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Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
AVEC/                       THE SUMMER
                            STUCK INSIDE
                            embracing the
                             "new normal"
                            RETROGRADE
                                RETURNS
                             beat mercury
                              at its games
                            ALCOHOLISM
                           & ITS EFFECTS
                              a closer look
                           HOUSEPLANTS
                            a how-to guide
                                 ...and more

        summer edition
           TWENTY TWENTY
Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
CALIFORNIA
    dreamin'
Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
#HAIRGOALS
Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
MEET YOUR NEW BESTIE
Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
matter
BLACK LIVES
Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
Summer edition TWENTY TWENTY - Squarespace
Not everyone
understands.
BUT THEY DO.
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ZZEAL:
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S TO N E C O L D B E T C H
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    HAPPY PRIDE
/
SUMMER TWENTY TWENTY
AVEC/
                                                      BY AVEC DAVID

Avec, an extension of Avec David, is a digital millennial lifestyle magazine with an
aim to engage, entertain, and inspire millennials (and others), and ranges is content
categories from home to career, mental health to entertainment, and more. Having
launched in Spring 2020, Avec is the newest platform in the Avec David brand.

David Self                   Photography + Art            Spanx
Editor in Chief              @geminigraphicshop           Madewell
                             Bloomingdales                Vuori
Amanda McKee                 West Elm                     Eileen Fisher
Editor at Large              Macy's                       Vans
                             Food 52                      L*Space
Guest Writers                World Market                 Catbird NYC
Billy Tsang,                 Anthropologie                I'm With the Band
The Panda Wears Prada        Lululemon                    Lunya
                             Nordstrom                    David Self
Nicole Fleckenstein,         Bonobos                      Pexels/CC
Stone Cold Betch             Pax                          Unsplash/CC
                             Berdels
Kristin Crosier,             Allbirds                     Company:
Quiet Girl Speaks            Warby Parker                 Avec David
                             Felix Gray                   avecdavid.com
Feature Contributors         Zzeal
Danielle Clampett            Wayfair                      Address:
Darlene Bada                 Sonos                        410 E Santa Clara Street
Michelle Burk-Gomez          JBL                          Unit #990
Tadashi Oguchi               Apple                        San Jose, CA. 95113
                             Birdies
                             Fitbit                       © Copyright 2020
                             The Tress Club               All Rights Reserved
AVEC/DAVID   SUMMER 2020

                       INDEX
20   EDITOR'S LETTER

22   HOME

30   STYLE

38   CAREER

41   TECH + GEAR

42   MENTAL HEALTH

52   BEAUTY + GROOMING

57   LIFE + LOVE

66   FOOD

71   TRAVEL

74   ENTERTAINMENT
EDITOR'S LETTER
             I want to quickly thank those that               is worthy of r-e-s-p-e-c-t — unless they’re an
             downloaded the spring magazine and               asshole, a bigot, or a racist. Then it was up
             welcome you back to an even bigger and           to karma.
             better edition. The summer magazine is
             nearly double the size and features even         But what I didn’t fully realize until recently, is
             more millennial voices. I’ve enlisted new        that there’s a difference between not being
             friends and old to help me curate a collection   a racist, and being anti-racist. While I did my
             of stories, reviews, tips, and tricks, to help   best to make sure everyone felt included
             make this summer both memorable and              and represented in my friend circles, jobs,
             worthwhile.                                      and blogs — my privilege shielded me from
                                                              the pain that the Black community faces on
             But before diving in, I feel compelled to        a daily basis.
             address the delay in publishing the summer
             edition, with this:                              Looking back, I regret not educating myself
                                                              earlier. I regret not taking a stand when I
             AN OPEN LETTER ON RACISM, WHITE                  should have. I regret not being an ally to
             PRIVILEGE, AND COMPLICITY                        the community so worthy of my love and
             As I was working to finish my edits a few        support. And I regret that it took yet another
             days before our scheduled publishing date,       Black man's murder at the hands of a white
             George Floyd, a Black man, was killed while      cop to get me to speak up.
             being taken into custody in Minneapolis.
             This sparked national outrage and set off        Until now, I stayed quiet out of fear. What
             an irreversible chain of events across the       would my conservative (distant) family
             country and globe — and rightfully so.           members say? Would it come out right?
                                                              What if it didn’t? Does my voice matter in this
             As tensions and emotions grew, including         conversation?
             my own, I didn’t feel it would be prudent
             or appropriate to publish and promote the        And in the midst of the media coverage and
             magazine without taking the time to properly     the awakening within me that followed, I
             absorb, process, and address the issue with      texted one of my mentors — an exceptionally
             an open heart. Leaning on my learnings from      strong, bold, and successful business
             countless Brené Brown audiobooks, I’m now        leader — who happens to be Black. “I need
             ready to rumble.                                 your help,” read my first message. “Being a
                                                              better ally to people of color. I know I haven’t
             Growing up in a home with two parents that       done nearly enough, and I don’t know where
             never fought — even through their divorce        to start.” (I know better now) And bless her
             — remarried (both in gay relationships), and     for responding with actionable feedback.
             remained not just amicable — but friends — I     She encouraged me to use my platform,
             had a first-hand example of love being love,     and speak out. And told me that silence was
             equality for all, and most importantly, what     not ok.
             respect actually looked like. I was taught
             that nobody is superior and that everyone        Armed with nothing but my raw emotions,

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
“IT’S A PRIVILEGE TO EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT RACISM
                 INSTEAD OF EXPERIENCING IT.” @SIRJOHN

I decided to take the steps to educate myself      And in this moment, my little introverted cup
before I spoke out. (There’s that fear and         (energy) was depleted. I had to turn off the
discomfort rearing its head again.) I took         news, log out of social media, and unplug
to Twitter and began reading thread after          from the rest of the world to recharge. Just
thread. Among a myriad of other things, I          for a little while.
learned that it’s best to educate yourself,
rather than depending on your Black friends to     And just like that, I was ready to rejoin the
do it for you. Lesson learned. It was clear that   conversation and continue amplifying the
I had, and just a couple weeks later, still have   voices that needed to be heard — including
a lot to learn. But that said, I followed her      my own. I encourage each of you to listen to
advice, and found my voice.                        your bodies, and check-in with your inner-self
                                                   as we continue fighting this fight. Take the
You see, I’ve learned that my incessant need       time that you need for yourself to unplug and
to craft the perfectly-worded message (in          recharge, when you feel it necessary.
literally all situations) was failing me and
my community. While I didn’t know exactly          GET STARTED
what to say or how to say it, I knew enough        We’re all moving at different speeds. Some
to know that what was happening was wrong          have found their voices. Some are instead
— and that I could speak to. I began sharing       sharing the voices of others. Some are still
resources, ordered White Fragility and How         figuring it out. No matter your speed, there’s
to Be Less Stupid About Race, to further           a number of things you can do right now
educate myself, opened the gates of my             that will help drive this movement forward.
emotions, and pushed for others to do the          Each of the items on this list will make you
same while standing in solidarity with our         a better ally to the Black community, and I
Black brothers and sisters.                        encourage you to join me in continuing our
                                                   educational journey, speaking up, and calling
And along with the freedom from that fear          out the injustices of systemic racism in our
of finally speaking out and the 24-hour news       society.
cycle, came complete mental and emotional
exhaustion — then guilt. How could I let the       We need to leave the world better than
exhaustion get to me after mere days, when         we inherited it. We need to vote out dusty
an entire race has faced this on a daily basis     ideologies, put a permanent end to racism
for centuries?                                     and inequality, and erase “all lives matter”
                                                   from the English language. We need to do
In taking a moment to practice mindfulness         better and be better.
and sift through my raw emotions —
acknowledging each one as it bubbled up to         Remember: Silence is complicity. So stand
the surface — I recalled a moment in therapy.      up. And speak up. #blacklivesmatter
Having caretaker tendencies, I often did for
others before doing for myself. Which is                                         With gratitude,
fine. Until it isn’t. My therapist repeated to                                       David Self
me often, you can’t pour from an empty cup.                                      Editor in Chief
                                                                                                    21
AL FRESCO: SUMMER DINING DONE RIGHT
            Amanda McKee

