Might We Have Arrived? - An Ordination Paper and Processi - Olivet Congregational Church - Minnesota Conference UCC

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Might We Have Arrived?
    An Ordination Paper and Processi

              MaryBeth Harman
               1473 Sargent Ave
             Saint Paul, MN 55105

            Member-in-Discernment

      Olivet Congregational Church

            1850 Iglehart Ave
          Saint Paul, MN 55104

Contents
    I.     Introduction .................................................................................... 2

    I.     Theological Perspective and Grasp of the Historic Christian Faithii ................... 3

    II.        History, Theological Roots, Polity and Practice of the UCC .......................... 4

    III.       Faith Pilgrimage and Understanding of the Ministry .................................. 6

          A.     Faith Pilgrimage ......................................................................... 6

          B.     Understanding of the Ministry (and my Call) ....................................... 11

    IV.        How Power and Boundaries are at Work in Ordained Ministry ...................... 16

    V.         Conclusion .................................................................................. 19

                                                                                                             1

I.     Introduction

       While the United Church of Christ (UCC), the UCC Manual on Ministry (MOM), and the

working documentation provides a few options for how to structure an ordination paper, I

opted for a hybrid between the MOM Portfolio (which includes a “Spiritual Autobiography”

concluding with a personal statement of faith, “Understanding Your Call to Authorized

Ministry,” and “Reflection and Demonstration of the Mark”) and the “Ordination Paper” as

outlined in the “Tracking Sheet for Ordination Process Requirements: Minnesota Conference

United Church of Christ” (which requests four sections: a) the candidate’s perspective and

grasp of the historic Christian faith, b) an expressed understanding of the history, theological

roots, polity, and practice of the United Church of Christ, c) a description of the candidate’s

faith pilgrimage and understanding of ministry, and d) a short section on how power and

boundaries are at work in ordained ministry).

       To that end, you will find the following sections: I. “Theological Perspective and Grasp

of the Historic Christian Faith” which is written in the form of my personal statement of faith;

II. “History, Theological Roots, Polity, and Practice of the United Church of Christ” in which I

address the theological traditions that combined to form the UCC and how covenant does,

does not, and can be engaged within the UCC in each of her settings; III. “Faith Pilgrimage

and Understanding of the Ministry” in which I address the route by which I came to be

applying for ordination, how I see the church in the world today, and how I imagine the

church living in the world in the future; and IV. “How Power and Boundaries are at Work in

Ordained Ministry.” This section addresses boundaries for both those who engage in

professional ministry and those to whom professional ministry is extended. I address the need

for clarity and transparency in communicating boundaries, discuss the challenges in

negotiating boundaries in complex relationships, my methods and plans to addressing

boundary violations, and the means by and manner in which I engage in self-supervision and

                                                                                                   2

seek outside supervision to ensure I maintain healthy and appropriate boundaries in my life

and ministry.

I.      Theological Perspective and Grasp of the Historic Christian Faithii

I believe in God, as Ultimate Reality: in which all things cohere; in which creation finds its

grounding, breath, and movement; in which we, as the people of God, participate as

cocreators of reality.

I believe in Jesus, as the Christ: the embodiment of Ultimate Reality in human form; and

made “perfect through sufferings;”(Hebrews 2:10) that is Christ was made wholly and

completely human in the person of Jesus through his ministry, death, and resurrection, on

which our hope of resurrection is founded.

I believe in Jesus, as human: the prototype (Martin) for transgressing social norms in the

creation of an alternate narrative of Ultimate Reality lived out in the physical world.

I believe in the Holy Spirit: who imbues us with wisdom; functions as the Covenant which calls

us together and holds us in community; from whom we receive our collective breath; who

frees us from the fear of death by moving us in our work to upend, overthrow, and undo the

sin of corporate and systemic oppression and injustice; and with whom redemption and

salvation are found in the journey to liberation through the act of co-creation through

narrative.iii

I believe in scripture: as sacred story; as the record of alternate narrative creation; as the

history of peoples’ efforts to understand and engage Ultimate Reality through history; and as

the co-creative vision of community throughout Christian history and the scaffolding by which

we co-create community today.

