DEEPENING UNDERSTANDING MARK MY WRITING - YEAR 6 NEWSPAPER REPORT
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DEEPENING UNDERSTANDING
MARK MY WRITING
‘Familiarise your pupils with ARE!’
YEAR 6
NEWSPAPER REPORT
NAME:
DATE:
INSTRUCTIONS
Your task is to read through Alfie’s writing and
assess it against the Year 6 statements.
You should tick each statement Alfie has met and
note down the line numbers (or quotations) where
evidence of meeting it can be located.
At the end of this task you will be asked to evaluate
Alfie’s writing using the prompt sheet attached.
How you present your evaluation is up to you.
As you complete the activity, you should think
particularly about Alfie’s strengths and what he
could improve if he were to re-draft it again.
ADVICE
Read Alfie’s writing carefully and ensure that you
have read it multiple times.
Do not forget to re-familiarise yourself with the Year
6 writing statements.
You may wish to use a highlighter or annotations.
If you cannot work out if Alfie has met one of the
statements, move on to another statement and
return to the previous one if you have time.
ALFIE’S WRITING
Britain Braced for War
Troops at the ready!
1 After rising tensions, 25 aspirations to make 51 withdraw his troops from
2 Neville Chamberlain has 26 Germany powerful again. 52 Poland by 11am on 3rd
3 reluctantly declared war on 27 Despite the outcome of the 53 September or face the
4 Germany, standing shoulder 28 First World War (where his 54 prospect of war. It was to be
5 to shoulder with France. 29 country was banned from 55 an ultimatum that he ignored.
6 “The right will prevail, 30 having armed forces), he
7 vowed the Prime Minister. 31 rapidly began to supply
32 resources which would build 56 True to his word, the
33 a new army equipped to seize 57 Prime Minister declared war
8 Yesterday morning, 34 territory from other countries. 58 in coalition with France.
9 Sunday 3rd September, 59 Saddened, he admitted his
10 Neville Chamberlain released 60 disappointment in doing so.
11 a live statement from the 35 At around 5pm, on 61 “Up to the very last
12 Cabinet Room at 10 Downing 36 Friday 1st September, his evil 62 (moment) it would have
13 Street. The breaking news at 37 intentions were shown. Over 63 been quite possible to have
14 11.15am - which was 38 a million soldiers were 64 arranged a peaceful and
15 broadcast on the wireless - 39 ordered into the bordering 65 h on ou r a b le s et t le m e n t
16 confirmed the public’s fears: 40 country of Poland by 66 between Germany and
17 Britain was going to war with 41 Hitler. Clearly, his ambition 67 Poland, but Hitler would not
18 Germany. 42 was to make Poland his first 68 have it, uttered Neville
43 victim with an unprovoked, 69 Chamberlain. At this time,
44 callous attack on innocent 70 the Government have urged
19 The situation has been 45 Poles. Upset with the 71 the public to adopt a state of
20 widely known to be brewing 46 developments, the leaders of 72 calmness and courage.
21 for some time since the 47 Britain and France responded
22 emergence of Adolf Hitler’s 48 to the threats made to their
23 Nazi regime. After coming 49 ally ; they issued a serious
24 into power, Hitler had huge 50 ultimatum instructing Hilter to
YEAR 6 WRITING STATEMENTS STATEMENT MET? EVIDENCE Vocabulary and grammatical structures reflect the level of formality required A range of cohesive devices (including adverbials) have been used within and across sentences as well as paragraphs Passive voice Modal verbs A range of clause structures have been used including different positions within a sentence Adverbs Prepositional phrases Noun phrases Inverted commas (mostly correct) Commas for clarity (mostly correct) Parenthesis (marked with commas, brackets or dashes) Semi-colons (some correct) Dashes (some correct) Colons (some correct) Hyphens (some correct)
FEEDBACK PROMPTS
What has the pupil
done well?
What could the pupil
do to improve next
time?
Are there any
statements the pupil
has almost met? Why?
Were any of the writing
statements irrelevant to
the text type? How?
Could you demonstrate
some improvements
with worked examples?ALFIE’S WRITING ANSWERS
STATEMENT MET? EVIDENCE
Vocabulary and grammatical structures ✓ Language, tone and structure is consistently
reflect the level of formality required formal throughout
A range of cohesive devices (including Some Basic devices used: ‘Yesterday morning’ (line 8),
adverbials) have been used within and ‘After’ & ‘Despite’ (lines 23/27), ‘Upset with the
across sentences as well as paragraphs developments’ (line 45/46), ’At this time’ (line 69)
Passive voice ✓ Lines 37-41
Modal verbs ✓ ‘will’ (line 6) and ‘would’ (line 32)
A range of clause structures have been ✓ SC + IC e.g lines 23-26 RC e.g lines 13-16
used including different positions within a IC + CC + IC e.g lines 61-69
sentence
Adverbs ✓ ‘reluctantly’ (line 3), ‘widely’ (line 20),
‘rapidly’ (line 31) and ‘Clearly’ (line 41)
Prepositional phrases
Noun phrases ✓ ‘rising tensions’ (line 1), ‘huge aspirations’ (lines
24-25), ‘unprovoaked, callous attack’ (lines 43-
44) and ‘innocent Poles’ (lines 44-45) etc...
Inverted commas
(mostly correct)
Commas for clarity ✓ Examples:
(mostly correct) Lines 1, 8, 24, 30, 35, 41, 46, 56 and 59
Parenthesis ✓ ( ) Lines 28-30 - - lines 14-15 , , line 9
(marked with commas, brackets or dashes)
Semi-colons ✓ Line 49
(some correct)
Dashes
(some correct)
Colons ✓ Line 16
(some correct)
Hyphens
(some correct)You can also read
