Star Gazer News Astronomy News for Bluewater Stargazers Vol 15 No.2a Apr 2021
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Star Gazer
News
Astronomy News for Bluewater Stargazers
Vol 15 No.2a Apr 2021
Apr 2021 SGN April Fool Issue
p 1: Astronomical April Fool’s Jokes
p 2: Best Astronomy Joke of All Time
p 3: Newly-named Clair-obscur features on the Moon! Even cave folks were subject to "aperture fever”. And as for
p 4: Cartoon page sticker prices, the $6 refractor was almost as expensive as the $8
light bucket! Some things never change, -except that salesmen
p 5: April Fool’s Astronomy Pranks rarely wear ties anymore.
p 6: Astronomy Pranks (cont’d)
p 7: Make your own Personal Planetarium!
p 8: Constellation map for northern skies
p 10: The Miscellaneous page -includes free scope!
p 11:“Deteriorata” c/o Christopher Guest of “Spinal Tap”
Astronomical
April Fool’s Jokes
By David Dickinson (Mar 2013) in Universe Today
The first day of April is always a traditional time for
pranks and puns, and astronomers and scientists
aren’t above an April Fools’ Day shenanigan or two.
Hey, I gotta admit, as a freelance science journalist, even
my radar will be up tomorrow as I’m sure that someone will
try to slide some wowzers by the credulous media, as they
always have in the past. If the aliens wanted to conquer the
Earth it’s wide open to ‘em on April 1st, I’m just sayin’. Who
would believe the tweets were for real, as they landed ray
guns ablaze on the White House lawn? Trust us; you won’t 1 9 7 6 , A s t ro n o m e r S i r P a t r i c k M o o re m a d e a n
see such April Fools’ hi-jinks from Universe Today. If you announcement along a similar vein to BBC listeners. A rare
read it here, the alien invasion is for real, and you can begin conjunction of the planets Pluto (which was still classified
stockpiling food and ammo appropriately in the best as a planet at the time) & Jupiter would weaken the
tradition of Falling Skies. gravitational field of the Earth at precisely 9:47AM. This
would cause the law of gravity to become temporarily
Here (and continued on page 5 -ed) are just some of the suspended, and cause things to fly about. Big hint: Pluto
classic astronomical April Fools’ jokes perpetrated in the was nowhere near the gas giant at the time. Not that it
past. We start out with “The Jupiter Effect”. would matter or have any consequence for the Earth!
In 1974, John Gribbin published The Jupiter Effect, claiming Although the hoax was quickly revealed, that didn’t stop
that a Grand Alignment of the planets would spell several listeners from calling in and reporting observed
doomsday for the Earth on March 10th, 1982. On April 1st results from the fake Jovian-Plutonian Gravitational effect!
SGN BAS News Apr 2021 pg 2
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BAS Club Events in April
This Special April Fool SGN issue celebrates much that is
hilarious in Astronomy (or at least what your cabin-fevered Some BAS events are underway for 2021. A number have been
editor thinks is hilarious. So give me a break, I have been cancelled due to you-know-what.
cooped up with the same person for more than a year Event times in EDT with 24-h clock unless indicated otherwise
now…). The editor has been saving up more off-the-wall
Apr 03 Sun Viewing at CFHT (Mauna Kea) CANCELLED
articles from the past year, and recycled some from past
issues. Hopefully, these will make your cooped-up days a 07 Wed 19:00 BAS Zoom (Trivia Night)
bit more manageable. Spring has sprung and we need a bit 11 Tue FM -clouded out
of silly to help us through these trying times. 19 Wed LQ -postponed to next month or 2022
22 Sat Messier Marathon Arizona Sky Village
The Best Joke of All Time CANCELLED due to impending dust storm
The British Association for the Advancement of Science did a survey 24 - 30 International Astronomy Week (on Mars)
of several hundred thousand readers for the Best Joke of All Time. 26 Wed 07:16 NM do not confused with Old Moon
The one below was selected by the majority. You can decide for 28 Fri 12:19 Antares occults Moon (daytime event)
yourself after you read it. In my humble opinion, it rates up there as
one of the best in the "clean joke” category, but the field is very
April 07 Wed 19:00 BAS meets online via Zoom (no foolin’).
competitive. Submissions from members are welcome and I promise
Apr 7 is our annual Astronomy Trivia Night when the coveted
to print them in future issues of SGN. Local colour has been added.
