT means.) It’s no wonder that town completely destroyed by the
the stock market is needlessly vola- during this time of posturing worst wildfire in California history.
tile, the president is implicated in 17 between North Korea and the US, I wondered how the outgoing and
investigations, and the government the false alarm of a nuclear attack in incoming California governors kept
has been shut down for the third Hawaii was so terrifying. Following from laughing as Forrest Trump
time this year. the thaw between North and South explained to them his theory of
Korea after the Olympics in Pyeong- woodland management: “You gotta
The full extent of Trump’s 2018 chang, a summit between Trump take care of the floors. You know
dumpster fire is too great for me to and Kim was announced and then the floors of the forest, it’s very
cover in this letter, but I thought I’d called off several times before the important....I was with the presi-
hit a few of the highlights, especially two actually met in a ridiculous dent of Finland...He called it a
some of the funnier or more absurd farce in Shanghai, where, according forest nation. And they spend a lot
ones–with a bit of Schadenfreude to Trump, they “fell in love.” (In an of time on raking and cleaning and
thrown in. Perhaps Trump’s own embarrassing Freudian slip, Fox & doing things, and they don't have
words would be a good place to Friends host Abby Huntsman called any problem.” Finland and the
begin. One of his most infamous Trump’s North Korea summit a Internet had a great time with that
statements was in reference to the “historic meeting between two one. (#RakeAmericaGreatAgain)
White House exposé Fire and Fury dictators.”) The silly pageantry of
still denied their voting rights Of course, 2018 wasn’t all bad.
through Republican suppression There were a few “points of light.”
tactics and gerrymandering, notably (RIP, George H.W. Bush.) The
in the Georgia, Florida, and North Parkland High School shooting
Carolina midterms. One in three survivors who created a movement
GoFundMe campaigns are now against gun violence were awarded
created for medical bills not covered the Desmond Tutu International
by health insurance. The Bureau of Children's Peace Prize. The Texas
Prisons in the Department of Jus- Board of Education changed its
tice adopted a policy of housing social studies standards to admit
Sad to say, Trump wasn’t the transgender people in federal prison that slavery was the primary cause
only person providing cringe- facilities that conform to the gender of the Civil War. The US Justice
worthy moments in 2018. His listed on their birth certificates. Department is finally banning
personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, Congress let the Violence Against “bump stocks,” and in New York the
asserted on a talk show that facts Women Act lapse, and Ohio State Trump Foundation has been shut
are “in the eye of the beholder” and Representative Christina Hagan down due to a “shocking pattern of
that “truth isn’t truth.” Sean Han- introduced a bill to make mother- illegality.” The US Senate voted to
nity made the bizarre assertion that hood mandatory for Ohio women. advance a resolution to end military
a “secret sperm” was hiding in the There was an average of at least one backing for the Saudi-led war in
official portrait of President Obama. mass shooting per day, and the NRA Yemen, the first time in history that
Mississippi Senator Cindy Hyde- threateningly told “anti-gun” doc- Congress has used the War Powers
Smith, who faced Democrat Mike tors to “stay in their lane.” A tragic Act to pull us out of an unautho-
Espy in a November runoff election, example of the state of violence in rized war. Despite the divisive mood
said of one of her donors, “If he our schools occurred when a of the country, Congress passed a
invited me to a public hanging, I’d student was shot by a classmate at bipartisan criminal justice reform
be on the front row.” Ivanka Trump Butler High School in Matthews, bill and the Elie Wiesel Genocide
was caught using a personal email NC, and classes went on as if this and Atrocities Prevention Act of
account (!!!) to discuss official were normal. During one bad week 2018, and the Senate finally passed
White House business, and Melania in October pipe bombs were sent to an anti-lynching law after some 100
Trump began a campaign she called opponents of the president by a years and 200 attempts. In re-
“Be Best.” (No one knows exactly crazed Trump supporter, a mass sponse to one of Trump’s many
what that means.) Mrs. Trump also shooting took place at the Tree of attacks on judges Supreme Court
struck a sour note when she board- Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh, PA, Chief Justice John Roberts replied,
ed the plane for a trip to see im- and two African-Americans were “We don’t have Obama judges or
migrant children in detention at the randomly shot at a Kroger store in Trump judges, Bush judges or
border wearing a jacket sporting the Jeffersontown, KY. The United Clinton judges.” Though the Repub-
text “I don’t care, Do you?” on States Citizenship and Immigration licans threw everything they had at
the back. She created a similar tone- Services removed the phrase the Democrats in the midterm
deaf image when she showed up in “nation of immigrants” from its elections, including a dead Nevada
Africa wearing full colonial drag, official mission statement, and we pimp, a Holocaust denier, and a
including jack boots and a white witnessed children separated from couple of criminals under indict-
pith helmet. Adult-film actress their parents at the Mexican border, ment, Democrats managed to pull
Stormy Daniels, with whom Trump child concentration camps, and the off a “Blue Wave,” at least in the US
was accused of having an affair, lasting image of a one-year-old boy House and in many important state
caused quite a few people to blush standing alone and frightened be- races. The Brownback-Kobach jug-
when she described Trump’s penis fore an embarrassed immigration gernaut was broken in Kansas (a
as resembling “Toad from Mario judge. Trump called the press the miracle!), and Democrats won in all
Kart.” “Enemy of the People,” creating a districts of Orange County, CA,
hostile atmosphere that contributed previously solid “Reagan Country.”
