MELODY ROSE PAUL Bangor, Maine - Accessing Recovery Supports
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14
UE
making recovery from addiction visible
ISS
MELODY ROSE PAUL
Bangor, Maine
Accessing
Recovery Supports
Everyone’s Welcome +
Peer Support
Letting Go
No Longer
Carrying the
Weight of My Past
PA I D A D V E RT I S E M E N T
ADDRESSING MAINE’S
OPIOID EPIDEMIC
TOGETHER.
As we continue to battle the COVID-19 pandemic, the opioid crisis
persists in communities across our state. That’s why we’re bringing
organizations together and sharing best practices to help ensure
individuals and families have the resources they need.
Learn more about the Rx Abuse Leadership Initiative
of Maine and our partners at rali-me.org.
PA I D FO R BY R X A B U S E L E A D E R S H I P I N I T I AT I V E
journey
Publisher
Carolyn Delaney
ISSUE 14
Layout
Joline Violette Edwards
PRIVATE GIFTS
Photographer
Brian Delaney
A very special thank you to these people
ISSUE 14 Contributors
Alison Jones Webb who have helped to support Journey
Amy Paradysz
getting to the printer.
David Lee
Elaine Shamos click on Private Gifts on our website for more info
Glenn Simpson
Kimble Greene
Niki Curtis
Tyler Hall Thank You!
Zoe Brokos
Journey Team
Barbara Conner
Brenda Briggs Anonymous x 9 Leslie Clark
Bruce Campbell Amy and Noodles Karen Stultz, CHt, CIWC
Mary Atwood
Mickie Kucinkas
Jennifer Kimball Johnson Dennis & Debbie Gallant
Nancy Wolach Sandra Stone Courtney Allen
Susan Axelrod M.C. Hothem, DO Josh Riddle
MaineWorks Dean Raymond
Susan Britton Pettingill Lowell & Ella Brown
info@recovery-journey.com The Family Restored Rebecca Laber-Smith
(207) 679-5005 Bella Vida Hypnosis B. Owens-DeWitt
Portland, ME 04101
Isaac Shainblum Mandy Schumaker
www.journey-magazine.com
Bob Dawber Dave & Karen Packhem
Stephen Andrew, LCSW LADC Mickie Kucinkas
♯
Mommabear7 ☮❤� Bill & Linda Lundborg
Cover Barbara Lamont Barbara Sullivan
Melody Rose Paul Karen St. Clair Mary Atwood
photo by Brian Delaney
Connie & Michael Mercer Craig & Lisa
Elaine D Blanchard Doug Dunbar
CONNECT Celia Grand, LCSW, BCD Lisa Graves
WITH US
Body & Soul Health Solutions Phil & Linda Coupe
/recovery.journey.in.maine
Elizabeth Burke Beaty
From the publisher
A s we go to print with this
Journey issue #14, I’m
reflecting on this past year.
For me that meant a focus on
my physical and emotional well-
being—a stable and safe place
to live and making informed
Last year at this time, it seemed decisions on healthy choices that
like my life was a 1,000 piece were now available to me.
puzzle that someone had taken
out of the box but there was no It meant surrounding myself with Recovery is a process of change
cover to show the picture the people who had been where I had and change is constant. When
pieces were supposed to make. been but weren’t living in that we participate in community,
world anymore, and taking the we’re not alone at any time. Our
We had just gone into lockdown, suggestions they offered on my excerpt article from the book
everything seemed scary, and new path. Stealth Camping with Me and
there was no clear visual of what Hundreds of My Closest Friends, is
life would look like. My initial thought was that I from an anonymous traveler who
was so different. That I had led has attended AA meetings in 48
This morning I realized it was a very different life and didn’t different states.
similar to the early days of feel like I belonged anywhere.
recovery. All I knew was that I But the reality is that many of us In our next issue, we’ll debut a
didn’t want to keep living the feel that way. We call it “terminal new column, “The Anonymous
way I was living, doing what I uniqueness” and it’s common in Path,” personal recovery stories
was doing, and yet I didn’t know the recovery community. with first name/last initial only—
things could be any different. for those who want to share their
But eventually, I found my people, lived experiences recovering
Thankfully, I landed in a half-way my peers. Eventually, I found in a 12-step community while
house, Evodia, and the staff there others I could connect with on a respecting the longstanding
gave me a framework by which deeper, spiritual level and today I tradition of anonymity.
to start living a new way of life. am still a seeker and grateful for
The women there (12 of us) and my own path. And finally, a big welcome
those who showed up for support to Bruce Campbell, our new
provided a picture of what life For some of us, finding and Northern Maine Accounts
“could” look like. building community with our Coordinator with decades of
peers takes a few extra steps, and personal recovery in addition
I “could” feel comfortable in my in this issue we look at various to program and community
own skin, I “could” find stacked accessibility challenges and building experience.
moments of peace and serenity on successes.
a daily basis—this type of living Our goal is to be available
seemed more accessible to me by Amy Paradyz explores several of statewide by the end of 2021
virtue of others’ sharing their these groups in Accessing Recovery and with this issue, we start
personal experiences. Supports. In Coming to Faith, Niki expanding into the Bangor area!
Curtis writes about letting go
But first things first. of past personal experiences to With immense gratitude,
access a faith that works.
visible recover
In this issue
6.......... Accessing Recovery Supports
9.......... Meet Journey’s Newest Team Member 9
10........ Personal Recovery Story:
Melody Ross Paul
12........ We Have Superpowers!
