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Fall 2019
FROM THE EDITOR
A Bright Light in Dark Times
By Rob Okun
T
here is a struggle under way member of the same men’s group for more
between light and shadow along than 40 years (see “When Two Generations
the continuum of contemporary of Men’s Groups Meet,” Fall 2017).
masculinity. At one end—the light—is More than 25 years ago when I was
the integrated healthy life of men like learning how to lead groups for men
my friend and colleague Steve Trudel, a acting abusively, I shadowed Steve every
gifted counselor and social worker who Wednesday night for months, paying close
was relational, engaged and loving. On the attention as I slowly found my voice. Imagine
other end—the shadow in every sense— a room with a hodgepodge of furniture—a
are men suffering from mascupathy—a worn sofa, lumpy easy chairs, garage-sale
disorder where traits such as aggression and lamps—peopled by a hodgepodge of men
invulnerability are exaggerated, and those of filling the wastebasket with empty water
openness and empathy are repressed. bottles and to-go coffee cups. Wounded
For three decades Steve facilitated men who had wounded others; angry men
groups for men acting abusively in their and nervous men; defiant men and skeptical
relationships. Year after year he worked with men; men who wondered if or what they
Liora Mondiak
these men with such empathy, wisdom and might possibly learn from the tall, twinkling-
steadfastness that if there were an Oscar for eyed white gay guy with a goatee leading
group facilitation, a shelf in his living room their group.
would have held more than one. He was 69 Steve Trudel 1950 - 2019 Steve worked the room like a master actor
when he died in early August. holding an audience spellbound. He knew
Steve was among the first men to recognize that engaging with when to use humor, when to employ compassionate confrontation,
abusive men was essential to curb domestic violence. In the early and always was on the lookout for a teachable moment. I watched
1980s he went to San Francisco to learn how the Men Overcoming more than once as the light bulb switched on for men in the group:
Violence (MOVE) program there ran batterer intervention groups. flannel-shirted mechanics and white-collar managers; farmers in
He brought home to the Men’s Resource Center in western work boots and professors in sandals.
Massachusetts a belief that it was possible for men to change. It is estimated Steve worked with more than a thousand men and
Steve was the kind of man we champion in the pages of Voice held nearly every position in the Men’s Resource Center’s batterers’
Male: kind, compassionate and creative—a master gardener, chef, program, Moving Forward. Near the end of his career, he served
and a singer whose voice—both in the choruses in which he was as the liaison for the female partners or ex-partners of men in the
a member, and the Saturday night music parties he so loved—was program, a position that heretofore had been exclusively held by a
rich, deep, and pure. He stirred hearts, possessing the rare capacity female staff member. That the women had no issue with a man as
to both hold the suffering of others and steer those in pain toward the program’s support person speaks volumes about Steve. He was
the light. not just any man. In gaining the trust of these brave women, he set
While I was writing this column, there had been another mass a standard for all men who would be allies to women survivors. This
shooting—seven people murdered and 25 wounded in Midland is what is possible for manhood.
and Odessa, Texas. Elsewhere in the magazine is an op-ed I wrote Today, when the glimmer of men’s consciousness brightens and
in the aftermath of the El Paso, Tex., and Dayton, Ohio, shootings dims like the sun and moon moving in and out from behind the
(see page 15). It was the latest in a dozen versions I’ve written over clouds, we need more men to connect more dots—from recognizing
the years; take your pick: Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook, Orlando, Las their privilege (and being open about the challenge of relinquishing
Vegas… Central to all of them is what is central—but maddeningly even some of it) to honestly acknowledging and accepting the
mostly ignored—in all mass shootings: the gender of the murderer. implications of #MeToo (where men struggle to know how to
They are virtually always male and usually white. While I can’t know respond to the truth of women’s experience). Progress toward
for sure if any of those killers might have been helped by counseling, the transformation of manhood may not be celebrated, but it is
I wish they could have been in a group with Steve. happening—painstakingly, slowly, steadily. Steve Trudel’s life was a
Of course, not all men are so damaged that they believe the powerful example.
only way to deal with their hurt is to hurt themselves and/or others. While Steve would have dismissed the idea of being described
Nevertheless, it is also true that men do hurt—ourselves and others— as embodying a “new vision of manhood,” it’s irrefutable that his life
regularly: from abusing substances to abusing those we purport offers much for us to contemplate, especially today when, as Thoreau
to cherish; from ignoring our health to ignoring our families. Too said, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.” While we now know
many of us lack the capacity to express feelings (besides anger) at he did not add, “…and die with their song still inside them,” that
any depth. We become numb not only to our own pain but also to might have been something Steve would have said—before inviting
the pain of others. a circle of men to join with him to sing.
Steve understood all this at a personal level; his insights about his
own life profoundly informed his counseling. His childhood family
life was rocky; he used his own experience as a survivor to empathize
with—but never to condone—the behavior of the men he counseled.
He knew that it was by exploring our inner life that we could move
from the darkness to the light. He took his own advice and was a Rob Okun can be reached at rob@voicemalemagazine.org.
