Breaking bad: an attachment perspective on youth mentoring relationship closures
←
→
Page content transcription
If your browser does not render page correctly, please read the page content below
bs_bs_banner
doi:10.1111/cfs.12197
Breaking bad: an attachment perspective on youth
mentoring relationship closures
Karen Zilberstein* and Renée Spencer†
*Smith College School for Social Work, Northampton, and †Boston University School of Social Work, Boston,
MA, USA
Correspondence: A B S T R AC T
Karen Zilberstein,
Smith College School for Social Endings in youth mentoring relationships have received little atten-
Work, tion to date despite the frequency with which they occur. In this
8 Trumbull Rd #205, paper, we bring an attachment theory perspective to bear on youth
Northampton, MA 01060, mentoring relationship closures and consider how the rich empirical
USA and theoretical literature on attachment can inform mentoring pro-
E-mail: ekaren@me.com gramme practice and possibly help prevent premature and poorly
handled mentoring relationship endings. We consider what is known
Keywords: Adult–youth relationships, about endings in youth mentoring relationships, articulate an attach-
attachment theory, relationship
ment perspective on mentoring relationships and their endings and
dissolution, termination, youth
offer recommendations informed by these literatures for how
mentoring
mentoring programmes can promote positive closure when relation-
Accepted for publication: October ships come to an end.
2014
many mentoring programmes offer few guidelines on
INTRODUCTION
how to construct and conclude relationships with
Youth mentoring has gained increasing popularity as youth, despite the primacy of this need (Liang et al.
an intervention for at-risk or troubled youth. Consid- 2002; Spencer et al. 2010).This paper seeks to fill that
ered a significant source of social support (Sterrett void by evaluating how attachment theory and
et al. 2011), research shows that such relationships research on psychotherapeutic terminations can frame
can promote positive change for youth across social, the knowledge, skills and types of activities mentors
emotional, behavioural and academic domains should utilize so that mentoring relationships do not
(DuBois et al. 2011). Unfortunately, studies also deteriorate into yet another failed, detrimental experi-
suggest that premature endings and ruptures may ence for vulnerable youth.
harm participants (Grossman & Rhodes 2002; Britner Research on both formal and natural mentoring
& Kraimer-Rickaby 2005; Karcher 2005; Herrera relationships indicates that closer, more enduring rela-
et al. 2011).This is particularly concerning because as tionships more effectively promote positive youth out-
many as a third to a half of mentoring relationships comes (Grossman & Rhodes 2002; Liang et al. 2002;
end before the initial time commitment expires Parra et al. 2002; Hiles et al. 2013; Hurd & Sellers
(Grossman & Rhodes 2002; Bernstein et al. 2009; 2013). Attachment theory explains the ingredients in
Grossman et al. 2012; Spencer et al. 2014) and simply and impact of the making and breaking of important
re-matching youth with a new mentor may not buffer relationships (Bowlby 1980, 1982). It thus provides a
the negative effects of a previous prematurely ended framework for understanding the connection between
relationship (Grossman et al. 2012). strong relationships and positive outcomes and for
Greater attention to endings in mentoring relation- why such relationships can be difficult to form and
ships is needed in order to harness the positive poten- sustain, particularly with higher risk youth. In this
tial of these relationships, especially for higher risk paper, we bring an attachment theory perspective to
youth who can be more challenging to engage and bear on youth mentoring relationship closures and
more vulnerable to relationship ruptures. However, consider how the rich empirical and theoretical
1 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdAttachment and youth mentoring closures K Zilberstein and R Spencer
literature on attachment can inform mentoring pro- relationships, re-matching youth with another mentor
gramme.Youth, in this paper, refers to the broad range may not compensate for the consequences of prema-
of ages that are most often served through mentoring ture ending. Finally, match length does not appear as
programmes – from school-aged children through the only critical factor. One study (Karcher 2005)
adolescence. While space does not allow for an found a link between mentor attendance and youth
in-depth consideration of working with children of outcomes, with youth whose mentors attended spo-
different ages, some similarities and differences in radically reporting decrements in perceptions of self-
attachment needs and responses of youth of various esteem and physical attractiveness. Mentor consistency
ages will be discussed. This paper will first consider thus also plays an important role.
what is known about endings in youth mentoring rela- Research suggests that underlying strong mentoring
tionships. It will then articulate an attachment per- bonds lay partnerships built on respect, trust, honesty,
spective on youth mentoring relationships and reliability, consistency, empathy, authentic engage-
terminations. The final section offers recommenda- ment and mentors with the ability to form close, emo-
tions for how mentoring programmes can promote tional relationships (Spencer et al. 2004, 2010; Rhodes
positive closures for youth. et al. 2009; Diehl et al. 2011; Johnson et al. 2011; Pryce
2012; Hiles et al. 2013). But mentoring does not
succeed equally well for everyone. In a study of young
Endings in youth mentoring relationships
adolescents, those youngsters with histories of abuse or
Endings receive little attention in the literature on attachment problems encountered higher disruption
youth mentoring relationships, despite the frequency rates in mentoring relationships (Grossman & Rhodes
with which they occur. Both the research and practice 2002) and derived fewer benefits from them (DuBois
literatures direct more consideration towards the early et al. 2011). The success or failure of the mentoring
phases of the mentoring process, such as recruitment, relationship also depends in part on mentors’ own
screening, matching and training and to the promo- relational experiences and skills. Mentors feeling over-
tion of more enduring relationships, all factors asso- whelmed, burned out or unappreciated account for a
ciated with greater benefits for youth participants significant proportion of early mentoring terminations
(DuBois et al. 2011). However, research indicates that (Spencer 2007; Herrera et al. 2013; Spencer et al.