14........ Bringing Love Into the Room
16........ Letting Go 10
18........ Couples in Recovery
20....... Coming to Faith
22....... When in Doubt,
Choose Challenge
24....... Personal Recovery Story:
Tania Margate
26....... Excerpt from Stealth Camping with
Hundreds of My Closest Friends
28....... Managing Finances
16
30....... Funding Community Centers
in Every Maine County
31........ Maine’s Recovery Community Centers
32....... Spirit Illuminated 24
33....... Recovery Programs
ry saves lives
34....... Statewide Resources
Accessing
Recovery
Supports
Everyone’s Welcome + Peer Support
by Amy Paradysz
W e talk about the “recovery
community” as if there is
one—when, in fact, there are many.
recovery community to better
support their needs.
staff and residents, faith-based
organizations, mental health and
substance use professionals, and
The recovery community is as Re-Entry nonprofits that can help with
diverse as humankind. Substance everything from housing to job
use disorder doesn’t discriminate When Bruce Noddin volunteered training to financial literacy.
based on age, race, religion, gender, with Catholic Charities prison
or sexual orientation and neither ministry and saw the same “The really cool thing that’s going
does the recovery community, people appearing back in the on is the level of cooperation
which tries to offer help and hope system repeatedly, he stirred up and collaboration that we’re able
for everyone. But, within the some good trouble—asking what to do with the Department of
larger recovery community and more could be done to reduce Corrections and with Sheriffs’
“everyone’s welcome” groups, many recidivism. Departments,” Noddin says. “We
people in recovery find it helpful had this idea of going into prisons
to also find a small group of peers From that conversation with five prior to release and introducing
with whom they share more in people in June 2017 has evolved a the residents to community
common than just substance use. Maine Prisoner Re-entry Network resources. And everyone involved
(MPRN) connecting a statewide has embraced and included us in
For this story, writer Amy web of people interested in helping everything that they can.”
Paradysz gathered insights from make the transition to life after
professionals who work with prison more successful. While COVID-19 protocols
some of the branches of the have meant that meetings with
recovery community family tree— “The excitement is contagious,” residents are on Zoom, being
people who have experienced says Noddin, founder and remote has made it possible for
incarceration, elders, adolescents, executive director of MPRN. MPRN to help even more residents.
mothers, and the LBGTQA+ “We’ve had 60 or more people
community. These professionals show up some weeks.” “We’ve had 350 meetings with
talked about challenges and residents since April 1 of last year,”
successes, and provided tips for Zoom calls connect Maine Noddin says. “Imagine being a
empathizing with others in the Department of Corrections person in prison who has been out
6 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com
a couple of times and been back level, and even whether they’re generation that grew up talking
and never had any support, really, eating well. about “trauma” or “substance use
and then having seven people in disorder,” and may not want to
a Zoom meeting with all these “Aging is a condition of losses,” think of themselves as an “addict”
people interested in you and your Menard says. “We have to look at or “alcoholic.”
success. That’s pretty cool!” what’s going on and why they want
to numb their feelings But, often, they do want to talk.
Noddin, who is in long-term and memories.”
recovery himself, says that the And if they’re losing control
vast majority of people in Maine Consider the experiences to substances, in the midst of
prisons have struggled with of aging—leaving behind a losing control in so many other
substance use. As a result, the professional life, downsizing and ways, regaining control can be a
goals of re-entry and recovery are giving up decades of collected motivator for recovery.
tightly linked. possessions, making do in a body
that doesn’t work as well as it once “Some come in for a session once a
“A peer support or a recovery did, or, after decades of marriage, month for an atta-girl or an atta-
coach can be huge,” Noddin says. managing without their spouse. boy,” Menard says. “Others come
“It amazes me how receptive Imagine being in this stage of life to a point in recovery where they
these folks are to a stranger who and having your own children can take a break and contact me
wants to be their recovery coach. telling you what to do—and what again when there’s a triggering
Recovery coaches are critical. It’s not to do. event in their life, like the death of
that human contact, that one- a spouse, or one of their children
on-one—and typically that lived “One of the going through a divorce.”
experience. If it’s somebody like challenges is
me who has the lived experience of navigating what Idea to build on: Menard says
recovery, and you add to that the that she’d love to see recovery
lived experience of incarceration, recovery actually meetings in elderly housing
and the connections that are made looks like and what it facilities—with coffee and time to
are just amazing.” means to them.” socialize, sweetening the prospect
—Molly Ramirez for people who may have never
Idea to build on: Noddin says, before considered attending a
“One of the biggest things that “Children of alcoholics do the recovery support group.
we fight all the time is stigma. Try wrong things for the right reason,”
to get to know the folks around Menard says. “Shaming them Adolescents
you have been in prison or jail. It doesn’t work. Taking control of
just takes one conversation at a their life doesn’t work. I don’t tell At the other end of the age
time to knock down these walls. people to stop drinking; I talk spectrum, teens also face
You find out over time that these about the consequences and what challenges with independence,
are people who have experienced they have to lose.” free will and internal motivation.
immense, sometimes devastating,
trauma and they’re engaging and Elderly people may need help “One of the hardest things that
intelligent and funny. Give them a accessing websites such as I see my kids struggle with is a
chance.” MyChart or organizing their sense of personal autonomy,” says
prescription caddy and keeping Molly Ramirez, a recovery coach
Elders track of what to take when. But employed by Portland Recovery
when family members try pouring Community Center. “When you’re
Mary Menard, 76, is a substance alcohol down the sink and think under 18, you already have a lot
abuse counselor with a private they’ve solved the problem, less opportunity to make decisions
practice based in Scarborough and Menard has seen some quite for yourself, let alone when you’re
focused on the elderly. When she determined and creative behavior in treatment.”
meets with a new client, she asks from older folks.
about wedding photos or recipes or Ramirez, 23, went through the
hobbies—dipping into comfortable Or they try to hide the problem. six-month Day One program when
conversations about family and she was 16 and is now celebrating
spousal relationships, activity Menard says that people in their seven years in recovery. Since
seventies and up are not from a January 2020, she has been
recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 7
meeting virtually with teens in the residential programs. “Some of the inclusive of not only all gender
Day One residential programs in women who come to this program identities but also all paths of
New Gloucester and Hinckley. haven’t been with their children recovery—12 steps, abstinence,
for some time.” harm reduction, spirituality—
“One of the challenges is whatever works.
navigating what recovery actually The focus is rehab from 7:30 a.m.