Voice Male
VO I C E M AL E
The Magazine for Changing Men Fall 2019
w w w.voicemalemagazine.org Volume 23 No. 77
9 Violence Against the Transgender Community 2019 10
Compiled by the Human Rights Campaign
10 Will Men Speak Up in the Face of #MeToo?
By Jackson Katz
12 Accountability and Responsibility in the #MeToo Era
By Joan Tabachnick and Cordelia Anderson
15 Now Will We Put Gender at the Center of Gun Debate?
By Rob Okun
16 The New Men of India Redefining Manhood 16
By Rajvi Desai
19 Radical Feminism: A Gift to Men
By Robert Jensen
22 You Throw Like a Girl: The Blind Spot of Masculinity
By Don McPherson
24 What UK Boys Think About Becoming Men
By Tom Lamont
28 Raising Sons to Embrace Positive Masculinity 18
By Bernice Morquette and Alexa Hassink
30 Voice Male in the Classroom
Columns
2 From the Editor
4 Letters
5 Men @ Work
8 Fathering - Fatherly Evolution 22
By Tom H. Hastings
18 Men’s Health - Poor Body Image Taking a Toll on Men’s Mental Health
By Glen Jankowski
31 Poetr y - Black Men Are Precious
By E. Ethelbert Miller
32 Resources for Changing Men
m a l e positive • pro - feminist • open - minded
Fall 2019 
Staff Mail Bonding
Rob A. Okun the articles very high, especially the one
Editor and Publisher Profeminist Men: on how men can be truly and helpfully
Lahri Bond More than “Soldiers” profeminist (“What’s the Best Way for
Men to Be Profeminist? For Starters, Be
Art Director
for Gender Justice Vulnerable and Humble”, Spring 2019),
Amanda Pickett and one on the mother wound (“Mother
Director of Programming Alan Berkowitz is spot on in suggesting
the next right step in the profeminist men’s Wound as Missing Link in Understanding
Christine Polaczak movement (“What’s the Best Way for Men Misogyny,” Spring 2018). By the way, I
Circulation Coordinator to Be Profeminist? For Starters, Be Vulner- generally am very reluctant to subscribe
able and Humble”, Spring 2019). I think to magazines. Astronomy and Scientific
Michael Burke
Copy Editor many in the first generation profeminist American are about as far as I go. As I teach
men’s moment operated with predomi- meditation professionally, might you be
Crystal Boateng interested in using meditation to dismantle
Website Manager nantly a male paradigm—recruiting and
mobilizing conscientious male “soldiers” the patriarchy from the ground up?
Mary Kate Schmermund to fight against gender violence (even Reggie Ray, Spiritual Director
Communications Manager Dharma Ocean Foundation
as they acknowledged women’s vision
Kenton Bell and leadership). Nevertheless, many in Crestone, Colo.
Website Consultant the army of men were hierarchical and
Ana Arvizu, Quentin Thomas seemed not to express the vulnerability Healing Wounds
Interns and humility Berkowitz suggests is neces-
sary to be a balanced Thank you for providing the space
profeminist. The male where men can share
paradigm many employed their important stories.
VOICE MALE is published by the had men standing An article that particu-
Alliance for Changing Men, an affili- shoulder to shoulder to larly resonated with me
ate of Family Diversity Projects, PO seek out the enemy—the is “To Heal My Wounds,
Box 1246, Amherst, MA 01004. It bad guys—rather than I Work with Men and
is mailed to subscribers in the U.S., taking time to “circle Boys,” by Diederik Prakke
Canada, and overseas and is distrib- up” and do the hard (Spring 2019). Reading
uted at select locations around the inner work of healing his story made me think
country and to conferences, universi- ourselves. The humility about two very important
ties, colleges and secondary schools, and vulnerability of men men in my life: my dad
and among non-profit and non-gov- processing their feelings and my brother. My dad
ernmental organizations. The opin- may not have been explic- grew up with the ideals
ions expressed in Voice Male are those itly disrespected, but in that men and boys don’t
of its writers and do not necessarily many arenas it certainly cry, which passed down
reflect the views of the advisors or was marginalized because to my brother. Although
staff of the magazine, or its sponsor, “real soldiers” man up he has experienced a lot
Family Diversity Projects. Copyright of loss and trauma, I have
and just get the gender justice job done.
© 2019 Alliance for Changing Men/ never seen my dad shed a tear, or show
Berkowitz’s article is long overdue and I
Voice Male magazine. any signs of vulnerability for that matter.
look forward to contributing to its message
Subscriptions as I strongly believe that the healing of It’s alarming and heartbreaking because I
Individuals: 4 issues $30. 8 issues - $45. men and society isn’t a zero sum game of can only imagine how internalizing these
Institutions: $45 and $65. For bulk either being soldiers tackling gender justice feelings has affected him...and my brother.
orders, go to voicemalemagazine.org together or isolating ourselves in the woods It makes me fearful also, because my
or call Voice Male at 413.687-8171. doing drum circles and intimate self disclo- brother has two little boys, and although
sure. It is a combination where we are both I teach them what I’ve learned regarding
Advertising: For rates and dead- masculinity, I’m afraid they’ll strive to be
lines, go to voicemalemagazine.org healing ourselves and working to heal the
suffering men have caused in the world. like the male figures in their life. On a
or call Voice Male 413.687-8171.
Randy Flood, Director different note, I think it’s super important
Submissions: The editors welcome Men’s Resource Center of that Prakke discussed his wounds and
letters, articles, news items, reviews, West Michigan practicing self-awareness. I think that self-
story ideas and queries, and infor- Grand Rapids, Mich. awareness is important to making change.
mation about events of interest. Melanie Diaz
Unsolicited manuscripts are wel- Long Beach, Calif.
comed but the editors cannot be Dismantling Patriarchy
responsible for their loss or return.
Manuscripts and queries may be sent with Meditation
Letters may be sent via email to
via email to www.voicemalemagazine. I was looking around the Internet for www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to
org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, articles on patriarchy and the mother Editors: Voice Male, PO Box 1246,
PO Box 1246, Amherst, MA 01004. wound in men, and came across your Amherst, MA 01004
magazine. I found the quality of some of
Voice Male
Men @ Work
other leaders. It
includes three case “Mansplaining” Hotline
studies, featuring for Women (Really!)
the work of grass-
roots organizations Women who have thing s man-
working in politi- splained to them in the workplace can
cally and cultur- now report it to a dedicated hotline.
ally conser vative Unionen, Sweden’s largest union, began
c o n t e x t s : Tr u s t encouraging members to call it back in
for Indigenous 2016 when male colleagues were giving
Culture and Health women unsolicited lectures on things they
in Kenya , Inter- already understand. Unionen, which repre-
n at i o n a l C e nt re sents 600,000 private sector workers, said it
for Reproductive launched the hotline as part of a campaign
Health and Sexual to highlight and stamp out the insidious
Rights in Nigeria, and damaging practice.
and The YP Foun- A study by the American Psychological
Challenging the Taboo: dation in India. Association said mansplaining happens
In places where patriarchal gender when men “tend to overestimate their
Child Forced Marriage norms are strictly enforced, people, espe- intelligence to a much greater extent than
Patriarchal control of adolescent cially girls and women, are constrained women.” The union defined it as when
girls’ sexuality is a key driver in a horrific in their freedom to express their sexu- “a man explains something to a woman
ongoing assault on girls: Child/Early and ality, according to the working group without being asked, particularly some-
Forced Marriages/Unions (CEFMU). A that produced the report. Control of the thing which she might already know more
new report presents findings from a review female body is an important focal point about than the man.”
of 23 organizations working at the intersec- of patriarchy, they said—both contrib- The hotline advises upset and frus-
tion of child marriage and sexuality. uting to and reinforced within CEFMUs. trated callers on what action they could
The report, “Tackling the Taboo: Child marriage is an example of how take, including to help them move on.