to America’s being designated for 71% of Trump-endorsed candidates
the first time as one of the most lost their seats, and the new
dangerous countries in the world for congress will be the most female
journalists by Reporters Without and most diverse in history. Donald
Borders. And with respect to the Trump’s vile military parade was
greatest challenge of our time, canceled (or postponed), and let us
climate change, the Trump ad- not forget the delightful Trump
Not surprisingly, the serious ministration offered only denial and Baby Blimp, which made its debut
problems facing our country have ridicule, while unleashing vulture during Trump’s trip to England and
only continued to worsen under the capitalists to trash the environment proceeded to follow him around the
Trump regime. Innocent black men in any way that would make them world.
continue to be killed by police; the greatest amount of money.
people of color and the poor were
Turning for a moment to inter- its first female president. The 2018 work news stations from the TV
national news, Canada legalized the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang screens at its 128 fitness centers in
recreational use of marijuana, pro- seemed to be an opportunity for a the U.S. and Canada–not surprising
bably to help its population cope rapprochement between North and since the FBI reported a more than
with living next to the United South Korea, whose leaders vowed a 17% rise in hate crimes this year.
States. Mexico elected a new presi- to formally end the Korean War. Twenty states take away the driver’s
dent in Andrés Manuel López Obra- The Olympic teams of the two licenses of people who fall behind in
dor, marking the worst defeat ever nations marched and competed as their student loan payments, while
suffered by the fascist PRI party. one, and 55 boxes of remains of US TruTV airs a trivia game called Paid
Cuba is no longer ruled by a soldiers from the Korean War were Off that offers its winners cancel-
member of the Castro clan; Miguel later returned to America by North lation of their student debt. Ameri-
Diaz-Canel is now the nation’s new Korea. China’s Xi Jinping further cans are having less sex; two thirds
President. Jair Bolsonaro, Brazil’s consolidated his power, making of millennials don’t know what
new leader, advocates developing himself virtually ruler for life Auschwitz was; and the U.S Geo-
the Amazon rainforest and eradicat- (something Trump admires), and an logical Survey had to warn people
ing its indigenous peoples. Britain ominous “social credit” system has not to roast marshmallows over
has been consumed with the con- been developed where the govern- volcanic vents during the Kilauea
sequences of the Brexit vote, ment closely monitors its citizens Volcano eruption in Hawaii.
and Prime Minister Teresa May and rewards or punishes them
suggested establishing a Ministry of based on their behavior. News from
Loneliness. But on the bright side, the Middle East was so horrific that
Ringo Starr was knighted, and there I scarcely want to mention it here,
was a royal wedding between Prince but I do want to end on a positive
Harry and the American Meghan note. During the summer the world
Markle followed by the announce- was transfixed by the heroic rescue
ment of a royal baby due in the new of the 12 boys making up the Wild
year. Angela Merkel will no longer Boars soccer team and their coach
be the Chancellor of Germany, but from a cave in Thailand after they
it’s gratifying to know that the Ber- had been trapped with floodwaters
lin Wall has now been down longer rising for almost a month.
than it was up. Meanwhile, the town
of Friedberg, Germany, has in-
stalled pedestrian traffic lights that I’ve found that over the years my
incorporate images of Elvis, who interest in celebrity news has been
was stationed in Friedberg with the waning. The young ones don’t regis-
U.S. Army in 1958-59. In Switzer- ter all that much with me, and the
land, the Lucerne University of old ones keep dying! Here’s an old
Applied Sciences and Arts added item: Natalie Wood's drowning now
yodeling to its Folk Music program considered a “suspicious death”;
on the Bachelor’s and Master’s de- Robert Wagner a “person of inter-
gree levels. There were shopping est.” Bill Cosby was sent to prison
riots in France when Nutella low- for sexual assault. Elon Musk’s
ered its price by 70% and serious Perhaps the sinkhole that formed Space X launched a cherry red
public unrest during the yellow-vest on the White House lawn could 2008 Tesla Roadster convert-
protests over Emmanuel Macron’s symbolize American pop culture in ible with a “Starman” behind
new gas tax, which he ultimately 2018. According to a survey by the the wheel into space heading to
withdrew. Pedro Sánchez, Spain’s insurer Cigna, most Americans suf- Mars. Justin Bieber and Hailey
new prime minister, declared that fer from loneliness or feelings of Baldwin got married, and Donald
direct rule over Catalonia has ended insignificance. Over the past five Trump, Jr., divorced his wife for
with the installation of a new years, diagnoses of major depres- another blonde. Kanye West had
Catalan government after months of sion have risen by at least 33%. lunch at the White House with the
turmoil. Vladimir Putin boasted of a American life expectancy has gone “President.” Trump’s star on the
new Russian “Doomsday down for the third year in a row, Hollywood Walk of Fame was van-
mostly due to suicide and drug dalized and damaged such that the
Weapon” which can’t be shot overdose deaths. Obesity affects
down by antimissile systems, while West Hollywood City Council
40% of American adults. Gaming passed a resolution to remove it
Uralasbest, a Russian asbestos pro- disorder was classified as a mental
ducer, stamped Donald Trump’s permanently as a nuisance. White
health condition for the first time in House press secretary Sarah San-
face on packages of its product. the WHO’s International Classi-
South Africa’s capital city Capetown ders was denied admission to the
fication of Diseases. A Minnesota- Red Hen restaurant in Lexington,
suffered a severe water crisis, nearly based gym chain, Life Time Fitness,
running dry, and Ethiopia elected VA by its owner because she works
eliminated all national cable net- for Donald Trump, and an LA judge
ruled that bars can refuse service to bought a ticket for her “emotional “Flippy”, a burger-flipping robot,
Trump supporters. San Francisco support” peacock, Dexter, to accom- will be installed in 50 Southern
International Terminal will be pany her on a United flight to LA, California CaliBurger locations.