looks like and what it means to to 3:30 p.m. on weekdays, while “The intimacy of this small-
them,” she says. “So many of them the kids are in licensed daycare. group format helps in developing
are sent there because they don’t The rest of the time, the women safety and trust,” Fazio says of
want to go to jail or because their are on mom duty and practicing her group, which is typically
parents said they had to go.” parenting skills. attended by three to six Mainers
via Zoom. “Building community
Digging deeper than the substance The program also welcomes and connection is really
abuse, girls often acknowledge women in any stage of pregnancy. important. You start to develop
past sexual trauma or have “We had a woman who was in our sober friendships with other queer
patterns of physical relationships program when she went into labor, people in recovery. And personal
dominating their lives. Some girls and she came back with her little accountability goes up when we
admit they’ve never had a stable, pumpkin with her,” Caron says. know that other people care about
supportive friendship. But this “It’s awesome, because she’s sober, our recovery and how we’re doing.”
often changes as the girls build and she has her child with her. ”
their recovery skills and connect Idea to build on: To learn more
with one another. And that’s a happy beginning. about creating an LGBT+ safe
zone, she recommends The Safe
Four young women who recently Zone Project (thesafezoneproject.
went through the Day One
“The intimacy of com).
program stay in touch through a this small-group
group chat, and one of those girls format helps in Everyone’s Welcome + Peer
told Ramirez that she’d never had developing safety Support = Best of Both Worlds
friends before.
and trust.” Professionals in all five branches of
“To see them come together in —Dani Fazio the recovery family tree explored
friendship,” Ramirez says, “is the in this article—people who have
sweetest thing I’ve seen.” Idea to build on: Caron, who is a experienced incarceration, elders,
mother in a long-term recovery, adolescents, mothers, and the
Idea to build on: Ramirez, whose encourages people to share the LBGTQA+ community—say that
own life was changed by a word with young mothers who peer support and shared lived
rehabilitation program for teens, are struggling with substance use experiences are crucial. Facilitators
wants to see more of those disorder that there are options of “everyone’s welcome” supports,
programs, less youth detention. for recovering WITH their children. like 12-step meetings, work hard
In addition to Crossroads, where to understand the diverse needs of
Mothers Caron works, another option in people in the recovery community,
Southern Maine is The McAuley and an “everyone’s welcome”
The Crossroads Children and Residence. mindset is fundamental to the
Mother’s Program in Windham recovery family.
can be a godsend for a woman who Queer Folx in Recovery
needs residential rehab and has Many find that a specialized, small
one or two children under the age Dani Fazio, an alcohol and drug and closely connected group of
of five. But that’s not to say that counselor in private practice, peers makes all the difference.
the 60-day program is easy. facilitates a virtual twice-monthly
drop-in group called Queer Folx in
Amy Paradysz is a
“They’re getting sober—maybe for Recovery that she founded in freelance writer from
the first time or for the first time May 2020. Scarborough and part
in years, so their emotions are of the Journey team;
right on the surface,” says Beth Because the path to healing relies she can be reached at
amyparadysz@gmail.
Caron, a licensed clinical social on feeling safe, Fazio says, Queer com.
worker and Crossroad’s director of Folx is intentionally respectful and
8 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com
Meet Journey’s
Newest
Team Member
B ruce Campbell joins Journey as
the Northern Maine Accounts
Coordinator.
My life since has been a remarkable
adventure. From living in a school
bus, I returned to graduate school,
married a beautiful woman and
I was raised in Houlton, Maine, and we raised a family in a home we call
while a fairly good student, I began our own. We returned to Maine in
drinking in high school, just one 2004, and I have had an exciting
of the crowd. Drinking and getting and rewarding career over the past Today, no matter how challenging
stoned was, and still is, one of the 36 years. life may be, I have a sense of hope
primary recreational pursuits in and purpose.
rural Maine, because, don’t you Recovery has changed my life in so
know, “there’s nothing to do.” many ways. Bruce Campbell, LCSW, LADC has been
a professional social worker for over 30
Getting an OUI was almost as Before, no matter how good things years and in long-term recovery since
much a right of passage as shooting may have been, I had a sense of 1984. Currently, he is serving as the
Northern Maine Accounts Coordinator
a deer. impending doom. for Journey Magazine. Contact him at
bruce@recovery-journey.com.
I was 21 when I got my OUI;
I never shot a deer.
I went to college, got a job, got
married, and tried my best to
settle down. By this time, I had
a growing sense that despite all
outward appearances, my life was
smoke and mirrors. I needed to do
something before I became a public
embarrassment and brought shame
to my family, my employer, and to
whatever was left of my dwindling
sense of self. I left town.
I found myself in California when I
finally sought help. I found a thriving
and diverse recovering community
with hundreds of peers I could relate
to and rely upon
for support.
I learned that my personal recovery
depended upon the unity of the
recovering community, and I was
taught to invest my time and energy
in helping to ensure
its health.
recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 9
PERSONAL RECOVERY STORY
Melody Ross Paul
M elody Rose Paul’s habit of
blackout drinking resulted
in many nights in jail cells, but
that she could in order to fuel her
addiction. She was living in what
she calls “the Zombie Zone.”
her long, winding struggle with
addiction reached a turning point “I would do illegal things to get
when she found herself alone in my drink or drug,” she says. “I just
prison. wouldn’t care who I hurt. It’s like I
was soulless.”