Sexuality and Gender-Transformative women’s and girls’ life choices—down Since there are no set answers, the
Programs to End Child, Early and Forced to the most intimate: if, whom, and people staffing the line each employ their
Marriage and Unions,” is intended as a when to marry—are taken from them own best thinking based on their own
learning tool for practitioners, a guide for and controlled by others. For the full experiences. Unsurprisingly, the initiative
future research opportunities, a call to report go to https://girlsnotbrides.org/wp- unleashed a flood of negative comments
action for funders, and an advocacy tool for content/uploads/2019/05/Tackling-the- on Unionen’s Facebook page, particularly
engaging in dialogue with policymakers and Taboo_-Full_English.pdf. from men.
Board of Advisors
Juan Carlos Areán Sut Jhally Don McPherson
Futures Without Violence Media Education Foundation Mentors in Violence Prevention
Adi Bemak Allan G. Johnson* Mike Messner
Educator and consultant Novelist and author, The Gender Knot Prof. of Sociology, Univ. of So. California
Bill T. Jones
Steven Botkin E. Ethelbert Miller
North American Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Co.
Poet/ Literary Activist
MenEngage Network Jackson Katz
Craig Norberg-Bohm
Guadalupe (Pita) Cortes Mentors in Violence Prevention Strategies
North American MenEngage Network
Complices por la equidad Michael Kaufman
Judy Norsigian
Eve Ensler White Ribbon Campaign Our Bodies Ourselves
V-Day Benno de Keizer Joan Tabachnick
Tom Gardner Complices por la equidad Visiting Fellow, Department of Justice
Professor of Communications Joe Kelly SMART Office
Westfield State University Fathering Educator, The Emily Program Shira Tarrant
Byron Hurt Prof. of Gender and Sexuality Studies,
Charles Knight
God Bless the Child Productions California State Univ. Long Beach
Out of the Man Box
Robert Jensen Miriam Zoll
Prof. of Journalism, Univ. of Texas *Deceased Educator and author, Cracked Open
Fall 2019 
Men @ Work
the 1980s, and steadily decreased among
whites since 2010, progress has stalled
among black men, while among Latinos
“new infections (are) beginning to rise,
particularly among ... gay and bisexual
men,” according to the CDC.
Traumatized Boys and
Gender Equality
Boys in poor urban areas around the
world are suffering even more than girls
from violence, abuse and neglect, ground-
breaking international recently published
research suggests. The studies suggest an
adequate focus on helping boys is critical Young Men at Highest
to achieving gender equality in the longer
Fatherhood is not a term. “This is the first global study to inves- Homicide Risk
partisan issue. tigate how a cluster of traumatic childhood A new United Nations study reports
experiences—‘Adverse Childhood Expe- that young men account for more than half
In August, Trevor Mallard, Speaker riences’ (ACE), work together to cause of all homicide victims in scores of coun-
of the House of Representatives in specific health issues in early adolescence, tries; globally those aged 15 and 29 are at the
New Zealand’s Parliament, cradled with terrible lifelong consequences,” said highest risk. The study by the UN Office on
and fed the one-month old son of Dr. Robert Blum, lead researcher for the Drugs and Crime (UNODC) revealed that
fellow lawmaker Tamati Coffey and his global study published in the Journal of some 464,000 people across the world were
husband, Tim Smith, while presiding Adolescent Health. victims of homicidal violence in 2017—
over a legislative debate. No word yet “While we found young girls often more than five times the number killed in
on the political leanings of the infant. suffer significantly, contrary to common armed conflict over the same period. The
belief, boys reported even greater exposure study found that while girls and boys aged
to violence and neglect, which makes them nine and under are more or less equally
HIV Statistics High more likely to be violent in return,” Dr. represented in homicide victim numbers,
Blum said. A study from Johns Hopkins in all other age groups, males make up
for Men of Color Bloomberg School of Public Health looked more than 50 percent of the toll, according
Since the AIDS epidemic exploded at childhood traumas suffered by 1,284 to data from 41 countries. In all regions,
three decades ago, new HIV infection rates adolescents ages 10 to 14 in more than a the likelihood of boys becoming victims of
have fallen across the U.S. Yet for African dozen low-income urban settings in the homicide increases with age; globally those
American men, infection rates remain U.S., China, the U.K., Egypt and Bolivia. between 15 and 29 are at the highest risk of
stubbornly high—and, among Latino men, Overall, 46 percent of young adolescents homicide. In the Americas, the victim rate
the rates are nudging upward. In a new reported experiencing violence; 38 percent among 18-and 19-year-olds is estimated
paper released in July, the Centers for said they suffered emotional neglect and 29 at 46 per 100,000, far higher than for their
Disease Control and Prevention pinpoints percent experienced physical neglect. Girls peers in other regions. Firearms are also
an important factor: Minority men are tend to show higher levels of depression involved “far more often” in homicides
far less likely than whites to know about than boys. However, boys were more likely in the Americas than elsewhere, another
or use a powerful drug combination that to report being victims of physical neglect, report, the Global Study on Homicide 2019,
can keep them from getting infected. That’s sexual abuse and violence. While higher maintained. “High levels of violence are
despite research that shows from 2014 to levels of trauma lead both boys and girls to strongly associated with young males, both
2017, awareness of the drug combination, engage in more violent behaviors, boys are as perpetrators and victims,” the report
pre-exposure prophylaxis, also known as more likely to become violent. said. “So violence prevention programs
PrEP, increased in 20 urban areas, from should focus on providing support to
60 percent to 90 percent. At the same young men to prevent them from being
time, the percentage of people taking the lured into a subculture of... gangs (and)
drug combination increased from 6 to 35 drug dealing.”
percent, according to the paper. “Despite
this progress, PrEP use among (men who African American Men
have sex with other men), especially among
black and Hispanic MSM, remains low,” Mistrust Medical World
according to the paper. “Continued efforts Mistrust of health care providers,
to improve (PrEP) coverage are needed to fueled by painful experiences with racism,
reach the goal of 90 percent reduction in makes African American men more likely
HIV incidence by 2030.” Moreover, while to delay routine screenings and doctor’s
overall infection rates have plunged since appointments, according to a new study in
Voice Male
Men @ Work
the journal Behavioral Medicine by the quality of life. The program is based at
Health Disparities Institute (HDI) at the the University of Newcastle in New South
University of Connecticut. The result has Wales, Australia.
potentially serious implications for their Follow-up investigations also revealed a
overall health. crucial outcome: benefits were maintained
long-term. Now called SHED-IT Recharge,
the new trial planned to recruit 120 men to
receive new strategies to feel mentally well
along with employing existing resources
to teach men how to lose weight, become
more active and improve their diet.