early terminations of formal youth mentoring rela- 2014).
tionships may be problematic. One recent qualitative study that considered youth
In studies of programmes promising a mentor for a age 9 to 15 also indicates that how youth mentoring
minimum of either a school or calendar year, youth relationships conclude likely matters, but ending rela-
whose mentoring relationships stopped prematurely tionships well can take considerable support from
reported no gains and even decrements in functioning mentoring programme staff (Spencer et al. 2014).
compared with controls who received no mentoring Among the relationships in this study, those with
at all (Grossman & Rhodes 2002; Britner & stronger emotional connections between the mentor
Kraimer-Rickaby 2005; Grossman et al. 2012). and youth were more likely to have well-planned and
Studies of children aged 9 through late adolescence well-executed endings. Weaker relationships tended to
further suggest that throughout those age ranges, youth result in poorly executed endings or to even avoid or
who face precipitous or poorly managed endings report bypass the termination process altogether. For youth
feelings of sadness, disappointment, anger, confusion who previously experienced significant disruptions in
and rejection and show less willingness to engage in their primary caregiving relationships, whether
future mentoring opportunities (Hiles et al. 2013; because of parental separation, incarceration or trans-
Spencer et al. 2014). Some programmes have sought to fer to foster care, closure processes may hold special,
mitigate potential harmful effects by re-matching potentially reparative significance.
youth whose relationships end early.The only study to
date comparing youth in intact matches with those who
An attachment perspective on youth
received a second match after the first ended early
mentoring relationships
found that only the youth in intact matches demon-
strated improvements in academic functioning, despite Strong relationships, particularly those associated
the overall similar time period in which they received with secure attachments, confer many benefits
services (Grossman et al. 2012). This suggests that, at (Bowlby 1982; Siegel 1999). From an attachment per-
least within programmes seeking to forge longer-term spective, development unfolds within the cradle of
2 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdAttachment and youth mentoring closures K Zilberstein and R Spencer
interpersonal experiences, which, in childhood, com- which children learn to conceptualize and express
prise various experiences of parental nurturing, pro- feelings and organize experience (Fonagy & Target
tection, attunements and scaffolding. Attuned, 2002). Securely attached children learn to signal
available attachment figures function as ‘secure bases’ needs openly and accurately, with the expectation that
that promote trust, exploration, learning and multiple caregivers will respond positively to those bids. In
developmental achievements (Ainsworth et al. 1978; adolescence and adulthood, those with secure attach-
Bowlby 1982; Hart 2011). Youth of all ages with ments show an ability to reflect on and communicate
secure attachments generally show more advanced about relationships openly, coherently and consist-
abilities than their insecure counterparts. These ently with little emotional interference (Main 2000).
include higher self-regulatory skills, cognitive ability, When misattunements arise, effective attachment
compliance, social functioning, school performance figures rapidly repair them and return the relationship
and resiliency (Siegel 1999; Hart 2011). Preschool to a predictable, responsive track, thus diffusing their
and elementary school-aged children who obtain child’s or partner’s fear, anger or anxiety (Peck 2003).
secure attachments after experiences of maltreatment Parents who show more organized and secure states of
or adversity also show improvement in numerous mind in their own attachment relationships seem
developmental areas and a decrease in psychopathol- better able to promote those qualities in their children
ogy (Steele et al. 2003; McGoron et al. 2012). This (Dozier & Sepulveda 2004).
finding extends into adulthood. Adults whose secure When children do not feel safe and secure in the
attachments form later in life also seem to fare rela- physical and/or emotional availability of their caregiv-
tively well (Roisman et al. 2002). However, research ers, they use less direct attachment strategies to get
has found that youth who experience disruptions in their needs met. Children with emotionally unavail-
attachment early in life often exhibit difficulty devel- able or intermittently responsive caregivers form
oping secure attachments later (Shaver & Mikulincer insecure attachments. To maintain the relationship,
2009). These youth tend to expect rejection and children either minimize (anxious-ambivalent attach-
unpredictability in their relationships. ment) or amplify (avoidant attachment) cues. By sup-
Mentoring relationships resemble a type of second- pressing or exaggerating expressions of feelings and
ary attachment relationship, a framing that could help needs, those children limit their ability to understand
mentors construct bonds based on attachment prin- their own emotions and reactions. Such patterns
ciples and promote the kinds of relationships associ- extend into adolescence and adulthood, although with
ated with more favourable outcomes. In studies of some differences. Individuals may idealize their early
youth aged 7 to 18, the qualities those youngsters attachment relationships in a superficial way, dismiss
mention wanting and valuing in their mentoring rela- their importance or become overly focused on and
tionships mirror those that occur in secure attach- angry about disappointments in relationships without
ment: safety and security, opportunities for growth, the ability to reflect upon those experiences coherently
unconditional regard, authentic engagement, active or accurately communicate their expectations and
participation, responsiveness and empathy (Spencer needs.