                                                                                                 3

II. History, Theological Roots, Polity and Practice of the UCC

“That they may all be one” (John 17:21): the UCC motto. It presents both a hoped for

reality and stands in contrast to the work yet to be done. I have loved the United Church of

Christ my whole life. Having grown up in an historically congregational church which was

among the first wave of congregations to join together in the formation of the UCC in 1957,

when the Christian Congregational churches merged with the Evangelical and Reformed (E&R)

churches, I carry a particularly fierce appreciation for the autonomy given to local church

bodies. That in the nine hundred three years prior to the creation of the United Church of

Christ had seen progressive divisions on lines of leadership, theology, and sacramental

ministry,iv the desire to create a non-doctrinal, covenanted association of churches is both

hopeful and refreshing.v

By happenstance or providential design, I have never attended a UCC with a history

rooted in the E&R tradition. The one time I came close was upon moving to St. Paul, MN.

Having had our offer accepted for the house that would become our home, I immediately

searched for a local church within walking distance of my house. I had two stipulations: it had

to be UCC; it had to be open and affirming. Two churches within walking distance returned in

the search results matching these criteria – St. Paul’s UCC and Olivet Congregational UCC. My

honest preference was St. Paul’s as it was slightly closer to my home; but after driving past

it, I was uncomfortable with the façade and felt much more “at home” with the structure of

Olivet, where I’ve attended and been a member since.vi And thus, I continue to find myself in

a church with Congregational rather than E&R roots because of architecture.

What especially speaks to me regarding the UCC’s history and polity is that it truly

seeks to live out “unitatem in necessariis, in non neessariis libertatem, in omnibus

caritatem;” “in essentials unity, in non-essentials freedom, in all things charity.” As a

nondoctrinal denomination, whose members are connected in covenantal relationship, this

unity, freedom, and charity can be liberally applied – particularly in the context of a

constitution with only one faith confession – that Jesus Christ, Son of God and Savior, is the

sole Head of the churchvii and all who share this confession are siblings in Christ (United

Church of Christ).viii

        In practice, I have seen a church that operates much more independently and much

less in covenant at the local church level than the beautiful vision of unity set before us in

the Constitution. While this is particularly disheartening at times, it means that the local

church body is ripe for transformation, individually and corporately, should its members wish

to explore covenant with one another, with other local church bodies, with the Association,

Conference, and General Synod.ix As one whose theological praxis is deeply rooted in

covenant, I delight in participating at all levels of governance within the UCC – serving on the

Council of my local church,x getting to know members from other local churches, attending

the Annual Meeting of the Iowa Conference in prior years, and attending General Synod (in

2007 and 2019).xi Further, I am hoping to attend the Annual Meeting of the Minnesota

Conference in 2020, as the timing works with my academic conference travel itinerary for the

first time since becoming a member in a Minnesota church.

        My hopes going forward include fostering covenantal communities of faith who seek to

follow the example of Jesus in loving God through loving people and caring for the whole of

creation. I anticipate doing this through modeling true community (Peck) through appropriate

vulnerability and creating containers that hold safe space in which individuals can, in

partnership with the divine, transform their experiences and heal their wounds.

                                                                                                 5

III. Faith Pilgrimage and Understanding of the Ministry

A. Faith Pilgrimage

I grew up attending a small, rural, conservative United Church of Christ in the middle

of nowhere, Iowa. Though I loved my church while growing up within its holy spaces, and still

love the church today, I have always had an incongruent relationship with it. This church was

the place where I first fell in love – at the age of five, during Sunday school, just after

Christmas. The Sunday school teacher read the scripture “and on the eighth day, Jesus was

circumcised…” and I piped up to ask, “What does circumcised mean?” Visibly uncomfortable

and stumbling over her efforts to explain, her six year old son jumped to the rescue. “It’s

when they cut off the foreskin of the penis.” And just like that, I was smitten. Having no idea

what a foreskin was or why anyone would cut anything off of a baby’s penis, I knew that this

boy was brilliant, because he had knowledge I didn’t, and I was in love with him until college.

Within the confines of this same building and community of Christians, I grew up

participating more in the life of the church – singing in the choir, continuing to attend church

even after I was confirmed, skipping Sunday school so I could hide behind the horseshoe

counter in the kitchen and listen to the adults talk about the business of the church (it

seemed more relevant than building a shoe box Garden of Eden). But I also remember never

feeling quite at home in this church and frequently having nightmares about a witch who lived

in the choir room closet and who trapped me in this horrific place of terror until the clock

struck noon and I was able to trap her back into the closet with two brooms crossed to create

an “X,” and break free. Something wasn’t right and my lived experience did not match what I

was being taught.

The first time I ever ventured away from my childhood church was in college. Moving

to the “big, liberal” college campus of the University of Iowa (U of I), in the “big, liberal”

town of Iowa City, having grown up on the stories of the sin and depravity of the UCC at the

national level, I looked to my pastor for guidance as to how to stay the faith. Thus, I found

myself fully immersed in the ministry of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF). This was

before their paper addressing their formal stance regarding human sexuality was published,

but the theology has not changed.