“SHED-IT was designed from the
outset to engage and appeal to blokes, who
are far outnumbered by women in weight
Canada Funding to
loss,” said lead researcher Dr. Myles Young Engage Men and Boys
of the Hunter Medical Research Institute’s
The C anadian government is
Cardiovascular Research Program, adding
providing more than half a million dollars
that it was important to create a program
to encourage men and boys to advocate for
specifically targeted at men.
gender equality.
“While SHED-IT doesn’t include
Minister of Gender Equality Maryam
“Medical mistrust is significantly any face-to-face contact, our three-year
Monsef announced the new funding in
contributing to delays in African Amer- results are comparable to studies where
Calgary at the end of August, where she
ican men utilizing the health care system,” men attended up to 30 sessions with a
also released a report intended to develop a
says Dr. Wizdom Powell, the study’s lead trained health professional,” according to
gender equality strategy that includes men
author, who is HDI director and associate Dr. Young.
and boys in the conversation.
professor in the Department of Psychiatry Of 200 participants in the previous
The report, based on roundtable
at the UConn School of Medicine. The new SHED-IT trial, 20 per cent reported
discussions across the country, resulted in
study reports that “medical mistrust”— worrying levels of depressive symptoms
funding four projects:
defined as a suspicion or lack of trust in before the program. Afterward, the men lost
medical organizations—is associated with weight, improved their lifestyle behaviors, • Alberta Council of Women's Shelters
delays in African American men’s routine and symptoms had substantially reduced, will receive $212,000 to promote sports
health visits, blood pressure, and choles- Dr. Young reported. figures as role models to increase aware-
terol screenings. It also found that men To contact the program, write ness of gender-based violence. That orga-
who report experiencing frequent everyday recharge@newcastle.edu.au. nization will work with the Canadian
racism had higher odds of delaying screen- Football League leading up to the Grey
ings and routine health care visits. Also, Cup.
those who perceived racism in health care
had more medical mistrust with signifi- • Catalyst Canada, a non-profit that helps
cantly reduced rates of preventive health support women in the workplace, will
care utilization. “We must address medical receive $100,000 to promote workplace
mistrust and racism in and outside of inclusion and support men as disruptors
health care institutions to increase life- of workplace sexism.
saving preventive health screenings among
the high-risk population of African Amer- • FOXY, a non-profit that focuses on
ican men,” says Powell. sexual health and empowered decision
making, will receive $125,000 to engage
Weight Loss Improves young Indigenous men and boys on
gender equality in the Northwest Terri-
Men’s Mental Health Invisibility of tories.
The Australian-based internationally • Next Gen Men at the University of
renowned research program SHED- Male Privilege Calgary will receive $125,000 to build
IT (Self-Help, Exercise and Diet using It wasn’t until 1965 that married networks for profeminist male leaders to
Information Technology) has been women in France no longer had to engage on gender equality issues.
redesigned with a renewed focus on obtain their husband’s consent to
helping men lift their mood, not just lose work. Michael Kehler, a professor of mascu-
weight. In Australia, married women could linities studies at the University of Calgary,
Previous study outcomes showed not apply for passports without their says gender equality needs to be an ongoing
that men shed an average of 10 to 20 husband’s permission until 1983. initiative that involves everyone. The Cana-
pounds during the program while also In Britain, marital rape was not dian government committed $1.8 million
decreasing their waist size and improving illegal until 1991. over two years in 2018 to engage men and
blood pressure, body fat percentage and boys in addressing inequality.
Fall 2019 
Fathering
Fatherly Evolution
By Tom H. Hastings
S
ometimes the personal overrides the burning political—just anti-environment, and often unjust actions taken by most elected
before it doubles back to connect. For me, I reflect on the day Republicans. I pretty much agreed with him and was grateful for
not long ago when my late father would have turned 94. He his tutelage.
was a mentor, a teacher, a counselor, and a friend. He taught me I became interested at one point in his path of becoming
values that I continue to strive to uphold: integrity, honesty, fairness radicalized toward peace and justice but in his retention of friend-
to all, courage, unbiased respect for all, ships from his former world. It led
care for the environment; care for and me to ask some others who had gone
engagement in the community, grace, through radical changes, members of
and generosity. In fact, in those rare his generation, how it worked out for
moments I reach beyond my normal them. I asked that of Daniel Ellsberg in
slothful greedy self, I can see him, liter- 1982 and he said that he had lost every
ally, in my minds-eye, in my heartseye. single friend from before his decision
He was a member of that “greatest to release the Pentagon Papers. I asked
generation,” barely making it to high that of Robert Aldridge, design team
school graduation in the early 1940s leader for generations of submarine-
before rushing to enlist in the Navy launched ballistic missiles for Lockheed
and shipped to the Philippines “for the before his radical peace conversion
duration.” So many never returned, so (thanks to his daughter confronting
I am a lucky one—to even exist. He him) and his answer was similar. My
said almost nothing about his war father did not have the public-facing
experiences, but his lifetime peace struggle that they did, although he
activism spoke volumes. faced some serious consequences at
Thomas John Hastings became a one point for his war tax resistance. My
psychologist and both practiced and Thomas John Hastings, 48 in this photo, died in 2006 at 81. father retained all his friends. This was
taught. He had a private practice and he a lesson to me and remains important in
was chair of his college counseling degree program at Metropolitan my remembrance of him and his life lessons.
Junior College in downtown Minneapolis. His pro bono work was all He read voraciously, at least one paper a day, some magazines
at the VA in Minneapolis and he did a lot of it. Like all the peace vets every week and month, and perhaps one book a week, on average.
I’ve ever known, his attitude was hate war, despise the chickenhawk I appreciate his triangulation of evidence—he’d fact check when
politicians who drag us into most of them, and love the veterans. curious or surprised, a trait I try to emulate. When I was a boy, he
Of course today’s polarized conceptually monochromatic personally brought me to the local library each and every week.
political factions cannot abide nuanced thinking like that, so my That discipline was, in hindsight, crucial to my development. He
dad would be even more out of touch. tried to get me addicted to learning and to the public library system.
