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PARENTING
Dads giving their
best
YOUR HOME
Winter-proof
your home
FATHER’S DAY • DELICIOUS DISHES TO SPOIL DAD • KIDS CRAFTS TO TREASURE
June/July
your life
12 GROOMING
Male baldness
14 RELATIONSHIPS your family
Emotional intimacy
16 MONEY 25 HEALTH
Why it’s good to swap services Your fertility and age
18 PSYCHOLOGY 28 PARENTING
Are you living your parents Dad’s giving their best
relationship? Infants sleep routine
20 INSPIRATION 42 KIDS CORNER
Enhle Gabashe – Fashioning Father’s Day gifts
her future 46 NALIBALI STORY
22 LETS TALK 48 FOOD
You’re not my mother Deliciousness for dad’s on
24 COMMUNITY BUZZ Father’s Day
Tears Foundation
54 HOME
Winter-proof your home
your style
03 ADULTS FASHION
CATALOGUE
33 KIDS FASHION
CATALOGUE
THE
FASHION
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LIFE grooming
help!
WHERE IS
MY HAIR?
The ultimate bad-hair day has
to be a no-hair day! If you’re
worried about losing your hair,
you’re not alone – and you can
beat it or at least feel better
about it. TEXT ANNE HAHN
Our expert,
FAITH MTABATI of An’Bia’Li
Salon in Cape Town.
A lthough hair loss does
increase as men get older
(by the age of 50, around
85% of men will experience thinning
of hair), it’s not uncommon in
before they turn 21. By the age of
35, about 66% of men will have
noticed some hair loss.
WHAT CAUSES IT?
that the hormones that regulate
hair growth stop working properly,
so the hair follicles shrink and
don’t produce new hairs to replace
the ones that fall out. Other possible
younger men. In about 25% of men Hereditary male-pattern baldness causes of temporary hair loss
who have hereditary male-pattern is the most common cause. Men are stress, a sudden shock,
baldness, hair loss starts at the can inherit baldness genes from medications or treatments such
crown of the head or the temples their fathers or mothers. This means as chemotherapy.
JUNE/JULY 2020 jetclub.co.zasideburns, baldness can lend still grows out the weave becomes
a man a distinguished air! Besides, looser and therefore needs a reinstall
many men choose to shave their to keep it secured.’
Some women heads today for a sleek, modern Lace front weaves are not a
actually find look. No hair also means saving
on hair products so it can be a
cheap-fix hair loss solution, but they
do provide a more natural look than
balding men win-win. But if your hair loss is toupees and wigs.
causing you stress or anxiety,
attractive. you might need counselling to MYTHS ABOUT BALDING
Like greying help you put it in perspective. Baldness isn’t caused by the sun
or wearing a hat – unless it’s a
sideburns, MAN WEAVES dirty hat (scalp infections can
baldness can A newly emerging way to deal with
permanent hair loss is man weaves.
cause hair to fall out temporarily).
Shampoos and gels don’t cause
lend a man a Faith Mtabati of An’Bia’Li Salon in baldness, but harsh products like
Cape Town says that men are ‘still dyes can damage hair that is
distinguished a bit shy’ about following this route. already thinning.
air! She explains the different options: Cutting it short won’t make
For a receding hairline: ‘It depends hair grow, but it might make it
on the length of hair that’s left. If it’s feel thicker.
long enough to plait, then we can Although bald men might like
plait and sew the netting and weave to think they’re more virile, there’s
into your own hair.’ This is secure no scientific evidence that they
enough to allow swimming. have higher levels of testosterone
For completely bald heads: (even though some women can’t
‘If there’s no hair at all, we use resist a balding man!).
a lace frontal which is glued onto
the scalp.’ This is the most expensive TAKING CARE OF
option, that should be treated YOUR BALD HEAD
with care and not exposed too Remember to apply sunscreen to
much to water. your bald spots to avoid sunburn.
Faith does a thorough scalp Ask your pharmacist for advice on
assessment before installing a weave. the many hair-growth products on
‘The skin needs to be healthy before the market (ingredients range from
and during any installation,’ she says. caffeine to ginger). Minoxidil is a
‘One would follow an assessment for widely used over-the-counter cream,
a reinstall after every four weeks, so but does have side-effects so consult
the scalp is kept healthy and treated your doctor before taking it.
to minimise any skin disorders. With
the netting option, as your own hair
CONFIDENCE ISSUES
Modern society places a lot of
emphasis on appearance, so young
men who start balding might feel
less attractive or insecure until
they realise there are many men in
the same situation. But listen up
guys – some women actually find
balding men attractive. Like greyingcloser
LIFE relationships
TO YOU
Most people want to have someone who will love, value
and accept them unconditionally, with all their faults.
Emotional intimacy is a vital ingredient in such
a trusting relationship. So what exactly is it? TEXT VIDA LI SIK
I t’s not about sex – but it is just as
important. Everyone wants to be
close to someone and to feel cared
for. We all want someone with whom
we can share our deepest secrets,
enough. There is a right amount
for you, and an absence of such
closeness will affect your life, and
could make you feel unwanted and
even depressed. ‘That’s why open
confident that we can let our guard and effective communication is
down, and secure in the knowledge encouraged,’ adds Joshna.
that they won’t laugh at us. Women are more likely to
But, if you and your partner desire this kind of closeness in a
are distant with one another, relationship, and to seek and offer
you won’t get much out of your it. It does not come naturally to
interactions, and that includes the men. Generally, men struggle with
sexual ones. On the other hand, if even expressing their emotions, let
you can be open about everything, alone being vulnerable. But, while
without fear of judgment, you will they might not understand or be
have a strong connection. able to express their need for
emotional intimacy, men can feel
TRUST, ACCEPTANCE its absence in their lives. They start by learning about it at the same
AND SECURITY may experience a ‘drift’ in their time, by reading a book on the topic
So, what does emotional intimacy relationship and interpret this together. ‘They can then talk about
feel like? ‘It’s a feeling of trust, as rejection from their partner. their understanding of emotional
acceptance and the security that ‘As a result, they might respond intimacy and how to raise the level
someone has your back,’ says Joshna by also distancing themselves in in their own relationship,’ Lutchman
Lutchman, a senior counselling the relationship, and engage in continues.