T.R.I.V.I.A Trophy will be up for grabs.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping one weekend in the
wilds of Fathom Five National Park and in the middle of the night, The coveted Astronomy Trivia
Holmes nudges Watson awake and says: “Watson, you know my Trophy is up for grabs once again.
methods, look up and tell me what you can deduce from the stars Winner will receive trophy (after a safe
overhead.” cleaning process) and have their name
engraved on the base for eternity.
Watson rubs the sleep out of his eyes, looks up and sees the stars
and Milky Way overhead and a thin crescent Moon shining low above The trophy is an actual working
the eastern horizon. reflactor-type telescope with multi-
ocular eyepiece (4 ports) with
“Well,” says the good doctor, “judging by the last crescent Moon in the magnifications ranging from 2500X to
sky, it is only a few nights from new Moon.” “Excellent!” says Holmes. 60 000X with included 50X Barlow. Just
perfect for those closeup views of
“Also the Milky Way standing vertically in the SW sky indicates that Uranus. There is also a unique
this is summer…but that is, as you were about to say, Holmes, finderscope system that includes a
Elementary!” rearward-looking finder to locate
objects below the horizon.
Watson went on: “The position of the Big Dipper with bowl and tail Patent pending JH.
horizontal above the northern horizon indicates to me that it is late Note: new for 2021! -a solar filter
morning in the beginning of July and that we are about 1 hour from adapter is included that has 4 filters,
T.R.I.V.I.A =
sunup.” And a self-satisfied smile played over his lips. one for each eyepiece. You can
Telescopic simultaneously view the Sun
Reflactor through a Ca, H-alpha, Sulphur and
Holmes is impressed. “Excellent, my dear fellow! You are an apt pupil! Imaging
But there is one thing you have missed.” Mg filters for those stunning views
Visualizer and of prominences and surface
Instrumental features!
“And what pray tell is that?”
Accessory
“Someone has stolen our tent.”
SGN New Lunar “Clair-obscur” Features Named Apr 2021 pg 3
Above: “Pointy-Nosed Face
Above: “Five Mountains Alien Above: “Kid on Back of Motorbike (or ATV), Bouncing
blowing Snot”
Artifact” a Ball (Stop Action)” This feature is clearly as described
Feature here has been described,
Feature arrowed is the third of in the name. The handle-bars of the bike are at right
rather mundanely, as the Lunar-X,
five points inside almost equally above the wheel and the child is standing on the luggage
but a few hours after the X (the
sized craters -two above and two rack and bouncing the ball. Photo shows multiple
bridge of the nose is one arm of
to the right. Obviously an alien exposures of the ball. After the terminator advances only
the X) blends into the lunar
construction project -probably a few minutes, a carrier on the front of the bike appears
brightness, a face, vaguely
abandoned theme-park rides. with a case of beer visible inside. (Clearly a teen-ager.)
reminiscent of Groucho Marks
Edge of Mare Futilus is just below this feature.
appears. The large round “open
mouth” below the pointy snout is Above: “Evil Cat”
clearly shooting something into Not much imagination is required here to see the snout, Below: “Snake-faced Hand Puppet”
space above the nose, or else it eyes and two ears (sticking out into the dark) of the cat I Feature that normally is described as
is Covid virus caught in the act of owned (rather that owned us) during my last two years of the Lunar V transforms into a snake
being forcefully ejected from a University. He had a particularly bad habit of pawing me hand puppet after the second larger
nasal passage. Flat area off awake in the middle of the night after he had used his “V” appears to its left. And in a
bottom of image is Mare litter box. My bed sheets were always crunchy. The cat’s remarkable coincidence, after another
Stupiditatus. name was Kneivel and yes, he loved jumping. Large 30 minutes of increase in Sun
crater to right of arrow is Gangrenus. elevation, the larger “V” to the left of
the puppet face, becomes the face of
Lunar “Clair-Obscur” -“an oxymoronic Taurus the Bull. The question has to
description of stuff that ain’t there” -JH be posed, what is this Bull?