He was friend to Israeli Jew and Palestinian, and not in a surfi- I looked forward to that every week and, to be blunt, I failed to do
cial sense, but in deeper contexts he tried to help me understand, that with my own sons, a regret I carry.
rooted in the long European persecution of Jews that culminated in My father never once held any ambitions to be wealthy, and gave
the sincere attempt by Nazis to hunt and kill every last Jewish man, away a lot. I saw him do that and I hope I learned. I will never forget
woman, and child; and anchored as well in understanding Pales- him talking to a young man “camping” (homeless) on a California
tinian history on that land and persecution in 1948 as hundreds of beach. My dad listened to him for at least 10 minutes, gave him a
their villages were destroyed to make way for Israel. $10 bill, and the guy asked me, “Is your father a minister?” This was
As a young radical of 17, I railed for Palestinian rights. He not an infrequent question. Are ministers normally the only ones
calmly told me much of what I didn’t know about the Hitler Final who listen and are generous? Can we do better than to ghettoize
Solution and said (this is a 51-year-old memory, clear as a bell), these characteristics to the “people of the cloth”?
“Jews needed someplace to park their asses.” From a World War One wonders what some fathers teach their sons. “Here’s how
II combat veteran (who, by the way, never expressed hatred for you screw the next guy.” “Beating someone is the best satisfaction
Japanese or Germans), this helped me, his son, to accept context I you can get.” “Lying to get ahead is the way of the world.” “Dirty
had not personally experienced and that my high school had never tricks are normal. Do them better than anyone else.” “Women are on
taught me. this earth for men’s pleasure. Use ’em.” “Get ahead and stay ahead.
His additions to my knowledge and understanding were always Never stop accumulating.”
in the “yes, and” format, never in the “well, but.” This seems small, The difference is painful and is on buck-naked display at the
but it marks a distinct difference between parenting that can highest levels right now. I can hear my father as I listen to the daily
alienate and that can deepen understanding. Of course, I only see news: “Cripes! Who raised him?”
this in retrospect, but he got it at the time.
It was tough to get my father interested in any political candi-
date and he never joined a political party. He taught me to be wary
of talk and to check out action as speaking loudest. That does Dr. Tom H. Hastings is director of PeaceVoice,
tend to give pause to potential excitement about any candidate for which syndicates columns from progressive writers
office, though he seemed to vote maybe half third party and half nationally. He serves also on occasion as an expert
Democratic Party for most of his life. Never Republican. Ever. He witness for the defense in court. (www.peacevoice.
had respect for virtually all people but despised the pro-corporate, info/).
Voice Male
Violence Against the Transgender Community 2019
Compiled by the Human Rights Campaign
In 2018, Human Rights Campaign was found dead, lying facedown with a
(HRC) advocates tracked at least 26 gunshot wound near a golf course in east
deaths of transgender people in the U.S. Dallas. In April, Booker was viciously
due to fatal violence, the majority of whom attacked in what Dallas mayor Mike Rawl-
were transgender women of color. These ings described as “mob violence.”
victims were killed by acquaintances, • Michelle “Tamika” Washington, 40, a
partners and strangers, some of whom Black transgender woman, was fatally
have been arrested and charged, while shot in Philadelphia on May 19. Police
others have yet to be identified. Some of responded to reports of shots fired in
these cases involve clear anti-transgender North Philadelphia’s Franklinville
bias. In others, the transgender victim’s neighborhood, according to the Phila-
status may have put them at risk in other delphia Gay News. Washington, who
ways, such as forcing them into unem- was also known by the name Tamika,
ployment, poverty, homelessness and/or was found with several gunshot wounds
survival sex work. and transported to Temple University
While the details of these cases differ, Hospital, where she was pronounced
it is clear that fatal violence dispropor- dead.
tionately affects transgender women of
color, and that the intersections of racism, • Paris Cameron, 20, a black transgender
sexism, homophobia, biphobia and woman, was among three people killed in
transphobia conspire to deprive them of a horrific anti-LGBTQ shooting in a home
employment, housing, healthcare and other necessities, barriers that in Detroit on May 25, according to local reports. Alunte Davis, 21,
make them vulnerable. and Timothy Blancher, 20, two gay men, were found dead at the
HRC Foundation’s report, “Dismantling a Culture of scene and Cameron was taken to the hospital, where she died from
Violence,”* demonstrates how anti-transgender stigma, denial of her injuries. Two other victims were also shot but survived. “This
opportunity and increased risk factors compound to create a culture case illustrates the mortal danger faced by members of Detroit’s
of violence—and provides clear ways that each of us can directly LGBTQ community, including transgender women of color,” Fair
make an impact to make our society a safer place for transgender Michigan president Alanna Maguire said.
people. • Chynal Lindsey, 26, a black transgender woman, was found
A
s is too often the case in the reporting of anti-transgender dead in White Rock Lake, Dallas, with signs of “homicidal violence”
violence, many of these victims are misgendered in local on June 1, according to police. The Dallas Police Department has
police statements and media reports, which can delay our reached out to federal law enforcement to aid in the investigation.
awareness of deadly incidents. In the pursuit of greater accuracy • Chanel Scurlock, 23, a black transgender woman, was found
and respect for transgender and gender expansive people in both fatally shot in Lumberton, North Carolina, on June 6. Few details
life and death, HRC offers guidelines for journalists and others who are yet public about the crime, but police told a local news outlet
report on transgender people. they have “great leads” in their investigation.
Sadly, by the summer of 2019 at least 11 transgender people
have been fatally shot or killed by other violent means. The Human • Zoe Spears, 23, a black transgender woman, was found lying
Rights Campaign continues to work toward justice and equality for in the street with signs of trauma near Eastern Avenue in Fair-
transgender people. Here is a list of those who have been killed in mount Heights, Maryland, and later pronounced dead on June
the first half of this year: 13, according to local reports. While officials have not yet released
her name, transgender advocate Ruby Corado, the founder and
• Dana Martin, 31, a black transgender woman, was fatally shot in executive director of Casa Ruby, identified Spears as the victim.