What I found in IVCF was my first understandings of community. It was a community,

however, that was based in acceptance (i.e. connection conditional upon conforming to the

norms of the group) rather than belonging (i.e. unconditional connection without efforts to fix

or convert differences of opinion or belief) which required that I truncate parts of my Self in

order to fit into and be accepted by that community. It was not until much later that I came

to realize that this was largely an expression of M. Scott Peck’s “Pseudo Community.”

Anytime things moved into chaos, the leadership brought everyone back into line, returning

us to pseudo community. Despite this, IVCF had and continues to maintain a phenomenal

track record in teaching biblical literacy, and I continue to use the skills I learned in IVCF

inductive bible studies to this day.xii

Finding the U of I to be a poor fit, I later transferred to the University of Northern

Iowa (UNI), remaining in IVCF and growing into a student leader. Through this I discovered

gifts and skills for group facilitation and inductive study, but I was uncomfortable in the role

of “leader” and did not wish to own the label. This also led to an opportunity to participate in

a summer immersive mission trip to inner city St. Louis, MO.xiii This raised my awareness

around issues of race and class disparity, the manner in which funding public schools with

property taxes disadvantages communities of color, and the role the church can have in a

grassroots fashion to confront injustice and oppression. It was a profound and life changing

experience and planted seeds of passion for social justice.xiv

Throughout much of college, I continued to attend my childhood church. During my

final year, however, I began attending a Vineyard Christian Fellowship (VCF) church with

members of my IVCF cohort. At the same time, I decided to pursue Religious Studies as a

vocation and set off to pursue a Master’s degree at Union Theological Seminary in the city of

New York (UTS).

While studying at UTS, I continued to be involved with IVCF at Columbia University and

attending a VCF church. This was particularly challenging as the process of unpacking

theology in seminary did not cohere with the neat and tightly structured package of faith

presented in the Evangelical communities of which I was a part. Seminary also brought to my

awareness Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) and once I decided to pursue an MDIV instead of

an MA, I began a unit of CPE. This COMPLETELY dismantled my faith and in the context of a

number of traumas in short order, I took a two-year leave of absence from seminary, finding

solace in the rigid certainty of Evangelical theology while also feeling constantly abraded by

their stance on human sexuality.

Ultimately, I returned to UTS to finish my MDiv, because I’m structured to finish the

things I begin. During this time, I attended a predominantly African American Evangelical

Lutheran Churchxv congregation in Harlem because I needed something different. In the final

year of seminary, I came to understand that my theological identity is firmly rooted in the

UCC, that I am called to ministry, and that I have gifts which will serve the church. I

graduated at the height of the most recent recession, however, and had neither the means

nor the skills to find a ministry job.

For the next several years, I worked at the only job I could find – as a Subject Matter

Expert for Andersen Windows and Patio Doors® – and serving various churches as an unpaid

associate minister; all within the state of Iowa. When I had saved sufficient funds to survive a

summer without income, I tried to complete a unit of CPE. In the process, I got crystal clear

about the continued presence of the trauma I carried and left the program after four weeks.

At the same time, I found genuine community and affirmation of my call to ministry within

the congregation of Church of the Savior UCC in Knoxville, TN. Yet, I had no clear way

forward.

        After the summer came to an end, I returned to Iowa, resumed my job with Andersen

Windows, and met my spouse, whose constancy, care, support, and frank unwillingness to

“get up every day and watch [me] waste [my] potential” allowed me to make real progress in

my healing journey, in my vocational journey, and in my creation of a coherent personal

theology and spiritual life. With his unflagging encouragement, I finished my first unit of CPE;

was recruited to and completed a residency program; applied, was accepted, and completed

a second residency; and found a place of doing ministry in the Twin Cities – both with Olivet

UCC and Abbott Northwestern Hospital (ANW). In both of these places, I have found true

community where belonging rather than acceptance is experienced and where peoples’ whole

selves (the messy broken parts, too) are welcomed and affirmed.