“I started to realize… [that] my
life path was going in the wrong In her mind, Melody was “helping”
direction,” Melody, 40, says. Charlie’s sister when she got her
some substances she had asked
Her substance abuse began with for. Charlie’s sister died from
prescription medicine after having an overdose that day. Her and
her son. For years, Melody would Charlie’s grief didn’t stop them really enjoy going to recovery
swap pills with her then partner or from buying some of the very same meetings. Today, she surrounds
others she met in town. In 2012, drugs that had killed her. herself with friends who are more
Melody was forced to attend rehab like family and who keep her
or lose her son. She went, but it “You get so desperate and just so accountable.
didn’t quite work. sick that the reality is not there,”
Melody says. Now, Melody is a published author,
“I lied that I had a sponsor [so works full-time and facilitates
they’d graduate me],” she says. “I She and Charlie were both arrested a weekly Wellbriety meeting for
was still having trouble but I didn’t for trafficking drugs. The arrest others on the road to recovery.
know what to do.” actually helped her “clear her
mind,” and in prison she began the “[If] you’re tired of being tired,
Melody remained sober for a while, process of healing from her “self- you’re tired of lying, you’re tired
but suffered from depression and sabotage.” of pawning all your stuff, you’re
anxiety during that time. She tired of people looking at you
eventually left her relationship “Every day when you’re weird—all this. You can stop doing
with her son’s father to be with her incarcerated, it’s like a solid what you’re doing and take care of
current partner, Charlie. reminder of the mistakes.” yourself and reach out to people,”
she says.
“I thought he was in recovery During her year-long sentence,
but he wasn’t,” she says about Melody attended Bible study and For those interested in learning
Charlie. “I didn’t know that he a 12-step program, worked toward more about the meetings Melody
was secretly using.” her GED, and found a love for runs, visit the Bangor Area
writing. She penned a book about Recovery Network’s website,
Soon, Melody was also using her life in eight months. bangorrecovery.org.
substances daily, including heroin
for the first time. Even after When she was released, Melody Also, check out her book—Savaged
witnessing Charlie overdose, she developed new healthy habits. to Wellness available on Amazon.
somehow became more involved in Although she says she has always
heroin use. She pawned everything been introverted, she started to As told to a Journey Team member.
10 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.comBeing of Service.pdf 1 3/5/2020 2:45:38 PM
A community-wide
YOU DON’T
cha enge needs a
community-wide so ution HAVE TO BE A
BIG BANK
The Northeastern Workforce
Development Board
(NWDB) is creating a list of
recovery friendly employers!
TO HAVE A
If you're an employer in
Penobscot, Piscataquis,
Hancock, Washington or
Aroostook County, join a
BIG HEART.
growing list of recovery
friendly employers by:
Notifying us at NWDB
Attend a brief workshop C
about the program M
Notify your employees Y
that you are striving to
be recovery friendly and
CM
detailing what that MY
means for your CY
workplace CMY
Raise your hand and proudly
K
state that you are recovery
friendly, opening a door to
many, many possibilities.
We will provide:
advice
policy guidance
customizable workshops
This centralized list will help
job seekers find employers
that care about their
employees!
Are you an employer ready
to step up to help solve this
community challenge?
Contact
Ben Hawkins at
bhawkins@northeasternwdb.org
https://www.northeasternwdb.org
sbsavings.bank | (207) 284-4591
recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 11We Have Superpowers!
Harnessed superpowers aid in
community transformations
by Alison Jones Webb
D id you know that we all have
superpowers? It’s true! But
sometimes we don’t know how to
turn them on. Our powers don’t
come with a set of instructions.
That’s where Open Table can help.
Open Table is a national model
that communities can use to
address any local need, one person
at a time.
The idea is that six-to-eight
community members come
together to form a “table” to
help a “friend” in need meet
self-identified goals. Usually, a
community member is trained
as an Open Table facilitator,
who recruits members of the
community and works within the
community to identify the friend,
who is also at the table. The people two friends, and she’s actively Everybody who is part of Open
at the table commit to meet weekly recruiting table members now to Table benefits from the process,
for at least one year or until the convene two tables. Erica explains. It’s not a one-way
friend has reached their goals, street where the friend receives
whichever comes first. Erica gives an example of how the help from others and gives nothing
table might help a friend. If the in return. It’s a model based on
Here in Maine, the Restorative friend has a goal of getting a job reciprocity; we are all enriched
Justice Project (RJP) has decided and has a car that doesn’t work, when we are in relationship with
to pilot Open Table in Knox the people at the table can work one another. When it comes to
County to help people who are together on getting the car fixed. recovery, it’s not a model that
re-entering the community after Somebody at the table might know says, “‘because you’re in recovery,
being in jail. Open Table is part an auto mechanic and can introduce you need all of these people to
of RJP’s work to build Community the friend to her. help you.’ It’s a model that says,
Justice Centers in the midcoast ‘as a person in recovery, you have
area. For Knox County Community Another example is a community something to offer,’ and we can all
Justice Coordinator for RJP Erica that creates a table for youth who be enriched by that.”
Buswell, it’s a way to respond to are transitioning from the foster
a call she felt to “show up in the care system to the adult world of Erica is motivated by belief that
world in a way that could promote social services. Open Table helps everybody has something to
restoration.” Erica is working create a bridge to their new life. contribute to their community.
with Knox County Jail to identify “We all come into this world with
12 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.comgifts to share,” she says. “When we
l your stress & anxiet
can’t do that because of systemic
nt ro
Co ith EF T Tapping y
or personal reasons, the world has
been denied what we have to offer.
We all have a responsibility to w !
create conditions where people can
show up and offer what we have to
share. We’re all enriched by that.
Our communities need us to show
up that way.”
EFT Tapping
“Connection is what holds our 207-878-8315 � karenstclairEFT.com
social fabric together,” Erica
says. “Open Table is one way to EFT-Journ 4.91” x 2.25” KSC_EFT-ad-0421-v2 March 8, 2021 9:41 AM DGD
promote connection.”
Imagine if we could set an Open
Table in every community in
Maine to promote connection with
people in recovery!
Alison Jones Webb
is a public health
professional who
has worked in the
field of substance use
prevention, treatment
and recovery in Maine
for over 15 years.
Looking for
financia peace? Milestone Recovery
I can help bring calmness to
you and your financials HOME Team
(207) 838-8904
Monday-Friday 9:30AM to 5:30PM
milestone-recovery.org
The HOME Team is here to help you. We are compassionate,
Bill Libby, CPA
non-judgmental, and specialize in helping persons dealing with
(207) 671-7610
wglibbycpa@yahoo.com substance use, mental health, and homelessness in Portland.