            Summer has so many endearing qualities.           and be pampered. As a native Californian,
            One of my personal favorites being the            there’s nothing I love more than bringing the
            longer days which inevitably lead to long         coziness of inside to the outdoors. And it’s
            warm nights — and warm nights = eating            almost always appreciated as well.
            outside.
                                                              Personally, I like to walk the line alternating
            I love eating. Eating is my favorite, but         between a maximalist and minimalist table
            let’s set the menu aside for a moment… I          depending on the what I’m serving, but the
            know, but this is also important. The focus       key to remember is there’s no wrong way to
            on this soapbox speech is that setting            set your outdoor dinner party table! Read on
            the table for outside dining is almost as         to find my favorite tablescape options for
            important as the food, in my book.                both the maximalist and the minimalist at
                                                              heart.
            Before you ask, I’m not talking a bold
            checkered table cloth with red solo cups,         And remember this is not a shopping list.
            and white styrofoam plates. Look, I get it,       It’s to inspire you to have fun with your
            but that’s not the type of dining I’m trying to   outdoor dining decor. If you have these
            get at. Honoring your carefully thought out       elements to set your table, then you have
            menu with a well-curated table setting will       the perfect vignette to host your loved ones
            set the tone — not only about how much            and maybe snap a few Insta-worthy
            work and love went into hosting everyone —        pictures as a proud accomplishment, too.
            but also welcoming them to sit down, relax,       Now, Mangia! AMK

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
MAXIMALIST
I love setting a maximalist table because I personally feel that is so much easier.
If you don’t take yourself seriously and have fun with it, it can be a little whacky
and because it's in an outdoor setting, will be wildly impressive, even with the
mismatched whimsy.

Rosie Floral Tablecloth, Anthropologie Home, $128 / Cotton Canvas Runner, West Elm, $34.50 / Indigo Blue Paisley Napkins, World Market, $15.96 / Paradiso Taper Holders,
West Elm, $20 / Izzie Bamboo Melamine Dinner Plates, Antrhopologie, $40 / Iittala Kashtehlmi Tumbler, Bloomingdales, $30 / Iittala Kashtehlmi Footed Bowl, Bloomingdales,
$46 / Farmhouse Pottery Oval Platter, Food52, from $165 / Mikasa Wallace Napoleon Bee Gold Accent Flatware Set, Macy's, $250 / Lemon Vine Napkin Rings, Pottery Barn,
$29.50

MINIMALIST
A minimalist table takes a little more thought. Each piece has to be highly functional
but also beautiful to really make a statement and tell your story. A minimalist table
really suits a beautiful summer spread and lets it take center stage. Minimalist can
easily go elegant and formal or rustic with a farm-to-table feeling.

Minorca Placemat, Serena & Lily, $28 / Organic Washed Cotton Napkin, West Elm, $4 / Amina Dinner Plate, Crate & Barrel, $12.95 / Diem Champagne Flatware, Crate & Barrel,
from $59.95 / 6 Piece Yucca Valley Glass Table Vase Set, Wayfair, $47.99 / Looks Like White Handmade Crinkle Edge Platter, Food52, from $105 / Beeswax Candle Set,
Food52, $95 / Neat Cooler Set of 8, CB2, $23.60
                                                                                                                                                                            23 /HOME
hou s e p l a n t s :
                      A PLANT LADY'S HOW-TO
                                                           Darlene Bada

                        On a weekly basis, I receive texts from friends
                        and family, or am tagged in houseplant memes
                        on social. I laugh (and feel proud) to be known
                        as the crazy plant lady. Now, you might be
                        picturing my home as a place that can be
                        confused as a jungle, but that’s not entirely
                        accurate. Although, within one summer, I
                        accumulated over 20 houseplants — but I’ve
                        (surprisingly) managed to keep most of them
                        alive and healthy. Don’t worry, I’m here to share
                        my secrets (and a list of things to keep in mind
                        to help you decide which houseplants are
                        right for you.)

                        Some background: I grew up in a house full of
                        plants. My mom, an amazing woman, gardened
                        and arranged flowers on weekends — this was
                        her outlet; and we always had different types
                        of plants in the house. They varied from
                        orchids, to sansevierias, to poinsettias — really,
                        depending on the season, my mom always
                        had something new and something different. I
                        don’t think I could imagine “home” without any
                        houseplants.

                        When I moved into my new place in Washington,
                        I started with a golden pothos and a mini lucky
                        bamboo; both of which I adopted from my
                        mom. I loved watching the golden pothos grow
                        and do its thing, so I decided I wanted more
                        living things in my empty apartment. Next thing
                        you know, the plants have taken over my space
                        (and honestly, my weekends.)

                        Here are a few things to consider before you
                        commit to plant parenthood.

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
MIND YOUR SPACE
Do you have enough space for plants in your             "SOME PLANTS, LIKE
home? How will you incorporate them into
your current setup? How big or small can the
                                                        PEOPLE, NEED MORE
plants be? These parameters are important (for
obvious reasons.) You don’t want to be eating
                                                               ATTENTION."
dinner with your plants, unless that’s your thing.
No judgment. You also probably don’t want            ARE YOU DEDICATED?
to take showers or sleep with your plants…           Did you know: Houseplants are not only great
again, no judgment — I know some people              for decoration, but they also provide actual
actually do some of those things. But before         health benefits? Seriously! It’s been proven
you go out and get green with glee, try to picture   that houseplants help purify the air inside your
the size of plants that can fit in your space.       home, help you breathe better, and there are
                                                     even claims that they can help sharpen your
Also, if you have pets, you’ll want to check         focus. But these benefits only come if your
whether or not the houseplant you’ve got your        houseplants are healthy! So, let’s get honest
eye on is harmful to your fur babies.                here for a second.