social worker with The Family Life external activities such as gambling, At this stage, you might be
Centre in Johannesburg. Emotional substance abuse, socialising with thinking it will be easier to persuade
intimacy is something that develops buddies or extramarital affairs,’ your husband or partner to finally
over time. The level of your desire for Lutchman cautions. do much-needed chores around the
it differs from person to person, and house, than to get him to sit down
depends on how you experienced WHAT IF IT’S MISSING? and read a book with you. If that’s
closeness with others while growing So, how can a couple improve on this the case, another way of developing
up. So there’s no ‘rule’ on what is closeness between them? They can emotional closeness is to simply take
JUNE/JULY 2020 jetclub.co.zatime out together every day. ‘Check
in’ with your partner over dinner
in the community. There, you
can both learn creative and fun
directory
or before you go to sleep. Use the ways to engage in and maintain
time to share how you feel, whether emotional intimacy. And, lastly, SOUTH AFRICA
happy or sad, over how your day if you need help in developing The Family Life Centre
worked out. Share big news, or your closeness with your partner, +2711 788 4784
disappointments, goals, and even you can speak to a professional.
fears. This is a time when you can ‘Counselling offers space where Families South Africa
be vulnerable and get the emotional couples can explore emotional famsa.org.za
support you need when life is tough. intimacy with the help of an expert,’
Lutchman says. BOTSWANA
OUTSIDE HELP Emotional intimacy is within Botswana Counselling
For some, it could be more useful your reach. It will require some Association
to look for open discussion and effort, but it can enrich the rest +267 395 9589
workshops for couples – at church or of your lives together.
jetclub.co.za JUNE/JULY 2020In a world where
money is in shorter
supply than
talent, there is an
opportunity for a
sharing economy
to flourish – not only
in terms of goods
and possessions,
but also skills.
DOMINIQUE SWIEGERS
went in search of
her share
SWAP
SHOP
A t primary school we
used to play marbles
during breaks. As soon
as the bell rang we’d dash outside
and then the battle was on. With
ones. Their breathtaking colours
and great names – comets, cat’s
eyes, bumblebees, gquftis – made
them very popular. I think that was
probably the first time I experienced
operate based on a sharing system.
For example, it lets a hairstylist and
someone who does garden services
come to a mutually beneficial
arrangement where they can say: ‘I
faces flushed from concentrating a sharing economy of sorts. trim your hair, you trim my lawn.’
so hard, dust clouds gathering Sharing economies have changed
around us and ponytails askew, a lot over time, largely thanks to WIN-WIN
we were lost in our own world. technology. Platforms like the Cape Both parties benefit from this deal
But the real fun started when you Town Talent Exchange (CTTE) because each one has their own
won. Because then you could swap at ctte.org.za is one of the largest unique talents and skills, as well as
your prize marbles for even fancier online communities in the world to tools and equipment. In both cases
16 JUNE/JULY 2020 jetclub.co.zaLIFE money
their wallets can remain safely melt the coldest heart of a potential from their gardens. On one of the
stowed and firmly shut because employer. It makes one wonder photos on their Facebook page
there is no money involved. The what would happen if he offered his there’s a box of grapefruit with
entire transaction can be conducted services on something like CTTE. the message: ‘Take what you need,
online without the need for you to go Rachel identifies four factors leave what you don’t, share what
and ‘sell’ yourself or your services. that play an important role in this you have.’
new swapping economy: a fresh
SHARED OWNERSHIP appreciation of the importance of A HAIRDO
In her TED Talk entitled ‘The case for community; the power of social FOR SOME RECIPES…
collaborative consumption’ Rachel networks; renewed urgency and I did an informal survey by asking
Botsman (a leading expert and interest in environmental issues; the hairdresser at my local salon
author on trust in the modern world) and global recession. what she’d be interested in if she
highlights this trend with her idea had the opportunity to swap. She
of shared ownership or shared use THERE’S ENOUGH immediately said she’d be keen to
– where people can share or swap FOR EVERYONE collaborate with a good cook who
without money changing hands, People are tired of wastage. Money, would be willing to share a few of
thanks to social networks and talents, belongings, time… Why their favourite recipes with her.
online communities. It goes even let things gather dust on shelves A photographer friend of mine
further with people also sharing or in cupboards when they could said she’d be happy to take family
time and skills. Rachel believes be useful to another person? For portraits in exchange for having her
that the internet has cut out the example, groups like Crop Swop on hair coloured. A graphic artist said
middleman and now everyone from Facebook arrange to get together they’d design a logo and all they
a T-shirt designer to a seamstress and swap out excess food from their wanted was a manicure. None of
can deal directly with one another. kitchens, or fruit and vegetables them were aware of the existence
She believes this economy, based on of CTTE or anything like it.
the belief system that ‘what’s mine is
yours and vice versa’, is here to stay. ARE YOUR TALENTS BURIED
CTTE tips BENEATH THE SURFACE?
YOUR TALENTS
ARE YOUR WEALTH for successful Even if you’re not sure what your
talent might be, you can go in
Another online platform, the swapping search of it and that journey in itself
Community Exchange System could become an enjoyable and
(community-exchange.org), neatly enlightening experience. As it was
sums up this trend, saying: ‘Your The ‘seller’ is usually the one for Ken Robinson, a leader in the
talents are your wealth.’ who should keep a record field of creativity and innovation,
It’s all based on the belief that of the transaction. who says, ‘Human resources are like
each of us has a special talent – If the seller isn’t computer the earth’s natural resources; they’re
whether you’re just starting out literate, the ‘buyer’ can often buried beneath the surface
or already retired, have a Master’s conclude the deal on the and you have to make an effort to
degree or no training at all. It really mobisite http://cell.ctte. discover them.’
doesn’t matter because all you org.za. The swapping of talents reminds
need is to be good at something. If someone contacts you me of the rhinoceros and the
That’s why this trend also builds for a possible transaction, oxpecker. One gets food and the
and strengthens communities. make sure you know exactly other is rid of pesky insects. With
Someone recently showed me the what they are offering. the South African population
CV of a man who was handing them Ensure that you regularly topping 50 million, just think
out at a traffic light. The attention tweak your offering or add of all the mutually rewarding
to detail and the amount of trouble to it, so it will be tagged with relationships and talents – not to
that he’d gone to in order to put this that day’s date and is then mention marbles! – we could
document together were enough to listed under ‘Recent Posts’. all be exchanging.FAMILY PSYCHOLOGY
MARRY YOUR DAD OR ARE
YOU MARRIED TO YOUR MOM?