et al. 2004; Ahrens et al. 2008; Munson et al. 2010; Disorganized attachment derives from the child’s
Hiles et al. 2013). The establishment of a strong and experience of the caregiver as frightened or frighten-
secure relationship, with its associated advantages, ing, which conflicts with the need to use that caregiver
thus comprises an important goal for mentors and as a source of comfort and relief (Lyons-Ruth 2003).
mentees. In infancy and early childhood, these children vacil-
A number of mechanisms underlie and shape the late between fearing to approach the caregiver and
establishment of secure attachments. Attachments craving proximity. With no organized strategies for
consolidate early in life through sensorimotor and receiving emotional care and soothing, they experi-
emotional communications that include voice tone, ence frequent states of overarousal and a fragmented
touch, gestures and vocalizations (Beebe & Lachmann sense of themselves and others (Fonagy & Target
2003; Peck 2003; Hart 2011). Attuned caregivers 2002; Lyons-Ruth 2003). As they age, disorganized
respond sensitively and consistently to their children’s children exhibit working models of helplessness or
underlying needs and communication (Oppenheim coercive control (Lyons-Ruth 2003; Kerns &
et al. 2004). By doing so, they moderate arousal, pro- Richardson 2005). By age 6, peer problems tend to be
viding both lively, engaged stimulation and soothing. evident, which can include a mixture of aggressive,
They also initiate affective communication through controlling, fearful and helpless behaviour, or
3 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdAttachment and youth mentoring closures K Zilberstein and R Spencer
sometimes an odd and contradictory mix. In adoles- tracked in school-aged children, although changes
cence and adulthood, disorganized attachment is best most probably began earlier and many old models still
demarcated by the unstructured expression of inner endured (Hodges et al. 2003; Steele et al. 2003).
distress and by the individual’s inability to regulate Mentors who engage in such attachment-based rela-
that distress successfully in attachment and other tional strategies can thus modify their protégés
social relationships (Main 2000). working models and form more positive, growth-
Through these various attachment experiences, promoting relationships, although the process takes
children form schemas, or internal working models, time.
of the self, others and relationships that then influence
how they approach future affiliations and circum-
Attachment, loss and relational endings
stances (Bowlby 1980). Internal working models
affect memory for attachment-related experiences. Reactions to breaking an attachment include grief,
Insecure children recall more negative events and anger, detachment and despair (Bowlby 1980;
rejecting parental responses than securely attached Stroebe et al. 2005). While individuals turn to attach-
children, even when responding to the same ment figures for soothing and modulation in times of
attachment-related cues and scenarios (Rowe & distress, the ending or disruption of a mentoring rela-
Carnelley 2003; Chae et al. 2009). This means that tionship can kindle strong emotions and attachment
those individuals will likely perpetuate their percep- behaviour (Bowlby 1980). The type of attachment
tions and beliefs systems, unless they are helped to strategies activated depends upon the youth’s pre-
notice and focus on discounted and disregarded infor- existing working models (Stroebe et al. 2005;
mation (Zilberstein 2008). Zilberstein 2008). While secure individuals possess
Attachment behaviour varies by age. While young the coping tools to handle separations and losses,
children seek proximity to caregivers when in distress, those with insecure or disorganized attachments can
later relationships depend less and less on physical find the experience overwhelming and difficult. Indi-
contact. Typical adolescents still turn to attachment viduals with anxious-ambivalent attachments, who
figures when upset, but older school-aged students tend to amplify feelings regarding attachment, may
and teenagers can also cope independently or use react to endings by exhibiting great distress and an
peers as a resource (Kerns & Richardson 2005; Allen inability to disengage from either the attachment
2008). Attachment constructs may also become more figure or the associated emotions (Zilberstein 2008).
rigid and less amenable to change over time, although Their rumination on the loss leaves little room for
older children and adolescents also encounter growing finding adaptive resolutions (Stroebe et al. 2005).
social worlds that expose them to new and different Avoidant individuals, who limit closeness and evade
experiences, which can challenge pre-existing attach- emotional material, often dismiss the importance of
ment constructs. Earlier experiences both continue to the relationship, deny the impact of endings and may
influence attachment relationships by confirming old even abruptly terminate in advance (Holmes 1997).
beliefs and also interact with contemporary relation- While this tactic decreases felt emotion, those individ-
ships, skills and opportunities that allow for change uals often show somatic symptoms that betray their
(Rowe & Carnelley 2003; Steele et al. 2003). internal distress (Wayment & Vierthaler 2002). Youth
While gaining a secure attachment later in life with previous experiences of loss or disorganized
differs from building security from the start, the same attachments may find the ending of mentoring rela-
attuned, sensitive, consistent behaviours appear tionships particularly difficult (Stroebe 2002; Many
crucial to that endeavour (Roisman et al. 2002). 2009). The loss may feel catastrophic and lead to
Foster parents who react less to the overt, defensive turmoil. Their struggles with coping and organizing
behaviour of their insecure or disorganized children emotional reactions interfere with their ability to regu-
and respond, instead, to underlying needs and feel- late their responses or create closure (Zilberstein
ings, succeed better in procuring secure attachments 2008). Because of those difficulties, youth with histo-
with young children (Dozier & Sepulveda 2004). Over ries of trauma, loss and attachment difficulties will
time, new experiences of availability, empathy, attune- need extra help structuring and handling the closing
ment and responsiveness have been shown to lead to stages of the mentorship.
