Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette

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Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
Mar. 23 - Mar. 29, 2012

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Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
March 23 - March 29, 2012 •

        DSU WEEKLY DISPATCH
The Grawood Presents The Mellotones
Saturday, March 24
We are pleased to present a Halifax favourite, The Mellotones!!!!
                                                                                                                                                                         Dylan Matthias, Editor-in-Chief

                                                                                                                       staff
This is a wet/dry event and tickets are only $5.00.                                                                                                                             editor@dalgazette.com
                                                                                                                                                                          Erica Eades, Copy/Arts Editor
The show is open to all Dal students, staff, faculty, alumni and their guests.                                                                                                     copy@dalgazette.com
                                                                                                                                                                           Katrina Pyne, News Editor
The Grawood Presents DJ STICKS                                                                                                                                      Torey Ellis, Assistant News Editor
Thursday, March 29                                                                                                                                                               news@dalgazette.com

Be sure to come out to the Grawood on March 29, to see DJ Sticks!                                                                                                   Matthew Ritchie, Opinions Editor
                                                                                                                                                                           opinions@dalgazette.com
This is a wet/dry event and tickets are only $5.00!                                                                                                                                Ian Froese, Sports Editor
                                                                                                                                                                                      sports@dalgazette.com
This event is open to all Dal students, faculty, staff, alumni and guests!                                                                                                Angela Gzowski, Photo Editor
                                                                                                                                                                                 photo@dalgazette.com
Doors open at 9:00 pm
                                                                                                                                                        Leilani Graham-Laidlaw, Online Editor
                                                                                                                                                   Rob Sangster-Poole, Assistant Online Editor
Last Class Bash at the Grawood                                                                                                                                         online@dalgazette.com
Thursday, April 5
                                                                                                                                                                           Jenna Harvie, Creative Editor
Last Class Bash featuring SIGNAL HILL, need we say more......                                                                                                                   creative@dalgazette.com
                                                                                                                                                                     Jonathan Rotsztain, Art Director
This event is 19+ and open to all Dal students, faculty, staff, alumni and their guests.                                                                                     design@dalgazette.com
                                                                                                                                                                      Ben McDade, Business Manager
The DSU launched a voter registration drive on                                                                                                                              business@dalgazette.com
Feb 14th that will run through to May 1st
We know that Students love this city and we want to make sure that they get to have their                                                                                                  contact us
say in how it treated and how it is run!                                                                                                                                                 www.dalgazette.com
                                                                                                                                                                                           The SUB, Room 312
Our goal is to get students and members of the greater Dalhousie Community to register now                                                                                              6136 University Avenue
                                                                                                                                                                                           Halifax NS, B3H 4J2
to ensure they are eligible to vote in the municipal election next October. We want to help
ensure that student issues are election issues.                                                                                                                                     Advertising Inquiries
                                                                                                                                                                             Aaron Merchant, Ad Manager
How we will help ensure that you are registered:                                                                                                                                           902 449 7281
                                                                                                                                                                              advertising@dalgazette.com
1) Anyone can pick up registration forms at the information desk or campus copy in the SUB.
You can also find them online at ElectionsNovaScotia.ca/VoterInfo.asp
2) Anyone can have the required identification photocopied FREE at campus copy.
                                                                                                                                                                                the fine print
                                                                                                      The Gazette is the official written record of Dalhousie        This publication is intended for readers 18 years of age
3) Completed forms can be dropped off at the information desk or campus copy.                        University since 1868. It is published weekly during the             or older. The views of our writers are not the explicit
4) We will ensure that Elections Nova Scotia receives your completed form!                              academic year by the Dalhouse Gazette Publishing
                                                                                                        Society. The Gazette is a student-run publication. Its
                                                                                                                                                                     views of Dalhousie University. All students of Dalhousie
                                                                                                                                                                              University, as well as any interested parties on or
                                                                                                       primary purpose is to report fairly and objectively on         off-campus, are invited to contribute to any section of

       The DSU is looking for their next Vice President                                                 issues of importance and interest to the students of
                                                                                                     Dalhousie University, to provide an open forum for the
                                                                                                                                                                       the newspaper. Please contact the appropriate editor
                                                                                                                                                                         for submission guidelines, or drop by for our weekly

        of Finance and Operations! Could it be you?
                                                                                                  free expression and exchange of ideas, and to stimulate           volunteer meetings every Monday at 5:30 p.m. in room
                                                                                                           meaningful debate on issues that affect or would       312 of the Dal SUB. The Gazette reserves the right to edit
                                                                                               otherwise be of interest to the student body and/or society          and reprint all submissions, and will not publish material
                                                                                                     in general. Views expressed in the letters to the editor,     deemed by its editorial board to be discriminatory, racist,
                                                                                                Overheard at Dal, and opinions section are solely those of           sexist, homophobic or libellous. Opinions expressed in
                                                                                                 the contributing writers, and do not necessarily represent      submitted letters are solely those of the authors. Editorials
                                                                                                    the views of The Gazette or its staff. Views expressed in      in The Gazette are signed and represent the opinions of
                                                                                                  the Streeter feature are solely those of the person being           the writer(s), not necessarily those of The Gazette staff,
                                                                                                              quoted, and not The Gazette’s writers or staff.              Editorial Board, publisher, or Dalhousie University.

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Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
news

news
                                                                                                                                          news covers Dalhousie and
                                                                                                                                       the greater Halifax community.
                                                                                                                                          Contributions are welcome!
                                                                                                                                           E-mail Katrina and Torey at
                                                                                                                                               news@dalgazette.com

                                                                                                                                           Katrina Pyne News Editor

Students dissatisfied by university leadership
CONSULTATION IS NOT ENOUGH
Calum Agnew                               student issues such as health and
Staff Contributor                         well-being and student experience.”
                                            Griffin says that composition of the
On March 14 Dalhousie University          Board is largely due to forces outside
held the first student consultation       the university’s control.
session on tuition fee increases. The       “If the government fully funded
administration says the session is        the university, you’d see a different
meant to give students a way of com-      approach.” He says the university
municating their thoughts with the        is suffering from limited resources
university’s Board of Governors.          and the Board’s expertise reflects the
   The administration will now con-       fact that financial constraints affect
sult students on their proposals for      policy.
fee changes before recommending             But Griffin says that does not mean
those changes to the Board. The new       the Board thinks of the university as a
consultation policy was proposed          business.
by outgoing DSU President Chris
Saulnier. The Board approved it in
February.                                 “Students are
   Dustin Griffin is a third-year law
student and one of three student          not seen as an
appointees on the Board. He says the
Board was enthusiastic, and that the
consultation process was a great suc-
                                          essential part
cess its the student members.
   The administration’s recommenda-
                                          of the puzzle of
tion contains a three per cent general
tuition fee increase, and up to a 10
                                          governance.”
per cent increase for students in pro-
fessional programs.                          “Students are why the doors open
   But Reclaim Education and              every day. They care about how stu-
Democracy (READ) says there are           dents feel,” he says. The Board mem-
no solid provisions for the feedback      bers are “going to make sure the
given by students in the consultation     university stays healthy for years to
process. The administration has to        come,” says Griffin. “The Board would
use the feedback as they deem appro-      rather not raise fees.”
priate.                                      But when it comes to the Board’s
   “This could mean anything, and         operation, students are in the dark.
really doesn't mean anything at all,”     The Board hasn’t posted the min-
says Jacqueline Vincent, a fourth-        utes for their meetings for over a year.
year student at King’s                    Although students can attend meet-
   “Students don’t really have that       ings, Lum says they can’t really do
much say in the running of the uni-       anything.
versity,” says Vincent. “Students are        “Their hands are tied,” he says.
not seen as an essential part of the      “Besides, many decisions are made in
puzzle of governance.”                    camera or at the committee level.”
   The Board consists of 27 voting           Griffin says his expectations joining
and five non-voting members. The          the Board of Governors did not match
majority are appointed or recom-          his experience there. Being a member
mended by the Board. Students have        is a “unique situation for a student,”
three appointments, two of which          he says. As with any other member of
are elected. The DSU president is a       the Board, student appointees have a
member by convention.                     fiduciary duty to the university.
   Many of the Board’s appointees            Prior to his election last March,
also serve on the boards of private       Griffin told the Gazette “he would give
and public companies, and there are       the Board back to students.”
numerous CEOs and CFOs repre-                “You can’t be a student represen-
sented.                                   tative,” says Griffin. Board members
   The composition of the board           are responsible for the university as a
“illustrates how the university is more   legal entity and Griffin says this does
of a business model than anything         not line up with what people think
else,” says Anna Bishop, a member of      of the university generally. Lum says
READ.                                     READ believes university governance
   READ is “against the corporatiza-      is about more than financial issues,
tion of university, six figure mana-      and the Board’s composition should
gerial positions, inflated fees and       reflect that.
tuition, and curriculums that empha-         “Money as the issue needs to be
size careers rather than education,”      thought beyond,” says Lum. “Because
says Ryan Lum, one of the groups          if that's the be-all and end-all of our
organizers. These are all “symptoms       issues, then yeah, of course different
of a structure that does not foster       interests will oppose each other. But
participation by its members.”            I hope we can find some sort of com-
   Although Board members “give           monality, beyond the stuff we use to
free expert advice, it is expert advice   buy things.”
in a very narrow sense,” says Lum.
“It would be nice to hear from some-            Is Dal run too much like a business?
one who is not so concerned with                   • • • Photo by bsabarnowl via flickr
financial issues, but concerned with