Ever wondered if
you’ve followed
the old cliché of
marrying your
father (or mother)?
The answer is
probably yes – but
that doesn’t mean
you have to repeat
their mistakes.
TEXT LISA WITEPSKI
D
they display many of the traits and Tracy Ziman Jacobs. ‘Before then,
ineo Xaba’s* father was qualities present in our parents. In most of what we know – including
a workaholic who came fact, an entire school of psychology, behaviours and values – is ingrained
home late in the evenings known as Imago, is given over to the in our subconscious from what we’ve
and spent most of his weekends theory that our parents’ marriage seen modelled by our parents.’ It’s
catching up on sleep. So is her shapes our individual development when these behaviours are abusive
husband – which means that she experience, creating an ‘unconscious that problems come into play, she
often feels the same frustrations image of familiar love’ – or our idea adds, because you may end up
and resentment her mother of what we think a marriage should married to an abuser yourself.
expressed while she was growing look like.
up. Blind spots Life, executive
There’s plenty of science to back and management coach Debbie
Not that Dineo’s situation is this assertion, too. ‘It’s only once Mankowitz says the situation
particularly unique. Most experts a child is nine years old that they doesn’t even need to be very
agree that there’s a lot of truth start looking to their peer group dramatic to have a negative impact
in the observation that we tend as the most important source of on adult romantic relationships. ‘We
to select our partners because information,’ says relationship coach develop a portrait of our parents’marriage throughout our childhood For transformational relationship And if you already find yourself
and teenage years, but it’s based on coach Philippa Levitt, one of the acting like your mother? It’s not
a child’s perspective so it’s without reasons we choose people who too late, says Levitt. Again, therapy
much depth or context. This means allow us to play out old patterns is is the answer: ‘It can help you
that we’re blind to some of the because they give us the comfort separate your issues from theirs, and
deeper dynamics between them – of familiarity. While some of these shed light on how to stop making
like a passive, dutiful wife who may could be positive, we might also disempowering meanings from your
actually have been depressed.’ The find ourselves with people who situation.’
danger here is that you may strive show unresolved qualities that are Mankowitz, meanwhile, says that
to copy this dynamic in your own damaging to us – because we hope the object of any therapy should be
marriage because you believe it to that, this time around, we’ll be to help you reframe your thinking.
be positive, ignoring – or not even able to work on those issues. ‘For
aware of – the giant blind spot of example, if your father abandoned A couple can be taught to develop
reality. you, perhaps even emotionally, you competencies and practice them
might choose someone who will with immediate effect. They can also
Unfinished business also abandon you so that you relive be led to reassess their perceptions,
What does this have to do with the trauma – this time as an adult, develop effective communication
your husband or wife? You might so that you have new resources and skills, implement accountability
not realise it, says Mankowitz, but support,’ she says. and support each other over the
you could have chosen them out of a hurdles as they progress along the
subconscious desire to improve on Awareness is key way. Mankowitz also recommends
or complete what was left unfinished How to stop the pattern before it fostering a common understanding
in childhood. ‘Our partners usually develops? Therapy is key, according of marriage while nurturing
have similar attributes to our to Levitt. ‘It’s only once you’re aware individual goals, freedom and
parents, and carry similar hurts of an issue that you can start to purpose that allow you both to find
from their childhoods, although they address it,’ Ziman Jacobs agrees. meaning potential not only in your
have managed to adapt in a positive ‘We also need to get conversations marriage but also outside of it.
way that complements our own going, so that we create a communal
needs and perceptions.’ And, just consciousness around how men and
like that, you find yourself living out women behave in relationships.’
your parents’ marriage.Fashioning
HER FUTURE
At just 12 years old, Enhle Gabeshe is stirring up Mzansi’s fashion scene with
her colourful kids’ clothing line. We chatted to her about her achievements
and future ambitions. TEXT JULIA LAMBERTI-MORREIRA
L ike many young girls, Enhle
Gabeshe always adored pretty
dresses, fairytale princesses,
bright colours and bling. However,
this talented preteen has taken her
and sprinklings of sparkle, and
is generating big buzz, locally
and abroad. ‘EBC is all about art,
fairytale princesses and African
authenticity,’ says Enhle. ‘I like to tell
in Gauteng. Her dad, Nduduzo,
is a graphic designer and electrician,
while her social-worker mom,
Desiree, also acts as seamstress
and Enhle’s manager. ‘Creativity
passion for fashion and fantasy to stories through my pieces, making runs in my blood because my family
the next level, creating her very own my work original and personal.’ is creative,’ she smiles.
IMAGES: SUPPLIED
clothing range. Custom-made for Born in KwaZulu-Natal, Enhle Now in Grade 7, Enhle insists that
girls aged from four to 12, the Enhle was raised by her grandmother until it was an innate love of clothing and
Babes Couture (EBC) collection moving to Johannesburg to be with creativity that inspired her to start
features stunning African prints her parents, who were both working her fashion brand. ‘My gran actually
20 JUNE/JULY 2020 jetclub.co.zaLIFE inspiration
used to complain about my she sews most of my orders because she struggles with bullying and
obsession with clothes shopping,’ I have school.’ Enhle is also making the pressure of juggling her
she laughs. her mark internationally, with her blossoming business with a
collection available for purchase demanding school schedule.