Our Team can help with basic needs like clothing, food, local
Ataraxy transportation to appointments, and access to Narcan and detox
Financial Services programs.
Individual & Business Taxes
Financial Coaching If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out.
Business Management
recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 13Bringing Love
Into the Room
Harm reduction creates opportunities
for positive change
by Zoe Brokos
H aving worked in public health
for the last ten years, I have
spent a lot of time talking with
We grow together, and we build
foundations of trust. We create
opportunities for positive change.
or loved one for HIV or Hepatitis
C testing at a local health center,
like Greater Portland Health or
people—in meetings, work groups, Frannie Peabody Center. Harm
task forces, steering committees, I think the most precious wisdom I reduction is also safer sex supplies
and workshops—about the received from my harm-reduction and birth control; reaching out
negative effects of substance use. community is an understanding to Maine Family Planning offices
In addition to discussing paths to that change is possible when we statewide can be a great way to get
recovery, we also talk about how create safe, accepting spaces and connected.
to reduce the harms associated when we honor and support all
with substance use for the paths to wellness. For some, harm reduction is
individuals in active use, for their taking medication—like suboxone
friends and family, for the people There are many ways to support or methadone—to reduce opioid
in recovery, and for our broader individual and community cravings and overdose fatality risk.
community. wellness through harm reduction. There are providers in Maine to
For those who work with people assist with this.
Sitting in meetings is important who are actively using substances,
for connection, education we might think of syringe service Harm reduction can be
and strategy. But after years programs, naloxone (Narcan) encouraging smoking 19 cigarettes
of meetings, I believe the distribution, overdose prevention a day instead of a pack.
most important reason for all and education about safer
those meetings is community. use practices. Harm reduction is meeting and
Community is at the heart of accepting people where they are.
harm reduction. When we’re in For people engaged in recovery, No expectations, just acceptance
community, we learn together. harm reduction can also be and appreciation.
We promote healing. We connect. practiced by referring a friend
14 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.comSometimes it’s a seemingly tiny
Naloxone/Narcan
movement—the interest in talking
about resources, for example.
Sometimes it’s bigger—connecting
with safe supplies and resources
through an organization like Naloxone, commonly known as be given quickly if necessary
Maine Access Points or Amistad. Narcan, is a medication used to and everyone should have it,
Sometimes it feels huge, treatment reverse the effects of an opioid especially people who are at risk
for Hepatitis C or a detox program. overdose and allows the person for an opioid overdose, family
Steps are individual. What seems to start breathing again. members, employers, recovery
like a huge step to one person coaches, clergy.
might be a tiny step for another. Naloxone works on all opioids,
regardless of the strength- In Maine, anyone can carry
We don’t need to judge. We are morphine, Percocet, heroin, naloxone and it is available at
here to support each other on the fentanyl. Naloxone cannot be pharmacies without needing a
road to wellness. We say today, abused and is not toxic. It is prescription. Health insurance
right now: I am here to support safe and works quickly, which is coverage varies, MaineCare
you and your goals for this important when responding to covers it 100%, with no out of
moment. This day. This week. a respiratory emergency like an pocket fee. For people who want
opioid overdose. Naloxone without navigating
…change is possible the pharmacy system or want
It’s easy to use. There are two training and educational
when we create safe, preparations of naloxone- information, the state of
accepting spaces and nasal spray and an injection. Maine offers free access across
when we honor and Carrying naloxone in a bag the state. Check out www.
support all paths to or a purse ensures that it can knowyouroptions.me for details.
wellness.
And above all, we are here to
love. Harm reduction is Love.
Acceptance. Understanding.
Being present, with compassion.
Showing up, without judgement.
And yes, it really is hard
sometimes.
It does take practice.
But know this: Love, together in
You’re Not Alone.
community, is always a good place Intense support for early
to start.
recovery and relapse
For more information about Harm prevention with a strong
Reduction services in Maine, focus on developing
please email me at zoebrokos@
gmail.com. healthy coping skills.
Zoe Brokos is a harm
reductionist who lives The Adult Intensive
in Portland with her
family. She is currently Outpatient Program
working with the Maine
Recovery Advocacy
Project, the Church of
Safe Injection, Maine
Call 207.777.8700.
People’s Housing Coalition and the ACLU.
recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 15Letting Go
No longer carrying the weight of my past
by Tyler Hall
W hen I started my recovery
journey in 2019, I had no
idea the freedoms I would be able
leave everything behind in order
to move forward.
All of a sudden, I started to feel
differently. All of the writing I was
doing was not only helping me
to enjoy today. While at times Two men I met and became very lead a drug-free life, but it was also
the process has been extremely close with early on kept asking helping me understand myself.
difficult, it always proves to be me the same thing every time I’d
extremely rewarding. Through see them at meetings, “Did you It was like a golden key to
the recovery process of the 12 get a sponsor yet?” It seemed unlocking those thoughts and
Steps, I’ve been able to enjoy like just another one of the many feelings inside my head I could
freedom from the one thing that slogans and sayings that came never comprehend, let alone know
seemed to always haunt me, and with recovery, but until I made the what to do with.
that is my past. decision to do so, I felt like I was
treading water. I started to take a look at the
My journey began much like many problems in my life, all those
others, I became abstinent from I found a sponsor that I could messy times, traumas, and
the chemicals that plagued my relate to and identify with, and memories, things from my
existence for so many years, I he started giving me reading and childhood to the present, things
was going to meetings regularly, writing assignments out of one that had kept me sick for so
and gathering as many names of the books the program had many years, and I started to see
and phone numbers as I could. I to offer. them differently.
remember telling myself I had to
16 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.comAs each memory presented itself, For me that power was God. It I know that the ability to live my
and I wrote out the answers to showed me that there was a greater life, on its own terms, with a clear-
the questions on the page in front purpose to everything, that life mind, and to enjoy it, is based
of me, I was starting to get rid of was a pre-written script, and all I purely on all those nights putting
those burdens and feelings I had had to do was play my part. pen to paper in my step work.
carried around for so long, and
began to gain a lot of perspective As I persisted on in my step work My journey through the 12 Steps
and knowledge surrounding and the scars from my past has taught me countless lessons,
my behaviors. began to heal I started to take a about life, about relationships,
look at the present—the things I and about what it really means
I had no idea could do in my everyday life—to to be clean, but I think by far the
the freedoms keep me from slipping back into most rewarding have been about
old patterns and acting out on surrender and self.