 HAVE YOUR SAY:

The Economist: A Story About Our Backwards Little World Part 8 by Dylan Matthias—The door   opened with a whoosh. It did not make a “plop” sound as Laurel had thought it would. It also closed
Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
4       news                                                                                                                          March 23 - March 29, 2012 •

  news briefs
  Ecolympics at Dal                         Honorary degrees
  For Dalhousie’s residence students,       The University of King’s College has
  the next few weeks will be a little       announced the recipients of three
  more competitive than usual. The          honorary degrees this year, which
  Ecolympics, two weeks of resi-            will be awarded at the Encaenia
  dence-based activities and events         graduation ceremony in May.
  to try to get students to reduce con-       Elizabeth Fountain, one of the
  sumption and waste are coming.            founders of the Alex Fountain
     The events will go from March          Memorial Lecture at King’s and
  20-31, and culminate on Earth             a well-known philanthropist, will
  Hour Day with different celebra-          be receiving an honorary doctor of
  tions in Howe Hall, Sheriff Hall          canon law.
  and Gerard Hall.                            Lewis Lapham, journalist, for-
     Other activities include campus        mer editor of Harper’s Magazine
  flashlight tag on March 28 and a          and current editor of Lapham’s
  group trip to the Halifax Seaport         Quarterly, will be receiving an hon-
  Market on March 31.                       orary doctor of civil law. The Right
     This is the fourth year the Eco-       Reverend Ron Cutler, an Anglican
  lympics have been running. Howe           bishop, will receive an honorary
  Hall, last year’s winners, and            doctor of divinity.
  Gerard Hall, who won in 2010, will          The Encaenia ceremony will
  be fighting to win back the title.        take place May 17 at the Cathedral
                                            Church of All Saints in Halifax.

                                                                  —Torey Ellis
                                                         Assistant News Editor

      Serving free, locally-sourced, and communally-
    cooked vegetarian meals every Tuesday in the SUB

              OPT OUT                                                                    Celebrating seniors
             March 26th – 30th                                                           Dal student hosts seniors’ summer camp
           10am-2pm in the SUB                                                           Katrina Pyne                               running magic trick classes by popu-       atricians, Ken Rockwood and Laurie
                                                                                         News Editor                                lar demand.                                Mallery, began to advocate that phys-
    The Loaded Ladle is funded through a student levy,                                                                                 She figured if seniors were inter-      ical activity could prevent many phys-
    where each full time student pays $1 per semester as                                 When Jesse Robson thinks of seniors,       ested in magic tricks and everything       ical and cognitive ailments associated
                                                                                         she doesn’t just think of crossword        from ballet to hula dancing, why not       with aging.
    part of their regular tuition.                                                       puzzles, Sudoku or Jeopardy. She           initiate a summer camp with a variety        “It’s very important to us to include
                                                                                         thinks of dancing, magic tricks, art       of art-oriented activities?                as much beneficial activity as possible
    If you would like to withdraw your support for                                       and, most importantly, an opportu-            “We are trying all different kinds      and not just to get people moving a
                                                                                         nity to teach others.                      of activities, from action painting to     bit, but really to make sure they are
    the Loaded Ladle and have your levy contribution                                        This was the basis for her award-       juggling to break dancing and other        getting particularly beneficial exer-
    refunded, you are free to opt out. Bring student ID.                                 winning vision, the Centre for Arts        similar traditional arts like sculpture,   cise that is going to help them build
                                                                                         Exchange, in Halifax. Her idea won         song-writing, and poetry. We’ll just       the muscle of their lower limbs to
                                                                                         her $5,000 from the Start Something        have to see what works.”                   prevent falls,” Robson says.
    For more information: theloadedladle.blogspot.com                                    with Alesse contest to get her project        Robson hopes the camp will be             She says the camp will also seek to
                                                                                         off the ground.                            a way to re-introduce creativity,          provide meaningful cognitive stim-
    Or contact us at: LoadedLadle@gmail.com                                                 Robson, a Dalhousie neuroscience        camaraderie and physical activity to       ulation through discussing works
                                                                                         graduate, was already volunteering         seniors living in isolation, poverty or    of art and putting together perfor-
                                                                                         at the Geriatric Day Hospital at the       with an illness.                           mances and art projects.
                                                                                         QEII Health Sciences Centre.                  The camp will be fully funded by          The camp will run on Mondays for

            Advertise with us!                                                              “When I first started, I asked peo-
                                                                                         ple what their hobbies were—what
                                                                                         they would do when they went home.
                                                                                                                                    the Start Something With Alesse
                                                                                                                                    contest and will be free to any elderly
                                                                                                                                    adults wishing to participate. Care-
                                                                                                                                                                               the entire summer from April 16 until
                                                                                                                                                                               August 31 at the Lutheran Church of
                                                                                                                                                                               the Resurrection, which is accessible
          IN PRINT OR ONLINE                                                             And then they’d just look at me and
                                                                                         say ‘nothing.’ And I think they really
                                                                                                                                    givers or family members are wel-
                                                                                                                                    come to participate as well.
                                                                                                                                                                               by Metro Transit.