DESIGNING A DREAM on the UK-based online store, ‘Bullying has really affected my
Enhle was only 10 when she began Origin. ‘Origin actually approached self-esteem, but my strong parents
sketching dresses inspired by what me through my Instagram page, and my brand have given me so
she calls her ‘imaginary African asking if I could sell on their online much courage and confidence,’
princess life’, creating samples of store,’ she says. she confides. ‘I have also had to
her ideas with Desiree’s assistance. learn to balance keeping my
Her dreamy designs soon garnered CONQUERING creativity alive, while excelling at
attention, thanks to the power of THROUGH CREATIVITY school and dealing with bullies.’
social media. ‘In 2018, my mom The young entrepreneur has also With a flair for fashion, inner
posted my designs on a Facebook received major recognition for fortitude and eyes focused firmly
page called BrownSense, which her enterprising spirit. ‘In July on the future, young Enhle is only
got me more than 1.7k followers in 2019, I was chosen by haircare starting out on her road to success.
two days,’ recalls Enhle. ‘I now only brand Stylin’ Dredz to be one of ‘I would like to eventually see EBC
advertise my clothes on my social their ‘Creative Conquerors’ and as a big lifestyle brand for the whole
media pages.’ ambassadors,’ says Enhle. Last family and own a family-friendly
Enhle’s collection currently October, she also received the boutique,’ she shares. Keep your
boasts beautiful dresses, skirts, inaugural ‘My Little Darling’ award eyes firmly on this space!
suits, jumpers and girly accessories. from Darling Hair South Africa,
‘With EBC, you are guaranteed for her accomplishments. *For orders and information, follow
proudly South African, handmade Despite her many accolades Enhle on Instagram & Facebook:
products,’ she says. ‘I make my own and her enviable entrepreneurial @enhlebabescouture
samples, helped by my mom, and achievements, Enhle admits that ** https://originshop.online/YOU’RE
NOT MY
mother?
It’s not always possible for a birth parent to take care
of their child, so children sometimes grow up believing
that their gogo, aunt or even big sister is their mother. It
can be a great shock to discover the truth, so here are
suggestions on how to lessen the impact. TEXT VIDA LI SIK
T here are various reasons for
people hiding the identity of
a child’s mother. Sometimes
they are financial, sometimes the
mother is not emotionally mature
was born out of wedlock, so they
pretend someone else is the mother.
Whatever the reason, it can come as
an unpleasant surprise if the child
finds out the truth, no matter their
it can be. Someone who has lived
for 30 years, for example, believing
person A to be their mother will
be devastated to discover that in
fact person B gave birth to them.
enough and sometimes the family age – but the older they are when Especially if they have lived apart
feels ashamed because the child they find out, the more shocking from their birth mother, it canLIFE let’s talk
Our expert, IRENE MOTAUNG,
with The Family Life Centre in
Johannesburg, says there comes
directory
is a counsellor and mediator The Family Life Centre has
at The Family Life Centre a time when you need to tell the
child the truth, and the earlier this many branches. To find
is done, the better. one near you:
‘Children can be told of their birth
parents at any age, and the role of +2711 788 4784
the caregiver be introduced from an FamilyLifeC
early age,’ she says. This will make familylife.co.za
the news less dramatic. For example,
a grandparent can call themselves
exactly that. ‘If a grandmother
allows the child to refer to them shifting blame, the parent should
as ‘Gogo’ from the beginning, it show respect, empathy and patience
becomes easier to answer questions towards the child to help with the
when the child needs to talk about healing. Listen to them and say
their birth parents. This helps the something like, ‘I understand that
child with the integration of the this makes you feel hurt/angry/sad.’
new message, rather than the news Reassure them that they can talk
being a double blow,’ she adds. to you whenever they need to.
If you have brought the child Also be prepared to answer
up to believe that their grandmother, questions like ‘why didn’t you tell
aunt or anyone else is their birth me before?’ or ‘why should I trust
mother, Motaung suggests that you now?’ When adults show less
the caregiver and the birth parent defensive and blaming behaviour
tell the child together. ‘This allows this could build trust and help the
the child to feel that the adults are child cope better in the future.
taking responsibility, and this could
help them with healing and moving IF IT COMES
forward,’ she says. FROM THE BLUE…
Unfortunately, it sometimes
GETTING PREPARED happens that the child suddenly
If you feel the need to prepare, you discovers the truth from someone
can create an album or scrapbook else. In that case, apologise to the
with photos to tell the story of your child, allow them to express their
lives and how you got to where you feelings and offer emotional support.
are now. This is handy to rehearse ‘Create a safe space to share their
how you’ll tell it. Use simple terms feelings,’ Motaung suggests. ‘This
that are appropriate to the child’s can be painful, however, so patience
age. Tell the truth and keep the story and honesty would be very helpful.
and explanations brief. Identify their Blaming or focusing on the person
real parent by name, or say ‘I’m your who told the child is unhelpful.’
birth parent’. Have the discussion Sharing this kind of information
be very difficult to process the over a holiday period when you’ll be will be a life-changing event for
information and they might feel on hand to offer further explanations all of you. Reassure your child of
betrayed and angry. or emotional support. This might not your love and support. It will take
end up being a once-off event but an time to process the tension caused
THE EARLIER, THE BETTER ongoing discussion. Be prepared for by the revelation. But it could lead
Irene Motaung, a counsellor and strong feelings in an older child. to a stronger, more open bond
family and divorce mediator Instead of becoming defensive or between you and your child.
jetclub.co.za JUNE/JULY 2020 23COMMUNITY buzz
TEARS
Get to know:
FOUNDATION
TEARS Foundation is an anti-sexual violence
organisation that assists victims nationwide.
This is how. TEXT KOKETSO MASHIKA
S outh Africa has an alarming
rate of sexual and domestic
violence. This is why Mara
Glennie, a survivor of gender-
based violence (GBV), founded
Mara holding
their 2019 MTN
Award for Social
Change
the TEARS Foundation. For years
she survived severe torture at the
hands of her partner, which nearly
cost her life.
directory
‘For eight years, I was so scared, For help dial
and too ashamed to admit my *143*7355# and follow
abuse,’ she says. ‘The violence the prompts or call
I survived changed my life.’ She TEARS on 010 590 5920
now encourages survivors to Alternatively, send a
speak out before it is too late. message or helplessness and desperation.