named after Harvey Milk, and but the airline wasn’t having it. A Schnuck Markets employs a robot
Mister Rogers will be honored woman was kicked off a plane in named “Tally” to roam its aisles
with a postage stamp. Nike Orlando, FL, after she attempted to monitoring its shelf stock. Tradi-
selected former San Francisco 49ers fly with an emotional support squir- tional food companies attempted to
quarterback Colin Kaepernick to rel, and Spirit Airlines forced a attract customers with novel new
represent its 30th Anniversary “Just woman to flush her emotional tastes, like the four new Millennial-
Do It” ad campaign, and the image support hamster down the toilet. friendly flavors of Diet Coke.
of Ruth Bader Ginsberg was a For a limited time, the fried chicken
favorite Halloween costume and chain Popeye’s offered travelers at
Christmas tree topper. Speaking of Philadelphia International Airport a
Halloween, the Salesforce Tower in chicken-shaped “Emotional Support
San Francisco was lit up on that Chicken” carry-on box with the pur-
holiday to depict the Eye of chase of a 3-piece chicken tender
Sauron; many thought that an combo meal. An intrepid raccoon
appropriate image. A Gallup poll climbed the 23-story UBS Center in
named Michelle Obama America's downtown St. Paul, MN, its adven-
most admired woman of 2018; her tures reported on regularly by the
husband was America's most MPR station in the building General Mills unveiled a new Lucky
admired man. The “Golden State (#MPRRaccoon). Maximus Mighty Charms marshmallow character,
Killer” was captured after 40 years, Dog Mueller II, a golden retriever, the “magical unicorn.”
largely due to the work of Michelle was elected mayor of Idyllwild, CA.
McNamara, Patton Oswalt’s late And a big cat poacher was killed and
wife. Murdered Saudi journalist Ja- eaten by the pride of lions he was
mal Khashoggi and “The Guard- hunting at the Ingwelala Private
ians” were named Time Magazine’s Nature Reserve in South Africa.
“Person of the Year.” And the ticket (Good.)
for the largest lottery prize in his-
tory, $1.537 billion, was purchased
at a KC Mart in Simpsonville, SC.
The Girl Scouts added another
cookie to their repertoire: the
Caramel Chocolate Chip, this one
gluten-free. Taco Bell came up with
nacho fries and Sonic with pickle
juice slushes. Red Lobster and KFC
added waffles to their menus, and
restaurants including McDonald’s,
KFC, Wendy’s, and Subway got on
the Sriracha bandwagon. The John-
ny Walker distillery introduced a
whiskey for the fair sex called “Jane
Walker.” When Doritos announced
the launch of a new “lady-friendly”
version of its chip, it encountered
opposition and ridicule. (There was
a similar kerfuffle over Kleenex’s
“Man-sized” tissues.) Political cor-
rectness asserted itself in the “war
on straws” and in PETA’s accu-
Animals were also in the news in sation that cow’s milk has long been
Food features prominently in any
2018. San Francisco International a symbol of white supremacy. A
survey of popular culture. Two
Colorado McDonald’s offered the
Airport introduced the world’s first trends continued from the previous
first marijuana-friendly smoking
airport therapy pig. It was a rough year: automation and novelty. To-
section, and Coke is negotiating to
year for emotional support animals yota announced that it’s creating
develop marijuana-infused bevera-
on planes. The New York photo- autonomous vehicles for Pizza Hut.