       The last four and a half years of CPE and ministry have brought me face-to-face with

my “stuff” and in parallel with my marriage provided rich and fertile ground in which to heal

my wounds through radical acceptance, creation of new narratives, and integration of not

only skills and abilities but also of my story and sense of Self.xvixvii

       Olivet has also provided moments that brought clarity to my spiritual development and

theological stance. From discussions of Communion elements and practice, through the death

of a beloved friend, to the 2020 Annual Church Meeting, to my current service on Church

Council, I have gotten clear about the difference between rituals and sacraments (including

going so far as to make a motion to suspend Communion at Olivet until reconciliation had

been undertaken in accordance with my understanding Exodus 20:7 and Matthew 12:31),xviii

belonging and acceptance, death and resurrection, covenantal theology, holding space /

creating a container for people’s woundedness.xix

                                                                                                9

This hasn’t always been pleasant, as we have wrestled with staff conflicts, necessary

building upgrades, drainage issues in the lawn, major budget crises, and the presence of

registered sex offender in our congregation. In all of these dynamics, I have worked

collaboratively to resolve issues, find new ways of moving forward, and ensuring that our

church is a safe place for all – including sex offenders.xx This was particularly significant work

as I recognized that my church experience is not complete if we cannot make space for all

people. My theology is such that my church experience is not complete without room for

everyone at the Table – not in spite of their history, but precisely because of it.xxi In the midst

of these challenges, I have experienced myself to be powerful, competent, compassionate,

empathic, and most importantly safe.xxiixxiii

       Recent changes at Olivet Congregational Church have been especially challenging.

Much of the membership, and especially those who are younger, have left the church and

withdrawn their membership. This includes the entirety of the 2019 Church Council with

whom I served. I am the only one who remains. When asked by those who chose to remain at

Olivet and those who have chosen to leave Olivet why it is that I have remained, I can only

explain it in terms of my theology. I made a covenant when I joined Olivet. I made another

covenant when I accepted a position on the Church Council. Simply because some within the

congregation violated their part of the covenant does not release me from my own. I made a

sacred commitment and unless or until holding to that commitment becomes a risk to my

health and well-being, I will remain.xxiv

       I have come to recognize that my spiritual journey will always be one of liberation –

for I love and serve a God who leads us out of slavery to oppressive systems of injustice and

into the promised land of freedom; and I recognize the inexplicable truth of our inextricable

freedom. It is a journey, however, that is experienced through process – for I am a co-creator

                                                                                                 10

with God and the journey to our collective liberation is one that must be lived every single

day.xxv

B. Understanding of the Ministry (and my Call)

I first experienced a “call” to ministry during my later elementary years. I was at

church camp for one week during the summer between sixth and seventh grades. I remember

feeling particularly safe with one of the counselors who was rather grandfatherly in his

engagement. He loved the church and wanted to nurture the faith of younger generations.

Nights after the final camp activities had finished and we had free time, he could be found

sitting at the bonfire, smoking a pipe packed with vanilla scented tobacco, thinking about

who knows what. I felt a tug in my heart and heard a small voice whisper in my ear: this

(ministry) is a thing I can’t not do.

I continued to feel that pull all through high school. Youth ministers who served high

school students, however, were cool and put together and had everything figured out. I was

uncertain of my suitability – I didn’t fit any model of a minister that I had ever seen and I

perceived the dysfunction of my family of origin and my personal history of trauma as

stumbling blocks to loving and serving God through loving and serving people.

Wanting to remain close to my sense of call and with a drive to outgrow my history, I

planned to pursue a PhD in Religious Studies. I found excitement and energy in creation

stories; I craved more engagement in creating new things. College, however, was a difficult

transition and knowing that I would not likely be a candidate for a PhD program directly after

attaining my BA, I attended UTS with the intention of using the MA program as a springboard

for a PhD.

Seminary did not go exactly as planned. During the first semester of my second year,

Reunion Days arrived. I met several former students returning for their 5th, 10th, and 15th year

reunions. Every person I met and spoke with – whether for 30 seconds or 30 minutes – asked,

“Why are you in the MA program; it’s clear you should be pursuing an MDiv.” Every time the

question was asked, my ears would burn and I would respond, “God’s not calling me to the

MDiv program.”

Two weeks later, my Gospel of John class was workshopping papers. One of my

colleagues, an international student from Kenya, spoke to me during our break. “I remember,

when we introduced ourselves at the start of the semester, you said you are in the MA

program. I do not understand. It’s so clear that you have the heart of a pastor. Why are you

not in the MDiv program?” Once again, my ears began to burn and I answered him, “God isn’t

calling me to the MDiv program.” He looked me square in the eye and responded, “Perhaps

you aren’t listening.”xxvi

From that moment on, my ears continued to burn – as though they were on fire – and

nothing I did could relieve the pain: not cold compresses, not sticking my head out an open

window in the early days of a cold, gray November, not ice packs, nor prayers, nor curses.

Three days later I walked into the registrar’s office and asked for a “Change of Degree

Program” form. In answer to the question, “Why are you seeking to change degree programs?”