                                                                                         meant it,” says Robson.                       Robson says there are few oppor-        Jesse Robson (left) and Kayla Mallery
                                                                                            “It wasn't because they didn't want     tunities for seniors to engage with        (right) are putting together the Heart
                                                                                         to be doing things. It was because         the community in a creative way. The       and Soul Summer Arts Camp for seniors
                                                                                         they didn't have the transportation        YMCA offers elderly aerobics classes       in Halifax. • • • Photo by Katrina Pyne
                                                                                         necessary to get places,” she says.        but Robson says those tend to cater
                                                                                            “They didn't have the financial         more to seniors who are already
                                                                                         means to sign up for certain activities,   active, as opposed to someone who           For more information
                                                                                         or they didn't feel comfortable par-       has been sedentary for a long time or
                                                                                                                                                                                  or to register visit:
            Contact Aaron Merchant                                                       ticipating because of chronic health
                                                                                         conditions.”
                                                                                                                                    someone recovering from surgery.
                                                                                                                                       The idea of the Heart and Soul
                                                                                                                                                                                   www.Happily
          advertising @dalgazette.com                                                       So Robson decided to ask seniors
                                                                                         what kinds of activities they were
                                                                                                                                    Summer Arts Camp is to inspire these
                                                                                                                                    people while simultaneously offering
                                                                                         interested in. She started teaching        programming with physical, cogni-
                                                                                                                                                                                 EverActiveHalifax
                           902 449 7281                                                  dance classes for seniors at the QEII
                                                                                         once a week. Soon after, they started
                                                                                                                                    tive and social benefits. It all started
                                                                                                                                    when two Dal professors and geri-
                                                                                                                                                                                  .blogspot.com

with a whoosh. “We call this place the Reading Room,” said the officer. “It's an ideal place for one to        spend some quiet time apart from everything, reading. Many people become very intelligent while
Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
• March 16 - March 22, 2012                                                                                                                                            news     5

                                          Senate shares seats with NSAC
                                                                   Dal prepares for agricultural merger
Daniel Boltinsky                          must be three elected faculty mem-
Staff Contributor                         bers for every appointed one.
                                             The resolution for a merger still has
There’s a new seat on Senate: on          to pass through the Nova Scotia legis-
March 12 the Dalhousie Senate, in         lature.
anticipation of the Nova Scotia Agri-        “There is no doubt in anybody’s
cultural College (NSAC)-Dal merger,       mind that that will occur,” says Fraser.
passed a motion that would add a             “Everything will be in place for the
seventh student seat representing the     merger to take place the first of July.
new agricultural faculty.                 That is the anticipated date for the
                                          formal merger.”
                                             Adding another student seat
“We’re trying to                          required a constitutional amend-
                                          ment, but Fraser says this will play an
make sure there                           important role in providing input to
                                          the administration.
are a lot of strong                          “Our student members are very
                                          active members of Senate,” he says.

ties between                              “We have them represented on all our
                                          key committees, as well as on Senate
                                          itself.”
what goes on at                              The Dalhousie Student Union
                                          (DSU) has taken a similar step to
this campus and                           incorporate the Truro campus. An
                                          agricultural faculty seat has been
what goes on at                           added to the governing council, to
                                          be filled next year if the merger takes
the agricultural                          place.
                                             Chris Saulnier, outgoing presi-
college.”                                 dent of the DSU, says the move will
                                          hopefully help students in Truro yet
                                          involved with the decision-making
                                          process at Dal’s main campus.
   The measure, as well as other ini-        “We’re trying to make sure there
tiatives that have been discussed         are a lot of strong ties between what
between the Dal and NSAC student          goes on at this campus and what goes
unions, highlights recent efforts         on at the agricultural college,” he says.
aimed at giving students of the newly        A strong relationship between the
integrated college in Truro represen-     two can benefit students at both,
tation at Dal.                            says Saulnier. Those in the agricul-
   “The issues that affect students       tural college will get DalCards, and
at the agricultural campus may be         the services that those entail. He also
somewhat different than the issues        mentions the idea of joint program-
that affect the students at the main      ming during orientation week and
campus in Halifax, and so we want         the possibility of bringing students
that representation,” says Lloyd Fra-     from Truro to Halifax for concerts
ser, chair of the Senate.                 and other events.
   The Senate also passed a motion           NSAC on the other hand has a
to establish a faculty of agriculture,    woodsman team and hosts woods-
which automatically created four          man competitions. “It would be great
new non-student seats. According          to bring some of our students down
to the Senate constitution, one seat      to the agricultural college to experi-
is appointed to the dean, and there       ence that,” says Saulnier.                  The DSU is hoping to bring some of NSAC’s activities to Dal, and vice versa. • • • Photo by emiliokuffer via flickr

 1. DSU election
    appeals rejected
    Daniel Boltinsky, News
 2. Hann solo
    Matt Ritchie, Arts
 3. Go with the flow
    CarolAnne Black, Opinions
 4. Trojans win on
    record- breaking night
    for IWK charity
    Tim Vanderweide, Sports
 5. Will the DSU opt for a
    self-op food model?
    Kat Pyne, News

they're here. We have an excellent selection of books and magazines, even daily newspapers for your            perusal. “There's just one rule you need to know: never tell anybody—or the illusion will be broken. And
Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
opinions

opinions
                                                                                                                                                       gazette opinions welcomes any
                                                                                                                                                 opinion backed up with facts; but we
                                                                                                                                                don’t publish rants. E-mail Matthew at
                                                                                                                                                            opinions@dalgazette.com
                                                                                                                                                                         to contribute

                                                                                                                                                    Matthew Ritchie Opinions Editor

                                                      OVAL WOES
                                                       Outdoor skating rink needs some work
Matthew Ritchie                               But on March 9 of this year, the        permanent thing; it became one by           In December 2011, local journal-         direction and I urge the citizens of
Opinions Editor                            HRM announced that the newly               the urging of citizens towards city      ist John Wesley Chisholm broke the          Halifax to vote and share their com-
                                           named Emera Oval would be closed           council. On Feb. 24, 2011, The Coast     finances down even further. On his          ments on how to improve the Oval
Two years ago I sat next to a few          for the rest of the year due to “weather   reported that to keep the Oval run-      Tumblr account, Chisholm stated             as it progresses toward a permanent
friends the week before the Van-           fluctuations” that made it impossible      ning for another season would cost       that with roughly 44.5 days of skat-        structure.
couver 2010 Winter Olympics. We            to “sustain good ice for skating.” It      $1.25 million - $1.75 million.           ing a year on the Oval—with 100,000           But that being said, it’s still slightly
watched news reports highlight-            had only been open since Dec. 23.                                                   skaters hitting the Oval in 2011 (at        alarming to see the amount of city
ing the ongoing hill maintenance,             Now, I can understand the reason                                                 about 2,247 skaters on the Oval per         money already spent on a project
wondering why they chose to have
the winter games in a city notorious
                                           for wanting an outdoor rink in Can-
                                           ada. Canadians love the winter, and
                                                                                      “Canadians love                          day)--the actual cost equaled $15 per
                                                                                                                               skater per usage, as opposed to the
                                                                                                                                                                           that still has a ways to go before it
                                                                                                                                                                           becomes a permanent fixture.
for its warm and rainy climate. We
watched as reporters spoke in fear of
                                           we like ice-skating. But usually that
                                           means ice hockey, not speed skating
                                                                                      the winter, and we                       previously estimated less than $1 a
                                                                                                                               visit.
                                                                                                                                                                             Hopefully by this time next year
                                                                                                                                                                           we’ll all be gearing up for some spring
the hills not having enough snow and
the possibility of slush on the slopes,
                                           in one of the wettest cities in Canada.
                                           So I find it a little hard to stomach
                                                                                      like ice-skating.                           That all being said, the city of Hali-
                                                                                                                               fax is doing its part to get some of us
                                                                                                                                                                           and summer fun on the Emera Oval,
                                                                                                                                                                           as opposed to waiting another nine
causing inaccurate times in races and
unfavorable conditions for landing
                                           that a chunk of our city dollars goes
                                           toward a project a large portion of the    But usually that                         curmudgeons on board with the Oval.
                                                                                                                               The city is currently hosting an online
                                                                                                                                                                           months to get a few skates in.