I would be able to old behavior.
enjoy today. I’ve navigated the difficulties
I had to take a daily inventory to of divorce, family and medical
I took an inventory of my past, make sure those things weren’t struggles, while enjoying the
the people in it, the things that rearing their ugly head, as I blessings of birth, children,
they had done to hurt me, and continued to live this new life I marriage, and my faith.
the things that I had done to built for myself.
hurt them. It sounds like such a Each and every day I can
simple thing to do, but much more I started to be able to catch things, experience it, and be present,
difficult to carry out. and to see behaviors and change because of not only freedom from
their course, which in turn showed addiction, but no longer having to
Some nights I would blissfully me how to deal with everyday carry the unimaginable weight of
write ten pages, while on others I struggles. my past.
could barely finish a sentence, but
I never stopped. I can’t tell you the day, the week, Recovery through the 12 Steps
or the month, but one day life just saved my life; it didn’t just save me
I was never going back, I was wasn’t so hard. from drugs and alcohol, it saved
never giving in, or giving up. After me from myself.
each assignment was finished, The unmanageable highs and
I’d call my sponsor, or we’d meet lows, pressures and struggles, Tyler Hall, from
up for coffee, and go over what I things that I seemed irrationally Augusta, is a
freelance writer in
had written, because he was my incapable of in the beginning, recovery and a new
guide, my seasoned-veteran of the were now happening so freely, and contributor to the
program that was meant to help nearly effortlessly. Journey editorial
me through this process, much team.
like he had and continued to go
through his own.
While working through the steps
and gaining freedom from my
past, I was also understanding
and developing a relationship
with something for my present
and my future, not only with
my brothers and sisters in the
program, and my sponsor, but
with a power greater than myself.
Merriam-Webster defines a
higher-power as: a spirit or being
that has great power, strength and
knowledge that can affect nature
and the lives of people.
recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 17Couples in
Recovery
by Elaine Shamos, MPH & Glenn J. Simpson, LCSW-cc, CADC
Welcome back to Couples in sacrifices from the other. This away from “needing” the other
Recovery! For this issue we’re can look like poor boundaries, to “choosing” the other. There is
going to define the difference the desire to control, or the need still a reliance on each other, but
between co-dependency and to fix their partner’s behavior the couple allows for space to be
interdependency because and struggles. The co-dependent honest about desires, boundaries
ultimately, we all want our is essentially addicted to their and needs. Interdependent
relationships to evolve into partner. In the relationship, both relationships are deemed
a healthy, interdependent people become trapped in a cycle “healthy” because they empower
relationship. The terms can of over-reliance, blame, drama, each person to have their own
be confusing so let’s start power imbalance, and poor self- sense of “self,” and to be honest
by defining them, and then worth. This relationship is deemed and supportive without the fear of
learn why this concept is so “unhealthy” because both people losing the relationship.
important for a relationship are overly dependent on
that involves recovery. each other. Why is this concept so
important for couples in
What is a co-dependent What is an interdependent recovery?
relationship? relationship? When a person has a substance use
A person is co-dependent when When both partners maintain disorder or any kind of addiction,
they seek their self-worth their individuality and support often the natural response of the
by caretaking their partner each other when needed, while partner (or child or parent) is to
to the point where they are not taking responsibility for “support” them unequivocally,
consumed with pleasing, while the other’s happiness, they usually at the expense of their own
not understanding or tending are interdependent. These needs. Not surprisingly, people
to their own needs and feelings. relationships allow room for who are co-dependent are more
Usually this dyad involves the each to grow and change without often attracted to those with an
other partner feeling dependent the other feeling threatened. addiction, having learned to be
on, and glad to receive, these In interdependence, we move the giver or rescuer early in life.
18 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.comThis “enabling” behavior initially Here are some of the features of offer some leads for getting to
looks like support, a way to ease a healthy, more interdependent a more trusting interdependent
tension, or fix a problem. However, relationship, which we’ll be relationship in columns to come.
in the long term, it becomes discussing in future issues:
an unhealthy way to connect. We invite you to ask questions on
Our research has found that a • Understanding each our FB page: CouplesinRecovery.
couple in recovery might find it other’s story Here’s one from a Joanna B.:
more difficult to change their • Active Listening
relationship. In recovery, it is so • Taking personal responsibility How do we create more
common for partners to easily fall for behaviors space for understanding
into a victim and rescuer duet. • Creating safety to be
each other’s stories?
vulnerable with each other
We are great believers in regularly
What are ways to build • Being honest, open,
scheduled date nights! We often
an interdependent and approachable
recommend that a couple take
• Creating healthy boundaries
relationship? these opportunities to give each
• Taking time for personal
The first step towards a healthier partner a turn at asking the other
interests
relationship may be to get help something they never knew about
• Clear communication
evaluating if your relationship the other while the other practices
• Sharing common goals
is stuck in a co-dependent cycle. active listening.
and values
Education, couples’ counseling,
12-step programs, support groups,
In reality, working on a healthy Elaine Shamos, MPH
and individual therapy can help. & Glenn J. Simpson,
relationship is a constant, vigilant
The movement towards repairing LCSW-cc, CADC, from
process, which changes as each Portland, are new
an unhealthy relationship in
individual’s insights and needs contributors to the
recovery is always changing, as
evolve. However, this can be a Journey editorial team,
each partner grows. This requires and they can be reached
playful, deeply satisfying and
adaptation and ideally learning at facebook.com/
intimate process. We hope to CouplesinRecovery.
new skills.