I wrote, “God said so.” I dropped the form in the registrar’s “Incoming Mail” box and my ears

stopped burning.

A year later, starting my final year of the MDiv program, I began my first attempt at

CPE. Once again, I felt that tug in my heart and heard that small voice whisper in my ear: this

is the thing I can’t not do. I knew I wanted to become a CPE supervisor one day. That has not

happened. It may never happen. It continues to be a hope, held close to my heart.

Life does not always work out the way we hope or plan, however, and opportunities

for training to become an Association for Clinical Pastoral Education Certified Educator are

few and far between in the Twin Cities – where I am currently tied in relationship to my

spouse’s work. I fell in love with chaplaincy and began working as a chaplain (0.8FTE) in an

assisted living facility (ALF) in the wider metro area. Though I loved doing ministry with this

spiritually and theologically diverse community,xxvii institutionally it was a profoundly poor fit

for a number of reasons.xxviii I was saddened to leave the many wonderful relationships I had

established there, but was cognizant of the community’s need to connect and bond with the

person who would come to fill the role after me.xxix I was grateful to have been asked to

remain at Abbott Northwestern Hospital (0.2FTE) to do program coordination for the Allina

Health CPE program.xxx

        At the same time, I continued to expand my ministry functions in the local church –

always saying yes to the request for pulpit supply,xxxi serving on Task Forces as requested,xxxii

responding with a yes to serve on Church Council, seeking out opportunities to facilitate Our

Whole Lives (OWL) in a partnership between Olivet Congregation UCC and Macalester

Plymouth United Church. I am now certified to facilitate all OWL levels – Kindergarten to

Older Adults.xxxiii   xxxiv

        After leaving my chaplaincy position with the ALF, I was able to expand my hours in

administration with ANW. Six months later, my role became fulltime serving both CPE and the

ANW Clinical Ethics & Values Program as program coordinator. This has been messy and hard

and challenging and richly rewarding and exciting. I delight in the daily interactions with

students of all ages who constantly surprise and challenge me in the breadth and depth of our

theological differences and in the areas where we align despite radically different

faith/spiritual traditions.

        This became a particularly salient learning point for me as I interacted with one of our

Muslim CPE students. Through respectful and open dialogue, I came to recognize the ways in

which I had conflated the theological stance of Christians who are much more conservative

than I am with the behavior of other Christians who are much more conservative than I am. I

came to recognize that my previously unconscious bias against the theology was actually

                                                                                                  13

rooted in a history of experiencing spiritual abuse from those who believed similar things –

and I had been scapegoating their theology rather than addressing their behavior towards me!

Becoming conscious of this dynamic allowed me to take steps to appreciate theologies that

are different from my own while still embracing people who hold to those theologies and it

freed me to address the actual issue of boundary violations as they arise.xxxv

       This administrative and patient work with both CPE and Ethics is a ministry in itself

and I’m very gifted at the ministry I do – though many of my skills are currently underutilized.

I would love to have more opportunities to engage in direct patient care, teaching, leading

worship, and visioning for and building the CPE program (work I am able to do with Ethics). At

the same time, there is so much to be done from the administrative side of things, that I

clearly recognize how my organizational skills, visioning, intellectual gifts, dialectical

thinking, and capacity to engage in “menial” tasks frees up and empowers others to engage in

much more direct and readily identified “ministry.”

       What patient and staff care I do perform in the context of Clinical Ethics is a unique

opportunity for the church to expand its understanding of ministry. Rather than being

grounded in philosophical questions, my engagement in ethics is grounded in an understanding

of the divine and of creation. Whereas physicians care for a patient’s physical body, and a

specialist cares for a part of a person’s body, and nurses do the work of maintaining a

patient’s physical body, and a chaplain cares for a person’s spirit, an ethicist cares for the

people in the context – discerning and giving space to name the values held by each person in

conflict and offering ways forward that are ethical and just. Much the way that ministry is a

process by which we discern the call of God and can be confident in our decisions going

forward even if they aren’t the choice we would make for our own comfort or preference, so

Ethics is a process by which we discern the possible ways forward and present grounding for

                                                                                                 14

why choices that do not fit one person’s or even many person’s comfort and preference are

still acceptable, good, just, and ethical.