aerials on the hills.
   “Who would spend all that money
                                           population has apparently yet to use
                                           and is only open a few months of the       means ice                                survey to gain information about the
                                                                                                                               Oval’s current use and asks for ways
                                                                                                                                                                           The Oval looks better than last year, but
                                                                                                                                                                           there is still room for improvement.
to have winter sports in a place that
is entirely unsuitable for winter
                                           year.
                                              When the Oval began production          hockey, not                              to improve it. Citizens are able to vote
                                                                                                                               on a variety of possible summer uses
                                                                                                                                                                           • • • Photo by Angela Gzowski

sports?” we wondered.                      for the 2011 Canada Winter Games,                                                   for the Oval, including road hockey,
   Well, apparently the people of Hal-     the whole city seemed to be excited.       speed skating.”                          bicycling, ultimate Frisbee and inline       Correction
ifax. In late 2010 the city began con-     In a 2010 article in The Coast, it was                                              skating. They also have a section            In last week's opinions piece “Don't
struction of the Oval, a large speed       reported that the cost of the Oval                                                  where you can vote on architectural          block my views” by Ben Wedge,
skating track located in the Hali-         would be under the original $1.2 mil-        By March 30, 2011, The Coast           styles for the permanent facilities          Dale Godsoe was inaccurately
fax Commons. Originally chosen as          lion dollar budget, equaling out to        reported that the entire cost for the    that will occupy the space around the        labeled as “he” instead of “she.” The
a temporary location for the skating       less than $1 per visit a year.             Oval in 2011 would be $3.75 million,     Oval, which will be a welcome change         Gazette apologizes for this error.
track, the city voted in favour of the        A few months later, the HRM was         with costs being around $1.4 million     from the white trailers that currently       The online version of the article
Oval and chose to make it a permanent      telling an entirely different story.       in 2012 to transfer the Oval from a      rest on the Commons.                         has since been corrected.
fixture.                                   The Oval was never meant to be a           temporary rink to a permanent one.          These are all steps in the right

        You can vote on the Emera Oval’s future usage at www.Halifax.ca/Surveys/index.html

you'll forget everything. Remember that.” “Where am I?” said Laurel. He tied a blindfold around her        face. She twitched a bit and moved her neck around as if expecting to see something. “Sit,” said the of-
Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
• March 23 - March 29, 2012                                                                                                                            opinions              7

 BRAUN OVER BRAIN
    The first overturned doping case in
    MLB history raises some eyebrows
Justin Hartling                             mentioned 33 times in the MLB drug
Opinions Contributor                        policy.”
                                               A friend of Braun’s, Green Bay
Do you remember the times when,             Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers,
if someone was proven innocent in           tweeted: “MLB and cable sports tried
court, they didn’t have to deal with        to sully the reputation of an innocent
constant accusations and people             man, Picked the wrong guy to mess
doubting their credibility?                 with. Truth will set u free.”
   No? Me neither.                             Now apparently there is even a
   But that whole cynical nature gets       “Ryan Braun Defence” for other ath-
multiplied when you are talking             letes being charged with doping.
about celebrities and professional             DJ Williams, a linebacker for the

                                                                                                                           Final fantasy
athletes.                                   Denver Broncos, was suspended six
   Milwaukee Brewer Ryan Braun              games in to the 2012 season for his
made history recently when he               urine coming back “non-human.” His
became the first MLB player to test         legal council is now blaming the spec-
positive for drug use and have the          imen collector.
ruling overturned, on what many are            Here is the thing about all this                                 Why fantasy sports are kind of stupid
calling a technicality.                     drama and hatred over Braun becom-
   See, when Braun gave his sample,         ing the first person in baseball history    Matthew Ritchie                              But that doesn’t mean it isn’t          The League, is a series centered on
it wasn’t sent to the lab for two days      to overturn a doping case: the MLB          Opinions Editor                           stupid.                                    a workplace fantasy football league.
because testing took place before the       has a loophole in their agreement.                                                       Take for instance my current            Then there is the Academy Award-
weekend—even though the MLB’s               Is that Braun’s fault? No. That rests       As I write these words, I’m pretty        12-person league: nine out of the 12       nominated film Moneyball, and the
drug agreement says “the specimens          solely on the shoulders of the MLB.         psyched. Seven days from now I will       people have played baseball most of        book by Michael Lewis on which it's
should be sent by FedEx to the labo-        Should the MLB tighten up the legal         participate in my annual Yahoo Fan-       their lives, with a few of them even       based. Moneyball is based on the sta-
ratory on the same day they are col-        jargon in the drug policy? Yes. But         tasy Baseball draft. What will fol-       coaching professionally. Then there        tistical analysis of the sport by base-
lected.”                                    everybody needs to put it behind            low will be seven months of ram-          are three other fans of the sport in our   ball hobbyists (which actually led to
   Would two days of a sample sit-          them; Braun was proven innocent.            pant smack talking, bogus trades that     league (including myself ) who don’t       the creation of fantasy baseball in the
ting in the wrong location change the          People should just leave Braun           would never occur in the real MLB,        actually play the game.                    first place) and how the Oakland Ath-
result of the test? I have no idea, but     alone and let him play baseball. Let’s      and a little bit of gambling.                You would think that the people         letics used that information to their
this was a rule the testers clearly did     face it: the Brewers are probably             My girlfriend is also going to get      who actually understand the game           benefit.
not follow.                                 going to win the AL central with-           angry with me way more often than         of baseball from personal experi-             But that was a professional baseball
   Though Braun, last year’s National       out much competition—especially             usual, as I'll be spending every free     ence would play the best in a fantasy      team. Me, my 11 league members, and
League MVP, escaped a 50-game sus-          since the St. Louis Cardinals just lost     moment checking baseball stats,           league, but that’s not the case. Last      the hundreds of thousands of baseball
pension, the decision has been met          Albert Pujols—and almost everybody          hunting for unknown ball players and      year I got second place in my league,      fans who join fantasy leagues every
with mixed reactions.                       will forget this ever happened.             checking the scores of games between      winning $140, and to be honest, I          year are not professional managers,
   Sports columnist Paola Boivin said          It just really upsets me that court-     baseball teams I’ve never really cared    knew barely anything about baseball        and we're pretty unlikely to win very
in an article published in the Arizona      room decisions mean nothing. At             about before.                             going into it. In fact, I drafted most     much money by playing these fan-
Republic that, “We're losers, every         one time it would be innocent until           I can’t say I really blame her. Fan-    of my players based on name recogni-       tasy teams. (In fact, for the amount
one of us” because of Braun’s acquit-       proven guilty, but now it seems you're      tasy baseball (and fantasy sports in      tion from N64’s Ken Griffey Jr. Slug-      of hours we spend piling through all
tal and what that says for future           considered guilty regardless of the         general) is probably one of the stu-      fest, a game that came out 13 years        these stats, we probably make less
dopers.                                     outcome. Everybody just keeps spec-         pidest activities you can take part in.   ago (which is why I drafted Vladamir       than 50 cents an hour every time we
   The worst comment by far was pub-        ulating and pointing the finger at          But for some reason, it seems all of      Guerrerro, even though he is awful).       win in one of our leagues).
lished anonymously in the Bleacher          Braun, but at the end of the day he         my friends in university are into it.        Yet, for whatever reason, I came           For the amount of time and effort
Report by a member of the New York          was found innocent. He is still last          For those who don’t know what           second in my league against a bunch        we put into this game, you’d think we
Mets, who said: "Ryan Braun is out          year’s NL MVP and one of the best           fantasy baseball is, let me explain.      of dudes who teach kids how to field       must love the sport. But as I pour over
there saying this shows he is inno-         players in all of baseball. People are so   Fantasy baseball essentially answers      for a living.                              statistics of players I’ve never even
cent. Does that mean O.J. Simpson is        quick to discredit all of these accom-      the question: “What would you do if          The reason is simple: fantasy sports    seen play before (Zack Cozart?) and
innocent, too?"                             plishments because he was accused           you were a baseball manager?” Who         somehow make spectator sports              team reports of teams I really don’t
   Are we really going to compare           of something that was discredited           would you draft if every major league     more interesting by breaking events        care about (the Royals), I have to ask
Ryan Braun going to a court hear-           in court, and I think that it’s ridicu-     player were available to you? Would       down mathematically. It’s basically        myself: do I really like this sport, or
ing and pleading his case as being          lous. He earned his accomplishments         your team be pitching dominant            like the nerds the jocks bullied in        am I just doing random mathemati-
remotely comparable to O.J. Simpson         on the field and that is where people       or batting heavy? Would you name          high school are now enacting their         cal equations to win a bit of money?
being accused and acquitted of mur-         should judge him.                           your team something derogatory, or        revenge by somehow knowing more               The answer is probably the money.
dering his wife? Is that honestly what         And just an update on Braun: his         would you name them after a baseball      about a sport than the athletes who        If that’s the case, why am I not just
the best comparison is?                     first at bat during spring training         player, or both (my brother’s team is     play them.                                 playing the stock market?
   But that’s not to say everyone in the    was a two-run home run. Keep that           called Hamels’ Toes after Phillies           You no longer have to understand
sports world was against Braun for          up and we will all forget this doping       pitcher Cole Hamels and, well, you        how to play the game; you just have        Ahh, the days when baseball had fat guys
his case being dismissed.                   drama soon enough.                          know)? Fantasy baseball gives you         to be OK at statistical analysis.          and nerds kept their noses out of MLB.
   Gabe Feldman, the director of the                                                    the sense of control in what is other-       But for whatever reason, fantasy        • • • Illustration via vintagevectors.com
Tulane Sports Law program tweeted,          YERRRRRR OUT!                               wise a spectator sport, which is prob-    sports leagues have become a com-
“Chain of custody a technicality?           • • • Photo via                             ably why everyone seems to like it so     mon part of our society. U.S. televi-
It’s critical to fair drug policy, and is   pictures-of-men.blogspot.ca                 much.                                     sion channel FX's premier comedy,