For the past eight years, Mara has info@tears.co.za That is why Mara ensures
worked tirelessly to assist victims www.tears.co.za that TEARS offers confidential
of GBV. ‘Today, the job I do is services to victims at no charge,
the most rewarding I have ever MALE VICTIMS ARE nationwide, with a 24-hour free
done,’ she says. REFERRED TO SMS service to anyone who has
TEARS Foundation provides MASHILO OF MOSHATE access to a cell phone. With the
access to crisis intervention, MEN’S RIGHTS helpline, they can connect victims
counselling, and prevention to facilities that offer counselling,
ORGANIZATION
education services to the many medical facilities, emergency
women affected by domestic +2782 397 7873 shelters and support groups as
violence and sexual assault, as mashilo@ well as volunteer opportunities.
well as victims of child sexual moshomong.co.za. They also do follow-ups with the
abuse. Mara’s motivation to help police on behalf of victims.
other women comes from a deeply BROTHERS FOR LIFE In order to keep providing
personal place. ‘When I tried +2712 366 9300 these vital services countrywide
to report my abuse at the local at no cost, TEARS relies on
police station, I was told to come SOUTH AFRICAN MALE donations, fundraising initiatives,
back on a Monday between 8am SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL CSI requests and grants from
IMAGE: SUPPLIED
and 4pm,’ she says. At the time ABUSE (SAMSOSA) organisations and businesses,
she was reporting the matter, which isn’t easy. But Mara plans
it was 6pm on a Friday. She +2771 280 9918 to continue helping women until
vividly recalls the feeling of her last breath.
jetclub.co.za JUNE/JULY 2020LIFE parenting
FERTILITY
facts
Even without complications, conceiving a child
isn’t always as easy as you might have expected.
Arming yourself with the necessary knowledge
will make your journey easier
‘I n each menstrual cycle,
even with everything being
“normal”, there is only a 20%
chance that you’ll fall pregnant,’
says Dr NT Matebese, obstetrician,
Kruger, reproductive specialist at
the Aevitas fertility clinic in Cape
Town. ‘You cannot ageproof your
fertility,’ says Dr Jacobson.
‘Age is the most critical factor
gynaecologist and reproductive when it comes to female fertility.
medicine specialist at the Groote You are born with a finite number
Schuur Fertility Unit in Cape Town. of eggs – some good quality, others
Add to this statistics that show that bad – and you start using these up
one in every six couples in South when you start menstruating. The
Africa has complications that will percentage of good eggs declines
bring this percentage down even progressively – it’s a process
further, and it suddenly becomes that cannot be stopped.’
clear that you cannot take your
ability to conceive for granted. SO, WHEN IS THE
‘Still, people think their fertility BEST TIME TO
is something they can dictate: they BECOME
expect to fall pregnant when they PREGNANT?
want, with ease,’ says Dr Merwyn ‘Your fertility is
Jacobson, reproductive health probably at its
specialist at Vitalab fertility clinic in peak between
Joburg. Together with the fact that the ages of 24
many people put off having children and 26,’ says Dr
until their late 30s due to work and Jacobson. ‘That
other pressures, this results in more is the best time,
people needing some sort of fertility physiologically
treatment in order to have children. speaking,
‘The reality is the longer you wait though there
to have children, the higher the are social and
chances that you’ll struggle to fall psychological
pregnant,’ says Professor Thinus reasons why
jetclub.co.za JUNE/JULY 2020LIFE parenting
GOLDEN RULES FOR
FEMALE FERTILITY
1 Whatever your age, if
you’ve had problems
such as irregular, painful or
abnormal periods, pelvic
infections, surgery or pain
during intercourse, you
should seek help when you
decide you want to try to
conceive. If you’re over 35,
seek help after six months
of unsuccessfully trying
to conceive, and if you’re
under 35, try for a year
before visiting a doctor.’
2 Losing just five percent
of your body weight
can increase your fertility
– once you’re at a healthy
weight, maintain it.
it might not be possible or practical
to conceive at that age. From the
without treatment when she was 30.’
Dr Jacobson agrees that it’s difficult
3 For women, drinking
more than two units
of alcohol a day influences
age of 35 the process by which your to say for sure whether there is an fertility, says Dr Jacobson (a
eggs decline speeds up, and between increase in the actual percentage small glass of wine equals
37 and 38 there is a marked decline of women with fertility issues, or about one unit). ‘And
in your fertility.’ whether it’s just that more people are available data indicates
seeking treatment. ‘Until recently that up to 13% of infertility
WHAT IS INFERTILITY? fertility wasn’t discussed,’ he says, may be caused by cigarette
‘As a rule, infertility is the inability ‘whereas now people are more open smoking.’
to conceive after a year of trying,’ to talking about it so we hear about
says Dr Matebese. Dr Jacobson adds
that men are just as likely to be the
more cases. There are indications,
however, that changes in our lifestyle
4 If you’re trying to fall
pregnant you should
be having sexual intercourse
cause of infertility as women, if and the fact that women are leaving around three times a week,
not more so. Dr Matebese says you it until later in life to start trying to says Dr Matebese.
can divide the problem into thirds: conceive are going to result in an
‘In a third of the cases I see the
problem lies with the male partner,
increase in numbers.’ 5 Practice safe sex –
contracting an STD
such as chlamydia in your
in another third it lies with the WHAT ARE THE CAUSES early 20s, when children
woman, and in the remaining third When it comes to female infertility, might not be on the radar,
it is either a combination of male/ there are three main causes – tubal, can impact on your fertility
female problems or the infertility is hormonal and structural. 10 years later.
unexplained,’ he says. TUBAL ‘This is where one or both
IS INFERTILITY INCREASING?
of the Fallopian tubes are blocked,
either partially or wholly, or where
6 No more than 15%
of infertility couples
need IVF, says Dr Jacobson.