       A relatively new academic discipline, biomedical ethics as it is currently understood

largely grew out of the felt need of nurses to ask questions about whether or not specific

treatment plans were holistically good for patients or potentially causing additional and

unnecessary suffering. This was during the 1960s and ‘70s, when medicine was predominantly

paternalistic and doctors’ orders were expected to be followed. While it is true that this

hasn’t changed much in some areas, it is also the case that in Western society, much of

medical ethics historically has been grounded Catholic theology. I see a significant need to

expand the theological field contributing to these dialogues and believe it is an act of

preaching and teaching the Word to engage. Likewise, the capacity to hold multiple and

conflict views and values in tension with ease and comfort; to clarify needs, hopes, and

wishes; and to call our attention, always, back to the fundamental truth of our inherent

worth and dignity (as humans created in the divine image) and our interconnectedness is, for

me, one form of Communion.

       What I have come to understand about my call through all of these experiences is that

the dysfunction of my family of origin and my history of trauma are not stumbling blocks to

but rather the solid foundation of ministry when set beside the cornerstone of the Jesus

story.xxxvi Through integration, I am becoming a powerful force in the world.xxxvii

       I am called to serve and I flourish in that service when my ministerial functioning

meets a great institutional fit. Currently, this fit and flourish is found in facilitating OWL,

serving on Church Council, investing in new initiatives for ministry at Olivet UCC, using my

administrative gifts at ANW to “keep the wheels on the bus” of CPE, and in building the

Clinical Ethics Program.xxxviii Though it’s not a “typical” ministry, I believe that biomedical

ethics is a ministry of the church.xxxix As a “reflection on the intersection of values in

                                                                                                  15

healthcare,” there are no black and white easy answers. We are called: to live the truth that

all humans have equal value; to treat all people with dignity; to address issues of injustice.xl

This work fits my understanding of Word (preaching – through action – the good news

of Jesus Christ) and Sacrament (the unseen reality represented in baptism – that we all belong

to God – and in Communion – that we are all welcome at The Table and equal before

God).xlixlii I do not anticipate that my work in administration will last the whole of my career. I

do not know what might come next. I feel prepared to do the necessary discernment work, in

collaboration with my faith community, as an ordained minister in the UCC to determine my

next ministry setting when the time comes and to continue serving and loving God through

serving and loving people.xliii

IV. How Power and Boundaries are at Work in Ordained Ministry

Whether we wish to acknowledge it or not, being in an ordained ministry position

opens us to having spiritual authority conferred upon us by those to whom we minister. This

carries with it a significant burden to maintain healthy and appropriate boundaries

intrapersonally and inter-personally. The stronger my internal sense of self and the healthier

my internal boundaries, the better able I am to meet others in their places of need and

wounding. It requires a significant degree of skill in establishing and maintaining these

internal boundaries as well as a particularly artful engagement of others in communicating

appropriate and healthy external boundaries.

I believe that these boundaries must be clearly established, cleanly communicated,

and can be well and appropriately negotiated in the shifting landscapes of ministry. For

example, when I first arrived at Olivet Congregational Church UCC, I knew no one. The pastor

was kind and gracious and invited me to coffee to get to know me as a potential congregant.

The relationship was clear and the boundary identified – the pastor was pastor, I was

potential parishioner; the pastor was there to understand and attend to my spiritual needs,

whether through direct ministry or connecting me to appropriate ministries within the church.

In the course of my nearly four years at Olivet, my relationship with that pastor has

shifted. By pursuing the MID process, he pastor has become a trusted mentor and advocate. In

the course of serving Olivet through my process, the pastor has become a ministry colleague.

Through extending care and compassion to the pastor's spouse and children in a tumultuous

season, the pastor and family have become friends.

This pastor and I have covenanted in establishing and clarifying the flexible nature of

our boundaried relationship – when I have needed the pastor to be a pastor or mentor, I tell

them that; when I need the pastor to be a colleague for ministerial support, I tell them that;

when I need a friend to care about the challenges in life and celebrate the joys, I tell them

that. As this pastor has left their position at Olivet, new boundaries have been established;

they have ceased to be my pastor in any way; however, they will remain a friend and

colleague in ministry.

This is quite natural and normative to me. I suspect this is in part, perhaps, related to

my fundamental nature and capacity for compartmentalization. While I strive to live a

spiritually and psychologically integrated life, I also have clean and clear delineations in

relationships. In relationships of equal relative power, I am open to collegiality and

friendship. In relationships of relative power differential, I feel a responsibility to maintain

rather strict psychological, social, emotional, sexual, and theological boundaries so as to

empower those who may confer spiritual authority upon me to be responsible for their own

life such that their process and growth does not depend upon their relationship with me, but

rather their relationship with themselves and with the divine. This is one of the most

fundamental ways in which my understanding of covenant informs my ministry. I covenant

with God and with others to support and empower their covenantal relationship with God.