                                                     How much time are you really willing/planning
SHOW ME THE LIGHT                                    to dedicate to caring for your plants? Some
One of the most important things to houseplant       plants are low-key and low maintenance, and
care is having access to natural light. This is      you could literally leave them alone for a couple
also likely the key to helping you decide which      of weeks and they’ll be just fine. Some plants,
types of plants you should buy. Does your place      like people, need more attention and will be
get a lot of natural light throughout the day?       angry at you if you over (or under) water them.
Which area of your home do you get the most          And trust me, this will affect your mood, too.
light, and are you able to store plants there?       So before you spend your hard-earned cash,
                                                     consider how much time you’re willing or able
Most plants are very delicate and specific           to dedicate to caring for them.
(read: finicky) when it comes to how much or
how little sunlight they need. Another thing to
note is whether the light coming in is direct
or indirect. Some plants prefer to soak up the
sun; while some just want to flirt with it.

While there are some plants that do not need
much light, you’ll want to make sure that you
can still provide sufficient lighting for their
needs. (Pro-tip: Even plants that don’t need a
lot of light still need some rays.)

You could also support your new babies with the
purchase of grow lights, which definitely help
in low-light situations, and especially during
the dark winter days. Hello, Seattle.
                                                                                                         25 /HOME
CALLING ALL BEGINNERS!
      I’ve done the hard work to determine which plants are a little more resilient to new plant parents.
      Here’s my recommended list of the best plants to start out with, including their benefits and a basic
      care guide. The rest is up to you — but I believe in you! DB

                                               ZZ PLANT

                                               Benefits
                                               Helps boost productivity and oxygen levels in the home, reduces stress,
                                               airborne bacteria, and blood pressure.

                                               Care
                                               Grows best in medium to bright light (but can tolerate low light situations.)
                                               It can also go for long periods of time without water.

                                              PILEA

                                              Benefits
                                              Pilea plants (aka UFO plants) provide air purification benefits, propagate
                                              easily, and have meaningful symbolism — they also make great gifts!

                                              Care
                                              This plant loves the sun! I’ve experimented with different placements for
                                              my pilea but it’s happiest by my window with the most sunlight! Allow the
                                              soil to dry between watering — these do not like soggy soil.

                                             SNAKE PLANT

                                             Benefits
                                             Snake plants clean air better than most indoor plants, and have the ability
                                             to absorb high amounts of carbon monoxide.

                                             Care
                                             Let the soil dry out before you water again. Even though it's a diehard
                                             plant, you risk killing it with root rot if you over water. (I’ve made this
                                             mistake and I’m still sad about it.)

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
PEACE LILY

Benefits
Removes harmful toxins from the air. (And who couldn't use a little less
toxicity in the air? Smog, dust, an ex.)

Care
As one of the easiest plants to care for, peace lilies prefer partial shade
and moist soil. Only water them once a week to keep them happy.

GOLDEN POTHOS

Benefits
Arguably one of the easiest plants to grow. These purify the air of
formaldehyde, benzene, and carbon monoxide, and also eliminate odors.

Care
Thrives in medium to low indirect light. Start by watering weekly and
adjust frequency depending on your lighting situation. More light = more
water, less light = less water.

                                                                              27 /HOME
AVEC // SUMMER 2020
5 SIMPLE WAYS TO PREVENT
                   THE QUARANTINE BLUES
                                            David Self

I can’t imagine being in quarantine alone.          SNAIL MAIL A CARD OR LETTER
I often think what it would be like if this had     As a self-diagnosed sucker for stationery,
happened when I first moved to Seattle              I quickly gravitated to one of my favorite
— before Billy, before Beau, and before             hobbies during quarantine: Finding unique
I learned about mindfulness and techniques          and/or personal stationery to mail out to
to sit through my discomfort.                       those I care about. I've been picking one
                                                    person from my address book every few
I think of my Nana — alone in her house,            days to send a little hello.
day after day, with reruns on TV. It breaks
my heart to see photos of families talking          SEND A SWEET TREAT
through windows, or reading stories of the          Do something sweet for someone and order
loneliness people face on their own.                them a little candy assortment from Lolli &
                                                    Pops, or maybe some chocolate covered
Even my mom, an essential worker, who has           berries from Edible Arrangements or Sharie's
people to interact with at work, and a loving       Berries.
wife at home, still feels the pain and effects
that quarantine has brought.                        PUT TOGETHER A CARE PACKAGE
                                                    Pick up their favorite tea and cookie pairing,
A couple of weeks ago, she posted a video           or coloring book and some pencils the next
of her and my aunt with 50-gallon trash bags        time you're at the store. Maybe pack a little
over themselves so they could hug. The sight        sanitizer and a note (or drawing from the
alone brought tears to my eyes and hearing          kids) for a little extra love.
the clash between pain and comfort in their
cries pushed me over the edge.                      ORDER A DIGITAL GIFT CARD
                                                    A lot of people have been impacted
Not being able to do the same, I quickly            financially by COVID-19. Even a few bucks
made a shortlist of things that I could do for      on a giftcard helps with coffee, groceries,
the people I care about, to bring some of that      or even gas. Plus, these can be emailed and
same comfort, smiles, and maybe a happy             put to use in just a few minutes.
tear or two.
                                                    HOP ON FACETIME OR HOUSEPARTY
Especially now, people need to feel                 There's nothing more valuable than your
connection, love, and know that they're             time. Carve some out for a shared dinner
thoguht of and cherished. I encourage you           over FaceTime, get the gang together on
to find ways to let those you love know that        Houseparty, or take a chance and surprise
you're thinking of them, and that you're with       someone with a little digitial face-to-face.
them — even when you physically can't be.
Bonus: Doing for others feels good and              We'll all get through being alone, together.
brings the same joy to you as you give. DS          Sending you and yours all my love. DS
                                                                                                     29 /HOME
for him
     SUMMER ESSENTIALS

     Generally, summer is a little more casual than the other
     seasons — after all, summer should be fun, or something.
     And this year is no exception. DS

     WORK FROM HOME
     Avoid micro print shirts (they strobe on Zoom calls)
     and hats. Despite quarantine hair, hats on webcam (in
     already bad lighting) make you look a little serial killer-y.

     Topman Stretch Skinny            ABC Jogger / Lululemon         Butler Eyeglasses (Teal       Apple Watch Series 5 /
     Fit Oxford Shirt /               / $128                         Turquoise) / Warby            Apple / $399
     Nordstrom / $35                                                 Parker / $95

                                                                             Pro Tip: Rather than overwhelming you with a
     SUNDAY BEST                                                             myriad of options — use these four situational
     Whether you're facing the Sunday Scaries head-on by                                   outfits as your jumping off point.
     running errands, or binge watching your favorite show
     in denial, keep cozy (and cool) in these lightweight digs.