ficer she was with. “Now.” A sense of danger overwhelmed her, as if a crisis was brewing only she didn't      know what it was. She didn't know anything anymore. There were only details that didn't make much
Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
arts&culture

arts&culture
                                                                                                                                                                                              arts covers cultural
                                                                                                                                                                                          happenings in Halifax.
                                                                                                                                                                                        E-mail Erica and Leslie at
                                                                                                                                                                                           arts@dalgazette.com
                                                                                                                                                                                                    to contribute.

                                                                                                                                                                                         Erica Eades Arts Editor

                    Dystopian satire in a brave new medium
                    MARGARET ATWOOD EMBRACES THE DIGITAL SINGLE
Andrew Mills                                     appearance might just front a crea-
Arts Contributor                                 ture of darker impulses. Atwood sug-
                                                 gests that institutional repression
Margaret Atwood’s latest story I’m               and self-destructive desire are inter-
Starved For You—a 44-page short                  twined in a series of fatal reactions,
story, published electronically on               sometimes contained inside the same
Byliner.com—begins with the discov-              skull.
ery of a love note. The note is punc-               Atwood’s brush can be thick,
tuated by a purple lipstick kiss, the            smearing the post-apocalyptic world
gaudy imprint of everything missing              outside Concilience as one “crawling
from Stan’s life.                                with black mold…in a stench-filled
   Stan is a part of the machinery of            trailer dumped in a nothingland
Consilience, a rapidly expanding pro-            where you’d spend the nights beating
gram in the prison industrial com-               off feral dead-eyed teenagers armed
plex where citizens escape the crum-             with crowbars and broken bottles
bling outside world to volunteer for             who were ready to murder you for a
rotating shifts as labourers, guards             handful of cigarette butts.” Atwood
and inmates in exchange for “gainful             wants to be anathema to the language
employment, three wholesome meals                of public relations, to religious, politi-
a day, a lawn to tend…A Meaningful               cal or economic gloss; and, in weird
Life.” It’s a world where Bing Crosby            ways throughout her career, she’s
is allowed, but heavy metal is not, a            kept the voice of vital outsider. Now,
pre-colour Pleasantville of middle               her mid-life adoption of social media
class benefits that mute the spectrum            comes with the older, wiser perspec-
of primal and spiritual colour.                  tive of a digital immigrant.
   This satirical setting might be                  The story starts with a note,
the Harper government’s alarming                 because in a binary age, real paper
prison expansion policy taken to its             is dangerous, erotic. I think Atwood
dystopian conclusion. It makes me                might view her story similarly—a
wonder if Atwood has glimpsed the                shot in the arm to younger writers
recent graph online illustrating how             and a contribution to what, in an
the $200,000 plus it costs taxpayers             interview for Byliner.com, she calls
to keep an inmate locked up for two              “the short fiction revival that’s tak-
years could pay for a child’s primary            ing place online.” Since I don’t have
through post-secondary education.                an e-reader, I read it off my laptop
   I’m Starved For You plays out                 screen, a decidedly non-sexy experi-
like the dark punchline to a joke                ence, but I won’t complain.
that disturbs more than entertains.                 Atwood has been productive lately,
There’s great humour in the dialec-              writing against the clock—whether
tic between penal comfort and Dio-               of her own mortality or of social col-
nysian destruction, and like the best            lapse doesn’t matter. She has ensured
speculative-fiction writers, Atwood              that neither her work, nor the short
allows the hubris of both to play out            story itself, become mere museum
in her characters. Especially clever is          pieces.
the cheerful contradiction of Char-
maine, Stan’s “perky, bland” house-              Atwood embraces the
wife with “safe teeth” (like Orwell’s            digital format for short story.
Julia, member of the Junior anti-                • • • Photo by Jim Allen
sex league yet self-proclaimed
“rebel from the waist down”), whose

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sense. Nobody said a word. The room was small, smaller than the other room she'd been in so far. She                      knew the grey steel had eyes.
Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
What do you read?
                      by Jonathan Rotsztain and Angela Gzowski

“BBC News and my email”         “Endless scientific papers”           “My textbooks”

  Zaharaa Abdulhussain                David Adams                    Arnold Hamilton
     1st-year science                4th-year biology              3rd-year management

       “FYP books”                     “Facebook”             “Course work and the newspaper”

     Hamzeh Hadad                        Yuan Xue                   Norma Livingstone
Foundation Year Programme           1st-year commerce         Information management master

 “Health and fitness texts”      “The Chronicle Herald”                 “Your mind”

     Jessica Shannon                  Katie Hanlon                Abdurrahman Gattous
       1st-year arts                 4th-year science            2nd-year computer science

                                LIKE US ON                                                   FOLLOW US ON

                               facebook.com/                                                      @dalgazette @gazette_arts
                                 DalGazette                                                  @gazetteopinions @dalgazettesport
Fi ctions - Dalhousie Gazette
creative

                   creative
                                                                                                                                     Dal’s got talent and imagination
                                                                                                                                                 Submit micro-fiction,
                                                                                                                                              poetry and feedback to
                                                                                                                                            creative@dalgazette.com

                                                                                                                                       Jenna Harvie Creative Editor

ours by not beings ours
   Saturday mornings with the guys
he’d tell bed-sheet war stories.
I’d ask something like how’d she taste anyway
and we’d crack all into fits
   like brunch comrades or brothers.