Much has been made of the human ability to imagine things that
are not there. (Many examples come to mind recently during the
USA’s 45th presidency, including ability, bravery, compassion,
diplomacy, empathy, foresight, grace, health knowledge, ingenuity,
justice for lesser-privileged, etc….
But to stick to lunacy only, the Moon has many features that
appear on the terminator or when dramatic shadows are created
by low sun-angles. In a recent viewing via Zoom/telescope at a
local observatory, two of the more common features were viewed.
The perpetrator of the viewing continued watching well past the
end of the session and recorded the view above after the Lunar X
was no longer discernible. But many other features were seen for
the first time. As is the prerogative of the discoverer, these have
been given names which will henceforth be used in future issues of
this publication. The IAU has been contacted to register the
nomenclature used herein.
SGN The Cartoon Page Apr 2021 pg 4
Formula for the
Universe:
Hydrogen, Time
SGN Astronomers with a sense of humour? -meh. Apr 2021 pg 5
More Astronomical
April Fool’s Jokes
Many questionable astrophysical papers have been
spotted in the wild trying to sneak past the
guardians-that-be over the years on & around April
1st. On April Fools’ past, we’ve learned that
Schrödinger’s Cat is not alone, the supposed
discovery of the “bigon” particle, and that the “non-
detection of the tooth fairy” has been reported.
Hey, never let it be said that science geeks lack a
sense of humor. What’s especially amazing is when
one of these tall tales actually makes it past the
credulous media and into print!
One of our favourites hit the servers last year on
March 30th just in time to gain traction for April
Fools’ Day with the cryptic title On the influence of
the Illuminati in astronomical adaptive optics.
OK, I’ll admit we didn’t question the veracity of the
claim for oh, like, maybe a tenth of a second. For
those without enlightenment into the world of Woo,
the Illuminati are purported to be the shadow cult
organization going back to the Middle Ages that’s Galileo shows off the workings of his
supposed to be behind, well, every nefarious plot in telescope to cardinals from a tower
modern society. “They put the eye over the pyramid overlooking San Marco Square in Venice.
on the back of a dollar bill, man…” as some true And no, the optics were not adaptive.
believers will claim. And while they didn’t have
adaptive optics technology way back in Galileo’s
time, the mock study does assert a tenuous link
between the Illuminati and the “astronomical rise” of Brittany
Spears and Lady Gaga.
The Moons of Barsoom
Are Martians secretly hollowing out a base on the Moons of
Barsoom? The Moons of Mars were also the setting for an April
Fools’ prank in 1959. The Martian moons are bizarre in their own
right. Orbiting at 6,000 & 20,060 kilometres above the surface of
the Red Planet, Phobos & Deimos are almost certainly captured
asteroids. In fact, Phobos orbits its primary closer than any other
moon in the solar system. Phobos will crash into Mars millions of
years in the future.
The hoax was perpetrated when Walter Scott Houston, posing as
Dr. Arthur Hayall of the fictitious University of the Sierras made a
claim in the Great Plains Observer that Phobos & Deimos were in
fact artificial satellites. Though the joke ran its course, the idea
has cropped up in fringe circles over the years. Russian scientist
Iosif Shklovsky made a similar allusion years later, asserting that
the low density of Phobos indicated that it was hollow (!) Mariner
9 returned the first close-up views of Phobos in 1971, showing a
decidedly asteroid-looking appearance. Of course, this hasn’t
stopped the likes of folks like Richard Hoagland (he of the face on
Mars) from resurrecting the outlandish claim, all of which started
as a practical joke. And of course, with the advent of the Internet,
you don’t have to wait until April 1st to receive modern day hoax
emails proclaiming “MARS WILL APPEAR AS BIG AS THE FULL
MOON!!!” which now apparently happens every August.
SGN Water on Mars: No Joke! Apr 2021 pg 6
More Fake Moons
Spurious moons are apparently the “low-hanging fruit”
of astronomical April Fools’ pranks.