     Topman Oversized                  Vent Short Sleeve 2.0 /       Pace Breaker Short (7",       Tree Loungers / Allbirds
     Hoodie / Nordstrom /              Lululemon / $78               Linerless) / Lululemon        / $95
     $45                                                             / $68

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
KEEP IT HANDY
                                                           Give-in to the slower pace
                                                             this season, and pick up
                                                           a Pax Era for $30 the next
                                                        time you're at your local bud
                                                        shop. Small, convenient, and
                                                          effective. I give it a 10/10.

                                                                                                      POOLSIDE
                                                          Fun fact: You can still leave the house to catch some
                                                          sun while remaining responsibly socially distant. The
                                                                pool, park, or beach offer plenty of opportunity.

Topman Harry Pinstripe         Train to Beach Short     Birkenstock Arizona               Slow Tide Stoney Beach
T-Shirt / Nordstrom /          (8") / Lululemon / $88   EVA / Nordstrom / $45             Towel / Berdels / $30
$20

Pro Tip: To prevent yourself from appearing like
you're a shadowy Dateline figure, check out this                                       VIRTUAL HAPPY HOUR
clip-on ring light from Amazon for only $20.               Yeah, I know, virtual HH isn't as fun as regular HH —
                                                          BUT think of it this way: Cheaper drinks, no Uber fees,
                                                                   and if it sucks, you can literally just hang up.

Canada Goose Faber             Riviera SS Shirt (Pink   Commission Pant (Slim)            Moscow Mule Virtual
Windblocker Bomber /           Seersucker) / Bonobos    / Lululemon / $128                Happy Hour Cocktail Kit
Nordstrom / $475               / $78                                                      / W&P / $24
                                                                                                                      31 /STYLE
for her
     SUMMER ESSENTIALS

     The sun is (finally) out and we're shedding our layers.
     This summer, we're going back to the basics. Keep it
     simple and opt for pops of color or prints for fun. AMK

     WORK FROM HOME
     After getting out of bed it’s important to get ready for
     work (even if you aren’t leaving for the day.) But, why be
     uncomfortable?

     Oversized White Button-         Faux Leather Moto            Raven Satin Slides /           Non-RX Blue Light
     Down / Madewell / $72           Leggings / Spanx / $110      Birdies / $95                  Filtering Glasses / Felix
                                                                                                 Gray / $95

                                                                           Pro Tip: Go monochrome for an effortlessly
     WEEKEND CHIC                                                          chic look. Mix and match tones, textures, and
     Make your weekend costume one that will carry you                                fabrics — but keep them lightweight!
     from yoga to grocery shopping to lounging with style
     and ease.

     Plyo Tank / Vuori / $58         Performance Jogger /         Organic Cotton Long            Classic Slip Ons / Vans
                                     Vuori / $84                  Cardigan / Eileen Fisher       / $50
                                                                  / $311

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
KEEP IT HANDY
                                                                                       Who couldn't use a gentle
                                                                                       reminder to get up and
                                                                                       stretch, or a healthy
                                                                                       detachment from their
                                                                                       phone? Pick up the Fitbit
                                                                                       Versa 2 for $199.95.

                                                                                                       POOLSIDE
                                                             Or beachside or lakeside! Even if summer plans are
                                                           canceled, there will still be many hot days and bodies
                                                                   of water that need to be dunked in. Trust me.

Outerknown Costa Shirt        Levis 501 Cut-Offs /       Tie Dye Bikini / L*Space       Rachel Sunglasses /
/ Berdels / $98               Berdels / $49.50           / Top $99 / Bottom $110        Warby Parker / $95

Pro Tip: Level-up your look with a tube of the
Glossier Generation G Sheer Matte Lipstick for                                           VIRTUAL HAPPY HOUR
$18. (Available in six essential shades)                     This is our only real chance to get semi-dressed up
                                                         these days — don’t ruin this for me! We can do it, ladies.
                                                                    Chic, classy, and in need of one more glassy.

Washable Silk Cami and        Hair Wrap / I'm With The   Jeffrey Campbell Morph         Turbo Shell Earrings /
Pant Set / Lunya / $238       Band / $52                 Slingback Sandal /             Catbird NYC / $65
                                                         Nordstrom / $47.98
                                                                                                                      33 /STYLE
in t r o d u c i n gTHE PANDA WEARS PRADA
                                                               David Self

         Gird your loins — there’s a new B in town. And                     He began work on TPWP in January of 2020,
         while this one isn’t a fictional fifty-something in                with a focus on an elevated customer
         a 2006 dramedy; he does share something in                         experience through storytelling. Even with a
         common with Ms. Priestley — a penchant for                         clear passion and spot-on recommendations
         Prada.                                                             for luxe goods and boundless travel, the style
                                                                            section is the star of his blog. When asked
         Billy Tsang, the creative behind the newly                         what he felt was missing in the already
         launched lifestyle blog, The Panda Wears                           crowded blogosphere, Billy shared his desire
         Prada, grew up chasing his mother around                           for bloggers to dive deeper, saying, “Sure, we
         Milan, Paris, Düsseldorf, and a laundry list of                    can talk about what’s on-trend, or what’s not,
         other trés chic European stops on bi-annual                        what people are buying, and how to style
         buying trips for her Seattle-based boutique.                       a certain piece, but because fashion is so
         It was on these trips that he first fell in love                   personal, we have a bigger opportunity,
         with Europe, recalling the magic he felt while                     as creatives, to be vulnerable — to share what
         riding a merry-go-round during Christmastime                       intimidates or scares us about style, what
         in Paris. But it was also on one of these trips,                   gives us goosebumps, what our personal
         in his early teens, that he realized there was                     experiences are with breaking rules, societal
         something even bigger at play.                                     norms, or experimenting with fluidity. As a
                                                                            consumer, that’s what I want to read. That’s
         To most, clothes are, well, clothes — a necessity                  what’s missing from all these blogs, and that’s
         to keep you covered and protected from the                         what I’m here to share.”
         elements. But to some, clothing becomes
         an extension of one’s personality, a sense                         While new to the scene, Billy already has big
         of expression, some would even say armor.                          plans for TPWP. In discussing his goals and
         Learning this at a young age, Billy began to                       how he defines success, Billy’s tone stayed
         experiment with different styles and used                           true to his focus on the customer experience.
         clothing as a growth tool, rather than a way                       “Of course, any writer wants readership — to see
         to hide his insecurities. He quickly realized,                     a large following,” he says, “but to me, success
         likely plucked from the European way of                            comes in the form of a dialogue with someone
         thinking, that in all things (and especially in                    that felt compelled to reach out. Maybe I
         fashion) it doesn’t matter if you’re on-trend, or                  introduced them to a new designer, maybe a
         not. Style is about confidence; and that often                     post made them feel better, brightened their day,
         comes from carving that path for yourself, and                     or encouraged them to try something new or feel
         frankly, not giving a damn.                                        more confident. I think that’s when I’ll feel like
                                                                            I’ve succeeded.”