ges in Canada. Ben & Jerry’s intro-
grapher/performance artist Ventiko
duced an ice cream flavor called invade our lives. Facebook got into The Arts saw their own triumphs,
"Pecan Resist" in protest of Donald trouble for sharing user data. An tragedies, and controversies over
Trump. Some other food-related Amazon Echo recorded a family’s the course of the year. San Antonio
developments are hard to classify. conversation and sent it to a lost its symphony orchestra. Boston
The Israeli company Jet Eat can random person on their contact list, Symphony principal flutist Eliza-
provide you with 3D-printed vegan and Amazon Echo users complained beth Rowe filed a lawsuit against
meat, and, apparently, cauliflow- that Alexa had been letting out the BSO, claiming that her salary
er is the new kale. In honor of spontaneous bursts of maniacal was substantially lower than that of
Burns Day, Mackie’s of Aberdeen, laughter. Fitness devices such as her nearest male counterpart, and
Scotland, created a haggis-laced Fitbit unwittingly revealed the American conductor Marin Alsop
custard with swirls of marmalade. locations and classified secrets of broke the gender barrier for female
Certain health enthusiasts have U.S. and foreign military bases. conductors in Vienna when she
advocated drinking “raw (i.e., Tampa Bay Monitoring now offers a became the artistic director of the
untreated) water,” and a company GPS ankle bracelet that allows Vienna Radio Symphony Orchestra.
called Live Water is fulfilling that parents to track their children, and Esa-Pekka Salonen was appointed
need. Dunkin’ Donuts dropped the nuisance drones shut down the new music director of the San
“Donuts” from its name, and Oscar London’s Gatwick airport during Francisco Symphony. In a major
Meyer added a jet pack to its the busy Christmas holidays. In breakthrough for women compos-
Wienermobile promotional vehicle. Tempe, AZ, a pedestrian was killed ers, Pinar Toprak was the first
A Publix supermarket in South Car- by an autonomous vehicle, an Uber, signed to score a major superhero
olina censored the phrase “summa for the first time, and in an effort to
movie, Captain Marvel. Bon Jovi,
cum laude” on a graduation cake develop trust between humans and
The Moody Blues, The Cars, Dire
for being obscene. (They think they autonomous cars, Jaguar Land
Straits, Nina Simone and Sister Ro-
know obscenity when they see it.) Rover experimented with “virtual
setta Tharpe were inducted into the
And Nabisco freed the menagerie eyes” on their latest vehicles, des-
Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. The Funk
on its Animal Crackers packages igned to make eye contact with
from their cages. human drivers and pedestrians. Music Hall of Fame and Exhibition
Google's autonomous car division, Center opened in Dayton, OH. Rap-
Waymo, received permission from per Kendrick Lamar’s work DAMN
California regulators to begin test- was chosen for the 2018 Pulitzer
ing autonomous vehicles with no prize in music, the first time a
human in the driver’s seat in composition from the popular genre
northern Silicon Valley. Sex robots was awarded this honor. UNESCO
continued to be refined for men added reggae to its global cultural
AND women; however, cyberse- heritage list. The Orchestre Nation-
curity experts warned that these al d’Île-de-France became the first
robots could be hijacked by hackers all-iPad orchestra, thereby elimi-
and used to cause harm or even kill. nating printed music and page
China's Xinhua News Agency joined turns. In Malmö, Sweden, a fist
Rampant consumerism continued the Chinese search engine company fight broke out at a performance of
to drive much of the economy last Sogou.com in designing the "world's Gustav Mahler's Symphony No.5
year. Favorite toys of the holiday first artificial intelligence (AI) news over the rustling of a package of
season included those included in anchor," which they unveiled at the gum, and in Baltimore a man
Lunchables and Harry Potter Lego latest World Internet Conference, shouted, “Heil Hitler, Heil
sets. A tacky Trump-themed held in China. Meanwhile, leading Trump,” during the intermission
teddy bear (“Trumpy Bear”) was robotics and AI experts warned the of a performance of Fiddler on the
an actual gift available online. Capi- European Union that it’s too early Roof. (He was ousted.) An interest-
talizing on the Trump-era zeitgeist, to grant robots legal status because ing take on opera was seen in the
Hasbro released a “Cheaters” of human rights and manufacturer contemporary #MeToo interpreta-
edition of Monopoly. As part of liability concerns. tion of Carmen in Florence, Italy, in
its “Inspiring Women” series, which, to protest violence against
Mattel offered Frida Kahlo, Amelia women, Carmen murdered Don
Earhart, and Katherine Johnson Jose.
Barbies and is planning a Barbie of
the newest (female) Dr. Who. CVS Public statues continued to be a
Health plans to present unaltered problem in the world of fine art.