new representations and working models of attach- Research on termination in both psychotherapy and
ment in adopted children, as well. At 1 year after mentoring confirm that unplanned or sloppily con-
placement, evidence of new working models has been ducted conclusions can cause damage. Therapy
4 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdAttachment and youth mentoring closures K Zilberstein and R Spencer
cessation that occurs abruptly, unilaterally or with skills. However, even for mentors with secure states of
little discussion or preparation tends to produce harm mind, learning to work with insecurely attached or
(Knox et al. 2011). Clients react with feelings of aban- disorganized youth, who do not signal their needs and
donment, rejection, anxiety, anger, despair, confusion, expectations well, presents difficulties. If mentors have
fear, helplessness and sadness (Joyce et al. 2007). A trouble understanding their protégés’ feelings and
history of loss, particularly a traumatic loss or one that needs or feel especially triggered in their own
occurred during childhood, can intensify feelings responses, they may require additional help reflecting
among individuals of all ages (Stroebe et al. 2005; Roe on their biases, attachment styles and expectations
et al. 2006; Joyce et al. 2007; Many 2009). and the ways in which those influence the relationship
Conversely, positive, planned endings serve a (Dozier & Sepulveda 2004; Spencer 2007). This may
number of purposes. When handled well, endings reduce incidences of mentors feeling burned out,
promote transformation (Knox et al. 2011). Termina- unappreciated and prematurely quitting (Spencer
tions that enable clients to feel valued and helped 2007; Spencer et al. 2014).
rather than abandoned, rejected and powerless facili- As the foundation of relational security and trust
tate the creation and endurance of secure working remains consistency, reliability, safety and empathic
models. Constructive endings entail learning both to communication, mentors should hone those qualities.
hold on and feel connected to a departing person, Reliability involves more than simply showing up
while at the same time letting go of the regular, physi- regularly and sticking to agreements, although cer-
cal contact (Klass et al. 1996). As individuals tend to tainly those are important. From an attachment per-
draw upon the images and memories of important spective, true consistency and dependability require
people to solve problems and gain security and that predictable patterns of verbal and non-verbal
comfort, even after the relationship ends, this behaviour and responsiveness exist through which
outcome has far-reaching implications (Stroebe et al. mentees can build organized mental representations
2005). Beneficial terminations consolidate and gener- (Bowlby 1982; Steele et al. 2003; Hart 2011).
alize the numerous gains achieved through the Mentors should strive to show positive effect and
mentoring partnership and facilitate the acquisition of respond to youth in an attuned manner through their
new skills (Vasquez et al. 2008). Learning to cope with gestures, postures, intonations and verbal expressions,
distressing feelings and losses prepares adolescents to regardless of that mentees attachment patterns (Beebe
face and negotiate future stressful life events (Delgado & Lachmann 2003). Clearly, this is more difficult with
& Strawn 2012). For youth who have experienced protégés with insecure or disorganized styles who tend
previous losses and trauma, an emotionally supportive not to elicit positive responses and may appear dis-
termination may also constitute their first experience missing, angry, clingy or controlling.
of a non-traumatic loss (Many 2009). However, when Mentors should work hard to recognize and reflect
youth or mentors avoid the work of termination, they back youth’s feelings and concerns, especially those
tend to dismiss the relationship and its importance that have been defensively split off (Fonagy & Target
and defensively invalidate and devalue the accom- 2002; Hart 2011). Such defensive manoeuvres
plishments attained through that alliance. often hide the youth’s wishes for attachment, which
they camouflage as dismissive, uncaring behaviours
because of fears of rejection, closeness and vulnerabil-
How attachment principles can inform
ity (Lyons-Ruth 2003; Dozier & Sepulveda 2004). For
mentoring programme practices and prevent
avoidant youth, confirming that the relationship has
premature endings
value to the mentor, remaining consistent and avail-
If mentors received more training on how to establish able in the face of rejection, discouraging the youth
and end effective relationships, especially with proté- from prematurely fleeing and helping the mentee
gés who demonstrate relational and attachment vul- focus on and remember positive aspects of the rela-
nerabilities, more benefit and less harm may accrue. tionship constitute important strategies. For ambiva-
Like other social bonds, mentoring relationships crys- lent youth, helping those individuals cope with their
tallize in part through each party’s pre-existing own reactions, feel confident in their ability to func-
working models. When mentors, themselves, contain tion independently, hold on to an internalized image
secure states of mind, they can form more attuned and of the mentor’s caring and reflect upon and articulate
effective relationships with protégés. Agencies could emotions, rather than act them out, constitute neces-
thus routinely screen for mentors’ attachment-related sary goals. For disorganized youth, providing
5 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdAttachment and youth mentoring closures K Zilberstein and R Spencer
structure, reliability and strategies for coping with the have time to prepare. Programme staff can coach all
various emotions that arise within the relationship will parties on how to authentically and meaningfully
be especially valuable. Unfortunately, more often than engage in the termination process and help partici-
not, when mentees show negative behaviours and pants practice saying goodbye. Planning ahead also
emotions, instead of being dealt with, they often serve gives the mentors and mentees time to consider how
to push mentors away and disrupt the relationship, they would like to mark the ending of their relation-
thus confirming the youth’s pre-existing beliefs about ship, such as engaging in favourite activities one last
the unreliability and unavailability of adult figures time, doing something they had always intended to do
(Spencer 2007; Rhodes et al. 2009; Hiles et al. 2013). but had not yet gotten around to, saying goodbye to
When problems or misattunements inevitably friends and family members or simply getting used to
surface, mentors must strive to repair them and the idea of not continuing the relationship in its
recoup, which may involve offering understanding of present form. Mentors and programme staff may seek
and apologies for the rift (Peck 2003). In fact, by input from caregivers about how best to engage youth
doing so, mentors will provide valuable new learning in the closure process and anticipate particular vul-
and begin to challenge and shift their protégés’ inter- nerabilities the ending may trigger. Planning together
nal working models. When difficulties in the mentor– a meaningful celebration or graduation ceremony also
mentee relationship are understood, negotiated and enhances positive memories and gives the youth some
resolved, the youth begin to experience a new kind of sense of control over the process (Zilberstein, 2008).