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
"WE HAVE A BIGGER
OPPORTUNITY, AS
CREATIVES, TO BE
VULNERABLE —
TO SHARE WHAT
INTIMIDATES OR
SCARES US ABOUT
STYLE"
Given our current situation, we also discussed
the future state of fashion, and his outlook
was fairly positive. Like most of us, Billy’s
in need of a good haul, but foresees a whole
new landscape when the world is right-side
up again. “Until we can shop again, touch
fabrics, and see — in detail — all the little things
on a garment for ourselves, I’ll continue to push
the boundaries of the fashion blog experience,
and provide recommendations, tips, first looks,
and stories on TPWP to help others like me get
their fix.”

And what better time than now to experiment
with something new, bold, or outside of your
comfort zone? While ordering clothes online
isn’t always the easiest, share your haul with
friends — host a Zoom Happy Hour or fashion
show to show off (or test the waters), or
post an unboxing video and first look to your
story. We can all use a little extra sizzle and
sparkle this summer season, so why not start
by elevating our style game with Billy’s 5 Style
Tips for Summer. Confidence for summer?
Groundbreaking.

PRONTO SET VAI
Head over to thepandawearsprada.com for
Billy’s extensive city guides, lifestyle staples,
and all the high-end fashion you could ever
dream of. DS
                                                       35 /STYLE
five             SUMMER STYLE TIPS
                      ACCORDING TO THE PANDA WEARS PRADA

                      PICK UP A FEW SIMPLE LONG-SLEEVES
                      Sounds counter-intuitive; but I’ve found that long-sleeve
                      tees or light sweaters are underrated in the summertime.
                      These options should be light enough for summer wear, but
                      provide you with a little warmth for walks by the water,
                      bonfires, or nights on the patio. During the day, layer your look
                      with a long-sleeve draped over shoulders for a more sporty-
                      casual vibe.

                      CUFF YOUR PANTS 2-4 INCHES ABOVE YOUR ANKLE
                      I started cuffing my pants years ago, following the European
                      style I saw during my time abroad. I think rolling up past the
                      ankle adds a little style to your outfit, and generally lends
                      itself to being more trendy or youthful. It can also open the
                      door to new pairing opportunities by showing off your shoes
                      and keeps you cooler in the summer.

                      FIND (AND PLAY WITH) DIFFERENT FABRICS
                      Variety in your fabrics is a year-round staple, but it can be a lot
                      of fun in the warmer months. Maybe you’re wearing a wide-
                      leg chino or something made of a lighter technical fabric —
                      equip yourself with a closet full of different fabrics and fabric
                      weights for more options to build different outfits.

                      ELEVATE YOUR SUNGLASS GAME
                      I recommend really investing in your sunglasses; but when
                      shopping around, don’t get too caught up in the mainstream,
                      highly commercialized brands. Seek out a pair that’s unique,
                      fits well, and feels comfortable. By having fun with new
                      styles and opting for something that pops, you’re more likely
                      to draw attention to your face.

                      PAIR YOUR LOOK WITH THE PERFECT BAG
                      No matter your gender, pairing a bag with your summer
                      look is (almost always) essential. Clutches, top-handles,
                      totes, and leather document portfolios can hold summer
                      essentials like face mist, AirPods, and sanitizer. Even a larger
                      zip-around wallet can hold the basics and add a little je ne
                      sais quoi to your outfit. BT

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
37 /STYLE
THANKS FOR                                          table. I was no longer worthy of that job, that paycheck,
                                                               or those aspirations. And while any therapist will tell you

           LETTING ME GO                                       those feelings are normal and valid, they're also simply
                                                               not true.
           David Self

           "Your position has been eliminated."                I've taken this past week to allow for a full mind, body,
                                                               and spirit reset. A true spring cleaning of sorts. My inner
           Said out-loud in two and a half seconds,            Marie Kondo is working hard to clear the proverbial
           these five words had enough force to knock          cobwebs that have plagued my creativity, mourn (and
           my world — my safe-ish, happy-ish little            truly let go of) the things that do not bring joy — read:
           world — right off its axis. I felt my pulse surge   negative self-talk, insecurity, and bad energy — and
           into my fingertips, my stomach slide into my        help me uncover the light, bright, and you got this
           throat, and my knees start to quiver.               attitude and peace of mind that's been clouded by this
                                                               experience.
           The tunnel vision set-in while I reviewed
           the paperwork laid before me, the voices of         I find myself wishing I could travel back in time, just a
           the HR rep and the executive team member            week, to tell the stunned shell of myself, how okay this
           slowly turning into what I can only describe        change was. And if I'm being honest, even better than
           as the "womp womp womp" of any adult in a           okay.
           Charlie Brown cartoon, and my internal fight
           or flight alarm ringing loudly in my head. Run.     You see, every story has a beginning, a middle, and
                                                               an end. Work, relationships, friendships, and life. My
           Escorted by a senior leader, I made my way          storyline as a Senior Content Marketing Manager had
           back to my desk, gathered my two little             arced, and it was time to move on. I've known for a
           plants, a half-dead orchid, and backpack            while that the book was coming to a close — and while
           — which, too, looked on the verge of                part of me wishes it was on my terms that it end, the
           lifelessness, without the hoard of company-         forced hand eliminated any further dillydallying, or
           issued tech I normally lug around. I shook          worse, deterioration of my character in any non-value
           the hands of a couple colleagues, unable            add chapters. Sorry, I had to sneak in at least one
           to fully concentrate or explain what was            corporate buzzword.
           happening, took my badge off my keyring,
           and made my way to the parking lot.                 And rather than tangling myself in the coulda, shoulda,
                                                               woulda's of this last book, I'm looking ahead to the next
           As I drove home, windows down and the               in the series. I know it's going to be bigger, better, and
           sunroof open, I felt a range of emotions flood      more methan the last.
           through my body: shock, anger, sadness,
           nausea, disappointment, fear, rage, panic,          I have almost a decade of experience in the marketing
           hurt, and one that surprised me, hope.              field, from freelance consulting to mom-and-pop shops,
                                                               and start-ups to a Fortune 50. And I've done the hard
           Like many that have faced this situation, my        work, and continue to pay my dues as a young
           immediate feeling was that I wasn't good            professional. By no means has my growth been a
           enough. I no longer deserved a seat at the          straight line — I've fallen and scraped my knee, bit off

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
more than I could chew, and made my fair share of
screwups.
                                                               "WE ARE WORTHY OF
But it's these mistakes that have helped lay the
                                                                 CHASING DREAMS
foundation for a successful career in this ever-exciting            AND TACKLING
and always-evolving industry.
                                                                     GOALS. WE'RE
I may not know everything, but I do know that I
deserve a seat at the table. I'm worthy of a job that           WORTHY OF TRYING,
I'm wholeheartedly in love with. (And not just the
honeymoon love — I mean the challenges you, pushes                AND WE'RE STILL
you, breaks you, and builds you back up again kind of
love.) I'm worthy of the pay I seek, and have the KPIs              WORTHY, EVEN
to prove it. And more than anything, I'm worthy of the
aspirations I have to learn, grow, and fall even more               WHEN WE FAIL."
passionately head-over-heels for my chosen profession.