Montgomery, Alabama, on January 6. Reports stated that she was • Brooklyn Lindsey, 32, a black transgender woman, was found
found in a roadside ditch in her vehicle and pronounced dead at dead on the front porch of an abandoned home in Kansas City,
the scene. Missouri, on June 25, according to local news reports. The Kansas
• Jazzaline Ware, a black transgender woman, was found dead in City Star notes that her death is currently being investigated as a
her Memphis apartment in March. Her death is being investigated homicide.
as a homicide, according to The Advocate. Additionally, HRC is deeply concerned about the deaths
• Ashanti Carmon, 27, a black transgender woman, was fatally of Johana “Joa” Medina and Layleen Polanco, whose stories it
shot in Prince George’s County, Maryland, on March 30. Few details continues to closely follow. Medina, 25, died at a hospital in El
are yet known about the crime, and the investigation is ongoing. Paso, Texas, just hours after being released from ICE custody. She
suffered severe health complications that went untreated while
• Claire Legato, 21, a black transgender woman, was fatally shot in she was in detention, according to Diversidad Sin Fronteras. Her
Cleveland on April 15. Local media reports that Legato was shot exact cause of death is not yet known. Polanco was found dead in
in the head after an argument broke out between her mother and a cell at Riker’s Island on June 7. Her exact cause of death is also as
the suspect. She was taken to a nearby hospital and died from her of yet unknown.
injuries on May 14.
*To read HRC Foundation’s “Dismantling a Culture of Violence”
• Muhlaysia Booker, 23, a black transgender woman, was fatally report go to https://assets2.hrc.org/files/assets/resources/Anti-
shot in Dallas on May 18. Local media reported that Booker TransViolence-2018Report-Final.pdf.
Fall 2019 
Will Men Speak Up
in the Face of
#MeToo?
By Jackson Katz
I
t is much too early to draw any definitive conclusions initiated by Benjamin Law, a journalist from Australia.
about the long-term effects of a movement as potentially The study’s authors found that men’s responses to
world-changing as #MeToo, but it is definitely not too #HowIWillChange clustered into three general categories:
soon to make some real-time observations about the topic, 1) Men who wanted to be part of actively dismantling rape
and to ask some relevant questions. For example, have the culture; 2) men who were “indignantly resistant” to social
same factors that catalyzed women’s activism around issues change; and 3) men who expressed “hostile resistance” to
of gender violence, including #MeToo, also prompted a social change.
new level of introspection among men about their role in In the first category were men who wanted to examine
perpetuating sexism, and the role they could play moving their own participation in the culture of “toxic masculinity,”
forward in helping to break the pattern? If so, will this new teach the next generation, listen to women, call out other men’s
introspection lead to personal, institutional and/or political sexist behaviors, and promote egalitarianism. The second
action? category included men who did not deny that women face
It’s easy to be cynical about how men will respond to mistreatment in society, but insisted that they should not be
the tectonic cultural shifts in the gender order we’re now held responsible or called to action for violence or disrespect
witnessing, especially considering how few men have which they do not believe they have committed. They were
historically been involved—at least publicly—in any kind the kind of men who identified with #NotAllMen, even if they
of sustained anti-sexist activism. But that might not be the didn’t use that specific hashtag. A characteristic tweet from
right metric to determine the potential for men’s increasing this category is “#HowIWillChange, I won’t because I’m not
involvement in these issues. In fact, change may well manifest a rapist, never have been, never will be. All rapists should be
itself as a shift in consciousness whose effects will be felt over castrated, but not all men are rapists.” The third category of
decades, alongside cultural and institutional changes carried men were much more angry and aggressive in their responses.
out by people, including men, with this new sensibility. Some They used language that questioned and attacked the
of the most profound change will surely be generational. masculinity of men who supported #HowIWillChange, calling
Early survey research into men’s and young men’s attitudes them cucks, SJWs*, beta males and virtue-signalers (*Social
and behaviors post-#MeToo is encouraging. One study in the Justice Warriors). Some of these men also responded to the
United Kingdom conducted one year after #MeToo exploded hashtag with aggressively and overtly sexist and degrading
found that 58 percent of men aged 18–35 agreed that “In the comments about women and women’s sexuality, denying the
last 12 months I have been more likely to challenge behavior existence of rape culture. Others used #HowIWillChange to
or comments I think are inappropriate,” while only 24 percent make racist and ethnocentric statements that mirrored some
of men over 55 concurred. of the things Donald Trump said and stood for in his 2016
A fascinating study published in 2018 in the Psychology presidential campaign, including the idea that dark-skinned
of Men and Masculinity journal examined men’s reactions men from foreign cultures, whether from south of the border
to #MeToo through a qualitative examination of responses or from Muslim countries, were the ones truly responsible
to #HowIWillChange, a “hashtag activist” Twitter campaign for rape culture. This study suggests that men’s reactions to
10 Voice Male#MeToo are far from monolithic, and provides reasons to be teenage son, I was startled and inspired by the number of
simultaneously optimistic and wary about how far we still men present. At the time, I estimated that men comprised as
have to go. much as 20 per cent of the marchers. Even more impressively,
In my work and travels over the past couple of years, they were a dramatically diverse group—a multiracial,
I’ve often been asked by women multiethnic, and intergenerational
to comment on men’s response gathering of men determined to
to #MeToo, and to provide some make a statement of solidarity with
explanation for why so many men women and girls in their struggle to
have chosen to remain silent. be treated with respect and dignity.
Sometimes I detect in the inquiry And all of this was eight months
itself an underlying judgment, as before #MeToo.
if some women believe that men’s In the time since the #MeToo
reticence to engage this issue movement took hold, many of us
somehow derives from their own in the domestic violence/sexual
guilty behavior, or is an indication assault fields have noted an even
of their reluctance to betray their more marked increase in men’s
fellow men. I can’t say for sure engagement with gender violence
when and if those are relevant prevention efforts on college
factors, but I prefer a more benign campuses and in communities
explanation. in the U.S. and around the world.