beauty-related images on its phar- Though the spotlight has been on
macy products and in its marketing, Confederate and Ten Command-
and “penis facials” using the ments monuments in the South, the
foreskins of Korean newborns were rest of the country had its own
popular with those who could afford problems in dealing with the
them. Computers continued to
intersection of politics and art. through a hidden shredding device male co-star—and she was THE
Manhattan’s “Fearless Girl” statue, as the gavel came down on it at a QUEEN, for Heaven’s sake! CBS
once staring down the huge bull Sotheby’s auction in London. And, fired its chairman Les Moonves for
sculpture on Wall Street, has been significantly, archaeologists discov- sexual harassment. A controversy
relocated. The city of San Francisco ered a wall painting in an Indo- surrounded the voicing of “Apu” on
removed the sculpture "Early Days" nesian cave that could, at 40,000 The Simpsons by a white actor. The
near City Hall, which depicted Sir years, be the oldest figurative paint- loudest controversy of the year
Francis Drake and Junipero Serra ing ever found. Literature saw its involved the return of Roseanne,
standing over a prone Native Amer- share of controversy in 2018. The which ABC canceled immediately
ican. Along those same lines, Phelan Laura Ingalls Wilder Award will upon Roseanne Barr’s racist tweet
Street, named for anti-immigrant now be known as the “Children's about former Obama adviser Val-
mayor James Phelan, was rechrist- Literature Legacy Award” because erie Jarrett. The show then returned
ened Frida Kalho Street after the of alleged political incorrectness without Roseanne, whose absence
beloved Mexican artist. (Phelan’s toward people of color in her books. was explained by an opiate over-
slogan when running for governor The Nobel Prize in Literature was dose. CBS revived Murphy Brown
was “Keep California White.”) Also not awarded this year because of a and Magnum PI in it’s ongoing
in San Francisco a property owner sexual abuse scandal. Pulitzer prizes appeal to the over-60 set, and the
who illegally demolished a historic were given to Andrew Sean Greer success of streaming services has
Twin Peaks house designed by for Less (fiction) and James left network TV pretty much a vast
famous modernist architect Richard Forman, Jr., for Locking Up Our wasteland of generic cop and doctor
Own: Crime and Punishment in dramas, reality shows, inane sit-
Neutra was ordered by the City
Black America (nonfiction). coms, and NCIS spinoffs. According
Planning Commission to rebuild an
to various critics the best new TV
exact replica of the home. Speaking
The film industry dealt with many shows were Barry, Homecoming,
of tacky, when the Trumps asked to
ongoing issues from 2018: gender The Conners, Lodge 49, Killing
borrow a Van Gogh painting from
inequality in salaries (All the Money Eve, Pose, Counterpart, American
the Guggenheim Museum for the Crime Story: The Assassination of
White House, the Guggenheim of- in the World), underrepresentation
of minorities (Was the leading Gianni Versace, Everything Sucks!,
fered them an 18K-gold toilet Trust, Cobra Kai, Patrick Melrose,
man in Crazy Rich Asians
instead. Succession and Sharp Objects. The
Asian enough?), anti-gay bias
(Kevin Hart’s abrupt dropping out Emmy for Best Drama Series went
as Oscars host because of anti-gay to Game of Thrones. The Best
remarks), sexual harassment (Har- Comedy Series was The Marvelous
vey Weinstein’s indictment), and Mrs. Maisel. Lily, the first homeless
the industry’s struggle against Muppet, was introduced on Sesame
streaming services. In addition to Street. Robert DeNiro shouted
the fantastically successful Crazy “Fuck Trump!” on the Tony Awards
Rich Asians, other movies to debut show. Many people cited James
this year included Sorry to Bother Cordon’s extended “Carpool Kara-
You, Eighth Grade, Blindspotting, oke” segment with Paul McCartney
BlacKkKlansman, The Favourite, in Liverpool as the most delightful
Black Panther, The Rider, Leave television event of the year.
No Trace, Annihilation, Spider
Man: Into the Spider-Verse, The Sports happened in 2018. Probably
Ballad of Buster Scruggs, Bumble the biggest sports story, other than
Bee, VICE, First Reformed, If Beale the Winter Olympics, was the trial
Street Could Talk, and Roma. Se- of Dr. Larry Nassar for decades of
quels included Solo: A Star Wars sexual abuse perpetrated on the
Story, Mission Impossible: Fallout, U.S. Women’s Gymnastics team.
Oceans 8, Deadpool 2, Avengers: NFL owners, players, and the presi-
Infinity War, The Incredibles 2, dent continued to argue over kneel-
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, A ing during the national anthem.
The Horizontes grain-elevator Star is Born, and Mary Poppins (Meanwhile, Amnesty International
mural was completed in Wichita, Returns. Notable among docu- gave Colin Kaepernick its 2018
KS, by GGLeohas, earning a mentaries were Won’t You Be My Ambassador of Conscience Award
Guinness World Record for the Neighbor? and Three Identical for his work against racial in-
“world’s largest mural painted by a Strangers. The Shape of Water won justice.) When France won the
single artist.” The biggest prank in the 2018 Oscar for Best Picture. World Cup, Daily Show host Trevor
the art world was perpetrated by the Noah congratulated both France
Similar problems plagued the and Africa. The LA Rams appointed
artist Banksy with his painting Girl
television industry. The female star their first male cheerleader, and the
with Balloon, which self-destructed
of The Crown was paid less than her Pittsburgh Penguins incorporated
the Star of David into their logo to pill for men. Studies have shown movement, “smoke apocalypse,” the
protest antisemitism after the Tree that humans continue to produce QAnon conspiracy, INCEL (invol-
of Life Synagogue shooting. Justify new neurons in a part of their untary celibate males), and the
won the Triple Crown, the first brains involved in learning, memory Proud Boys. And I found out what
horse to do so in 45 years. I don’t and emotion throughout adulthood “boofing” means via the Kavanaugh
know or care who won all the the and that SADD is caused by a brain hearings.