A GOOD JOB MAKES
ALL THE DIFFERENCE
MaineWorks is a proud B Corporation, member of the Alternative Staffing Alliance,
and leader in social employment. We strive to be a model for other companies
and a catalyst for change around the world.
Contact Us (207) 415-3585 | info@maineworks.us | www.maineworks.us
recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 19Coming
to Faith
Accessing a faith that works
by Niki Curtis
L earning that I would be
persecuted for my faith, I
laughed. Having suffered the
and well-meaning Mormons
when I was pregnant with my son
still wasn’t enough to get me to
I realized I was dying and I no
longer wanted to die. Through a
series of events: the DEA showing
horrors of active addiction, nobody believe. How could Jesus love me? I up in my kitchen, a life-threatening
could persecute me more than was an unwed single mom. I didn’t blood infection, and finally, a look
myself. Yet I fear your persecution “deserve” forgiveness. from my son, I had a moment of
or worse, the idea you might not clarity that sparked the first good
like me because I believe in Jesus. What I could do was believe that decision I had made in a long time.
drugs would make it better. I had
Since childhood, the fear of not proof right? When I used them, I reached out for help.
being loved/lovable has been the I could reduce the volume of my
foundation of my drug use. internal persecution soundtrack. The next few months were touch-
Belief turned into faith because and-go with my life but I managed
I had been to church and believed drugs were working. to walk into rehab with a sense of
in God and also believed that if I hope and the inner knowledge that
wasn’t perfect, God wasn’t going Until they stopped working. The God was looking down on me with
to love me either. My perception of consequences of my bad decisions a sense of approval.
love was warped from a young age. piled up faster and kept me trying
I experienced things that children to fix things myself. I continued Three weeks into rehab I was
aren’t supposed to experience. to fail. invited to church. The church was
I couldn’t understand that the held in what used to be a bar. God
God my family and people in the It took a long time before I could in a bar? I HAD to see this!
community loved so much could no longer ignore God’s voice. Over
possibly be the same God that was and over I heard the whisper, “I Walking down the street toward
allowing my soul to be misshapen have more for you to do.” In anger, the church, I could hear music.
into, “Not good enough.” I kicked the wall with both feet, It was a song about forgiveness
breaking through the drywall. I and being redeemed. Big Daddy
I still believed there was a God, I cried out at the hole, in the shape Weave’s lyrics spoke directly to
just wasn’t worthy of His love. of a heart, that my feet had made. that hole in my heart
I had broken a heart into the wall
Hearing about the Good News but it was my heart that “All my life I have been called
of Jesus from two well-dressed was broken. unworthy. Named by the voice of
20 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.commy shame and regret. But when I
hear You WHISPER, “Child lift up
your head” I remember, oh God,
You’re not done with me yet.”
I had made an uncountable
number of bad decisions in my life,
lived with shame and regret, called
myself unworthy and the one thing
I was being offered was to have
faith in Jesus, and it was being
made accessible to me through
a woman in rehab who had been
through what I had been through,
at a bar that had been turned into
a church, during a street party that
was actually a baptism. God had
reached into that filthy bedroom
during my tantrum and put me on
a path where I could meet him at a
redeemed bar.
The easiest and best decision of
my life happened when I accepted
Jesus into my heart. Faith, love and
forgiveness were made accessible
to me and the only thing I had to
do was receive them and to believe
that I was worthy of them.
Throughout recovery, my faith
has grown but it’s not through the
hard work of inner reflection. It’s
in the quiet moments of prayer
that happens before a next right
decision. My faith is accessible
because I walk through fears that
used to control me. I put my faith
in what God believes about me and
what I believe about God.
Persecution for my faith may come
in many forms, but it’s my faith
in a loving God that filled the
hole in my heart, that drugs never
could, that will carry me forward,
head held high and redeemed.
Niki Curtis of Portland
is a woman in long-term
recovery whose passion
is to help others and
spread positivity. She
loves to find creative
ways to do that,
including writing for
Journey.
recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 21When in Doubt,
Choose Challenge
by David Lee
Istarted writing this on March 16
after taking a brief dip in
the ocean.
It’s like the training that elite
athletes and Navy SEALS engage
in. They push themselves hard
A few hours prior to my heading
out for dinner, a friend who owned
a publication found me in the
in training, knowing that this conference expo hall and invited
While the outdoor temperature increases their ability to rise to me to go to this great restaurant
was mild—in the mid-40s—the the challenge their sport or battle with some other people she was
water was 38 degrees. brings to them. taking out to dinner.
I wasn’t really in the mood for So, if you want to become braver She said the restaurant was one of
jumping into the frigid water, and more resilient, practice a kind. It didn’t have a phone, they
which is exactly why I did it. “choosing challenge.” didn’t take reservations, and they
didn’t have a menu. The chef, a
I’m glad I did it, even though the This could mean doing something master from New York City , would
icy water stung my skin and my that is physically uncomfortable, whip up something amazing and
feet hurt almost immediately. having a conversation you’ve been you got to experience it.
avoiding, or putting yourself in
I’m glad I did it because “choosing new situations where you feel out While the food sounded enticing,
challenge” is one of the best ways of your element and insecure. the idea of sitting at a large table
to become more resilient. of strangers did not.
Here’s another example you might
Choosing challenge— relate to, especially if you’re an I told her I would think about it.
i.e. intentionally stepping outside introvert or have social anxiety.
our comfort zone rather than I went back and forth in my
doing what’s easy or anxiety-free— I was doing a keynote at a mind between the thought of
is like strength and conditioning conference in Maine several just wanting to have my quiet
training for the mind and spirit. years ago and had decided to dinner and not putting myself
have a quiet dinner by myself the in the awkward situation of
It makes us psychologically evening before I was to give my having to make small talk with
stronger and more durable, presentation. strangers (something I despise)
which enables us to handle life’s and reminding myself that the
challenges more easily. I wanted to review one more time only way I would become more
what I wanted to say and enjoy the comfortable in these situations is
quietude of a solo dinner.