  Picking her up, he’d take me -- all pithy chest
and split knees -- and she’d wonder                                   Queerness of the Whole Damn Thing
who’s side I was on, I’m sure. I’d tell racist jokes and he’d snort
hard at me with his eyes
  on her like something wild.                                         T    oo easy. It was too easy. A ladder lead us to the roof;
                                                                           a quick kick sent it down and hid it in the bushes. No
                                                                      lights on the south side. Jay used the crowbar to unclasp
                                                                                                                                       I grabbed a few paintings off the wall and threw them to
                                                                                                                                     the floor as the museum guard started to die. Grabbed my
                                                                                                                                     small can of kerosene and drenched the paintings with it
   Later crowded in a drunken doorway: he’d find                      one of the skylights while I prepared and suited up in the     and then threw a match, igniting them. Thousands of dol-
the crook of my belly hiding                                          harness. Alarm wasn’t armed, our luck and the museum           lars burned away in minutes. We didn’t need it.
under my breasts and slip his fingers over the trigger                guard’s stupidity. Saturday night. Everyone was out but          When the cop came, I was out of kerosene and prepar-
like he’d known all along                                             nobody saw.                                                    ing a blast charge to exit the building. The cop grabbed me
   that I too was an enemy.                                              Down we went, rope cutting into the flesh of our soft       roughly by the arm and pointed his gun at Jay, who was
                                                                      hands. Moonlight shone on our faces. No gloves, no             prepared to make a run for it.
—Kelly Larkin Conway • • • Photo by dbking via flickr                 masks, didn’t need them. Our harnesses hit the ceramic           “Hey, wait a minute!” the officer said as he let go of my
                                                                      floor with a clang. Left them and moved out of the atrium,     arm almost instantly. “You’re the CEO for that bank. And
                                                                      past tall fossilized dinosaurs and down a dark narrow hall-    you, you’re that millionaire that ran that Ponzi Scheme!
                                                                      way. We signed the guestbook; a signature we had used so       You know what? Forget this. You gentlemen didn’t mean
                                                                      much.                                                          to do any harm. Get outta here. I never saw you.”
                                                                         The guard rounded the corner with his light. Jay came
                                                                      out of the shadows with the crowbar and hit the old man        —Chad Durling • • • Illustration by Jonathan Rotsztain
                                                                      on the head and he fell back and landed on a glass display
                                                                      glass, smashing it. I shot him with my honestly bought
                                                                      pistol. Chest wound, missed the heart. Hurt more dignity
                                                                      than anything.

                                                                      Something Shameless
                                                                      To write a bad poem and mean
                                                                      It, in love, is something shameless
                                                                      That tells a laughing at, a proverbial
                                                                      Fit, that to reject is not to redress:

                                                                      That to me is, no less than eating
                                                                      Good food and liking it for its shape,
                                                                      The mood that wanderers, bless’d and singular,
                                                                      Take when they tell you frankly:
        UNTITLED                                                      What’s good of leaving is coming home.
        She could never quite figure it out:                          So let me be frank,
        did the link descend to the left or the right?                You still my love,
        how big was the loop?                                         This still a poem.
        and an ear—just like that?
        At the time, of course, she wasn’t familiar                   —Shane Bryson • • • via istock
        with typography and its terminology.
        She was writing poetry—
        a limerick or an epic, maybe—
        for the sake of writing,
        pressing pencil to paper,
        carefully tracing the shape in every case.
        She moved slowly, deliberately across the lines,
        letter by letter, lending character to each.
        Yes, she thought, just like that.

        —Gaeby Abrahams • • • Jonathan Rotsztain
• March 23 - March 29, 2012                                                                                                            creative 11

                                                                                  FEBRUARY AFTERNOON,
                                                                                  NEAR TAMPA
                                                                                  unsteady – but not quite anxious – from the limp of this
                                                                                  deck furniture’s scuff-addled vantage, this small, prefab balcony’s
                                                                                  whitewashed aluminum rails: strobe-frames the inflatable beach
                                                                                  slide’s flaccid blue end-of-day posturing – captures everything
                                                                                  here, uneasy; collapsing; folding in, on itself. and there is near
                                                                                  nothing as far as wave action goes; the water sleepily-dimpled,
                                                                                  the gulf a sun-soaked newsprint facsimile of overworked levi’s.
                                                                                  afternoon’s now a breezy, disinterested sigh; nameless near palms
                                                                                  struggle to grab the air’s pay. checked, the view’s a strip-mall
                                                                                  waffle house, segmented and greasy; you can’t un-stick your eyes’
                                                                                  thick lids for all the air’s syrup. the beer’s not quite warm. this,
                                                                                  it would seem, is america. you sit here. you lounge
                                                                                  in a favourite shirt worn and washed once too often – the seams
                                                                                  ready to give, but no one’s willing to wager, just now, on quite how.

                                                                                  —Matt Robinson • • • Photo by Jonathan Rotsztain

                              I  cannot think of anything worse than being born into
                                 this world as a slug. It’s because of this that I kill any
                              slug I see. Life didn’t give them a chance. Slugs crawl
                                                                                                  Lying there on the ground, with my face in the grass and
                                                                                               specks of dirt lodged in my nose, I spot a slug. A stupid,
                                                                                               insignificant, mucus coated slug. I slowly get up, brush
                              around on their bellies, trailing goop and constantly slosh-     myself off, and lift my foot over the goopy slug.
                              ing around in their own mucus. Who wants to live like               “Caroline?”
                              that? Plus, they’ll probably get reincarnated as something          The sound of Tommy’s voice catches me by surprise,
                              better anyway.                                                   freezing me with one foot poised above the slug. He’s
                                Hi, my name is Caroline. I’m nine. I’m fat. These are          standing there, soft faced and with his wide blue eyes. I’m
                              just facts. Don’t think I’m self-loathing or something. I        so caught up in those deep lakes that I don’t even notice
                              think more people should follow my lead and put those            what he’s holding in his hands.
                              poor slugs out of their misery.                                     Gripped by the stems as if he’s afraid they might float
                                Mrs. Friedrich (that’s my teacher’s name) seemed to            away, he holds two dandelions. Their yellow heads seem
                              think my concern for the slugs was concerning. All I did         overly vibrant, as if coated with paint. Tommy thrusts the
                              was grab all the saltshakers from the tables in the cafete-      dandelions towards me.
                              ria and empty them into the tub of slugs my fourth grade            I take the flowers from his hand and for the briefest
                              class had collected for science class. What I overheard          moment our fingers brush each other’s. He suddenly
                              Vince Levine planning to do with them, during science            lights up red like a traffic light and thrusts his hands in his
                              class, would only be adding insult to injury.                    pockets.
                                But I’m not crazy. Most days, if I’m not gazing out the           “Those guys should leave you alone. They’re…” Tommy
                              window, waiting for the recess or lunch bell, I’m gazing         struggles to find the word.
                              at Tommy Dietrich, waiting for the recess or lunch bell.            I’m right there to save the day. “Jerks.”
                              There’s just something about the ruffled black hair on the          “Yeah,” Tommy nodded. “Jerks.”
                              back of Tommy’s head that just helps the hours go faster.           Then Tommy starts walking again, leaving me there
                                Finally, the end of day bell rings. I pick up my Hello         with legs that feel like jelly. I’m still clutching the dan-