sportsball games. You can google circuit that connects special light-
them. sensing cells in the retina with brain A dizzying number of “firsts” took
areas that affect happiness or place in 2018—some monumental,
It’s no surprise that The Bulletin of sadness. A team at UCLA suc- others merely interesting blips on
Atomic Scientists moved their ceeded in transplanting memories the cultural scene. Party City sold
“Doomsday Clock” forward another by transferring RNA in snails. Eid decorations for the first time.
30 seconds, placing it at two World-class brain scientists at West Lucas Warren became the first Ger-
minutes to midnight, the closest it’s Virginia University’s Rockefeller ber Baby with Down syndrome.
been since 1953. Science has Neuroscience Institute successfully Kehinde Wiley and Amy Sherald
provided us with many stunning used focused ultrasound to treat a were the first African-American
developments, but it hasn’t helped patient with early stage Alzheimer’s, artists to paint official presidential
us much in getting along with each and a new therapy that appears to portraits (the Obamas). Sofia Cam-
other. Astronomers have continued stop Parkinson’s disease “in its poamor became the first female
to make amazing discoveries of tracks” will begin clinical trials in member of Yale University’s famous
“new” and “bigger” and “farther humans in 2019. We saw the first Whiffenpoofs glee club. Laurie
away” cosmic phenomena. This year baby born to a woman who received McKenna was the first woman to
two NASA Explorer missions, Swift a uterus transplant from a deceased win Songwriter of the Year at the
and the NuSTAR Telescope, saw donor in Brazil. Chinese scientists Academy of Country Music Awards;
something emerge from a black were the first to clone a primate, a the Professional Golfers Association
hole for the first time: a giant flare monkey. They were also the first to of America elected a woman presi-
from the center of a huge black hole open Pandora’s Box, producing two dent for first time (Susie Whaley);
in the Pegasus constellation. Several genetically-modified (“designer”) and Stacy Cunningham became the
interesting developments involved human babies. Meanwhile, the first woman president of the NY
Mars. NASA’s Curiosity rover United Nations' Intergovernmental Stock Exchange. Gina Haspel was
found preserved organic mat- Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) confirmed as the first woman CIA
ter on the bottom of a dry lake, released an alarming report warni- Director. Tammy Duckworth was
and the first sounds ever ng that we have roughly 12 years to the first Senator to give birth while
recorded on Mars were broad- limit climate change or face global in office (though not in her office).
cast by the InSight Mars lan- catastrophe. The November midterm elections,
der. MIT physicists created a new thankfully, produced a large num-
form of light that that permits up to Quite a few trends and memes ber of firsts in the political arena.
three photons to bind together and circulated during 2018. One of the Stacey Abrams was the first African
could enable quantum computing. most notorious was the “Tide Pod American woman to be nominated
An international group of re- Challenge.” Others included juuling, for governor in Georgia's history–
searchers announced that they nipple stickers, the “Condom-Snort- and almost (and should have) won.
recorded particles traveling faster ing Challenge,” engagement finger Colorado’s Jared Polis was the first
than the speed of light: neutrinos piercings, “Second Civil War Let- openly gay man to win a governor's
sent from CERN near Geneva to ters,” the “Google Arts & Culture race. Democrats Sharice Davids and
Gran Sasso in Italy arrived 60 nano- Face Match” app, “BBQ Becky,” Deb Haaland were the first Native
seconds quicker than light would “Yanny” or “Laurel,” and Nike’s American women elected to Con-
have. China has built a reactor that “Just Do It” ad. Merriam-Webster's gress; Ilhan Omar and Rashida
can reach a temperature six times word of the year was “justice,” while Tlaib were the first Muslim women
that of the core of our sun, and a the Oxford English Dictionary chose elected, and Young Kim became the
new largest prime number has been “toxic,” and NPR’s linguist Geoff first Korean-American female Con-
discovered that is nearly 25 million Lundberg offered the word “nation- gressperson. New House member
digits long. In medicine, a number alist.” Many additional terms or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was the
of new tests and treatments were phrases came to the fore: “crisis youngest woman ever elected to
developed. Among them were an actors,” “toxic masculinity,” “hip Congress. As well as being the first
ingestible electronic capsule that cleavage,” “woke,” “hand curated,” woman Arizona has ever elected to
monitors gas levels in the gut, a 10- “disinvited,” “unpacked,” “medically the Senate, Kyrsten Sinema became
minute test that can detect the experienced” (i.e., very sick), “Deep the first ever openly bisexual Sena-
presence of cancer cells anywhere in State Throat,” “outrage industrial tor. The thought of VP Mike Pence
the body, a rapid malaria screening complex,” “SnapChat dysmorphia,” swearing in all of these diverse new
test, a treatment for severe burns “Plaid Shirt Guy,” “lawnmower House members gave me great
using Tilapia skin, a new cure for parents,” “cryptokitties,” “Space pleasure.