‘The number of women requiring there is tubal scarring,’ says Dr ‘A large number of cases
treatment is increasing,’ says Dr Matebese. ‘This is caused by pelvic are resolved through other
Matebese, ‘because they are delaying infection or by endometriosis methods, such as weight
pregnancy. This isn’t the same thing (where the tissue that lines the loss, hormone therapy,
as an increase in infertility. A woman uterus has spread elsewhere). In having intercourse at
I see at 37 might have fallen pregnant Sub-Saharan Africa the major specific times of the month,
and lifestyle changes.’
JUNE/JULY 2020 jetclub.co.zaLIFE parenting
cause of infertility is tubal disease, her fertility,’ says Dr Jacobson.
because of the high incidence of There might also have been an
the sexually transmitted diseases infection after the first pregnancy
(STDs) gonorrhoea and chlamydia.’ that could affect fertility. Dr
The treatment options for this are in Jacobson advises seeking help after
vitro fertilisation (IVF) or artificial six months if you’ve already had one
insemination (AI). child but aren’t able to fall pregnant
HORMONAL ‘Here the woman with your second.
isn’t ovulating or her cycle is
irregular and no egg is being CAN YOU BE
released,’ says Dr Jacobson. ‘This BORN INFERTILE?
is often seen in women suffering Yes, says Dr Matebese. ‘Some women
from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome are born unable to conceive without
(PCOS), or where there are help: either they have a congenital
glandular problems or high levels disorder such as a double uterus, or
of stress.’ Treatments such as IVF they were born without a uterus, or
or AI generally aren’t applicable in they have chromosomal problems.
these cases, although under some In these cases the options are either
circumstances your doctor will IVF (where possible), adoption,
advise IVF as the appropriate course Halle Berry
donor eggs or acceptance that she
of action. However, it’s more likely will never have biological children.
that you’ll be advised to undergo In this case counselling is an
hormone therapy such as Clomid. important part of the treatment
STRUCTURAL In these cases
there are problems with the overall
Celebs who’ve process. You can’t just look at the
physiological reasons why she can’t
structure of your reproductive struggled to fall fall pregnant; you have to look at the
organs, such as ovarian cysts or
fibroid tumours in the uterus. Here,
pregnant psycho-social impact, such as her
feeling that she’s failed as a woman
treatment depends on the nature or the pressure she might be getting
of the structural problem. from her community.’
WHAT ABOUT Celine Dion
CONTRACEPTION? (IVF)
If you have been using the
contraceptive pill, it is reversible Gabrielle Union-Wade
almost immediately and doesn’t (surrogacy)
affect your chances of conceiving.
You could fall pregnant within Halle Berry
weeks of stopping taking the pill. (IVF)
Contraceptive injections, however,
such as Depo Provera, can delay Sarah Jessica Parker
fertility because it can take up to (surrogacy)
a year after stopping the injections
IMAGES: GALLO IMAGES/GETTY IMAGES
before you start ovulating again. Nicole Kidman
(surrogacy)
SECONDARY INFERTILITY
It is possible to conceive your first Courtney Cox
child easily, only to have difficulty (IVF)
falling pregnant a second time.
‘A woman may be several years
older when planning her second
pregnancy, and this could impact onIN HONOUR
OF
fathers
To celebrate Father’s Day, we spoke to three fathers to find out what it takes to be
a good dad, and what they have learnt along the way. TEXT HEIDI OLIVIER
IMAGES, SUPPLIED SOURCES: PARENTING.FIRSTCRY.COM,
F
CHILDCRISISAZ.ORG, PEDIATRICSOFFRANKLIN.COM
ather – protector, educator WORK IN PROGRESS Ndashe says, ‘she’s a priority in my
and role model. Studies have All three men have a special bond life. I keep my promises and I always
shown that being a good dad with their children and are good look for ways to put a smile on her
results in children who are less likely fathers, but they admit they have face. I listen to her and I respect her.
to drop out of school or end up in jail. also made some mistakes along the Bopane adds, ‘I’m investing in their
They are also less likely to have sex way. They all say they have made education. Kids should go to a good
at a young age and are likely to have the mistake of expecting too much school from a young age. My Motto:
good jobs and maintain healthy, of their children and working long good foundation, future leaders.’
stable relationships when they get hours. However, fatherhood is a work Mahlangu agrees, saying ‘I push for
older. So, how are these super-dads in progress and all three are doing a good education so that my children
playing their part? their best for their children. can succeed in life.’
28 JUNE/JULY 2020 jetclub.co.zaFAMILY parenting
FROM ONE
Oupa Bopape is a photographer
DAD TO ANOTHER
and father of two. ‘As a father
For these three dads, fatherhood is
you are a role model,’ he says,
one of the most important things in
‘and that in itself results in a
their lives. So what would they like
lifestyle change.’
to say to other fathers?
‘Be hands on, active and involved,
says Ndashe. ‘Keep your word and
prioritise your kids. They need us to
be involved in their lives. Be their
parent but also their friend.’
Bopane echoes these sentiments. Boys & girls
‘Spend time with your kids – they – what’s the
just need your time. Tell them you
are proud of them and you love
difference?
them,’ he says.
Mahlangu sums it all up by Boys and girls need
adding, ‘Love them, love them, love different things from their
them! They are a blessing from God.’ relationships with their
fathers.
DADS AND THEIR
DAUGHTERS
Girls look to their fathers
for security and emotional
support. A good father
teaches his daughter what
a good relationship with a Onias Mahlangu is a general
man is like by being a good worker and dad of four.
partner to their mother. ‘Everyone now depends on
She will look for those good you, and with that comes
qualities in the men she responsibilities,’ he says.
dates and eventually the
man she marries.
DADS AND THEIR SONS
Boys tend to model their
behaviour and relationships
Sithembiso Ndashe is a on that of their father. If a
self-employed father of one. father is of strong character
‘Being a dad is a life-changing who treats others with
experience,’ he says. ‘It is respect and is a caring
the most beautiful journey a father and husband, his
man can go through and the son will exhibit the same
greatest blessing God can behaviour. Boys also seek
bestow on any human being. out approval
The feeling of being a father from their dads, and if they
can never be bought; it must be don’t receive it they will look
lived, cherished and embraced.’ for it elsewhere – often in the
wrong places.
jetclub.co.za JUNE/JULY 2020 29How much
sleep is
‘normal’?