attuned relationship in which problems and difficul- While mentees without a secure attachment style may
ties are openly faced and handled.These interventions react to these interventions according to pre-existing
lessen arousal and enhance social and emotional skills. attachment styles – either dismissing their impor-
They also strengthen the relationship, which reduces tance, overly focusing on them and wanting more,
the probability of unplanned and premature termina- wanting to take control of the process or finding it
tion (Vasquez et al. 2008). difficult to organize themselves and follow through –
holding to such guidelines will help each of them, in
different ways and for different reasons, successfully
Promoting positive endings in youth mentoring
navigate this phase.
To achieve positive closure in youth mentoring rela- Growth-promoting endings focus on accomplish-
tionships, endings should be planned, growth- ments and positive coping and not simply losses
promoting, process-oriented and clear. Such endings (Stroebe 2002; Roe et al. 2006). Characterizing the
require concerted attention and full participation of termination as a transition, rather than a loss
all parties involved – mentors, youth, programme staff (although it may, in fact, be both) is often fruitful. Part
and in some cases, the youth’s parent or guardian. of that transition entails thinking about the past,
Given that relationship endings can be painful, many present and future of the relationship. This includes
mentors and youth may attempt to avoid them alto- recognizing positive aspects of the relationship and its
gether. Avoidance, however, can result in youth feeling contributions to the participants’ lives. In this work,
hurt or abandoned, mentors feeling dissatisfied with issues of ongoing connection become paramount
their volunteer experience and caregivers feeling (Klass et al. 1996).
angry about the fallout. In the case of mentor-initiated To achieve this, endings should be process-focused,
endings, research indicates that in the absence of a providing participants the opportunity to express and
formal goodbye, some youth may attribute the ending work through the range of feelings they experience in
to some character flaw or failure on their part that response to the closure. In order to work through
drove the mentor away (Spencer et al. 2014). Planned endings with mentees, mentors must provide the
endings offer participants a chance to convey clear opportunity to review and celebrate the work done
reasons for the ending, to celebrate the positive together and the associated sentiments. This entails
aspects of the relationship, mark any milestones or reflecting together on feelings about the relationship
gains made and to experience and process the range of and its ending, expressing their feelings about the
feelings participants may experience. relationship and what it has meant to them, reviewing
Endings work best when planned in advance and goals, gains and joint endeavours and preparing for
when those plans are fully implemented. Mentors, the future (Knox et al. 2011). Mentors should discuss,
youth and the youth’s caregiver(s) all need to know accept and reflect back the multiple feelings the youth
when the relationship will come to a formal end and feels about discontinuing the relationship. These may
6 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdAttachment and youth mentoring closures K Zilberstein and R Spencer
include conflicting reactions such as sadness about may be emotionally less attuned or distracted,
saying goodbye, fear of the impeding loss and pride in misattunements in the relationship or during the
accomplishments. Part of this task entails helping emergence of strong negative feelings such as anger
youth to verbalize feelings that they lack the knowl- (Zilberstein 2008; Many 2009). Sensitive and
edge or language to express (Many 2009). repeated handling of those incidents, in which
The particular feelings that youth find hard to mentors inquire about and show understanding and
acknowledge or express depend, in part, on their reflection of feelings, repair ruptures and resolve dif-
attachment style. Dismissing individuals may find it ficulties, promotes coping and security on which
hard to express gratitude or acknowledge losses. youth can draw during difficult times. It is, in fact,
Ambivalent individuals may overly focus on loss and important that such opportunities exist and are uti-
show difficulty recognizing individual gains. Disor- lized because learning to cope with larger losses
ganized youth may have trouble verbalizing any requires graduated practice and management of
feelings and need much help engaging in the con- smaller ones (Ford 2009; Many 2009).