Lastly, recent experiences have raised my consciousness to the manners in which those

to whom we minister have the potential to violate our personal and ministerial boundaries. I

believe it is imperative as a ministerial authority to address such violations immediately and

clearly. In doing so, I hold a high value for appropriate and respectful communication and

clarification of boundaries, maintaining clear records of any such violations.

       It is imperative to maintain such records and ensure that the ministry setting in which

one serves has a formal process established to address these issues, be it a Human Resources

(HR) department in a clinical setting, a pastoral-congregation relations committee in the

church, or a transparent and accountable relationship with a church’s Council. In my current

(and past) ministry settings, I have utilized my manger and, as needed, HR representatives to

assist in addressing boundary violations, work flow, expectation management, to proactively

seek supervision on areas of growth for myself to ensure optimal functioning in my work, and

manage appropriate work-life balance.xliv

       There are additional personal avenues that I utilize to maintain these boundaries. First

is that my spouse is unchurched and completely uninterested in church. While he is

completely supportive of my ministry, he has no interest in being involved – and this has

always been my preference.xlv From the time I started my MDiv, when thinking about a

potential future family, I have always wanted to have a family life separate from the church.

In choosing a spouse, it has always been important to me that my spouse either attend

another church or that they be of another faith tradition. That my spouse is ethnically Jewish

and fits the "none" category of faith tradition, this has worked well for us.

       There are two primary advantages to my spouse being unchurched. The first is that as

someone who has not connections to church life, he is a safe and uncompromised sounding

board for frustrations that arise in ministry. The second is related: he becomes an external

                                                                                                 18

check for me when things get really challenging; and he does not shy away from challenging

my perspective and asking clarifying questions when needed.

In addition to this relationship, I also maintain close friendships with colleagues from

seminary. These relationships span time, distance, denomination, and even faith tradition. I

have also developed meaningful relationships with several friends from my CPE experiences –

both with members of my cohort and with my former supervisors. I am not shy about seeking

supervision from any of them when need arises.xlvi

Finally, I have a spectacular therapist.xlvii Though my need for this therapeutic

relationship waxes and wanes, I know that my therapist is committed to being a resource for

as long as is appropriate. At the same time, my therapist is easing into retirement. I am

confident that when or as the need arises, once my therapist has fully retired, I will be able

to pursue an appropriate therapeutic relationship with another provider.

V. Conclusion

My journey to applying for ordination has not always been an easy one. It certainly

hasn’t been as straightforward as I would have liked either. It is a journey, however, that has

been grounded in my faith, grown through my experiences, and I believe uniquely prepared

me to ministry through Word and Sacrament in all of their many forms. It is but a snapshot of

the larger journey of my faith which began in early childhood and which will continue

through the whole of my life forward.

One of the most significant gifts of this journey is the profound level of spiritual and

emotional integration I have done in the process. While I certainly have blindspots, as we all

do, I am keenly aware of the things in life which have the potential to trip me up and disrupt

my process. I have an extraordinary community throughout time and space who do not

hesitate to point out my blindspots and call me back into alignment with my core values and

beliefs. Ministry can be a profoundly isolating and lonely experience – having a community for

health and accountability is a significant blessing as I endeavor to undertake this sacred

calling.

I do not know all that my future holds. I do know that whether compensated or not, in

the institutional church or outside of it, wherever I choose to live next, my future does hold

ministry – and a ministry that is powerful and significant and may even be a transformative

and healing force in the world. It is my earnest desire that this ministry is done on behalf of

and with the authorization of the United Church of Christ.

i
Marks of Faithful and Effective Authorized Ministers in the United Church of Christ
Mark 8: Strengthening Inter- and Intra- Personal Assets
f. Demonstrating excellent communication skills.
ii
Mark 1: Exhibiting a spiritual foundation and ongoing spiritual practice
a. Loving God, following Jesus Christ, and being guided by the Holy Spirit; living a life of discipleship.
b. Praying actively and nurturing spiritual practices.
iii
Mark 5: Caring for All Creation
a. Nurturing care and compassion for God’s creation.
d. Providing hope and healing to a hurting world.
iv
Mark 4: Engaging Sacred Stories and Traditions
c. Understanding the history of the Christian Church, from biblical times forward.
v
Mark 2: Nurturing UCC Identity
b. Communicating passion for the oneness of the Body of Christ (John 17:21)
vi
ibid.
c. Holding active membership in a Local Church of the United Church of Christ.
vii
ibid.