baldness, and a new birth control Force,” “MAGAbomber,” the FIRE
(Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch) The Comedy Store), Milos Forman,
retired after 50 years on Sesame poet J. D. McClatchy, Barbara Bush,
Street. After 4,000 episodes and 27 Harry Anderson (Night Court),
seasons, The Jerry Springer Show NPR’s Carl Kasell, Verne Troyer,
went off the air. Heidi Klum and Arthur B. Rubenstein (film & TV
Tim Gunn left Project Runway, and composer), Charles Krauthammer,
aging baby-boomer rock icons Eric Clint Walker (Cheyenne), Bob
Clapton, Neil Diamond, Elton John, Dorough (“Schoolhouse Rock!”),
and Paul Simon announced their Larry Harvey (founded Burning
Anniversaries and endings are retirements from touring. Volks- Man), Soni Wolf (founded Dykes on
a good way to mark our passage wagen informed us that the Bikes), John "Jabo" Starks (James
through time. 2018 was the 10th 2019 Beetle would be its last. Brown drummer), Margot Kidder
anniversary of the Great Recession (Superman), Lt. William Calley (My
and of Breaking Bad, the 20th of Lai Massacre leader), Tom Wolfe,
the Northern Ireland Easter truce, Robert Indiana (LOVE sculpture),
the International Space Station and Philip Roth, Kate Spade, Jerry
Sex in the City, and the 25th of the Maren (last surviving Munchkin),
World Wide Web, Jurassic Park Anthony Bourdain, Harlan Ellison,
and Schindler’s List. The Simpsons poet Donald Hall, Lorraine Gordon
turned 30, as did The Wonder (owner of the Village Vanguard),
Years, Die Hard and Nike’s "Just Koko the Gorilla, Sam (“Duke”
Do It" campaign, and Saturday the Bush’s Baked Beans dog), Nancy
Night Fever and Animal House Sinatra (Frank’s first wife), Tab
debuted 40 years ago. There were Hunter, food critic Jonathan Gold,
many 50th anniversaries: Johnny Adrian Cronauer (Good Morning,
Cash’s Folsom prison performance, Vietnam!), Ron Dellums, Charlotte
the MLK & RFK assassinations, the Rae (Facts of Life), V. S. Naipaul,
Tet Offensive, Mr. Rodger’s Neigh- Aretha Franklin, George Walker,
borhood on PBS, the Big Mac, the Notable deaths in 2018 were (and Kofi Annan, Meadowlark Lemon,
Yellow Submarine movie, Placido you’ll want to take a deep breath): Robin Leach, John McCain, Neil
Domingo’s debut at the Met, the Thomas S. Monson (16th president Simon, choreographer Paul Taylor,
character Franklin in Peanuts, the of the LDS Church), Robert Mann Winston Simon (invented the steel
Whole Earth Catalog, the Six-Day (Julliard Quartet founding mem- drum), Burt Reynolds, Richard
War, Wendy Carlos’s “Switched-on ber), Edwin Hawkins (gospel star), Harrison (The Old Man on Pawn
Bach,” “Hey Jude,” Hair on Broad- Jerry Van Dyke, Doreen Tracey Stars), Richard DeVos (co-founded
way, and NASA’s first flight to the (original Mouseketeer), Mathilde Amway), dance pioneer Arthur
moon. 2018 was the 75th anniver- Krim (Foundation for AIDS Re- Mitchell, architect Robert Venturi,
sary of Oklahoma! and The Little search), Peter Mayle (A Year in Marty Balin (Jefferson Airplane),
Prince, the 80th of the first jazz Provence), chef Paul Bocuse, Doro- “Peggy Sue” inspiration Peggy Sue
concert at Carnegie Hall (Benny thy Malone, Jim Rodford (Kinks, Garrin, Montserrat Caballé, Juan
Goodman), the 100th of the WWI Zombies), Naomi Parker Fraley Romero (bus boy who comforted
Armistice, Daylight Saving Time in (real Rosie the Riveter), Simon Bobby Kennedy), NASA “Hidden
the US, the Spanish flu outbreak, Shelton Barnes (Teletubbies Tinky Figure” Raye Montague, Microsoft
and the women’s right to vote in Winky), Ursula K. LeGuin, Ingvar co-founder Paul Allen, journalist
Great Britain and Ireland. And it Kamprad (IKEA founder), Mort Jamal Khashoggi, Todd Bol (created
was the 200th of the publication of Walker (Beetle Bailey), Dennis Little Free Libraries), Charles
Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and Edwards (Temptations lead singer), Wang, Joachim Ronneberg (thwart-
the composition of “Silent Night” by John Mahoney (dad on Frasier), ed Nazi A-bomb), Dorcas Reilly
Franz Gruber. John Gavin, Vic Damone, Marty (created green-bean casserole),
Among the end-of-era occurrences Allen (Martin & Rossi), Sunshine jazz trumpeter Roy Hargrove, Willie
were these: after discovering 2,662 Sonny Payne (“King Biscuit Time” McCovey, Douglas Rain (HAL in
new planets, the Kepler telescope radio show), rock climber Jim 2001), Stan Lee, Roy Clark (Hee
ran out of fuel and shut itself down. Bridwell, Billy Graham, Nanette Haw), magician Ricky Jay, screen-
The Sears and Gibson Guitar com- Fabray, David Ogden Stiers, Roger writer William Goldman, Stephen
panies declared bankruptcy. The Bannister, Hubert de Givenchy, Hillenburg (created SpongeBob),