versation. Mentors should also acknowledge the
importance of the relationship to themselves and the
CONCLUSION
ways they will remember it. Leaving youth with con-
crete and enduring reminders of the work through While social supports and mentoring encourage resil-
pictures, narratives or other mementos helps with iency and growth in vulnerable youth, they do not
this endeavour (Zilberstein 2008). In these ways, constitute risk-free endeavours (Grossman & Rhodes
mentors can lessen and convert youths’ feelings of 2002; Britner & Kraimer-Rickaby 2005; Karcher
rage and abandonment to pride and connection and 2005; DuBois et al. 2011; Herrera et al. 2011). When
help those without secure attachment styles articu- the relationship and its ending proceed poorly, youth
late and organize their thoughts, feelings and experience detrimental feelings of loss, disappoint-
responses (Roe et al. 2006). ment and rejection, diminished well-being and less
Finally, it must be clear to all parties when the willingness to engage in new mentoring opportunities
mentoring relationship has ended. In an effort to avoid (Hiles et al. 2013; Spencer et al. 2014). This raises the
confronting the loss of the relationship, mixed mes- stakes and necessitates careful selection and training
sages may be sent.The nature of that post-termination of mentors. Attachment theory provides a crucial
association will vary and should be thoroughly dis- foundation on which agencies can better prepare
cussed beforehand so that clear and realistic expecta- mentors to build strong relationships with protégés
tions exist (Spencer 2007; Rhodes et al. 2009). and more effectively handle difficult issues that arise
Mentors and mentees may, at times, stay in touch around termination and closure.
through letters, email, telephone contact or visits Providing youth with positive endings not only
(Siebold 2004; Vasquez et al. 2008), but more likely offers clear closure to the relationship, but offers rich
will be joined through internalized memories and rep- opportunities for learning how to say goodbye well
resentations. Mentors should be discouraged from and for repair and re-working of past negative rela-
offering general platitudes about future contact, such tional experiences. Positive closures that are planned,
as ‘we’ll keep in touch’ or from making promises they growth-promoting, process-oriented and clear allow
later find they either cannot or are not inclined to mentors and youth to reflect on and honor their rela-
keep. Clear endings allow participants to appreciate tionship and move forward to develop new connec-
what they had and to move on to build new connec- tions. Achieving such closures, however, requires
tions, rather than clinging to what all too often may considerable support and scaffolding from mentoring
become broken promises and feelings of disappoint- programme staff, as both mentors and youth bring
ment, hurt and rejection. their own complex relational histories to the process
Preparation for endings begins long before termi- and may not be inclined or equipped to engage in a
nation occurs.The tools needed to manage that phase, positive and productive closure process. Building
especially for youth with insecure or disorganized closure processes into mentoring programme models
attachment patterns, require skill building and and ensuring that staff learn needed skills to facili-
rehearsal. Plenty of natural opportunities present tate positive endings are critical.
themselves for developing and practicing those skills Further research in this area is sorely needed. Clo-
during the course of a mentorship: vacations, missed sures in mentoring relationships have received little
meetings, sickness, ends of meetings, times the mentor empirical attention to date and none to our knowledge
7 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdAttachment and youth mentoring closures K Zilberstein and R Spencer
have examined them from an attachment perspective. Bowlby, J. (1982) Attachment and Loss: Attachment, 2nd edn.
Future research should test the effectiveness of the Basic Books, New York, NY.
practices recommended here. Do planned positive Britner, P.A. & Kraimer-Rickaby, L. (2005) Abused and
neglected youth. In: Handbook of Youth Mentoring (eds D.L.
endings help youth solidify or even enhance the ben-
DuBois & M.J. Karcher), pp. 482–492. Sage Publications,
efits of the mentoring relationship, as the attachment
Thousand Oaks, CA.
literature would suggest? Are youth who experience
Chae, Y., Ogle, C. & Goodman, G. (2009) Remembering nega-
positive closures more likely to go on and develop tive childhood experiences: an attachment theory perspective.
future positive connections with new mentors or other In: Emotion and Memory in Development: Biological, Cognitive,
important adults? Does a positive closure process and Social Considerations (eds J. Quas & R. Fivush), pp. 3–27.
mitigate the negative effects of early relationship Oxford University Press, New York, NY.
endings? It would also be important to examine the Delgado, S. & Strawn, J. (2012) Termination of psychodynamic
experiences of youth with different attachment styles psychotherapy with adolescents: a review and contemporary
and how these may influence the closure process and perspective. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic, 76 (1), 21–52.
the benefits youth derive from the mentoring Diehl, D.C., Howse, R.B. & Trivette, C.M. (2011) Youth in
foster care: developmental assets and attitudes towards adop-
experience.
tion and mentoring. Child & Family Social Work, 16, 81–92.
Although many programmes hope to foster ties that
Dozier, M. & Sepulveda, S. (2004) Foster mother state of mind
continue indefinitely, even a lifetime, the reality is that
and treatment use: different challenges for different people.
many if not most mentoring relationships end, with Infant Mental Health, 25 (4), 368–378.
significant numbers ending before meeting the pro- DuBois, D.L., Portillo, N., Rhodes, J.E., Silverthorn, N. &
gramme established time commitments (Grossman & Valentine, J.C. (2011) How effective are mentoring programs
Rhodes 2002; Bernstein et al. 2009; Grossman et al. for youth? A systematic assessment of the evidence. Psychologi-
2012; Spencer et al. 2014). It is imperative to promote cal Science in the Public Interest, 12 (2), 57–91.
stronger, longer-lasting mentorships and to help Fonagy, P. & Target, M. (2002) Early intervention and the devel-
mentors and youth say goodbye when these relation- opment of self-regulation. Psychoanalytic Inquiry, 22 (3), 307–
ships must end. Not doing so runs the risk of merely 335.