In closing, let me say — to whoever needs to hear this —
the cliche is true:

When one door closes, another opens. We are worthy
of chasing dreams and tackling goals. We're worthy of
trying, and we're still worthy, even when we fail. It's not
always easy to see the silver lining, to believe in yourself
in times of adversity, or to dust yourself off and try
again — but it is possible. By surrounding myself with
strong, empowering, and empathetic people (and
leaders), I've learned far more than I could have on my
own — this lesson included.

So, thank you, to the powers that be, for making the
decision to lay me off. While the future is unclear, I'm
grateful for the parting gifts: the time to pause and
reflect on my path, the opportunity to be better, and the
freedom to try.

TL;DR: Life has a funny way of working out — even when
it all seems to be going wrong. Trust the process. DS

Editors note: This article was originally published on
LinkedIn on March 28, 2019.
                                                                                     39 /CAREER
SOON.
                       I HOPE.

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
b l u e t oo t h
OR BUST? A SPEAKER REVIEW
David Self

We're all familiar with the crappy              INDOORS
                                                The Sonos One truly does fill
bluetooth speakers of yesteryear — they         the room with quality sound.
barely held a charge, sounded terrible,         Create a mesh-like network
                                                to listen throughout the
and eventually, ended up in the garage or
                                                house using your voice, the
storage until you went full-blown Marie         app, or AirPlay / $199
Kondo one Sunday afternoon.

Thankfully, the speakers on the market          ON-THE-GO
                                                The ultra-portable JBL Clip
today have evolved dramatically since           3 sports a small clippable
then — but is bluetooth necessary when          (and waterproof) design with
                                                great sound quality, and 10
picking out a new addition to your tech
                                                hours of playtime / $69.95
family?

The short answer is, well, it depends.
                                                POOLSIDE
                                                JBL Charge 4 boasts 20
Being an Apple fanboy, it seemed like           hours of playtime, more
a no-brainer when I was going to add a          than 10 color options, and
speaker system to our home, but upon            impressive volume (and is
                                                IPX7 waterproof) / $179.95
closer review of our needs (and budget), I
opted for the slightly more cost-effective
and practical Sonos One sets and Beam
soundbar.                                       SPLURGEWORTHY
                                                Apple's HomePod is the
                                                best looking on the list,
Though we miss out on traditional               sounds wonderful, and is a
bluetooth audio, with the Sonos App, built      perfect home for Siri. The
                                                one downside: the price (and
-in Alexa and Google Home assistants,
                                                electric plug tether) / $299
and AirPlay streaming options, I don't
actually notice a difference. (Aside from
having to open the app to adjust volume         BEST OVERALL
or skip tracks, vs. my lock screen.)            With the same great sound
                                                as the One, the Sonos Move
                                                adds portability — plus it's
Depending on your needs, you may too            weather resistent, and offers
find that bluetooth audio isn't a necessity.    10 hours of continuous
                                                playtime / $399
That said, if you're on the go, it's the best
option. These are my top five picks: DS
                                                                                41 /TECH + GEAR
CONQUERING QUARANTINE:
              A GUIDE TO LOWERING THE BAR
              Nicole Fleckenstein

              Guys, we need to talk about quarantine. Like,        the things I “can’t” do or agonizing over what
              really talk about it – not the coronavirus, but      I will (maybe) need to do in the future, and
              the literal quarantine situation. I’m having         started focusing on what there is that I can
              lots of THouGHTs and FeeLiNGs, and with              do – what I have the PRIVILEGE of doing. And
              no one to talk to, they’ve taken a toll on me.       you know what? The days still keep adding
              Not getting to *be* with people made my              up, but they don’t drag on forever anymore,
              depression way worse for a while – like, “I          because I created something to do each day
              plan on popping a pill, crying a bit, and falling    that excited me – not just that passed the
              asleep early,” David Rose kind of vibes.             hours.

              It’s time to come to terms with the reality          Suddenly, all the errands I used to complain
              of our internal state in the midst of this           and drag my feet about doing were THE
              clusterfuck occurring in our external world.         most exciting opportunity! I’m not even
              (You know, the real one – the actual world.          joking. Rather than be eternally upset with
              But what does that even mean these days?)            my unrealistic expectations, I decided to
              Time to dig in and get busy with what you            “LOWER THE BAR” – not my STANDARDS, but
              know will come to serve you on the other             the bar of what I consider “acceptable.” Like,
              side of all this (you know you know – stop           I’m being deadass when I say that grocery
              lying to yourself and pretending you don’t).         stores give me anxiety, and that was in the
                                                                   pre-pandemic days. I have so many rackets
              So, let’s have that chat. No tea, no shade -         about grocery shopping, but I digress – STAY
              just think of it as a stone cold quaran-TEA-ne       WITH ME HERE.
              check-in. (I literally can’t believe it took me so
              long to figure that one out… Shame.) While I         I’m not saying that I love to grocery shop
              kept popping my SSRI as prescribed, I began          now just because there are social distancing
              to figure out what my “new normal” looked            requirements and less people running over
              like, and it felt incredible. I stopped feeling      each other in the aisles – but I do ACTUALLY
              so lost in the midst of all this anxiety and         look forward to going now. Why? Because I get
              uncertainty, and I still don’t feel 100% all the     to have a conversation with another human
              time, but I’d give myself a 93% which is STILL       at checkout who isn’t my parent or sister,
              AN A.                                                which is truly a luxury if you’re on day 97435
                                                                   of quarantine like me. Me, interacting with
              Accepting the facts of quarantine life and           other humans when I am always saying how
              becoming “okay” with where I am (literally,          much I hate people? It’s a novel experience
              physically, and generally in life) instead           all over again! I’ll get sick of them eventually,
              of resisting against something I had no              but THE BAR HAS BEEN LOWERED, you guys.
              control over, allowed me to start rebuilding
              my days (and mental health!) back out and            These days, I’m all, “I *get* to go to the farm
              up. As they say, “what you resist, persists.”        stand! I can’t WAIT to go see my favorite
              So… I stopped fighting with myself over all          baristas and get my coffee! I’m so excited to

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
shoot the shit with the hostess when I go pick   I’ve also gotten crystal clear about what
up our take-out!” Like, I love everyone right    people in my life are here to stay, and who
now – unless you’re not wearing a mask,          care about me as much as I care about
in which case you are fucking cancelled. I       them… Who put in as much effort into
mean, even Moira knows better!                   maintaining our connection as I do – as well
                                                 as those people who just… don’t.
“If airplane safety videos have taught me
anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her     Taking inventory of who and what I allow in
own mask on first.”                              my life has become increasingly important to
                                                 me – I’m done feeding half-assed friendships,
                                                 tolerating bullshit, and doing people-pleasing
"LIFE IS TOO SHORT                               behavior like saying yes when I really mean

TO DO ANYTHING
                                                 no, in the future of our post-COVID world.