Village Voice closed, and the Russ Solomon (founded Tower Re- director Nicholas Roeg, Bernardo
“Western Town” set at the Para- cords), Stephen Hawking, Dr. Berry Bertolucci, George H.W. Bush, Ken
mount Ranch in the Santa Monica Brazelton, Charles Lazarus (Toys 'R' Berry (F Troop), William Blum,
Mountains was burned to the Us Founder), Linda Brown (Brown Philip Bosco, Nancy Wilson, Sondra
ground by the Woolsey Fire. Robert v. Board of Education plaintiff), Locke, Galt McDermot (Hair com-
Redford announced his retirement Steven Bochco, Winnie Mandela, poser), Penny Marshall, designer
from acting, and Caroll Spinney Cecil Taylor, Mitzi Shore (founded Charles Harrison (plastic trash bin),
Nancy Grace Roman (“Mother of he gave up and wrote another piece
Hubble”) and Richard Overton (old- from scratch in a week. And he won
est man in the US and WWII vet). a fellowship after all. In the summer
David and I experienced our latest
advanced medical procedures: cata-
ract surgery for me and the final
implantation of a tooth for David.
We spent the last week of Sep-
tember on a cruise of coastal
Alaska. We loved the smaller, more
sedate Holland America ship, the
Noordam, and enjoyed meeting
many interesting people. Sadly,
when we returned home, we found
that our beloved cat Carmen had
died in our absence, and our
catsitter hadn’t been able to reach
us. Carmen was a magnificent cat,
certainly my favorite cat of all time.
The fact that her traumatized sister
Lola needed us so much helped us
in dealing with our grief. Another
loss I experienced this year was that
of my undergraduate voice teacher
Though the state of the world dis- and dear friend, Jim Stanard, who
tressed us, our lives here on Tony was among the first to encourage
Mountain went along pretty well. me in my efforts at composing. And
2018 was a year of music making, I’ll mention another loss: I learned
involving singing and composition that my childhood home in Palo
Having fallen in love with beautiful for both of us. We joined the U of A Alto has been turned into a
Arkansas on my first visit, it annoys Master Chorale in the spring to per- McMansion! Ah...such is life.
me when the state lives down to its form a wickedly difficult arrange-
stereotyped image. Early in the year ment of The Lads of Wamphray by
Jan Morgan, owner of the Gun Cave Percy Grainger, Brahms’s Begrab-
Indoor Firing Range (a “Muslim- nisgesang, Op. 13, and Beethoven’s
free Zone”) in Hot Springs, drew Choral Fantasy. We rejoined the
national attention for her pro-gun Arts Center of the Ozarks Chorale in
gubernatorial campaign. Our god- the fall for the annual Christmas
awful Senator Tom Cotton issued program. I was especially pleased
cease-and-desist letters to citizens that we sang a composition of mine
who contacted his office. In August and the choir didn’t seem to hate
the Satanic Temple temporarily working on it! I spent the spring
installed a statue of goat-headed getting my orchestra piece Splendid
Baphomet at the Arkansas State Ascent ready for its premiere by the
Capitol in Little Rock to protest a Denver Young Artist Orchestras in
Ten Commandments monument May. David & I attended the perfor-
already (proudly and unconstitu- mance, which was a delightful high-
tionally) ensconced on the Capitol light of my composition career, and
grounds. Fayetteville continued to we had fun seeing many of the My favorite thing about the holiday
appear in various “best of” listings, famous sights of the Front Range on season is getting to hear from so
and it gained further visibility when our way back home. David spent the many of you. I love the cards and
the third season of HBO’s True winter and spring working on a letters and happy Christmas photos
Detective was filmed in Northwest band piece, Variations on “Parting on Facebook. David and I hope that
Arkansas. In October, an “open- Friends”, intending to submit it for the New Year brings good things to
carry kilt walk” occurred in Fayette- an Arkansas Arts Council Fellow- you and your families and friends,
ville; fortunately, it was sparsely ship. But it was disqualified because and that we can all find ways to
attended. All the while, this lovely it was based on a theme that wasn’t remain optimistic in this difficult
city continued to contend with “original”--though they had known and dangerous time.
problems of population growth and this in advance. After unsuccessfully
affordable housing, and we hear arguing that using preexisting ma- Love,
that the Razorbacks had their worst terial is a significant part of the
football season ever. Western classical music tradition,You can also read