In 2012, an image of a purported moon of the planet
Mercury’s as discovered by the MESSENGER
spacecraft appeared in the JPL Photojournal. The
captioning declared the moon had been named
Caduceus and was 70 metres in diameter. Perhaps
such a prank is appealing because there’s nothing
immediately outlandish about the idea. New moons
get discovered periodically on first reconnaissance
missions past planets.
For a brief time in 1974, Mariner 10 project scientists
did indeed think they had discovered a Mercurial
moon. Reading on through the press release, however,
revealed that a collision course of MESSENGER with
the moon was set to cause it to “arrive at Earth by
2014.” The “moon” also bared a suspicious
resemblance to the asteroid 243 Ida as seen by the
Jupiter-bound Galileo spacecraft in 1993.
Fake Mars Water May be Real
Some April Fools' hoaxes have presented ideas
that have actually gained scientific traction in reality
over the years. On March 31st, 2005, NASA's
Astronomy Picture of the Day
website contained the teaser
"Water on Mars!" for its next
presentation to follow on the
next day. A flurry of discussion
followed; was there a Spirit or
Opportunity rover discovery
forthcoming? We should've
checked the calendar first. The
next day, APOD featured water…
in a glass, sitting atop a Mars bar
-image below. What's ironic is
that recent announcements from
the Mars Science Laboratory
support the idea of ancient water
on the Red Planet, so the MSL
may well have had the last laugh.
Sulfate-rich sandstone imaged by Opportunity (left)
and Curiosity (right). Both hint at ancient surface water on
Mars. (Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech/Cornell/MSSS).
The Museum of Hoaxes also hosts a list of astronomy & space-themed April
Fools' Day pranks that have been perpetrated over the years. From a Soviet
space capsule landing outside of Kankakee, Illinois to life discovered on
Jupiter in 1996, it's all enshrined for the curious. One of our faves is Google's
2004 announcement that they were accepting applications at a new research
center… based on the Moon in Copernicus crater. The ability to survive "with
limited access to such modern conveniences as soy low-fat lattes," was cited
as a prerequisite, but a sushi chef and two massage therapists would be on
site. At least the assignment wouldn't be totally austere!
SGN Personal Planetarium! Apr 2021 pg 7
Constellations: Stars of Northern Hemisphere Apr 2021 pg 8
Constellations are Hallucinations, but of the recent inventions like Android and
Camelopackis indicates that our forefathers and
we love them anyway. mothers were a lot smarter than us and is a cautionary
message to you rebellious youngsters out there. Listen
The ancients looked at the heavens and saw the to your parents, wear your Booties outside and don’t
shapes of gods and animals in the stars. This was smoke Corona’s (they're meant for drinking anyway).
probably due to widespread drug abuse in ancient You will get a nice Conis Major if you are good, by
times. Nevertheless, we still use the names they gave Jimmy!
the constellations. The fact that they anticipated many
Chart Legend
Star Location
Double Stars
+ Nebulae
Clusters
* Variable Stars
Var
Sky Info Apr 2017 pg 9
Planets
Today we officially recognize 8 planets, but
many more objects than that revolve around
the Sun, so if you use a loose (and stupid)
definition like "a planet is an object that
revolves around the Sun” then there are close
to 100 000 “planets”. Try teaching that
mnemonic phrase to kindergarten child…
Easier to sort out is the relative scale and
distances of the main planets. Starting out with
the relative sizes, if Earth were a tennis ball on
the head of the Wiarton Willie statue, Venus
would be a golf ball in Thunder Bay. Likewise,
Mercury would be a badminton bird in Timmins,
ON and Mars a hockey puck in Moosonee.
The Sun would be the size of the St. Norbert
Hotel in Winnipeg, MN (brewery and restaurant
on site). Jupiter would be Erin O’Toole's
impression of his importance, the supposed
size of his head if you will, and located in the
far, far west somewhere, while Saturn would be
the size of Justin Trudeau’s federal deficit after
the Covid crisis.
Uranus would be a Cranshaw melon imported
to Yellowknife, NWT and Neptune a typical
serving of french fries at La Petit Alep Bistro in
Montreal (caution: their dips are garlic bombs!) * Editor does not take credit for ANY of the material presented here.