BESIDES WHAT                                     Life is too short to do anything besides what
                                                 you want, or be anyone but who you are.

YOU WANT, OR BE                                  So, who will you be when this is all over? Will

ANYONE BUT WHO                                   you apply what you’ve learned during this
                                                 time to do better, or are you still going to let
YOU ARE."                                        people walk all over you? I’m sure as hell
                                                 not, but I won’t be walking over anyone else
Lowering the bar in order to fit the reality     anymore, either.
of our world right now creates space for
some kind of “new” good to creep in. It          What is the most valuable thing quarantine
feels amazing to discover that, and realize      has taught you? NF
just how much they do matter… Of course, I
still reeaaallllyyyyy miss seeing friends and
family, hugging people, breathing mask-free,
and having conversations with real people,
in REAL LIFE. Alexis from Schitt’s Creek said
it best:

“I miss being surrounded by loose
acquaintances who think I’m funny and
smart and charming.”

I’ve really learned a lot about myself from
being stuck with my own thoughts for 947
days now… Like how to really best take care
of me, honoring myself in the present
moment, and just how powerful my
perspective is when it comes to my
happiness, mental wellbeing, and quality of
                                                                                                    43 /MENTAL HEALTH

life… Also, I am a fucking wizard at puzzles.
A
AVEC // SUMMER 2020
ALCOHOL AND ITS EFFECTS:
           THE STORY OF A DRY MILLENNIAL
                                            David Self

To this day, my memory still replays the           way choking down my remorse and the rest
brisk Thursday night in December like a            of last night's dinner. And that was the last
viewfinder. Scene after scene, with a dull,        time I drank tequila.
dim light behind each picture. The bar before
dinner — click — the shots — click — the           A LITTLE BACKSTORY
steakhouse dinner — click — the bar after          I’ve never really been drawn to alcohol. I can
dinner — click.                                    recall taking a drink here or there in high
                                                   school, making cocktails on my twentieth
It was just after nine PM when my CEOs             birthday, and getting drunk (for the first time)
Porsche pulled under the porte-cochère of          on my twenty-first. What I remember most
a hotel near the San Francisco airport. My         about alcohol growing up, was that it was
window was down, my body slumped to the            around — and served as it does for many —
right of the racing seat. I was using my arm       a social beverage of choice, or to take the
to hold my head as close to the fresh air as       edge off after a long day of work. It wasn’t
possible. The spins were catching up to me.        until my own experiences with alcohol that I
And quickly.                                       began to reflect on it’s consumption by those
                                                   around me.
I vaguely recall him telling me to stay put, as
I noticed an older white couple standing near      In my thirty years, I’ve been drunk less than
the car — the woman practically clutching          a handful of times. Buzzed more often, of
her pearls in disdain, as I did my best to keep    course, but drunk — definitely less than five.
the Patron from making its way back up.            Belligerent, maybe twice.
Once I was essentially carried to my room,
I was given a bottle of room-temp bedside          The problem with me and alcohol, and I don’t
Fiji, and a Snickers bar — only the latter of      know if this stems from my family tree or
which was by my request, I’m sure. I barely        my lack of tolerance, is that the line of
heard the door shut behind my boss, on             enough, and more than enough, is very faint.
his way back to the company holiday party,         To compound the struggle, it also doesn’t
before I relinquished control to the poision.      take much to get me there. Foolishly, I’ve
                                                   always followed a rule I was told in a bar
Because time stood still after that, I don’t       once: “If you bite your bottom lip and can still
know how long I was sick, how I got into           feel it, you’re ok.” I can assure you now, that’s
bed, or how I somehow managed to refrain           probably not the best measurement.
from destroying the two-story hotel room in
my drunken stupor.                                 Including the night previously referenced,
                                                   one other evening that I over-consumed,
The next morning, using the textured               ended with the end of a year-long relationship.
wallpaper of the rocking hallway corridor, I       I’ve heard before that whatever mood you
made my way to the lobby once more, got            start drinking in only amplifies with alcohol;
into the back of a black Suburban, rode            and it’s probably true — for most people. But
                                                                                                       45 /MENTAL HEALTH

quietly back to the little strip on B Street       for people like me — mean drunks — that’s
where I left my car, and drove the rest of the     not necessarily the case. We’ve all heard the
jokes and stories of drunk alter-egos; but           years is enough to keep me from tipping the
             mine isn’t a sloppy or silly persona I give a        bottle.
             name and refer to when discussing later.
             My drunk alter-ego is (verbally) combative,
             charged, and generally, destructive.                    "LOOKING BACK,
             And because I’ve seen this side rear it’s very           I ENABLED THE
             ugly head on more than one occasion, not
             to mention the stories I’ve been told of what
                                                                  BEHAVIOR EARLY ON,
             happened after I completely blacked out —
             combined with my distaste for alcohol in
                                                                   NOT NOTICING THE
             general, I don’t drink.
                                                                        EARLY SIGNS"
             Before I’m called out for clickbait: Let me
             clarify. On very rare occasions — read: twice        In the grand scheme of things, I had it fairly
             a year tops — I’ll order a cider, or glass of rosé   easy in regard to my dad’s alcoholism. Not
             (which goes unfinished most of the time.)            to say that there’s not some emotional
             And to even be in the mood, I need to be with        baggage there — because there absolutely
             people I only feel completely comfortable            is — but my dad’s outward struggle didn’t
             with; that know my history and general               really begin until my early twenties. Having
             feelings about my personal consumption —             lived with him, just the two of us, until the
             and most importantly, respect them.                  month before my twenty-seventh birthday,
                                                                  I had a front-row seat to the rise and fall of
             THE APPLE TREE                                       Merlot in our house.
             Do I think alcoholism runs in families? Yes.
             Do I think that you can have a completely            Looking back, I see now that I enabled the
             healthy relationship with alcohol even if your       behavior early on, not noticing the early
             parents don’t? Also yes.                             signs. I bought him wine baskets for Father’s
                                                                  Days and birthdays, ran to the store when
             In my eyes — and I’m no scientist — the two          he was running low as a favor, and led
             aren’t mutually exclusive. As someone that           the playful teasing — often comparing him
             has difficulty, and comes from a family that         to a Real Housewife with friends. By the time
             has historically struggled with alcohol abuse,       I really caught on, his drinking was a runaway
             I believe that it can add an extra layer of          train that I had no success in stopping.
             complexity; not necessarily that it does.
                                                                  Dad had a habit of pouring himself a small
             There are happy drunks, sad drunks,                  glass of red while on his phone circuit of
             shopaholic drunks — but my bloodline just            friends and family members he talked to on
             so happens to be dotted with my kind. But            a regular basis. In between calls, he’d wander
             hearing stories from generations past,               back into the kitchen, pour another small
             reliving my own experiences, and recalling           pour, and continue. These denial pours, as
             the slippery slope I watched my dad on for           they were eventually coined, often led to a