 Slugs
                              Kitty backpack (I hate it) and slip on my Power Rangers          delions. My mom will tell me they’re weeds and that I
                              boots (I love them). As I’m walking down the sidewalk            shouldn’t keep them in my room. But she’s wrong. They’re
                              towards my house Vince Levine comes up behind me with            the most beautiful flowers in the world.
                              his group of friends. They do this almost every day now.            I look down to where the slug has left a gooey trail of
                                Vince shoves me down into the grass, laughing, and             slime across the grass, sliding its way along. I consider
                              reminds me not to jump off of anything too high. I’m so          lifting my foot again and putting it out of its misery.
                              fat I might cause an earthquake when I hit the ground.              But somehow, today, I don’t really feel like it.
                              I’m fat. It’s just a fact. It can’t hurt me. Soon their laugh-
                              ing ends and they keep walking, leaving me alone.                —Ross Chiasson • • • Photo by jalbum via mindhive
12 creative                                                                                                                      March 23 - March 29, 2012 •

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                                                                 Raging Waters
T    he windows shook and rattled as
     the over-powering winds off the
Atlantic Ocean blew inwards towards
                                              Shaking her mind free of the past,
                                           she reached for the sheepskin quilt
                                           buried beneath towels and wash
                                                                                      where the sounds of the footsteps and
                                                                                      laughter of her and Harold’s children
                                                                                      filled every nook and cranny of her
the rickety old cabin she had since        clothes that had long since been used.     house—their house.
long called home. The storm had            Wrapping her frail figure tightly             She knew that one day her children
worsened greatly since the previous
morning. It seemed as though, ever
                                           beneath it, she wandered over to the
                                           window – the glass blurred with fat
                                                                                      would grow older and leave her and
                                                                                      Harold. Onto new chapters and new
                                                                                                                                                The New York God
so suddenly, the distilled calm it had
taken her nearly over a year to reach
had been snatched away with the
                                           and heavy raindrops.
                                              Raising a palm to the glass, her
                                           frail fingers began to wipe against the
                                                                                      adventures. But she would never be
                                                                                      alone as long as they were together.
                                                                                         Gazing out the window for one
                                                                                                                               M       ary was walking as quickly as
                                                                                                                                       she could down the sidewalk.
                                                                                                                               Her boss had kept her later than
                                                                                                                                                                          covered that Lisa too, took the long
                                                                                                                                                                          route home from work to see the man
                                                                                                                                                                          each afternoon. “He’s not a man,” she
mere pulsing of the thunder and the        condensation, hoping she’d be able to      final moment, quiet tears began to       usual. Even with the late dismissal,       explained, “he’s a God”.
rage of the ocean waves.                   squint through the rain and grey fog       roll down her wrinkled and weath-        Mary had still been sent home with            After that night they began meet-
   She could feel the cool air seep-       to better see the ocean.                   ered face. The distilled calm it had     a pile of papers. She checked her          ing up together to watch for the
ing in underneath the doorway. With           The waves that have been so invit-      taken her nearly over a year to reach    phone: 5:03. She was late. Picking up      man. They’d stand on the sidewalk
each catch of chill, she could feel her    ing merely a day before had seemed         had been snatched away with the          her pace, she began moving as fast as      and chat until they saw him. Mary
bones grow more and more frigid.           to undergone a true metamorphosis          mere pulsing of the thunder and the      her heels would allow. She could still     decided to bring coffee’s one day, and
The cold had never been a friend to        all of their own. They crushed against     rage of the ocean waves.                 make it.                                   after seeing their man, they found a
her.                                       the shoreline, one after the other. The       The waters were breathing a life of                     ***                      nearby bench to sip them. This too,
   As she rummaged through the             once tranquil waters now seemed to         their very own. An angry and venge-      It started six months ago. Leaving         became ritual.
linen closet in search of a blanket, her   be breathing as though they had a          ful life. One that would take anything   early from work, Mary had decided                            ***
mind couldn’t help but wander back         life of their very own. An angry and       and anyone who stood in their way.       to take the nicer route home. It was       Mary had reached Wall St. Where
to the earlier days. The days where        vengeful life. One that took anything      Just as they had nearly a year ago.      within the first few minutes, she          was Lisa? Had she missed her?
the sounds of footsteps and laugh-         and anyone who stood in their way.            Loneliness and silence were not       found herself at the top of Wall St.          “Mary!” She heard through the
ter filled every nook and cranny of         For several minutes, she peered out       supposed to be the only source of        There, Mary had stopped in her             crowd. Lisa was standing across the
her house and of her mind. The days        the window, staring at this scene. It      company.                                 tracks and witnessed the movement          road, waving. But then she looked
where finding a moment of peace and        was one that nearly a year ago, she           She was supposed to have Harold.      of the most beautiful man she had          different. Her eyes were wider, she
quiet solitude for even 5 minutes was      had grown all too familiar with. As                                                 ever seen. She felt the breath leave her   looked like she wanted to point but
a blessing all in itself.                  she continued to gaze out upon this        —Kendall Erickson                        body. The man was an ad already air-       couldn’t. Mary could have recognized
   The days where loneliness and           natural war, of water and of wind,         • • • Photo by Jon Sullivan              brushed for a magazine. He couldn’t        that look anywhere; it must mean
silence weren’t the only source of         once again she couldn’t help but wan-      via public-domain-image.com              be human; he was supernatural—a            that somewhere nearby, the man
company.                                   der back to the earlier days. The days                                              God. Seconds stretched to hours as         was—
                                                                                                                               he glided past. And then he was gone.           Mary’s papers went flying every-
                                                                                                                               Suddenly everyone around her was           where.