a. Acknowledging Jesus as the sole Head of the Church
viii
ibid.
e. Knowing and appreciating UCC history, polity, and theology.
ix
ibid.
f. Exhibiting a commitment to the core values of the United Church of Christ: continuing
testament, extravagant welcome, and changing lives.
x
Mark 5
f. Stewarding the resources of the Church.
xi
ibid.
d. Participating in the various settings of the United Church of Christ, including Local Churches, Associations,
Conferences, General Synod, and global ministries.
xii
Mark 4
a. Exhibiting knowledge, understanding, and continuing study of the Hebrew Scriptures and the New Testament.
xiii
Mark 7: Working Together for Justice and Mercy
e. Engaging in mission and outreach.
xiv
ibid.
a. Drawing on the ministry of Jesus Christ to confront injustice and oppression.
xv
Mark 6: Participating in Theological Praxis
d. Demonstrating an appreciation for and participation in the ecumenical and interfaith partnerships of the UCC.
xvi
Mark 3: Building Transformational Leadership Skills
c. Witnessing in the public square to God’s redeeming power.
xvii
Mark 8
c. Exhibiting strong moral character and personal integrity.
xviii
Mark 4
f. Holding the Holy with integrity especially as represented in the Sacraments.
xix
Mark 1
e. Understanding the power of the Holy Spirit at work through the elements of Christian worship to nurture faith
xx
Mark 7: Working Together for Justice and Mercy
d. Understanding community context and navigating change with a community.
xxi
ibid.
c. Identifying and working to overcome explicit and implicit bias in the life of the Church.
xxii
Mark 3
a. Empowering the Church to be faithful to God’s call, reflective of Christ’s mission, and open to the surprises of
the Holy Spirit.
xxiii
Mark 6
a. Practicing theological reflection and engagement as part of one’s sense of ministerial identity.
xxiv
Mark 8
b. Living in relationships of covenantal accountability to God and the Church.
xxv
Mark 4
d. Bringing life to sacred stories and traditions in worship, proclamation, and witness.
xxvi
Mark 1
c. Being called to ordained ministry by God and the Church.
xxvii
Mark 6
d. Demonstrating an appreciation for and participation in the ecumenical and interfaith partnerships of the UCC.
xxviii
Mark 4

e. Leading faith formation effectively across generations.
xxix
Mark 6
f. Embodying the UCC Ministerial Code.
xxx
Mark 8
e. Understanding and ministering to stages of human development across the life span.
xxxi
Ibid.
b. Maturing in effective proclamation and preaching.
xxxii
Mark 3
b. Strategically creating the future of God’s Church.
xxxiii Ibid.

f. Exhibiting a commitment to lifelong spiritual development and faithful personal stewardship.
xxxiv
Mark 3
f. Encouraging leadership development of self and others through continuing education and lifelong learning.
xxxv
Mark 6
e. Experiencing and appreciating a variety of theological perspectives.
xxxvi
Mark 8
a. Developing and maintaining a healthy sense of self as shaped by god, community, and life experiences.
xxxvii
Mark 6
b. Integrating theological reflection in teaching, preaching, and ecclesial and community leadership.
xxxviii Mark 3

d. Performing necessary and appropriate administrative tasks.
xxxix
Mark 6
c. Articulating a theology and practice of ministry consistent with the UCC Manual on Ministry.
xl
Mark 3
e. Working collaboratively with intercultural awareness and sensitivity.
xli
Mark 7
b. Practicing the radical hospitality of God.
xlii
Mark 8
d. Respecting the dignity of all God’s people.
xliii
Mark 1
d. Continuing discernment of one’s call in community.
xliv
Mark 5
c. Practicing self-care and life balance.
xlv
Mark 7
e. Building relationships of mutual trust and interdependence.
xlvi
Ibid.
e. Attending to one’s own spiritual and pastoral care, including engaging in supervision as appropriate.
xlvii
Ibid.
b. Maintaining a basic understanding of mental health and wellness.

References

Martin, Jonathan. Prototype: What Happens when You Discover You're More Like Jesus Than
You Think?. Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2013.

Peck, M. Scott. The different drum: Community making and peace. Simon and Schuster,
1987.

United Church of Christ, The Constitution of the United Church of Christ,
https://www.uccfiles.com/pdf/UCC_Constitution.pdf (accessed Feb. 25, 2020).

United Church of Christ, Marks of Faithful and Effective Authorized Ministers in the United
Church of Christ, http://uccfiles.com/pdf/THE-MARKS-OF-FAITHFUL-AND-
EFFECTIVEMINISTERS.pdf (accessed Feb. 15, 2020).

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