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
second uncorking and repetitive rambling.         to share how helpful his support network —
                                                  including the Beacon House, a rehabilitation
We’d have “heart-to-hearts” on the mornings       treatment center in Pacific Grove, California,
after he’d set off the house alarm in the         the Alcoholics Anonymous program,
middle of the night looking for the bathroom,     his husband and family, and the other
or when I’d empty the recycling bin, almost       “kids” he’s met along the way — has been
exclusively full of deep green glass bottles      helpful in him maintaining sobriety and the
— clattering through the night. But, as an        promise he made to himself.
alcoholic in denial — and a Scorpio at that —
there was no telling him what he didn’t want      Note: To my dad, anyone under the age of 40
to hear. Eventually, these conversations          is referred to as a kid. He’s reached peak, “Get
grew more heated, led to gaslighting, and         off my lawn!”
more than one slammed door.
                                                  Despite not being a kid-parent to him
Eventually, I grew tired and threw in the towel   anymore, I’m one proud papa.
after my therapist coached me through
releasing the reigns of parenting a parent.
And believe me when I say, nothing about          "WHEN YOU'RE
                                                  RAISING WATER
it was easy. From caretaking to playing
therapist in lone interventions — and getting
calls from concerned loved ones to making
the decision to give up that feeling of deep
                                                  INSTEAD OF A SHOT
responsibility for his safety and well being.
                                                  GLASS AT A PARTY,
But by the grace of the universe and many
conversations with others that weren’t the
                                                  PEOPLE CAN'T HELP
kid, something finally clicked. Dad, clear-       BUT QUESTION IT"
headed and coherent, took the first step,
and admitted the power alcohol had over
him. Like finding the therapist you click         THE STRUGGLE BEING A
with, it took a couple of rehab programs to       DRY MILLENNIAL
get the lessons to stick, but I’m proud to        Having seen my own reactions to alcohol,
share that he’s coming up on his first year       and where it could lead if I follow in
of sobriety — a monumental milestone that I       the footsteps of my elders, making the
truthfully wondered possible, at times.           conscious decision not to partake is usually
                                                  pretty easy. Again, never really spending
While this article was originally planned as      the time to acquire the taste probably helps
a very transparent (read: raw and honest)         some, too.
Q&A, I have to credit Dad for bowing out to
continue doing his due diligence in learning      But, as you can imagine, things get a little
more and working the twelve steps before          tricky in social situations. When you’re
sharing his side. That said, I am at liberty      drinking from a can of soda instead of a wine
                                                                                                     47 /MENTAL HEALTH
glass or raising water instead of a shot glass    Still, regardless of my choices and beliefs,
             at a party, people can’t help but question it.    being the only sober person isn’t fun. Not
             Why aren’t you drinking? Not even one? Come       only does it make you feel responsible for
             on! One drink — one shot — one sip. I’ve been     the people you’re with — What? Nobody
             in one too many social situations where           else has caretaker tendencies? Just me? —
             my lack of consumption turns me into the          but from time-to-time, the mean spiritedness
             dancing monkey party trick. Who can get me        that the alcohol can bring out of people
             to drink? It’s exhausting.                        results in them lashing out against you,
                                                               simply for not drinking. So you’re judging
             Truthfully, that, mixed with the waning           me? You think you're better because you’re
             patience of being the only sober person           not drinking? Why are you even here then?
             in a room full of tipsy people, and the fun       I’ve heard it all before.
             starts to wear off pretty quickly. You begin to
             question your decision to put yourself in the     In all honesty, it’s a culmination of everything
             situation in the first place, and do your         I’ve shared that gives me pause when events
             best Dorothy — clicking your feet together        are being planned, that makes me hover
             chanting there’s no place like home over and      over the RSVP button of a Facebook invite,
             over again in your head.                          and that usually has me back home before
                                                               the group hits the second (or occasionally
             The reality is, most of the time, I get           third) bar. It’s not that I don’t want to spend
             questioned about it. Occasionally, even           time with people, that I’m looking down my
             by people that know my reasoning for not          nose because people want to party, or even
             drinking in the first place. Remember the         that it’s because I’m jonesing for a drink —
             CEO that dropped me off? Despite it taking        because none of those reasons are “it.”
             weeks (and in one instance, months) to
             rebuild from the verbal tornado that night,       It comes down to my own boundaries around
             he pushed harder than anyone else for me          alcohol (and the triggers that come with
             to drink at the holiday party the following       those.) As a highly sensitive person that’s
             year. Even going as far to say that out of        done a lot of work in therapy to open up the
             cultural respect, I should share a drink.         floodgates of emotions from past traumas,
             Yeah, ok. *eyeroll*                               — and an introvert as the cherry on top — my
                                                               energy meter (read: tolerance) drains much
             And before you shame me for shaming others        faster when booze is around. Point, blank,
             — please know that’s not my goal, or my M.O.      period. I can’t help it. (And honestly, I don’t
             I don’t judge people for wanting to let loose,    know that I need to.)
             drink, and have fun. (Responsibly, of course.)
             In my eyes, my personal distaste for alcohol      In my eyes, as with most things, it comes
             is no different than my distaste for broccoli.    down to consideration, empathy, and
             (Minus the family baggage/implications, of        respect. If you have friends or family
             course.) If you want to eat plate of it — by      members that are choosing to sit this one
             all means;I just probably won’t stick around      out, let them — freely and without question
             for the after effects.                            or commotion. (Because that only makes the

AVEC // SUMMER 2020
situation more tense.) And if you’re like me,
and feel the need to remove yourself from
a situation that’s triggering, or moving
beyond your boundaries, take care of
number one, and do so.

I’ve found it helpful to be vulnerable, and
share my story with those close to me — so
they at least have the awareness and
gravitas in the back of their mind. But as for
anyone else, it’s really a crap-shoot in trying
to explain your rationale — even in cliff note
format. There’s no clear black and white in
this situation, and not everyone deserves a
seat at your table. But follow your gut, and
you should be just fine.

And if all else fails and your fight or flight
alarms are blaringly pulsing in your ears,
there’s always the tried-and-true Irish
Goodbye. Pro Tip: Order Postmates as you
head back to the car and it can meet you at
home, just in time. DS

RESOURCES
If you, or a loved one, are struggling with       GOD, GRANT ME
alcohol abuse; please know that you’re not
alone.                                            THE SERENITY TO
                                                  ACCEPT THE THINGS
I’ve gathered a few resources, with Dad’s         I CANNOT CHANGE,
help, and while not exhaustive, these should
be enough to help get your journey started.       THE COURAGE TO
We’re with you.                                   CHANGE THE THINGS
                                                  I CAN,
•   Alcoholics Anonymous
•   Al-Anon (For Families)                        AND THE WISDOM TO
•   Beacon House                                  KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
•   Alcohol.org
•   NIAAA (National Institute on Alcohol          SERENITY PRAYER, AA
    Abuse and Alcoholism)
•   SAMHSA National Hotline
•   LGBTQ Alcohol Rehab Guide
                                                                         49 /MENTAL HEALTH
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