                                  Betty
                                                                  The respirator hummed and clicked away                       ugly. Who could compare with that             “I’m so sorry!” came a heavenly
                                                                  a percussion ensemble, beating the rhythm of life            man?                                       voice. Mary froze. She had collided
                                                                                                                                  A few days later, Mary left work        with a God. She wanted to say some-
                                                                  Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click                              early again. Upon reaching Wall St,        thing, but she couldn’t. “Here,” he
                                                                                                                               she saw him once more: the most            bent down and began scraping the
                                                                  She lay wrapped in her favorite linens                       beautiful man in the world. It wasn’t      papers together. “I think that’s every-
                                                                  The warm embrace of her memories                             long before Mary found herself leav-       thing, sorry again,” he said, handing
                                                                  Filled the room                                              ing work early as much as she could.       the papers back to her.
                                                                  Swirling and dancing with the somber music                   Waiting for this man every day at             “That’s okay,” Mary managed
                                                                                                                               5:03 had become ritual.                    squeak. The man grinned and walked
                                                                  Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click                                 One day, about two months later,        away. Mary turned to face Lisa, still
                                                                                                                               Mary found herself dawdling around         standing across the street, dumb-
                                                                  My mothers hand on her arm                                   Wall St when she noticed someone           founded. Mary crossed to the other
                                                                  She lets out a soft murmur                                   else: she was a smaller woman, with        side.
                                                                  With no words, she speaks the love of a lifetime             short, pixie-cut hair. As the most            “Oh. My. God. You talked to him.
                                                                  Lyrics to the swelling composition                           beautiful man in the world swept           You touched him! Oh my God!” Lisa
                                                                                                                               past, she and this tiny woman made         exclaimed. Mary was still in shock.
                                                                  Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click                              eye-contact. The woman put her             That was the last time that she ever
                                                                                                                               hand to her heart and sighed. From         saw the man.
                                                                  The nurse hands us pictures                                  that day forward, Mary began notic-           The next day, Mary found her-
                                                                  Flooded in from relatives in Scotland                        ing that everyday at about 5:03, this      self leaving late from work again. In
                                                                  Trembling hands sift softly through the photos               woman made an appearance in her            light of what had happened yester-
                                                                  Distant performers in her life’s orchestra                   life as well.                              day, Mary wasn’t paying much atten-
                                                                                                                                  It wasn’t until a month later that      tion as she crossed the road, for she
                                                                  Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click                              they spoke to one another. Mary            was too busy hoping that she and the
                                                                                                                               was at a gala of sorts when there,         man would make eye-contact. It was
                                                                  Her body is frail,                                           in a bright red gown, she saw her:         on that day that Claus, a cab-driver,
                                                                  A baby bird in its nest                                      the man’s other follower. Mary was         decided to take a call while driving.
                                                                  Her spirit chirps the melodies                               unsure of what to do at first: She         It was on that day that Mary got hit
                                                                  Learned in the morning of her life                           didn’t even know the woman’s name,         by Claus, and it was also on that day
                                                                                                                               but she couldn’t pass up meeting her.      that Mary met Joel, the man lying
                                                                  Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click                              So she tapped her on the shoulder.         next to her in the hospital. He wasn’t
                                                                                                                               The woman spun around and let out          New York’s God, but he was soon to
                                                                  Later that day she would pass                                a laugh.                                   become Mary’s.
                                                                  Leaving an echo of her kindness                                 “I’m Lisa!”
                                                                  A sweet song of sorrow                                          “Mary.”                                 —Dana Hall
                                                                  Playing eternally in our hearts                                 It took all of three minutes for        • • • Photo by zoonabar via flickr
                                                                                                                               the two women to bond. Mary dis-
                                                                  —Brodie Robbins • • • Lisa via vector.net
• March 23 - March 29, 2012                                                                                                                    creative 13

                                                                                                                                 The Gentle Bird Weeps
                                                                                                                                             The gentle bird flies the earth
                                                                                                                                               In search of what is right
                                                                                                                                      It glides among the most beautiful things
                                                                                                                                               But never stays the night

                                        Paris, 1968                                                                                        Everyone knows this gentle bird
                                                                                                                                             But no one as much as me

J   ean-Pierre ran down the hot streets, his boots clack-
    ing on cobblestone beneath him. People were shout-
ing all around him, attracting more and more people as
                                                               and Max grinned widely.
                                                                 “Es tu prêt pour le revolution?”
                                                                 Jean-Pierre asked him what revolution. Max simply hit
                                                                                                                                             The bird; so nice, so naïve
                                                                                                                                                 Is trying just to be

the roar of the crowd grew larger and louder. Panicked,        his brick against the ground in a big flamboyant gesture.                   Except one day a man came by
he slipped down an alleyway and kept running. The brick        Jean-Pierre looked at him in confusion, waiting for an                     Killed the bird and had it stuffed
walls of Paris folded in around him and isolated him from      explanation. Max just kept staring up at the sky. Max said                   Because that poor little bird
the chaos out on the streets.                                  that he had found it too cold that morning and he was                        Was just never quite enough
   He stumbled to a stop and tried to catch his fleeting       glad the sun was finally coming out. He shut his eyes and
breath. His legs felt like jelly and his whole body shook as   turned his face up expectantly. After a while he opened                         So until this very day
he stood with his hands on his knees and panted, sucking       one eye and looked around the courtyard. Noticing that                     While every man earns his keep
in muggy air polluted with the anger of a whole nation.        a sunbeam had falled on the ground a few feet away from                        If you try hard enough
He looked around the tiny courtyard he’d wound up in. It       him, he laughed to himself. Then, in a quiet voice that sent             You hear one little bird start to weep
was a cool, secluded corner of Paris, full of shade but not    a shiver down Jean-Pierre’s spine, he said
emersed in shadow. Jean-Pierre was just thinking to him-         “France sera le centre du monde encore.”                       —Seth Earle • • • Illustration by iamyung via freevector.com
self that it would be a nice place to come and read when he      When Jean-Pierre asked what he meant, Max explained
was interrupted by a loud clang.                               that nobody wasn’t thinking about France during the Rev-
   A young man, to whom Jean-Pierre was probably a few         olution. They had reinvented politics and changed the way
years junior, stumbled out into the courtyard through a        people saw thier leaders and they’d do it all again right
group of garbage cans carrying a brick in his hand. He         here.
swore as he flailed about, trying to balance himself. When       “Nous, comme, les français?”
he noticed Jean-Pierre, looking as startled as an atheist at     “Non.” Said Max as he rose to his feet and looked at
the pearly gates, the young man hurriedly gathered him-        Jean-Pierre with a look so jubulant and frightening it was
self. With a great smile spread over his face, the young       as if the very birth place of chaos was behind his eyes, “Tu
man caught his breath and stood up straight.                   et moi.”
   “Je m’appelle Max!” He declared boldly. “Comment              With that, Max tossed the brick at Jean-Pierre. It flew
t’appelle?”                                                    across the courtyard, headed straight for Jean-Pierre’s
   “Je…Jean-Pierre!” Jean-Pierre sputtered. Max scru-          chest. He caught it and stummbled back, lost his bal-
nched up his face, as if he were thinking very hard about      ance and fell on his behind. He sqeezed his eyes shut and
something, until he cheerfully said that he liked the name.    winced until he became aware of something looming over
He then let himself fall to the ground, his legs spread out    him. He opened his eyes and looked up into Max’s grin-
in front of him and a look of content on his face. Jean-       ning face, his smile seemingly no longer fitting in his head.
Pierre glanced at the brick, still in Max’s hand. The corner     “Ici est ton billet de vote.”
was chipped off, a clean break. Jean-Pierre thought for a
moment that maybe it had been broken smasing a police          —Michael Wohlfahrt
barricade. Or perhaps a policeman.                             • • • Liberty leading the People by Eugène Delacroix
   A loud crash echoed down the alleyway from the street

                                                                 GL ASSON BAR
                                                                 St. Sunday becomes the bloom of my eye;
                                                                   we follow on highs and smoky nights,
                                                                   in bars, the sidewalk, the silver rain.
                                                                                                                               The Lover in the Mirror
                                                                                                                                             That Lover in the mirror—
                                                                 Then again, I help myself to the vanities, the proof—                   If he is my second-half I wonder.
                                                                  I've wasted my time trailing coffee rings                              I talk to you and you talk to me;
                                                                  and muddled bassoons.                                              I wave my hand and you wave your hand;
                                                                                                                                           We visit us in our rooms alike.
                                                                 Three blockades present themselves, the golden three:                Oh both of our worlds are just the same!
                                                                  the taken, the departed,
                                                                  and the not-yet-arrived.                                         …I kiss you, touch you, but coldness prevails…

                                                                 Faceless, I encourage the red stains further.                        Or are both of our worlds just different?
                                                                   She whispers:                                                   That place beyond your room I’ll never know;
                                                                   "Incomplete hours. Another."                                       I wave my right and you wave your left;
                                                                                                                                   I breathe out my words, but can’t hear yours.
                                                                 —Brett Bell                                                         Am I his second-half would he wonder—
                                                                 • • • via stainexpert.blogspot.ca                                           That Lover in the mirror?

                                                                                                                                  —Adrian Lacson • • • Photo by dherrera_96 via flickr
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