I think many men know that One Sweden-based organization
#MeToo is long overdue, and I’ve worked with for many years,
they support its goals—at least in Men for Gender Equality, reported
theory. But they’re not sure what that in the months after #MeToo,
to say, or do. The subject of gender their membership increased by 300
and power was already fraught, but percent.
the increased spotlight on men’s There are even indications that
abusive behaviors—especially in the #MeToo-inspired idea of men
the sexual realm—upped the ante. questioning traditional notions
A lot of men are understandably of what it means to be a man has
reluctant to wade into those choppy begun to permeate media culture in
waters. I’m convinced that some of the form of advertising and music.
this reluctance is motivated less by In early 2019, Gillette rolled out an
guilt than by genuine uncertainty ad campaign that played with its
about what role men can and should classic slogan “The Best a Man Can
play in all of this—and anxiety Get” with a widely viewed (and
about the difficulties of “getting it I’m convinced that some of controversial) video with scenes of
right.” For men, is the main lesson men’s reluctance to speak out bullying and sexual harassment and
of #MeToo that they should step news accounts of sexual violence
back and listen to women? To be is motivated less by guilt than underneath a narrative voiceover
sure, listening is itself an action, by genuine uncertainty about that asked “Is this the best a man
and men can learn a lot by simply what role men can and should can get? Is it? We can’t hide from
pausing to hear what women are play—and anxiety about the it, it’s been going on far too long.
saying about their lives, including We can’t laugh it off, making the
their experiences of men’s violence difficulties of “getting it right.” same old excuses. But something
and their omnipresent fear of it. finally changed. And there will
But once they’ve listened, what’s next? If you’re a man, are be no going back. Because we…We believe in the best
you a good ally if you listen well but don’t take any discernible in men. To say the right thing. To act the right way.
action beyond that? Some already are, in ways big and small. But some is not
Beyond the kind of research I discussed above, there are enough. Because the boys watching today will be the men
some indications that Donald Trump’s election in 2016 and of tomorrow.” Also in early 2019, in an article entitled
the #MeToo tsunami a year later have awakened something in “The New Angry Young Men: Rockers Who Rail Against
a lot of men that over time could result in substantive social ‘Toxic Masculinity,’” The New York Times reported on a
change. There is little doubt that the visibility of men speaking new wave of heterosexual male musical artists writing
out about sexism and misogyny has increased. Anecdotal and performing songs about suicide, depression and other
evidence abounds. Since #MeToo broke in the fall of 2017, harmful effects men experience as a direct result of the
for example, I’ve been interviewed more and my work has emotional and relational limitations imposed upon them
been profiled in media more than in the previous 10 years by traditional definitions of manhood. (Both stories were
combined. Then there’s the hundreds of thousands of men featured in the Spring issue of this magazine.)
who attended the Women’s Marches on January 21, 2017, the Despite these and other inspirational examples, it remains
day after Donald Trump’s inauguration, on the single biggest to be seen whether such signs of increased awareness and
day of protest in the history of the United States. There’s interest from men will result in their taking a lead on these
no official tally available that breaks down the protesters by issues and participating more actively in gender violence
gender, but at the march I attended in Los Angeles with my [continued on page 34]
Fall 2019 11Accountability and Responsibility
in the #MeToo Era
By Joan Tabachnick and Cordelia Anderson
S
ince #MeToo went viral, millions of women and men have bility for that harm. Many continue to deny what they have done,
stepped forward to say, “This happened to me.” This shift even when the evidence pointing to them is overwhelming. In fact,
has been seismic and reflects how far most public apologies fall short; the people
society has come. In the past few decades, There are many who have caused the harm don’t recognize the
in small and large ways, survivors of sexual harm they have done, don’t listen to the person
abuse have shattered the silence that for so
men who, if given they harmed, and haven’t taken full responsi-
long surrounded sexual abuse. the opportunity bility for it. Consider actor Kevin Spacey
Society needs to do more than simply say, to take reparative saying “If I did behave as he described...” and
“I believe you.” We have known for decades accountability for describing the behaviors as mutual. Or writer-
that we can’t just arrest and prosecute our way radio host Garrison Keillor saying that his
to safer communities. We need to do more. past actions, would be suggestive fantasies were simply “romantic
We need a movement that will encourage willing to acknowledge writing,” deflecting their impact. Chef Mario
anyone who has caused the harm to take the harm they’d caused. Batali actually included a recipe for pizza
responsibility for what they have done. It is dough cinnamon rolls in his apology!
important to step directly into the contro- Reflecting on the public figures who have
versy, to not shy away from the complexity of this issue. done everything possible to avoid taking responsibility, Ashley Judd
Ana Maria Archila Gualy, the survivor who famously confronted said: “We still wait for an accused who can and will embody what
then-Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Arizona) in an elevator doorway shortly the #MeToo movement and our society needs and wants: someone
after the hearing for Supreme Court associate justice nominee who can navigate the duality of having aggressed and address their
Brett Kavanaugh, offered one clear pathway for a deeper response. abuse of power with culpability and integrity.”
She said: “The way that justice works is that you recognize harm, We have seen that, at least in less visible cases, the people who
you take responsibility for it and then you begin to repair it.” She took responsibility have been harassed and shamed for their efforts.
went on to say that Sen. Flake was wrong to vote for a man who Examples abound of people facing the harm that they have caused
“is unwilling to take responsibility for his own actions, unwilling and the impact of what they have done. The authors have worked
to hold the harm he has done to one woman, actually three, and with a man in his sixties, Kevin, who raped a young woman when he
repair it.” was in college. After listening to #MeToo allegations growing ever
As of this writing, there are few examples of anyone publicly more prevalent in the media, he felt compelled to speak out.
recognizing the harm their behavior caused and taking responsi-
12 Voice MaleHe believed there were many men like him who, if given the for a harm they have done, what do you look for in the apology?
opportunity to take reparative accountability for past actions, The answers included:
would be willing to acknowledge the harm they’d caused. He • Genuine remorse
published an op-ed in Huffington Post challenging other men to • Body language
“take responsibility for ourselves as sexual victimizers of women so • Word choice
that an honest dialogue can emerge about how to change the condi- • Taking responsibility and not making excuses
tions and conditioning that led us to do these things.” While some • Choosing to act differently (Walk the talk)
responses were encouraging and supportive, his writing caused a • Being able to observe changing behavior over time and whether
rift within his family; he was cut off from some friends and lost work it is consistent with the apology
in a storm of social media criticism. • Willingness to come back to the conversation over and over
What would it take for society to be able to create the space for again if necessary
people to step forward and take responsibility for their mistakes, • Importance of being consistent when discussing the issues
to be held accountable for the harm they caused, and to be allowed Participants also noted that there are different levels of account-
to “begin to repair it”? ability depending upon the cognitive understanding of the adult,
The authors, along with Alissa Ackerman, offered a workshop adolescent or child who committed the harm. On the personal level,
at the 2018 conference of the Association for the Treatment of some acknowledged that the feelings behind this question would
Sexual Abusers (ATSA) called “Accountability and Responsibility in depend upon whether it was their own child who was harmed or
the Era of #MeToo.” We shared our work, exploring what account- someone they know, or they know the person who caused the harm.