Ford, J. (2009) Neurobiological and developmental research:
replicating previous negative relationships with
clinical implications. In: Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Dis-
adults, particularly for higher risk youth, rather than
orders: An Evidence-Based Guide (eds C. Courtis & J. Ford), pp.
providing the intended rich and growth-promoting
31–58. Guilford Press, New York, NY.
experiences that youth mentoring can otherwise Grossman, J. & Rhodes, J. (2002) The test of time: predictors
achieve. and effects of duration in youth mentoring relationships.
Journal of Community Psychology, 30 (2), 198–219.
Grossman, J.B., Chan, C.S., Schwartz, S.E. & Rhodes, J.E.
REFERENCES
(2012) The test of time in school-based mentoring: the role of
Ahrens, K., DuBois, D., Richardson, L., Fan, L. & Lozano, P. relationship duration and re-matching on academic outcomes.
(2008) Youth in foster care with adult mentors during adoles- American Journal of Community Psychology, 49 (1–2), 43–54.
cence have improved outcomes. Pediatrics, 121, e246–e252. Hart, S. (2011) The Impact of Attachment: Developmental
Ainsworth, M.D.S., Blehar, M.C., Waters, E. & Wall, S. (1978) Neuroaffective Psychology. W.W. Norton & Co, New York, NY.
Patterns of Attachment:A Psychological Study of the Strange Situa- Herrera, C., Grossman, J.B., Kauh, T.J. & McMaken, J. (2011)
tion. Erlbaum, Hillsdale, NJ. Mentoring in schools: an impact study of big brothers big
Allen, J. (2008) The attachment system in adolescence. In: Hand- sisters school-based mentoring. Child Development, 82 (1),
book of attachment:Theory, research, and clinical applications (eds 346–361.
J. Cassidy & P. Shaver), pp. 419–435. New York, Guilford. Herrera, C., DuBois, D.L. & Grossman, J.B. (2013) The Role of
Beebe, B. & Lachmann, F. (2003) The relational turn in psycho- Risk: Mentoring Experiences and Outcomes forYouth with Varying
analysis: a dyadic systems view from infant research. Contem- Risk Profiles. A Public/Private Ventures project distributed by
porary Psychoanalysis, 39 (3), 379–409. MDRC, New York, NY.
Bernstein, L., Dun Rappaport, C., Olsho, L., Hunt, D. & Levin, Hiles, D., Moss, D., Wright, J. & Dallos, R. (2013) Young
M. (2009) Impact Evaluation of the U.S. Department of Educ- people’s experience of social support during the process of
ation’s Student Mentoring Program (NCEE 2009–4047). leaving care: a review of the literature. Children and Youth Ser-
National Center for Educational Evaluation and Regional vices Review, 35, 2059–2071.
Assistance, Institute of Education Sciences, U.S. Department Hodges, J., Steele, M., Hillman, S., Henderson, K. & Kaniuk, J.
of Education, Washington, DC. (2003) Changes in attachment representations over the first
Bowlby, J. (1980) Attachment and Loss Vol. III: Loss: Sadness and year of adoptive placement: narratives of maltreated children.
Depression. Basic Books, New York, NY. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 8 (3), 351–367.
8 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdAttachment and youth mentoring closures K Zilberstein and R Spencer
Holmes, J. (1997) ‘Too early, too late’: endings in psychotherapy Peck, S. (2003) Measuring sensitivity moment-by-moment: a
– an attachment perspective. British Journal of Psychotherapy, microanalytic look at the transmission of attachment. Attach-
14 (2), 159–171. ment and Human Development, 5 (1), 38–63.
Hurd, N.M. & Sellers, R.M. (2013) Black adolescents’ relation- Pryce, J. (2012) Mentor attunement: an approach to successful
ships with natural mentors: associations with academic school-based mentoring relationships. Child and Adolescent
engagement via social and emotional development. Cultural Social Work Journal, 29 (4), 285–305.
Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 19 (1), 76–85. Rhodes, J., Liang, B. & Spencer, R. (2009) First do no
Johnson, S., Pryce, J. & Martinovich, Z. (2011) Role of thera- harm: ethical principles for youth mentoring relationships.
peutic mentoring in enhancing outcomes for youth in foster Professional Psychology, Research and Practice, 40 (5), 452–
care. Child Welfare, 90 (5), 51–69. 458.
Joyce, A.S., Piper, W.E., Ogrodniczuk, J.S. & Klein, R.H. (2007) Roe, D., Dekel, R., Harel, G., Fennis, S. & Fennig, S. (2006)
Termination in Psychotherapy: A Psychodynamic Model of Pro- Clients’ feelings during termination of psychodynamically ori-
cesses and Outcomes. American Psychological Association, ented psychotherapy. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic, 70 (1),
Washington, DC. 68–81.
Karcher, M.J. (2005) The effects of school-based developmental Roisman, G., Sroufe, P. & Egeland, B. (2002) Earned-secure
mentoring and mentors’ attendance on mentees’ self-esteem, attachment status in retrospect and prospect. Child Develop-
behavior, and connectedness. Psychology in the Schools, 42, ment, 73 (4), 1204–1219.