22 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.comto step outside my comfort zone How You Can Apply This
and get more experience doing it.
• Make sure you’re onboard with
Are you ready
A couple of hours of this back and
forth went by and I still hadn’t
the important truth that to re-enter the
made up my mind.
stepping outside your comfort
zone is a MUST for personal
workforce?
growth and developing
I bumped into my friend again and resilience.
she let me know that we would
all be leaving from the hotel in a • Use slogans like “discomfort
Connecting With
courtesy van. is my friend” to remind yourself Opportunities
You know those scenes in movies
that by definition you will not
feel comfortable stepping
- can help!
where the person does that slow outside your comfort zone, and
stepping outside your comfort GOAL: To create opportunities
motion “Noooooooo!!!!” with their
hands out in front of them? zone is the only way to for individuals impacted directly
grow. So…if you feel anxious or indirectly, by the opioid crisis
That was my Inside Voice after she or scared doing something new to receive the support, training
told me about the van. (that’s healthy), it means you and guidance they need to
are growing. access and maintain sustainable
So, if you want employment.
to become braver • Notice choice points where you
can do the easy thing or the
and more resilient, hard thing and remind yourself CRITERIA:
practice “choosing “I can do hard.” impacted by the opioid
challenge.” • Start small. Just as William epidemic or
James admonished over a would like to work in the
If you’re an introvert or have social hundred years ago, practice fields related to SUD
anxiety or just don’t like small talk with the little, seemingly treatment or recovery
and chit chat, you know what I was inconsequential things first.
thinking: If I go in the courtesy AND
van, I’ll be trapped. • Celebrate your “small wins”
when you choose challenge. If workers who have been laid
I won’t be able to bail out early if it doesn’t go well, reward off or
I’ve had enough. yourself for taking the leap, unemployed for more than
so your brain associates 27 weeks
Because I found the whole idea so positive emotions with
challenging, so not what I would choosing challenge. CONTACT INFORMATION:
normally choose to do, that’s what Cumberland, Knox, Lincoln, Sagadahoc,
I decided to do.
• If jumping into a cold ocean Waldo and York County residents:
seems a bit much, try a few Workforce Solutions:
seconds of a cold shower. Not Gerard Corcoran,
And…it was one of the most 207-274-3305, Gerard.Corcoran
only does it get you out of your
fun evenings I’ve ever had at a @goodwillnne.org
comfort zone, it’s one of the
conference.
best ways to strengthen Aroostook County residents:
your nervous system…aka build Aroostook County Action Program (ACAP):
Not only was the food great, but I
resilience (google “hacks vagus Meghan O’Berry,
had a great time with the people 207-554-4154,
nerve” and read about this).
I met. moberry@acap-me.org
Now, if it had NOT been a fun David Lee is a career Androscoggin, Franklin, Hancock,
time, I would have rewarded coach with Heart at Kennebec, Oxford, Penobscot,
Work Associates and a Piscataquis, Somerset and Washington
myself later for having stepped County residents:
workplace relationship
outside my comfort zone, so I consultant. He is the Eastern Maine Development Corporation
would associate doing so with author of Dealing with (EMDC):
positive emotions. a Difficult Co-Worker: Doug Dunbar, 207-299-5626,
The Courageous OpportunityGrant@emdc.org
Conversations at Work Series.
recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 23PERSONAL RECOVERY STORY
Tania Margate
“
M y name is Tania. I am 47 years
old and I live in Harpswell,
Maine. My recovery spans through
support. A lot of friends started
avoiding me. My world got really
small. It got to the point where my
different inpatient and long- disease was ruling my life.
term recovery houses, recovery
programs, halfway houses, and a The only people I wanted in my life
lot of women along the way willing were the people that were going
to support me and my family.” to use like me; so that I could use
the way I wanted to. But I would
Tania struggled with addiction rather use drugs by myself.
until the very last moment of
getting into recovery; starting the There’s that greed, that hunger,
recovery journey and relapsing. that running out feeling that just
She always thought of using drugs would make my skin crawl.
for just “one last time.” Tania
describes her journey: I decided that I was going to start
being a middleman and start When he did, I was couch surfing
“I identify myself as an addict. helping people get what they and using as much as I possibly
It’s not necessarily from a specific needed when they wanted it. so could. He didn’t give up. He just
thing. It didn’t matter what it that I could have what I needed kept touching base with me.
was, I had to have more of it or when I wanted.
something better. I was always One night, I ended up leaving
looking for that next way to get That led me to some legal issues. the house I was staying at. I was
myself out of my head. And away heading out the door for him to
from my feelings . “I remember sitting at one point, pick me up. That’s when I started
shortly after a drug raid. I had talking about serious recovery. He
I spent most of my life as a some stuff that I had managed to started making phone calls for me.
functioning addict and did not hide from them. Everybody’s gone
really have anything that was and I’m there all by myself and The universe really blessed me
throwing me off the rails. Then I’m using. with this person—coming back and
I had a woman commit suicide reaching down into the darkness
in front of my car. As a result, I Then all of a sudden it didn’t and pulling me out.
started making some really work anymore. I could feel this
bad choices. desperation coming up. And I’m He eventually found a spot where
looking around at this cold empty I could get into; Crossroads for
One of my biggest shames shell of a house. It wasn’t a home. Women and a 30-day program. I
throughout my life has been that All of a sudden, I had this moment could go in on Monday and it was
I’ve been an emotional basket of emotional clarity where I Friday. I snuck out of his house and
case and using helped me stop realized I was alone. had my one last time.
doing that.
Eventually, I had an ex-boyfriend I don’t know how many last times
I eventually burned through a lot who had gotten clean the year I had.
of relationships, including family before. He ended up looking me up.
24 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.comYou can also read