ability could look like in the #MeToo era. ATSA works with adults Each of these conditions might also affect our own responsibility to
and adolescents who have been accused and convicted of some hold someone accountable for their actions.
form of sexual abuse, sexual harassment or sexual assault. We chose 2. At the clinical level: When you are determining whether or
to use a restorative justice (RJ) frame with these professionals to not you believe a client (or someone you are advocating for) has
address this issue. taken full responsibility for a harm they have done, what do you
According to the criminologist Howard Zehr, considered the look for?
grandfather of restorative justice, RJ “is basically common sense…. All of the above were mentioned, plus:
When a wrong has been done, it needs to be named and acknowl- • A clear understanding of the feelings of others
edged. Those who have been harmed need to be able to grieve • Recognize that the conversations, the insights and the changes
their losses, to be able to tell their stories, to have their questions are genuine
answered; that is, to have the harms and needs caused by the offense • If there is an apology, it is from the heart and authentic, not
addressed. They—and we—need to have those who have done scripted based upon what is expected of the person in treat-
wrong accept their responsibility and take steps to repair the harm ment
to the extent it is possible.” • Being able to observe changes in all aspects of their lives
• Confirmation from others that both their words and their
Using the RJ circle process, we asked workshop attendees to actions are changing for the better.
look at responsibility and authentic accountability at three levels:
3. At the society level: When you are determining whether or not
1. At the personal level: When you are determining whether or not you believe a public figure has taken full responsibility for a harm
you believe someone you care about has taken full responsibility they have done, what do you look for?
Fall 2019 13The themes that emerged in the circle for the public person’s rape.” Tom lives continues to speak publicly. He faces both support
apology included ones already identified and the items below: for his courageous efforts and anger and skepticism for continuing
• Ability to articulate harm from the perspective of those who to be public on his own.
were harmed Both of these cases used the principles of restorative justice
• Ensure that the focus of the apology is on others and not an that allowed the survivor—the person harmed—to speak about
excuse trying to explain their own behaviors the lifelong impact of what happened to them. In both cases, these
• Humility about their lives and being able to convey a sense of conversations captured a relational approach with the survivors,
integrity the support of people and (in some cases) their families, and took
• Timing (not too soon or too late) away much of the isolation those involved were experiencing.
• Word choice was raised to a new level for a public figure as It is true that in our righteous anger society tends to focus on
well as their actions (e.g., words that could minimize the impact cases where the celebrity is clearly wrong and is fully punished
of simply saying “my victims” for what they have done. We can
rather than the person/friend/ all name many of these individ-
child I harmed) uals—including Jerry Sandusky,
• Ability to articulate a range Bill Cosby, Larry Nassar, and, of
of other behaviors and taking course, the late Jeffrey Epstein.
responsibility for those We are also starting to see celeb-
• Not victim blaming rities who have been accused of
sexual assault begin to reenter
The group identified that their professions, provoking
a key difference in the public questions such as: How much
domain is that one can’t slowly is enough time? What is enough
build relationships based upon accountability? And what is
trust—an essential element enough remorse to signal that it
of this work. The groups also is permissible for you to reenter
noted that at least to date very society?
few public figures have tried to Understandably, the initial
take full responsibility for their response to these cases is retribu-
actions, and for those who tried, tion, not redemption. When we
none has been received well by learn of the horror, the full extent
the public. of what happened, we often have
We have seen people take full responsibility in a less public more of an appetite for vengeance. It may, in part, be a reaction to
arena where it was well received. After conversations with others, the helplessness we feel in hearing such horrific stories. A question:
Kevin met with Alissa Ackerman to join in a process she has called What if we could also channel our reaction into creating a space
“Vicarious Restorative Justice” highlighted in a special VICE report for someone to step forward to acknowledge, to take responsibility
on HBO (www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTj-QCOm4p8). for what they have done? For years, victims hesitated to speak out
Together, they decided to use her model of bringing individuals publicly for fear of being judged, shamed, or worse. Why would
who are survivors of sexual violence together with men who we expect a different reaction from a person who is trying to take
committed sexual violence to share the impact of the trauma. Four responsibility for perpetrating the harm? How society responds
survivors came together with Kevin to speak about the impact that initially can set the stage for a healing process. Society has begun
sexual abuse had on their lives. Through this process, each spoke to create a space for survivors to step forward through the growing
about how they have been able to come to terms with this history #MeToo movement. Now we have another opportunity: can society
in a deeper way; for Kevin, he was better able to come to terms create space for individuals to come forward to be held account-
with his past actions and the harm he caused. In part through this able for what they have done and to take full responsibility for
process, Kevin has committed to using his professional expertise their actions? Opening the space for people to say, “I did this and
to work with and help a survivor-based startup enterprise resource take responsibility for my actions” may not be the answer to sexual
near his home. violence, but it offers a piece of healing for at least some survivors in
Another man we have worked with, Tom Stranger, was some situations. If this does offer a path to healing and community
contacted after nine years by Thordis Elva, the high school student safety, we would be negligent to ignore what this opportunity has
he raped while he was a high school exchange student in Iceland. to offer all of us.
Together they entered into a long and intense process to address
her needs—at her pace—doing what she needed for him to take Consultant Joan Tabachnick is a fellow at the
responsibility for his past sexual aggression. Their process led them Department of Justice SMART Office focusing on
to coauthor a book, South of Forgiveness, and to do a popular TED preventing the perpetration of sexually harmful
talk about what happened and how they came to work together. behaviors, particularly on children, adolescents
Tom explained that “owning one’s past choices should be viewed as and young adults. Over 25 years, she has developed
neither brave nor heroic in any way, but instead a necessary obliga- prevention materials and programs for national,
tion and acknowledgment of individual culpability. I’m also deeply state, and local organizations. www.joantabach-
invested in learning any ways to better the approach I use to share nick.com. Cordelia Anderson operated a national
my part in our history.” prevention training and consulting enterprise based
Thordis eloquently shared the possible impact of these conver- in Minnesota for four decades promoting healthy
sations and reminds us, “I know in my heart that hearing a story like development and preventing harmful behaviors. She
the one I share with Tom would have made a world of a difference has conducted more than 2700 trainings across the
to me when I was younger. As a survivor, it would have helped me country and abroad on topics including preventing
realize that the shame wasn’t mine to carry, and that there is hope child sexual abuse/exploitation, the impact of
of finding happiness in life even after a shattering experience like pornography, and restorative practices.
14 Voice MaleYou can also read