Each baby and child has
his or her own unique
metabolism and some
need more sleep than
Any parent whose baby doesn’t sleep well will tell you others, but as a general
guide this is how much
it’s… well, no pun intended – a nightmare! If you’re a
sleep they should get:
sleep-deprived parent praying for a miracle, here’s 1 - 3 months:
some practical advice. TEXT LYNNE CLEMENT STAFFORD 14-18 hours
(including naps)
T
4 - 12 months:
here are as many theories guilty because they have to leave 12-16 hours
on how to get babies to sleep the child to go to work) trying to (including naps)
as there are parents with compensate by staying with them
bags under their eyes. But in all until they fall asleep, or rushing 1 - 2 years:
seriousness, it’s no joke to have a to them the minute they hear the 11-14 hours
baby who doesn’t let you get more slightest whimper. (including naps)
than a couple of hours’ sleep at a
time. So what’s the solution? WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT 3 - 5 years:
If hunger or thirst is causing your 10-13 hours
WHY WON’T HE SLEEP? baby’s wakefulness, hallelujah – the (including naps)
Babies don’t sleep well for various solution is simple! Feed them or give
reasons, so you need to establish the them a drink, and consider yourself 6 - 12 years:
reason before you can find a remedy. one of the lucky ones! 9-12 hours
Some common reasons for babies If your baby doesn’t get enough
not sleeping through the night are: rest during the day, this could
Hunger or thirst cause her to become overtired and
Not getting enough sleep during hyperactive, which means she’s
the day stuck in ‘high gear’ and can’t wind easy enough to remedy – either add
Overstimulation during the day, down to sleep. Let her sleep more or take away a blanket or item of
especially before bedtime during the day – when you notice clothing. And a dirty nappy is a no-
Being too hot or too cold her getting drowsy put her down brainer – just change it with as little
A dirty nappy for a nap. Likewise, if your baby fuss or interaction as possible (and if
Teething, an ear infection or other is overstimulated during the day possible in low light).
medical reason (too many sounds, sights, inter- If teething is making your baby
You are making nighttime actions, activities and just generally miserable and he’s crying all night,
interactions too much fun! too much excitement) this can the good news is that it won’t last
lead to sleeplessness at night, so very long, and there are various
With older children, bad sleeping cut down on the level of busyness products on the market that can
habits can result from learnt during the day. help, from teething rings and collars
behaviour, usually due to over- When babies are wakeful because or necklaces to medications to
anxious parents (or parents who feel they’re too cold or hot, it’s usually soothe their gums.
JUNE/JULY 2020 jetclub.co.zaFAMILY parenting
WHEN YOU NEED HELP bath helps (go to essentialparent. BE BORING AT NIGHT!
If none of the above is causing your com and click on ‘baby crying’, then Here’s the thing – if you make
baby’s sleeplessness, have him or her ‘belly massage for colic’). There are nighttime interactions too
checked by a medical professional. also medications that might provide enjoyable, guess what? He’ll kick
It could be an ear or urinary tract relief, so ask your doctor or clinic into high gear for some fun! So the
infection, allergies, indigestion or sister for guidance. If nothing really trick is to be really, really boring
other medical conditions. works, know that you are not alone. at night. Yes, he’s so adorable you
As you sit with your screaming just want to squish him and kiss
YOU ARE NOT ALONE baby in the middle of the night, his cheeks – but leave the cuddles
‘Colic’ is a problem that’s not fully feeling that your life is over, remind for the daytime. Feed and change
understood and the jury’s out on yourself that there are thousands him in silence – and preferably in
what causes it or how to manage it. of others all over the world going low light. Soon enough he’ll get it –
But some parents find massaging the through the same thing. And it will mamma bear is no fun at night so
baby’s abdomen gently after a warm pass, eventually. I might as well go back to sleep.
jetclub.co.za JUNE/JULY 2020FAMILY parenting
RECOMMENDED
ROUTINE
Once you’ve ruled out any of
the above reasons for your
little one not sleeping, relax.
You aren’t the first parent who’s
been desperate for a good
night’s sleep – and for your
baby to be happy – and you
won’t be the last. But there are
things you can do to establish
a routine that will get them
into the habit of sleeping more
soundly. Every baby is different,
but experts agree that these
basic principles are a good
place to start: water, sing or play quiet, a few minutes until they settle
soothing music – or read down, then leave the room.
Very importantly, keep artificial quietly to them before bed- (You might find that a pacifier
lights away for an hour or so time. Then lead up to bedtime does the trick – and research
before, and during bedtime. with a relaxed half-hour or so suggests that babies who
Don’t sit with your baby in in a quiet room with soft go to sleep with pacifiers are
front of the TV, or texting on lighting, and as soon as they less at risk of sudden infant
your phone before bedtime. seem drowsy put them in their death syndrome (SIDS).
Research has shown that bed with their favourite soft Again, be very, very boring
exposure to artificial lights – toy or blanket. when they wake up during the
especially LED lights – interferes Expose your baby to daylight night. Nighttime mom or dad is
WHATTOEXPECT,COM, HEALTHLINE.COM, TODAYSPARENT.COM, PARENT24.COM, WEBMD.COM
with the body’s production of in the morning and afternoon. not an interesting person who
the hormone melatonin, that This helps their inner body plays or laughs!
regulates sleep. clock tell the difference
Feed them a couple of between day (awake time) Lastly, don’t beat yourself up if
hours before bedtime, and and night (sleep time). things aren’t going well. Your
SOURCES: ESSENTIALPARENT.COM, HELPGUIDE.ORG, MAYOCINIC.ORG,
once they’re on solids, make During the day, let him or her baby is sensitive to your moods
sure their last meal is easily be part of everyday life and and emotions, so try to radiate
digestible. Try to avoid ‘topping activities. Again, this helps their a calm and soothing energy –
them up’ with a feed before body clock adjust to waking even if you feel like pulling your
bedtime. (It’s worth mentioning and sleeping times. hair out. Soon enough, you’ll
here that if feeding formula, Don’t wait for your little one be sending your little one off to
stick strictly to the instructions. to fall asleep in your arms school and wishing they were
Making their feeds richer with before you put them in bed. a baby again.