Items presented on pages 7, 8 and 9 for example are from “Science
And assuming that Pluto is still a planet for the Made Stupid” by Tom Weller © 1965. Zerox copies can be obtained
purposes of this discussion, it would be from the editor at the usual email for $159.95 Cdn cash only.
visualized as the actual size of Erin O’Toole's
brain, i.e. a particle floating along in the trail of * PS, if you are a Conservative supporter, and have taken umbrage at my
a diarrhetic penguin in the Antarctic Sea. * Erin O’Toole comments, please accept my condolences.
SGN The Miscellaneous Page -no foolin’ here Apr 2021 pg 10
SGN
Classified
Ads
see more at
www.johns-astronomy.com
FOR SALE:
Mallincam Xtreme -$500 obo
contact f.williams@bell.net
“non X2” version of the Extreme, not
economic to upgrade according to Rock
Mallin. See https://www.mallincam.net/
xtreme.html for some details.
Sells on Astro-buysell for ~600$ (see ad
#46677). This unit has a class 0 chip, a
video to USB capture device, a full set of
cables, (USB and video), plus a focal reducer nosepiece -i.e. the
MFR reducer set, currently ~249US$. Whole kit image below.
FOR SALE: 12.5 inch f/6
Works great for short unguided images of deep sky objects, or Dobsonian telescope
longer guided imaging, but for long exposures, a DSLR has Homebuilt by experienced telescope maker in 1980. See
greater resolution and field of view. Sep 2014 SGN pg 9 for build details. Truss tube design
with full thickness Coulter mirror -one of their best,
recently re-aluminized. Focuser and secondary mirror/
spider is a Novak unit. Alt-azimuth mount (3/4-inch ply) is
a nice wood grain finish with coating of Varathane. This is
a large telescope and probably would be happy in a
relatively permanent location, but is portable if you have
lots of trunk space. Loading into and out of a car trunk is
easier with two people. Can be seen at the Fox
Observatory.
Asking $759.98 but willing to negotiate. Contact John H.
at 519-371-0670 or stargazerjohn@rogers.com.
Free! to a good home…
Vernonscope 12-inch
Cassegrain/Newtonian
See details in the Special
issue of SGN here: http://
www.johns-astronomy.com/
resources/U-of-G-scope--
history-med-res.pdf
Contact the editor if
interested.SGN Some Final Words to live by…or not… Apr 2021 pg 11
"Deteriorata” below, is a parody of "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann, a piece that I personally find vomit-
inducing. “Desiderata”, on the other hand is a breath of fresh air in comparison. It was written by
Christopher Guest of "Spinal Tap" fame and is narrated by Norman Rose, whose voice reminds me of
someone, I can’t think who. The female singer was an unknown singer at the time named Melissa
Manchester. A YouTube video is available here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ey6ugTmCYMk
Deteriorata You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
Go placidly amid the noise and waste, The universe is laughing behind your back.
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece
thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. [In case you didn’t get it the first FOUR times:]
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
You are a fluke of the universe.
Know what to kiss, and when. You have no right to be here.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. And whether you can hear it or not,
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, The universe is laughing behind your back.
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Remember The Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
Know yourself.
If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you -
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna,
Taiwan.
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.
Take heart in the deepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese. Finger of God? Nebula is a part of a larger feature called
And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot, the Keyhole Nebula in the still larger Carina Nebula
It could only be worse in Milwaukee. complex in the southern sky. You can see the entire image
featured on APOD for Aug 14, 2016 here: https://
You are a fluke of the universe. apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap160814.html. That image also
You have no right to be here. shows the Ear of God and the Earwax of God. Nowhere in
And whether you can hear it or not, the caption with that image is there mention of the striking
The universe is laughing behind your back. resemblance of this starwind-sculpted cloud to a hand
giving the one-finger salute. The APOD folks have tried to
Therefore, make peace with your god, defuse the situation by describing the feature as
Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic resembling a “a superhero flying through a cloud, arm up,
muffin. with a saved person in tow below., But, just do a Google
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, search for “Finger of God” and you will find lots of posts of
The world continues to deteriorate. this image accompanied by desultory comments (that will
Give up! not be repeated here), but no mention of superheroes. -edYou can also read