65–77. Rowe, A. & Carnelley, K. (2003) Attachment style differences in
Kerns, K. & Richardson, R. (eds) (2005) Attachment in Middle the processing of attachment-relevant information: primed-
Childhood. Guilford Press, New York, NY. style effects on recall, interpersonal expectations, and affect.
Klass, D., Silverman, P. & Nickman, S. (1996) Continuing Bonds: Personal Relationships, 10, 59–75.
New Understandings of Grief. Taylor and Francis, Washington Shaver, P.R. & Mikulincer, M. (2009) Attachment theory and
DC. attachment styles. In: Handbook of Individual Differences in
Knox, S., Adrians, N., Everson, E., Hess, S., Hill, C. & Social Behavior (eds M.R. Leary & R.H. Hoyle), pp. 62–81.
Crook-Lyon, R. (2011) Clients’ perspectives on therapy ter- Guilford Press, New York, NY.
mination. Psychotherapy Research, 21 (2), 154–167. Siebold, C. (2004) Reflections on premature termination: is it
Liang, B., Tracy, A., Taylor, C. & Williams, L. (2002) Mentoring always goodbye? In: The National Membership Committee on
college-age women: a relational approach. American Journal of Psychoanalysis in Clinical Social Work Newsletter,Winter, p. 3.
Community Psychology, 30 (2), 271–315. Siegel, D. (1999) The Developing Mind. Guilford Press, NewYork,
Lyons-Ruth, K. (2003) Dissociation and the parent-infant dia- NY.
logue: a longitudinal perspective from attachment research. Spencer, R. (2007) It’s not what I expected: a qualitative study of
Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 51, 883–911. youth mentoring relationship failures. Journal of Adolescent
McGoron, L., Gleason, M., Smyke, A., Drury, S., Nelson, C., Research, 22 (4), 331–354.
Gregas, M. et al. (2012) Recovering from early deprivation: Spencer, R., Jordan, J. & Sazama, J. (2004) Growth-promoting
attachment mediates effects of caregiving on psychopathology. relationships between youth and adults: a focus group study.
Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psy- Families in Society, 85 (3), 354–362.
chiatry, 51 (7), 683–693. Spencer, R., Collins, M.E., Ward, R. & Smashnaya, S. (2010)
Main, M. (2000) The organized categories of infant, child, and Mentoring for youth leaving foster care: promise and potential
adult attachment: flexible vs. inflexible attention under pitfalls. Social Work, 55 (3), 225–234.
attention-related stress. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Spencer, R., Basualdo-Delmonico, A., Walsh, J. & Drew, A.
Association, 48, 1055–1096. (2014) Breaking up is hard to do; a qualitative interview study
Many, M. (2009) Termination as a therapeutic intervention of how and why youth mentoring relationships end. Youth &
when treating children who have experienced multiple losses. Society, doi: 10.1177/0044118X14535416.
Infant Mental Health Journal, 30 (1), 23–29. Steele, M., Hodges, J., Kaniuk, J., Hillman, S. & Henderson, K.
Munson, M.R., Smalling, S.E., Spencer, R., Scott, L.D. Jr. & (2003) Attachment representation and adoption: associations
Tracy, E.M. (2010) A steady presence in the midst of change: between maternal states of mind and emotion narratives in
non-kin natural mentors in the lives of older youth exiting previously maltreated children. Journal of Child Psychotherapy,
foster care. Children andYouth Services Review, 32 (4), 527–535. 29 (2), 187–205.
Oppenheim, D., Goldsmith, D. & Koren-Karie, N. (2004) Sterrett, E.M., Jones, D.J., McKee, L.G. & Kincaid, C. (2011)
Maternal insightfulness and preschooler’s emotion and behav- Supportive non-parental adults and adolescent psychosocial
ior problems: reciprocal influences in a therapeutic preschool functioning: using social support as a theoretical framework.
program. Infant Mental Health, 25 (4), 352–367. American Journal of Community Psychology, 48 (3–4), 284–
Parra, G.R., DuBois, D.L., Neville, H.A. & Pugh-Lilly, A.O. 295.
(2002) Mentoring relationships for youth: investigation of a Stroebe, M. (2002) Paving the way: from early attachment theory
process-oriented model. Journal of Community Psychology, 30 to contemporary bereavement research. Mortality, 7 (2), 127–
(4), 367–388. 138.
9 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdAttachment and youth mentoring closures K Zilberstein and R Spencer
Stroebe, M., Schut, H. & Stroebe, W. (2005) Coping with Wayment, H. & Vierthaler, J. (2002) Attachment style and
bereavement: a theoretical integration. Review of General Psy- bereavement reactions. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 7, 129–
chology, 9 (1), 48–66. 149.
Vasquez, M.J.T., Bingham, R. & Barnett, J. (2008) Psycho- Zilberstein, K. (2008) Au revoir: an attachment and loss per-
therapy termination: clinical and ethical responsibilities. spective on termination. Clinical Social Work Journal, 36 (3),
Journal of Clinical Psychology: In Session, 64 (5), 653–665. 301–311.
10 Child and Family Social Work 2014 © 2014 John Wiley & Sons LtdYou can also read