extra formula will not help their They should be drowsy, but
development and could in fact not asleep, as this helps them
cause harm.) associate bed with falling
Keep the sleep environment asleep comfortably.
and routine consistent and If they are fussing and crying
comforting. Bathe them in at first, stay with them – without
comfortably warm (not hot) any exciting interaction – for
JUNE/JULY 2020 jetclub.co.zaKIDS
FASHION
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*Styles in-store may vary.Toddler girls
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Shop now with cash, on account or lay-by. #Jet Fashion
*Styles in-store may vary. While stocks last. T&Cs apply. E&OE jetonline.co.za
**Images shot before social distancing became the norm.GIFTS FOR YOU, Dad!
Make these cute Father’s Day gifts for your dad and he’ll
always be reminded of how much you love him!
TIP
If there are gaps
between some of the
stones, put glue in the
gap and add sand.
Once dry, shake off
any excess.FAMILY kids
My Dad rocks the size of your frame)
Tip: use old wrapping paper
to make a nice pattern that
fills the whole frame. Once all
frame koki pens (colour of your
choice, but should work with
the stones are attached to
the frame, let it dry overnight
the colour of your paper) before moving it.
The perfect gift that dad can 3. Cut a decorative piece of
proudly display on his desk at How to make paper to fit into your frame.
work or on his bedside table. 1. Lay your frame down on a Hint: Use the paper that is in the
flat and protected surface (old frame as a template.
You Will need newspaper underneath works 4. Use a different paper to write
wooden picture frame perfectly). “My Dad Rocks”. Tear or cut and
glue 2. Put glue on each stone and attach to the decorative paper
small stones or pebbles press it onto the frame. Make sure with glue or tape. Place in frame
decorative paper (at least you choose the stones carefully and give to dad.
Popsicle
stick keys
and coins box
PHOTOGRAPHS AND STYLING: TINA REDDELL
of these to form a cross frame.
Little kids will get a big sense Do this along the bottom as
of achievement from making well.
Dad this box to keep his coins 3. Now layer up the sides of
and keys in. How to make the box the same way: placing
1. Start by laying 11 sticks, side a stick along each edge
You Will Need by side. alternately to make a pattern.
approximately 50 coloured 2. Put a row of glue across the 4. Keep going until you have
popsicle sticks top edge and stick another single about six or seven layers up.
glue popsicle stick along the top edge Perfect for keys and coins!
jetclub.co.za JUNE/JULY 2020FAMILY kids
SOURCES: HTTPS://MOMMYMOMENT.CA, HTTPS://WWW.KIDSPOT.COM.AU, HTTPS://MUDDYBOOTSANDDIAMONDS.COM, HTTPS://WWW.LIFELOVEANDSUGAR.COM
Hug Monster will depend on the length you
Chocolate
Fudge
want the arms.
2. Make your paper chain arms,
Here you trace your child’s little fastening the end of the strips of
hands to make a very special paper with your desired method
gift for Dad! (we used glue). Made with just 3 ingredients, this
3. Trace your child’s hands and easy to make fudge has such
You Will Need cut those out. Attach to the ends a rich chocolate flavour! It’s a
Paper (any colours you have of each paper chain. delicious treat to put together
avalable) 4. Make your monster’s body! It for dad!
Staples, tape, or glue can be a circle, cloud, heart –
Pencil whatever you want! You Will Need
Marker 5. Decorate your monster by 2 cups (340g) semi sweet
drawing a face. chocolate chips
How to Make 6. Attach the arms to the body 400g can sweetened
1. Cut several pieces of paper and Voila! Your very own Hug condensed milk
into strips. The amount needed Monster! 1 tsp vanilla essence
JUNE/JULY 2020 jetclub.co.zaHow to Make 1. Line a 22x22cm square pan with parchment paper that covers the sides of the pan. 2. Place the chocolate chips and sweetened condensed milk in a large bowl and microwave for one minute. 3. Stir well to combine and allow the heat to melt the chocolate chips. If needed, microwave for another 30 seconds. 4. Stir in the vanilla extract, then quickly transfer the mixture to the lined pan and spread evenly. 5. Let the fudge cool completely to room temperature before cutting into squares. You could also refrigerate it until it’s cool. If you find that your fudge is a little sticky, refrigerate it before cutting into squares.
FAMILY kids
walker
BY KATHERINE GRAHAM
THE DOG
ILLUSTRATIONS BY JIGGS
SNADDON-WOOD
M y aunty is a dog walker!
I know that might
sound strange, but
that’s what she does for a living!
She walks other people’s dogs!
dog. He bites my heels sometimes
if I don’t watch out. Lucky is a rescue
dog and is full of tricks. His owner
got him from an animal shelter.
Nobody knows for sure what kind
‘You have quite a few dogs!’ some
of them say.
I just smile and say, ‘Don’t worry
– they’re not ours!’
One day I was helping Aunty
Sometimes, when I finish school of dog he is, but he is friendly and Vanessa. I was holding the leads for
early, Mamma lets me help Aunty he’s the one I like the most. Dash Princess and Lucky. Aunty Vanessa
Vanessa. There are five dogs that and Lady are brother and sister. was having a hard time keeping
she walks every afternoon. Princess, They are quite big dogs with light Dash and Lady under control while
the French poodle, is white. She brown coats. They are a real handful avoiding Pepper’s nips. On our way
is very big and walks with her because they love chasing balls – to the park, a cat streaked past and
nose stuck up in the air, and she and squirrels. Dash and Lady went bounding after
has a diamond collar. Her owner, Sometimes when Aunty Vanessa it, barking their heads off. Pepper,
Ziyanda, is the poshest lady I know. and I walk down the street with all Princess and Lucky followed them
Pepper is a small, black, grumpy five dogs, people stop and stare at us. and all the dogs’ leads got tangledYou can also read
